Archive for the ‘drug rehabs’ Category
Back again…
When will I learn! My AW came back into our house in January, after being out for relapsing again. She had 10 months sobriety and the same pattern to relapse happened. It's amazing to me how they can feel, look and interact as sober and healthy wives, mothers, friends and daughters and make that decision to go backwards. My AW is an amazing person when she's healthy and can just as quickly crash into relapse. When she goes...she goes hard. This time it was the ER for detox treatment so bad they needed to put an IV in her jugular vein because they couldn't get a vein in her arms or hands. Each relapse is harder for her to recover from. I know that I can't keep going on like this.
Ewwww…rotten attitude
Okay...I have a confession. Jules just ruined her rep by being a softie and we love it. But I've been a pretty happy little camper here so far. Honestly though, since Tuesday my mood has been in the toilet. I don't want to drink, haven't had any major cravings, nothing I couldn't handle at least but my attitude is rotten and I don't like it. :c001:
I'm getting all twisted up about stupid stuff. I'm becoming one of "those" people. You know the ones: negative things coming out of my mouth, groaning when the phone rings, flipping the bird to bad drivers, feeling "icky" on the inside. I keep trying to laugh it off but inside I'm like WTF? Kathleen. What is wrong with you? I am not like this. Well, we all get in our little moods but this has lasted about 4 days and it's just not like me to be such a crabby b*tch 24/7.
So I was wondering....can we have a seance here or something? To drive out my negative emotions. They surely must be coming from the devil. An exorcism? ;) Seriously I would like some advise. I know it will pass. I know don't drink but what to do in the mean time if anything? Just be patient and ride it out? Or is some way I can head this off at the pass. I don't like being such a grumpy angry person all the time. :wtf2
I'm getting all twisted up about stupid stuff. I'm becoming one of "those" people. You know the ones: negative things coming out of my mouth, groaning when the phone rings, flipping the bird to bad drivers, feeling "icky" on the inside. I keep trying to laugh it off but inside I'm like WTF? Kathleen. What is wrong with you? I am not like this. Well, we all get in our little moods but this has lasted about 4 days and it's just not like me to be such a crabby b*tch 24/7.
So I was wondering....can we have a seance here or something? To drive out my negative emotions. They surely must be coming from the devil. An exorcism? ;) Seriously I would like some advise. I know it will pass. I know don't drink but what to do in the mean time if anything? Just be patient and ride it out? Or is some way I can head this off at the pass. I don't like being such a grumpy angry person all the time. :wtf2
My fav quotes from SR that helped me detach
I feel like I have made great gains since finding this place. So much wisdom and experience. Many, many words I needed to hear and perspectives I needed to see. I saved some of the ones that hit hardest and thought I would share them. Maybe others will benefit from reading them too.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
it can be VERY helpful when trying to sort out life with an addict and what it has to OFFER you to stick with the facts, ma'am, only the facts......eliminate any romantic references, any adjectives, the words LOVE and IN LOVE...and then see what ya got. cuz addiction is NOT romantic, has NOTHING to do with love, and has a stark reality all its own that does not need any superlatives....so let's review:
(removed specifics of this thread)
you are not responsible for this man. he is not your assignment, nor your patient. he is an adult and has chosen THIS way to conduct his life. What you see is what you get. The good AND the bad. IF the above is OK with you and you can deal with who he is and how he is NOW, then keep your eyes open and carry on. IF already you feel you are in over your head, then you need to figure out how long you can hold your breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For me the difference is that letting go is about that which I don't own...other people's behaviors, thoughts, values, choices. It is an illusion to think I have any control over these things.
Letting life happen, to me, means doing my best to be the best person I know how to be, even with my shortcomings, and then letting life fall into place however it may happen.
I cannot control what others do, even when what they do affects me. What I can do is set my personal boundaries as to what is acceptable in my life and what is not. I can act in good thought (which is a reflection of me and my values) rather than "react" to them, which is a reflection of their bad behavior or choices.
Protecting myself, caring for myself, and being true to myself are all ways to assure that my side of the street is clean and that my day will be healthy and safe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
it can be VERY helpful when trying to sort out life with an addict and what it has to OFFER you to stick with the facts, ma'am, only the facts......eliminate any romantic references, any adjectives, the words LOVE and IN LOVE...and then see what ya got. cuz addiction is NOT romantic, has NOTHING to do with love, and has a stark reality all its own that does not need any superlatives....so let's review:
(removed specifics of this thread)
you are not responsible for this man. he is not your assignment, nor your patient. he is an adult and has chosen THIS way to conduct his life. What you see is what you get. The good AND the bad. IF the above is OK with you and you can deal with who he is and how he is NOW, then keep your eyes open and carry on. IF already you feel you are in over your head, then you need to figure out how long you can hold your breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For me the difference is that letting go is about that which I don't own...other people's behaviors, thoughts, values, choices. It is an illusion to think I have any control over these things.
Letting life happen, to me, means doing my best to be the best person I know how to be, even with my shortcomings, and then letting life fall into place however it may happen.
I cannot control what others do, even when what they do affects me. What I can do is set my personal boundaries as to what is acceptable in my life and what is not. I can act in good thought (which is a reflection of me and my values) rather than "react" to them, which is a reflection of their bad behavior or choices.
Protecting myself, caring for myself, and being true to myself are all ways to assure that my side of the street is clean and that my day will be healthy and safe.
60 days sober…and still going
Wow,
So I just realized tonight that I have over 60 days sober and I have never felt this good about life. God, I know that everybody hear has heard it time and again, but I too never thought I'd make it; I couldn't even imagine one day sober much less 60+ days. I have re-found my love for my work, I am meeting more people than I ever have - good people, building positive relationships and actually finding a love for life that I just never thought would/could ever exist for me. I don't normally keep track of "the days"; I learned early on that for me, that puts me in a dangerous mindset. Once I start thinking that I have x-days sober, I start thinking that I might not be sick, but I AM. I just keep putting in my work to recovery and living each day to it's fullest. I know I'm not out of the woods, I know I never will be. This disease will be with me my entire life. BUT, I don't have to die young, I can find beauty in life, and I too can be happy. When I think of all of the good stuff that's happened to me just in the past two months, I know that I'm finally heading down the right path. It does bring a tear to my eye at times and I just wanted to thank everyone here for their story, their faith, their receptive ears and their caring nature. And, I hate to sound like a broken record, but to everyone that thinks that their too young or too old, too far gone or not far gone enough, you CAN get help, you can find happiness, you can get well. You DO NOT have to die from this disease. Yes, for me, as I'm sure for many others, truly committing to step one is really hard, but TRUST ME, once you let go, you can start grabbing life. No, it sure as hell isn't easy, but it is definitely worth.
Thank you...everyone.
So I just realized tonight that I have over 60 days sober and I have never felt this good about life. God, I know that everybody hear has heard it time and again, but I too never thought I'd make it; I couldn't even imagine one day sober much less 60+ days. I have re-found my love for my work, I am meeting more people than I ever have - good people, building positive relationships and actually finding a love for life that I just never thought would/could ever exist for me. I don't normally keep track of "the days"; I learned early on that for me, that puts me in a dangerous mindset. Once I start thinking that I have x-days sober, I start thinking that I might not be sick, but I AM. I just keep putting in my work to recovery and living each day to it's fullest. I know I'm not out of the woods, I know I never will be. This disease will be with me my entire life. BUT, I don't have to die young, I can find beauty in life, and I too can be happy. When I think of all of the good stuff that's happened to me just in the past two months, I know that I'm finally heading down the right path. It does bring a tear to my eye at times and I just wanted to thank everyone here for their story, their faith, their receptive ears and their caring nature. And, I hate to sound like a broken record, but to everyone that thinks that their too young or too old, too far gone or not far gone enough, you CAN get help, you can find happiness, you can get well. You DO NOT have to die from this disease. Yes, for me, as I'm sure for many others, truly committing to step one is really hard, but TRUST ME, once you let go, you can start grabbing life. No, it sure as hell isn't easy, but it is definitely worth.
Thank you...everyone.
Lost fans-Dharma Wants You.
What is Dharma Wants You ?
Dharma Wants You is an online experience connected to LOST.
The story follows a fictitious scientific community from LOST, The Dharma Initiative, as it attempts to recruit and assess volunteers for a secret research project.
By completing an Eligibility Test and registering on dharmawantsyou.com audience members enroll as volunteer recruits for the Dharma Initiative.
Each week audience members will have the opportunity to complete a test that assesses their abilities in a particular skill.
DharmaWantsYou.com
Dharma Wants You is an online experience connected to LOST.
The story follows a fictitious scientific community from LOST, The Dharma Initiative, as it attempts to recruit and assess volunteers for a secret research project.
By completing an Eligibility Test and registering on dharmawantsyou.com audience members enroll as volunteer recruits for the Dharma Initiative.
Each week audience members will have the opportunity to complete a test that assesses their abilities in a particular skill.
DharmaWantsYou.com
Then you really might know what its like.
I always played the poor me card. All my life.
Poor me this and poor me that.
All the while I was too busy looking at what was wrong with my life. I never relized what was good.
That may have played a part in my addiction.
Surrounded by happiness and love and never saw it because I was too wrapped up in my darkness.
I would often hear my grams say..your a lucky girl. And I was like yea right.
Why? Because I didnt have a mom..I didnt have a dad. I was asian and got picked on. I wasnt the prettiest girl or popular.
I wasnt good at sports otr didnt do good in school.
Later in life it became. I am not good enough to do that. I am not smart enough. I just dont have what it takes. Why do I have to have alcoholic grandparents? Why am I an addict? Why cant I just be successful like the rest of my family.
NOW...I see. I held myself back. With my thinking. Whoaes me.
I dont have the good job or the college degree. So I am not worth anyhting.
I have a crap job..no car. No money saved. Dont own a house.
But I have begun to see throuhg my recovery. That I have everything a person could ever hope for.
Thats a roof over my head..food in my fridge..A wonderful loving family who accept me for me. A job that pays. Wonderful funny beautiful children who love me and feel safe with me. I have my life drug free again. I am able to struggle in a good way to live happily the way I was meant to. I know no matter what I will always have my family.
I was so spoiled all my life and it caused me to take advantage of alot of things that matter in life. Now as I grow older and grow in my recovery. I can appreciate the things that really matter.
This song got me thinking of all that.
To me this song says....There is always someone worse off than me. Without choice. Be thankful for what I have and not worry about what I dont.
Poor me this and poor me that.
All the while I was too busy looking at what was wrong with my life. I never relized what was good.
That may have played a part in my addiction.
Surrounded by happiness and love and never saw it because I was too wrapped up in my darkness.
I would often hear my grams say..your a lucky girl. And I was like yea right.
Why? Because I didnt have a mom..I didnt have a dad. I was asian and got picked on. I wasnt the prettiest girl or popular.
I wasnt good at sports otr didnt do good in school.
Later in life it became. I am not good enough to do that. I am not smart enough. I just dont have what it takes. Why do I have to have alcoholic grandparents? Why am I an addict? Why cant I just be successful like the rest of my family.
NOW...I see. I held myself back. With my thinking. Whoaes me.
I dont have the good job or the college degree. So I am not worth anyhting.
I have a crap job..no car. No money saved. Dont own a house.
But I have begun to see throuhg my recovery. That I have everything a person could ever hope for.
Thats a roof over my head..food in my fridge..A wonderful loving family who accept me for me. A job that pays. Wonderful funny beautiful children who love me and feel safe with me. I have my life drug free again. I am able to struggle in a good way to live happily the way I was meant to. I know no matter what I will always have my family.
I was so spoiled all my life and it caused me to take advantage of alot of things that matter in life. Now as I grow older and grow in my recovery. I can appreciate the things that really matter.
This song got me thinking of all that.
To me this song says....There is always someone worse off than me. Without choice. Be thankful for what I have and not worry about what I dont.
I Feel too young for this…
Im only 19 and im an alcoholic, its day three for me, just before i went on my 4 day bender i went 12 days and felt pretty good. then i thought i could have a beer with a girl and boom 3 thirty racks and 2 handles of whiskey and a "date" gone disaster im on day 1 agian, and even more depressed. I feel like im too young i cant believe im an alcoholic it makes me suicidal at times but when i think of the idea of AA i feel like no one will take me seriously cause there all like 30's 40's 50's and so on. Friends and family say i cant do it on my own thats why im on this site. I just need some advice , by the way you are all extremly nice people.
Almost cried at a red light today….
I am a hard a$$ when it comes to crying. But today it just cam over me out of nowhere. It was for a good reason tho.
Went to get my paycheck.
Got all my bills paid. Gave the grams $100. Had my uncles truck on my way to work.
Just stopped at starbucks and got a venti caffe mocha.
So I am sitting at the red light. Just thinking how wonderful and free it feels to have done that. And sittin gthere in my uncles truck with his trust in me.
Went and gassed him up. BIg truck. But it felt good and its the least I could do.
So I am sitting there. and just felt so free. Thats all I can think to explain it.
It feels so good to not feel like a prisoner of my addiction.
No freaking out and worrying about urges. It doesnt even cross my mind now.
And the first thing that popped in my head was...Acceptance.
I am finally really ok with the thought of not ever getting high anymore.
Anytime before I knew I had to quit. But at the same time. I still had it in my mind that I could get high again someday.
Not anymore. I want to be clean. Not because I have to. I WANT to.
And I am so ok with not ever picking that nasty $hit up ever again.
I am so grateful for this. The littlest simplest things in life make me so happy now.
I dont have to be scared anymore.
Went to get my paycheck.
Got all my bills paid. Gave the grams $100. Had my uncles truck on my way to work.
Just stopped at starbucks and got a venti caffe mocha.
So I am sitting at the red light. Just thinking how wonderful and free it feels to have done that. And sittin gthere in my uncles truck with his trust in me.
Went and gassed him up. BIg truck. But it felt good and its the least I could do.
So I am sitting there. and just felt so free. Thats all I can think to explain it.
It feels so good to not feel like a prisoner of my addiction.
No freaking out and worrying about urges. It doesnt even cross my mind now.
And the first thing that popped in my head was...Acceptance.
I am finally really ok with the thought of not ever getting high anymore.
Anytime before I knew I had to quit. But at the same time. I still had it in my mind that I could get high again someday.
Not anymore. I want to be clean. Not because I have to. I WANT to.
And I am so ok with not ever picking that nasty $hit up ever again.
I am so grateful for this. The littlest simplest things in life make me so happy now.
I dont have to be scared anymore.
My Cousin Passed Away Today
I had started a thread a week or so ago letting everyone know that my cousin, who I called "Tom" was dying from the effects of alcoholism.
Tony died this morning at Hospice at the age of 43. He left behind a devestated wife and two preteen daughters, as well as his Parents, two brothers and a sister.
This is the second death as a result of this disease to effect my Family.
Many of you know I lost my only sister, Linda, who passed away in 1991. Linda died from cirrhosis of the liver. She was only 26.
Many of us think that "it could never happen to me."
I just got a phone call from an Aunt on my Mom's side of the Family. Her Grandson, who everyone called Scooter, died in a car accident today. He struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. We don't have too much information surrounding his death since he was in Florida to attend his half brother's Wedding tomorrow. He was only 27.
No matter what kind of day you had today, if you are able to read this, I hope you will be able to find gratitude in the fact that this disease hasn't taken your life.
It sure wants to.
Becareful if you relapse! You may not make it back!
Hello! I just wanted to share 2 quick stories of people that kept playing "Russian rullet" with alcohol and finally lost.
First: My friend in treatment relapsed and ended up in the hospital and was just diagnosed with Hepatitis C and has to do 48 weeks of chemo and has severe liver cirrosis. She is only 23 years old!
Second: My husband's cousin was found dead 2 days ago in his apartment from drinking too much alcohol and not waking up. His heart stopped. He was only 22 years old!
Hopefully their stories will help us all stay sober today. I know they would want us to be OK.
First: My friend in treatment relapsed and ended up in the hospital and was just diagnosed with Hepatitis C and has to do 48 weeks of chemo and has severe liver cirrosis. She is only 23 years old!
Second: My husband's cousin was found dead 2 days ago in his apartment from drinking too much alcohol and not waking up. His heart stopped. He was only 22 years old!
Hopefully their stories will help us all stay sober today. I know they would want us to be OK.
