Drug Rehab Options Blog

And now for a little levity. Thought it might be a stress reliever and fun to have a "most embarrassing moment" thread. I'll start:

Years ago, I worked as a secretary for a large engineering firm. It was my first day on the job, so I was all gussied up in an attempt to look ultra professional and ultra chic. I so wanted to make a great first impression. And I did just that--it was quite unforgettable apparently, as my coworkers chided me about it for years.

My boss had asked me to make some copies for him. In those days, instead of having several copiers available on each floor, there was a large copy center where all the copiers were located and folks had to stand in line and wait their turn to make copies.

The copy center was located several floors above where I worked, so I pushed the elevator button and waited for the doors to open. When they did, one of my heels got caught in the space between the elevator and the floor without my knowledge and when I took a step forward, I fell down hard on my hands and knees right into the elevator.

I've always been a large woman, but back in those days I was REALLY big, so when I fell, there was a loud thud and the elevator jumped a few inches. Then much to my horror, there were what I can only describe as a series of after shocks after a great quake: boom, boooom, boooooooommmmmm. I has horrified. Never mind the fact that I'd hurt the heck out of my right knee. All I wanted to do was recover as quickly and gracefully as possible.

When I got myself together, I looked up, and the elevator was PACKED! Everyone stopped talking and looked at me. One man helped me to my feet and asked me if I was OK. I made light of my clumsiness and told him I was fine.

Now, prior to my fall the elevator had been moving in a upward motion. But as the after shocks subsided and the doors closed, the elevator started to descend. At which point a gentleman way in the back of the elevator (and whom I later learned worked in the mail room) exclaimed:

DAMN, GIRL, YOU DONE BROKE THE ELEVATOR!

When I finally reached my destination, I remember thinking thank God I was wearing pants. Imagine if, on top of breaking the elevator, someone had gotten a peak at my ultra big girls panties!!!

I would have never lived that one down. Oh, and it took weeks for my knee to heal.

Anyone want to join in on the fun?

Ok, so I guess me contacting him after 10 days of no contact was more of a booboo then I had imagined it would be. He text me today to tell me how much he loves me, how hurt he has been over the last 4 months and it went on and on. Yes, I did text him back. I said it wouldn't work out between us, because just yesterday he left me e-mail which seemed to me seething with anger towards me. He said he would go to counseling and that he wants to be with me. I told him no, it's too late for that at this point and that I was sorry for contacting him because it has caused too much pain and I have shed enough tears over this S@(#.. I also said that I can't change yesterday, but I can make sure that he has no more of my tomorrows. He then asked me if I was having relationships with anyone since he has been gone. I told him the truth, that I can't imagine at this point that I can enter into an intimate relationship with anyone (albeit I have a male friend, but we just talk) He then asked me if he can call me to talk about this. I said no, I can't afford to talk to you right now. (emotionally) I was crying terribly by time the texting was done.

I got off the computer and called my brother right away. He said, listen you have to do what you feel is best for you, but in my opinion he is jerking you around because he senses that he is losing you because you went so long without contact and that isn't your personality. He will leave you again if you take him back. His (my brothers) girlfriend was in the background saying, but you changed why can't he quit drinking and go to counseling, maybe she should give him the benifit of the doubt. He repeted, you can do what you want, it is your life, but you can't hear yourself over the last 6 times he has left you and you are crying, in so much pain, nearly suicidal, but I have heard you.. I hear you and I don't want you to hurt that way and put yourself into the same situation because someone who promised you many times they would go to counseling (and never did) will come into your life and treat you unkind and downright mean and leave you sitting there crying and in pain all over again. But, listen, it is your life but please take time to think this over and think about what you have gained in personal strength. He said you are doing good. It was good to tell him that he can't call you tonight because you might just be too lonely right now and are not thinking this through.

This is my opinion on this, for myself. I WISH, hope, and pray that God has spoken to his heart and that he really wants to get help. I honestly can't see that he is telling the truth, not so much lying but just making false promises to keep me hanging on. He is still stuck on that notion that this is my fault because of my mistrust in men (which I do have.. no kidding!!) I look around at my life, not really empty, my arms may be empty at night when I lay down, but hey I have no one puking in the middle of the night, or spitting in my hair because he is mad at me for something I said while he was drunk. I am paying my bills, first time in my life that I was ever 100% responsible for paying the bills. I have a life with little to no stress. I have company, if my son is not here then someone is, and when my son is here so is 7 of his friends which is a blast to hear a bunch of teen boys laughing it up about stupid stuff. If the XABF came back he wouldn't be happy with that situation, and I don't want to cut my sons social life for an 'if'.

1/2 of me misses him so much I can puke, the other 1/2 of me wants to puke because I am still thinking about him and talking to him.

I really am contemplating taking him back. I am such a sad sack. ugghh..

Any input would help me out greatly. I am not going to take his call tonight, but I know him, he will call until I cave and I need some insight from people who have been there.

Do you think if someone cant admit they are an alcoholic, is it worth them going in and out of detox and rehab centres?

I ask only because after all these years my AS said she hadnt even got to the 1st step (she couldnt say it) but wanted me to look after her dog once again so she could go into rehab for the (something like 14th time-lost count).
This blew me away because she says she has an addiction but cant say the A word. When she calls me, I hear the same old crap over and over and my tolerance is O now. I have to hang up. She says she still drinks because she has no family support. I wonder what next weeks excuse will be...

I was numb, frozen (why after all this time, I admit, it still gets to me) Then after years of me looking after her 2 kids, she tells me what a bad mother I am because my son was into drugs. Go figure, the woman has lost it.

With christmas coming up also, my nephew (her son) wants to spend the holiday break with us. Guess what, I am taking her son away and trying to control him and we havent even made any arrangements yet.

BUT can you still look after my dog?

I'm new to this so I was wondering what others have experieneced to a degree with their alcoholic associate.

in regards to lieing, manipulation, coldness, social behavior.

my Alcoholic associate, whenever we go out, she would call her friends to hang out with us. even to dinner, I tell her I like my alone time with her yet it doesnt effect her and she still does what she want.

she says im socially ignorant, I don't know how the world works. I have the mentality of a 15 year old.

*something happened recently with Associate and just decided to talk on here so I don't call or txt msg her and look desperate.

It's funny because I'm the one who is looking for help yet shes the one with the addiction.

It's been a long time since I posted here. I now wish that I had resolved to do then what I have resolved to do now.

I think I'm absolutely insane given the number of chances I've given her and the times I've thought about doing this....or even started but then backed off. Somehow I couldn't just bring myself to it.

I hope this time I'll have the strength to carry through.

My AW and I have been married for 7 years. We have a 6 year old son with mild autism. When I met my wife, she had 7 years of sobriety and seemed very strong in her sobriety.... she could have alcohol in the house, be around people who were drinking... didn't phase her in the least.

That all changed 5 years ago when she started drinking. It's been a nightmare roller-coaster ride ever since then. My life savings are nearly exhausted..... my sanity is frayed and I won't even talk about my emotions.
Thank god my son has been spared alot of this.....as he doesn't fully understand whats going on with his mom... just that she acts crazy sometimes.

I tried putting her through rehab.... it failed miserably.

I tried Mediation with her..... it was a colossal waste.

I'm finally ready for divorce...I'm speaking to the lawyer on Thursday.

I'm scared as heck about the next few months of my life.....and about being a single parent of an autistic child.

I thought about staying....whether it would be easier to raise our son...even if she were still drinking..... but I know that's just a pipe-dream on my part. The simple fact of the matter is that the times she has been away (rehab, mental health evaluation).... life was MUCH easier in many ways....although it certainly was scary.

Some-one please tell me there is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel!

Hi everyone...

I wonder if I have a screw loose? I am currently visiting my sister in North Carolina with her new born baby and her husband.

I have not been to an Al Anon meeting in two weeks, since I have been up here. The moment I moved myself out of my Al Anon environment, I am sliding back into this crappy thinking. I have not touched my Al Anon material. I am having the HP crisis. I am plagued with anxiety about things I am powerless over. By all rights, I should be quite happy right now. I successfully defended my thesis. I am graduating in a few weeks. Applying to PHD programs. Visiting my sister and her new family.

I am wondering if it stems from the environment here. Despite the fact that my sister appears very happy, her husband is in the earlier stages of alcoholism. He "controls" his drinking, but the thinking is all the same. Attempting to isolate her from her family..."jokes" around about her imperfections or concerns as a new mother....must have things his own way, and manipulates to get it. I have not, nor will I, approach my sister about this. I know she is not ready to see this, and it would cause strife between us.

Still, I feel like I am falling fast into my old routine. Found myself just a moment ago, checking Don's phone records again...something I haven't done in a long time, then reverse searching where the numbers originate from. All are Food pantries, and I suddenly feel horribly guilty. I just have that crappy feeling...

I just needed to vent and get some support. I am actually forcing myself to post now since I seem to know that when I don't want to work the program is when I need it the most.

Has anyone or their loved one had success or victory over alcoholism by taking medication prescribed by a doctor? I guess I'm asking if anyone during active alcoholism started medication which then gradually took away their urge to drink?

Hi there,

My sister is an alcoholic and she has two boys, 12 and 9 years old, who have been raised, 'unofficially', by my parents for the last 6 years.

My sister, who divorced about 3 years ago, recently moved away from our home town to set up home with the love of her life, a guy she has known since she was 14, and she took the boys with her.

The whole family knew this would be a make or break situation for her and although we all hoped it would work out, deep down we knew things would probably end up falling apart at some point. Well, things have reached 'that point' and her soul mate is now calling my parents saying that he can't cope with her anymore. She is still in COMPLETE denial, and I know for a fact that she will blame the relationship break-up on him, because he's a 'neat-freak' and that's what will have caused the problems.

Anyway, the reason I need your help is because I know it will soon reach the point where she will have to leave him and take the boys with her. Problem is, she has nowhere to go as she has rented out her house and she could never stand to live with my parents.

Having cared for my newphews for more than six years, dealing with the emotional stresses of my sister's illness, working full-time and caring for my Nan who has had several strokes, my Mum nearly had a nervous breakdown.

So when things fall to pieces for my sister in the near future, what is going to happen to those boys? If they go back to my Mums, I think she'll fall to pieces, if they go they go with their Dad, my family believes they will be in a bad situation as he too has drinking problems and is currently in a pretty abusive relationship.

I think I should ask my husband if we can take the boys in to our family for a year, until my parents have had time to rest, recover their strength, and who knows, perhaps by then my sister will be in a better place; my parents plan to do an intervention soon. I know this is a big undertaking, and that there will be challenging time, but I have a strong family, great kids and I think we can do a good job.

Do you think it would do the boys good to have a year with their Auntie, Uncle and cousins, who would love them as their own and give them a good home? Or would it do them more harm than good, to go somewhere else for only a year before returning to my mum and dads? Should they be with their father, even if he does drink and fight all the time with his partner?

Your views would really help me as I'm confused about what is the best thing to do here.

Lost Sister

Hi everyone, well things have been going really well here. I've maintained my no contact and have been working on me steadily now for months.

So, here is my latest development that I'd like to share and get some input. I met a man, last week, we've been talking for hours on the phone each night and really enjoy his company. He is a widower, has a lovely family that are very close (healthy relations, no A or drugs), financially independent, owns his own home, great sense of humour, caring and considerate.

We had dinner the other night and he came across a bit strong in the "physical" side, I was ok with cuddling on the couch but didn't want to get into a heavy necking situation. I explained this to him and he stopped immediately, apologized, said absolutely no problem, he understood where I was coming from, understood the hurt/pain that I went thru with my XAH and would not pressure me. He was a gentleman about it 100%. So I'm good with this and thinking ok he respects me, I was clear on communicating what I wanted and felt good about being to express these thoughts.

We were talking on the phone last night and I made a totally innocent comment about sleeping in the nude now that I have an electric blanket. Didn't go any further both of us just kept chatting.

This morning I get my morning email from him and this is part of it:

Thoughts of you, well now you naughty girl, giving me visions of you crawling naked into that warm bed, shall I tell you what we did together last night,,,,
Or did you dream to?
I will if you tell me I can, naughty and nice thing where sent your way last night.

I think he is asking me in a roundabout way to start writing about sex stuff. I'm definitely not ready for any of that stuff, I have (had in the long past) a healthy attitude towards sex and see nothing wrong with stuff like that. But, I'm not ready for any of that now, hell I wasn't comfortable with a french kiss and now this. Am I over reacting here? I'm not sure what my inner voice is really saying. Half of me is yelling run run run away and other is yelling take some time to think about this. Now I'm confused.

Thoughts from you all would be greatly appreciated.

Hello,

I happened to stumble upon this site because I typed the words "My Mother died of Alcoholism" into the Google browser. I'm at so much of a loss that I expect Google to find some answers for me. Ha.

My Mother has been dead now for 13 years, since just after my 14th birthday. I never saw her dead body. We never had a funeral. She was cremated and my family opted to not receive her ashes. My Mother vanished, and 13 years later I am still trying to make sense of it.

All I know about my Mother is that her Father sexually abused her, and her Mother (the woman who raised me) has always been a vehement denier of this fact. I believe my Mother, even though I know she lied about many, many things. I believe her because she went on to molest me and my sisters, and my Grandmother and Father have never believed me. Needless to say, I come from a long line of denial, enabling and codependence.

My Mother married several times. Somewhere in between husbands she found my Father who was already married and had a son; I was their love child. So, because my Mother was a chronic alcoholic and my Father already had a wife and family, my parents legally gave up custody of my two sisters and I to the state of California. Unfortunately, my sisters remained in the custody of our Grandmother, and we endured years of terrible sexual abuse, neglect, and violence.

Because we were still in custody of a family member, even though my Mother was court ordered to stay away from my sisters and I, she came around very often, and sometimes lived with us (why my Grandmother let her stay is beyond me...codependence, I know...but really...). She was always VERY drunk. I remember her running over one of her boyfriends with her car, trying to stab my Grandmother with scissors, and attempting to kill my sister (who was then 5 or 6) with a kitchen knife. Once when I was 13 she tried to quit drinking and during detox she guzzled Isopropyl Alcohol and had several Grand Mal seizures, during which I was her sole care giver.

In all honesty, when she died, I was relieved. I was finally granted permission to be a kid, and to not be in constant worry over where my mom was, what she was getting herself into, and what she might subject me to next.

Obviously, over the years I've been able to get in touch with my deep grief over having lost my Mother. The cycle of abuse is very vicious---I have had to work very hard to heal myself so that I don't become an alcoholic or an aggressive person. It is our responsibility to seek help and heal ourselves and to protect our children.

I know that alcoholism is a disease, and that my Mother was also chronically depressed and probably bipolar. But, I believe that all of those things are completely treatable. I believe that her treatments failed her, not that she failed them. I believe that she wasn't offered adequate resources in the early stages of her disease, and eventually she gave up.

If there are any Mothers who are alcoholics who are reading this: I want you to know that I am certain your children love and need you beyond any comprehension. They accept and love you no matter who you are and what you have done and their forgiveness is boundless. They offer you each day a new opportunity to be the fabulous Mother that you absolutely ARE. I understand the fear, grief and even terror that accompanies changing your actions, letting go of the addiction, and stepping into the field of vulnerability that is Sobriety and Motherhood.

I will never get to know my Mother and this is a terrible tragedy. She violated me in MANY ways, but she was very ill, and I believe that if she had put earnest effort forth, we could have healed the things she had done, even though they were of the most heinous nature. I would have worked with her.

My deepest wish is that someone will read this and think about their future instead of their past. Learn to forgive yourself and everything will follow. Believe that you can change and experience the love that you yearn for so deeply. Perhaps then my Mother's life will not have been a tragedy, but a gift that teaches us all to be careful with our young ones and each other.