Stirred up a hornets nest
I have been with my ABF for 10+ years. 3 years ago he went to rehab and stopped using narcotics. After he never went to AA/NA just counseling. Soon after he returned home things started to get out of hand with his sleeping medication. Personally, I was irked his rehab sent him home with any because it was one of a dozen pills he abused. Anyway, I lived with it because overall it was an improvement.
Fast forward 3 years and the abuse spiraled to include several drugs, multiple doctors, pharmacies and a web of deception. He justifies it as what he "needs" to sleep. Lately he has been so drugged that I have been worried for his life and often talked to my counselor about it. He is on so many downers that one day recently he fell down on the floor and couldn't get up because his body was like jello.
Of course, ABF thinks MY counseling should be devoid of talk about HIM as if we are two completely separate forces that don't affect each other.
Last week my counselor finally talked me into allowing her to contact his psych doc and main prescriber to tell her what's going on. On Tues he found out via apt with her and of course the crap has hit the fan.
I suppose it's no surprise to most of you that everything that has happened is my fault. He turned down a chance from her for help. I have ruined his life, and he hates me. I have heard it all in the last 2 days. I know it's all addict bullcrap talking and this morning I was even laughing under my blanket at some of things he was blaming me for. Mostly the rage is extremely dark and scary. I have never seen him act like this for extended periods of time and am considering leaving. I feel like if I leave I need to be ready to say that I am not coming back until he is in treatment again. And yet I feel so weak and it's still hard to walk away even while he's acting like a monster.
He's thrown every book at me (figuratively) he can think of, including threatening to kill himself as revenge.
I go back to my counselor tomorrow and I am guessing ABF will want to come along and yell and rage at her, too. She's prepared for it. Dealing with him is taking so much energy from me. I don't want all of our love to be down the drain, but right now there is nothing there anyway.
I know this is kind of disjointed. I am just really sad and wanted someone to talk to who would understand and not judge me.
Thanks.
Fast forward 3 years and the abuse spiraled to include several drugs, multiple doctors, pharmacies and a web of deception. He justifies it as what he "needs" to sleep. Lately he has been so drugged that I have been worried for his life and often talked to my counselor about it. He is on so many downers that one day recently he fell down on the floor and couldn't get up because his body was like jello.
Of course, ABF thinks MY counseling should be devoid of talk about HIM as if we are two completely separate forces that don't affect each other.
Last week my counselor finally talked me into allowing her to contact his psych doc and main prescriber to tell her what's going on. On Tues he found out via apt with her and of course the crap has hit the fan.
I suppose it's no surprise to most of you that everything that has happened is my fault. He turned down a chance from her for help. I have ruined his life, and he hates me. I have heard it all in the last 2 days. I know it's all addict bullcrap talking and this morning I was even laughing under my blanket at some of things he was blaming me for. Mostly the rage is extremely dark and scary. I have never seen him act like this for extended periods of time and am considering leaving. I feel like if I leave I need to be ready to say that I am not coming back until he is in treatment again. And yet I feel so weak and it's still hard to walk away even while he's acting like a monster.
He's thrown every book at me (figuratively) he can think of, including threatening to kill himself as revenge.
I go back to my counselor tomorrow and I am guessing ABF will want to come along and yell and rage at her, too. She's prepared for it. Dealing with him is taking so much energy from me. I don't want all of our love to be down the drain, but right now there is nothing there anyway.
I know this is kind of disjointed. I am just really sad and wanted someone to talk to who would understand and not judge me.
Thanks.
