Archive for the ‘Friends/Family of Substance Abusers’ Category
There Comes A Point In Your Life….
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
who never did,
Who won't anymore...
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Luvs :ghug,
NH7
Who matters,
who never did,
Who won't anymore...
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Luvs :ghug,
NH7
I really believed things would be different…
Today I had the WORST conversation I have ever had with the ex. He made me feel terrible. I didnt let him no that I felt that way. I am just heart broken. Stupid me still feels like this is gonna turn around. I keep thinking if he gets off the drugs he will see what he is doing.
I am so totally broken hearted. Today is my birthday. He never once mentioned it. Never said a word. Yet, he treated me as if I am the worse person on the face of the earth.
I told him to get the f out of my life. I am sooooo tired of feeling this way. I love this man so much and I dont know why anymore. He has not made one ounce of effort to show me ANYTHING.
I know that its the drugs I know that but it doesnt make it hurt any less. He again brought up how I owe him the rent money and how I am a thief. I just sat there. I just cant believe that the man I fell in love with would even utter these words to me.
I told him to come and get his crap cause I am tired of looking at it. He told me like 5 times dont worry I will be there tomorrow to get. I kept ok ok but he just keeps torturing me with it. Its like pulling a broken nail off the bed SLOWLY.
Do you think he knows how much he is hurting me?
I dont act this way to him.
I am so totally broken hearted. Today is my birthday. He never once mentioned it. Never said a word. Yet, he treated me as if I am the worse person on the face of the earth.
I told him to get the f out of my life. I am sooooo tired of feeling this way. I love this man so much and I dont know why anymore. He has not made one ounce of effort to show me ANYTHING.
I know that its the drugs I know that but it doesnt make it hurt any less. He again brought up how I owe him the rent money and how I am a thief. I just sat there. I just cant believe that the man I fell in love with would even utter these words to me.
I told him to come and get his crap cause I am tired of looking at it. He told me like 5 times dont worry I will be there tomorrow to get. I kept ok ok but he just keeps torturing me with it. Its like pulling a broken nail off the bed SLOWLY.
Do you think he knows how much he is hurting me?
I dont act this way to him.
When the addict in your life is a SO or Child
My husband and I were talking about the difference between the addict in your life being a significant other or a child.
My feeling is that having a child as an addict is harder because they would always be in your life, you can't completely let go. You will always be open to them if they seek recovery. Addiction, whether active or in recovery, will always be in your life.
Whereas with a significant other, you can completely let go and move on. I'm not saying that this isn't horrible also, but you can eventually get addiction out of your life.
My husband disagrees and feels that he picked me as his significant other, and therefore will always stick by me. He didn't pick our children and would be able to move on easier without them.
I just can't understand this. Is this a male, female thing?
My feeling is that having a child as an addict is harder because they would always be in your life, you can't completely let go. You will always be open to them if they seek recovery. Addiction, whether active or in recovery, will always be in your life.
Whereas with a significant other, you can completely let go and move on. I'm not saying that this isn't horrible also, but you can eventually get addiction out of your life.
My husband disagrees and feels that he picked me as his significant other, and therefore will always stick by me. He didn't pick our children and would be able to move on easier without them.
I just can't understand this. Is this a male, female thing?
I’m so tired
I feel like i've been runover by a truck. I havent slept much the last few days. AS will have his court date tomorrow and I really wish I didnt have to go because i dont even want to look at him right now. I dont want to cry anymore but i know i will when i see him. The pain that he has caused is just unbearable. I saw my doctor yesterday because i just feel so bad. She gave me some samples of a prescription to help with the anxiety and panic attacks i've been having and today said she would send in a small prescription so i could sleep. All I really want is one full night sleep and I know i'll feel the world better. I cannot wait till bed time when i can finally fall asleep and not wake up every 15 minutes - hopefully tomorrow with some real rest my mind will be more at ease.
I just feel nothing towards my son right now. Its a very dark feeling to have but he just hurt me too much this time. When I think of him i just dont see my child anymore - I've had to put up the photos i have of him because i cant look at them. I dont want to go through my life having these dramatic episodes of not knowing if he's dead or alive. I'm so scared that it will never end because no matter how much I emotionally detach its still me who gets called when there is a problem so I cant stay away from it. Yesterday I didnt even want to take his insulin to him in jail - luckily his PO said he would do it for me - the court seems to understand what this did to me this time so I'm thankful for that. I still have to go pick up his possessions from rehab but they said they would give me a few days because they also understood that i was at my limit right now.
This would be so much easier if it wasnt my child and was just someone i could walk away from. I love him and always will but somtimes i wish i didnt because its so painful loving a child who only has pain to offer.
I just feel nothing towards my son right now. Its a very dark feeling to have but he just hurt me too much this time. When I think of him i just dont see my child anymore - I've had to put up the photos i have of him because i cant look at them. I dont want to go through my life having these dramatic episodes of not knowing if he's dead or alive. I'm so scared that it will never end because no matter how much I emotionally detach its still me who gets called when there is a problem so I cant stay away from it. Yesterday I didnt even want to take his insulin to him in jail - luckily his PO said he would do it for me - the court seems to understand what this did to me this time so I'm thankful for that. I still have to go pick up his possessions from rehab but they said they would give me a few days because they also understood that i was at my limit right now.
This would be so much easier if it wasnt my child and was just someone i could walk away from. I love him and always will but somtimes i wish i didnt because its so painful loving a child who only has pain to offer.
A Question of Honesty
My daughter has been involved in drugs and a drug lifestyle on and off for the last 10 years. (Mostly On) She has gone to treatment twice, many meetings, counselling and still does not get it. My question is for the loved ones of addicts -- How do you handle questions from others - friends, business associates or family members who ask how your children are doing? They are not asking from a meanspirited stance, they are asking so that they can catch up on your life. Most do not have a clue about her lifestyle. I usually say she is fine and change the subject.
Just curious how others handle this..
Thanks,
Just curious how others handle this..
Thanks,
*UPDATE* on “I THINK my boyfriend…”
...is using drugs.
In the "Relationships and Parenting" forum, I posted my belief that my ex-boyfriend, and father of my child, was on drugs. I received a few responses - many of which pretty much told me to focus my time and attention on myself, and figure out why I've put up with such a situation for so long. It's hard letting go of something that I've come to love and hold dear to my heart. Especially now that we've made the choice to start a family together.
As for the update, I'm not quite sure why, but he talked to me last night. And when I say "talked", I mean opened up about more than usual. What I didn't say in my other post, was this...
Because of his "street business", unsurprisingly he's created a number of legal issues with himself. The most recent and past time, he was released on the probational agreement that 1)he would obtain employment or present valid proof that he's been looking for a job 2) stay out of legal trouble 3) complete 90 days of an 'Outpatient Treatment Program'. I've done my research on this, and yes, you can be admitted into such a program for smoking marijuana. My only issue is, he was never caught with marijuana, so...
Yesterday he was sick, claiming that his stomach was really bothering him. Because he was feeling vulnerable and sickly, I suppose it gave him the opportunity to be still and talk. He told me that he had to find a new program. Before going into details he told me that he wanted and needed to stop smoking. The conversation went on, and he told me that when he went, he was tested. What for, I'm not too sure. If someone needs and wants help, its given to them - I didn't know individuals were tested for their drug of choice first. :wtf2 Anyway, in addition to weed, he told me that the test came back positive for coke. He immediately went on to say that it got into his system by holding it, and then made a point to say that he hadn't even really 'put anything together' as of late. I sat on the phone a bit bewildered. Is this even possible?
I honestly feel as though I'm unraveling here. There are so many other things to think about, but this is a hard pill to swallow. I'm so frightened of what I may or may not have to one day tell my son.
In the "Relationships and Parenting" forum, I posted my belief that my ex-boyfriend, and father of my child, was on drugs. I received a few responses - many of which pretty much told me to focus my time and attention on myself, and figure out why I've put up with such a situation for so long. It's hard letting go of something that I've come to love and hold dear to my heart. Especially now that we've made the choice to start a family together.
As for the update, I'm not quite sure why, but he talked to me last night. And when I say "talked", I mean opened up about more than usual. What I didn't say in my other post, was this...
Because of his "street business", unsurprisingly he's created a number of legal issues with himself. The most recent and past time, he was released on the probational agreement that 1)he would obtain employment or present valid proof that he's been looking for a job 2) stay out of legal trouble 3) complete 90 days of an 'Outpatient Treatment Program'. I've done my research on this, and yes, you can be admitted into such a program for smoking marijuana. My only issue is, he was never caught with marijuana, so...
Yesterday he was sick, claiming that his stomach was really bothering him. Because he was feeling vulnerable and sickly, I suppose it gave him the opportunity to be still and talk. He told me that he had to find a new program. Before going into details he told me that he wanted and needed to stop smoking. The conversation went on, and he told me that when he went, he was tested. What for, I'm not too sure. If someone needs and wants help, its given to them - I didn't know individuals were tested for their drug of choice first. :wtf2 Anyway, in addition to weed, he told me that the test came back positive for coke. He immediately went on to say that it got into his system by holding it, and then made a point to say that he hadn't even really 'put anything together' as of late. I sat on the phone a bit bewildered. Is this even possible?
I honestly feel as though I'm unraveling here. There are so many other things to think about, but this is a hard pill to swallow. I'm so frightened of what I may or may not have to one day tell my son.
a question about employment
My son called us last night concerning compiling a resume. He has worked for us in the past for over four years. During that last year his drug use became obvious. He ended up stealing from us among other things.
My questions is basically this............ he wants to use us s a reference. We know that my son is an excellent worker when sober but what if the potential employer asks us why my son ended his employment with us? What do we say? How much do we say, if anything as former employers?
I told my husband that there are such gaps of time in my son's resume (due to his treatment) that I think that in itself will hold up a red flag.
My son is really trying hard and he really is a good worker but asking us to be a reference is going to put us back in the mix and if we don't agree to be a reference then that's another block of time that's unaccounted for.
I know that there are guidelines as to what a prospective employer can ask.....I am just not sure what the perameters are.......exactly what they can and cannot ask.
One thing my dh and I plan to do is answer directly as that's what we'd want someone to do for us if we were hiring someone.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. dixied
My questions is basically this............ he wants to use us s a reference. We know that my son is an excellent worker when sober but what if the potential employer asks us why my son ended his employment with us? What do we say? How much do we say, if anything as former employers?
I told my husband that there are such gaps of time in my son's resume (due to his treatment) that I think that in itself will hold up a red flag.
My son is really trying hard and he really is a good worker but asking us to be a reference is going to put us back in the mix and if we don't agree to be a reference then that's another block of time that's unaccounted for.
I know that there are guidelines as to what a prospective employer can ask.....I am just not sure what the perameters are.......exactly what they can and cannot ask.
One thing my dh and I plan to do is answer directly as that's what we'd want someone to do for us if we were hiring someone.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. dixied
Language of Letting Go - Nov. 11 - Discipline
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Discipline
Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.
Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, and uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we're moving forward.
But we are.
The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.
Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that You care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Discipline
Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.
Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, and uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we're moving forward.
But we are.
The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.
Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that You care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
OT Heavy Heart
the news today regarding hank's dad is not good.....the surgery performed last friday on his lung did not have the hoped for effect.....the lung simply will not heal....the chest tube remains inserted and there is air leaking out which is filing up the subcutaneous tissue, his cheeks looked like he was trying to blow up a balloon....his breathing is getting more difficult, his pain level has increased and he is experiencing frequent vigorous nose bleeds. they now recommend a nursing care facility as there is virtually nothing they can do for him IN the hospital.
hank's mom called me today with the news....she was so distraught, crying, trying to be strong. i felt so honored that she reached out to me first....she wasn't asking for solutions, just needed to share what was going on. i wracked my brain for ANY other option - sadly, none exist. they are looking for a nursing facility near to their home, however she won't have a chance to check it out first as they plan to transport dad tomorrow.
in my role as hank's best and closest friend, it was my job to break the news to him today. we've left a message with his mom, she will call when she can. if i had to pick one word for my feelings right now it's bereft. and yet there is an underlying deep gratitude.....that i GET to be part of this family's process....that i get to bear witness to the incredible love and closeness they share, the love that needs not be spoken often to exist, the inner reservoir of strength these people possess. a gratitude that hank and i are on a different track today, the one that allowed this sad time to FIND us, that we have not run, that we are not so f'd up on dope that we could not be bothered, that we are privileged to have just enough financial resources to help them out just a bit.
let us hope darryl's final days are pain free and peaceful. no one deserves to die this way........i'm so sick of cancer.
hank's mom called me today with the news....she was so distraught, crying, trying to be strong. i felt so honored that she reached out to me first....she wasn't asking for solutions, just needed to share what was going on. i wracked my brain for ANY other option - sadly, none exist. they are looking for a nursing facility near to their home, however she won't have a chance to check it out first as they plan to transport dad tomorrow.
in my role as hank's best and closest friend, it was my job to break the news to him today. we've left a message with his mom, she will call when she can. if i had to pick one word for my feelings right now it's bereft. and yet there is an underlying deep gratitude.....that i GET to be part of this family's process....that i get to bear witness to the incredible love and closeness they share, the love that needs not be spoken often to exist, the inner reservoir of strength these people possess. a gratitude that hank and i are on a different track today, the one that allowed this sad time to FIND us, that we have not run, that we are not so f'd up on dope that we could not be bothered, that we are privileged to have just enough financial resources to help them out just a bit.
let us hope darryl's final days are pain free and peaceful. no one deserves to die this way........i'm so sick of cancer.
Thing are still good!!!
It again has been awhile since I posted. My AD, Lauren is still working!! She has not missed or been late or left early!!! A friend of mine sold Lauren,a car. Lauren is paying her $50 a week and Lauren ahs paid it faithfully!! She does not mention the past or the people in it anymore. She seems like the old Lauren. I just hope she stays on the road she is on. It is so great seeing her clean!!! Keep her in your prayers!!!
