Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Slipped, contact with AH last night.
AH # is blocked from my phones but he can still text me. I got a text last night saying he was angry and ashamed for the hurt he causes me, the woman he loves. He's never lived alone before and said it was a humbling experience (no ****, I've done it for a yr and a half and I'm doing it again). He said he knows he needs help. I did bring it up to him how fortunate he was to be alive after his recent intentional OD. I told him how incredibly scared I was to see him in such a condition, which brought on a few tears. He said I saw it for myself and it scared the poop out of me so he could only imagine how I felt ( I taped him on my cell phone in that condition because I wanted him to see what he was like).
I sent the video to him after he had gone. He says "someone is watching over me" and reminded me of two other situations in which he escaped catastrophic injury/death.
He has my RA brothers number but hasn't called him. " I can hardly think of my problems myself, I can't talk to a stranger about them".
I told him I have forgiven him at that I know his disease is the one in control of his life. I asked if he had a plan since he said I need help. He said "no". He just kept saying he loves me and misses me. That he sees all the family's coming out to eat together and knows that's what he wants but he knows I will not tolerate his addiction. So, I'm thinking to myself " go get help".
He was calling himself a looser and so on and I said STOP that it only leads you back to your addiction. I finally said to him that I do believe he loves me but that his love is limited as his addiction is his first love, if it weren't he'd be on his hands and knees begging for help. He said I was right and that he was afraid to give it up and fail again. I said think about what you just said afraid to give it up over your wife and your children and most of all for your peace and serenity. He doesn't want the no contact boundary I said I am putting in place after this last conversation.
No matter what I always kept in contact with him. My RA brother said get out of his way and let him live his life the way he chooses knowing that I will not be a part of it even if it's just contact. RA brother said in eleven yrs you have come far. You've kicked him out when he was using not going back on your decision no matter how hard it has been for you. But he continues to use. He knows he can call you and that you are the one person who loves him unconditionally. Maybe if you are not there and he don't have you to call when he's down and feeling guilty and ashamed it will sink through to him that he can't have his addiction and an emotional connection with you too!!
RA brother said you could be the key to him seeking out recovery for himself but you don't know because you've never gotten completely out of his way. Makes sense to me but AH doesn't like that idea at all (surprise). I said I talk to you and end up having/creating expectations which only hurts me when those expectations don't come to fruition. He did understand that and said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore yet it hurts him not to be able to hear my voice. I told him that I loved him and that no contact was not a way for me to punish him but simply for me and my commitment to take care of me. I told him if he ever decides to seek help, is active in recovery with solid proof of such I'd be happy to hear from him. He said "ok, I understand. I love you" and we said good-bye. I CAN do this. I know I CAN. No more slips. I pray for God's strength because this is my weakest area.
I sent the video to him after he had gone. He says "someone is watching over me" and reminded me of two other situations in which he escaped catastrophic injury/death.
He has my RA brothers number but hasn't called him. " I can hardly think of my problems myself, I can't talk to a stranger about them".
I told him I have forgiven him at that I know his disease is the one in control of his life. I asked if he had a plan since he said I need help. He said "no". He just kept saying he loves me and misses me. That he sees all the family's coming out to eat together and knows that's what he wants but he knows I will not tolerate his addiction. So, I'm thinking to myself " go get help".
He was calling himself a looser and so on and I said STOP that it only leads you back to your addiction. I finally said to him that I do believe he loves me but that his love is limited as his addiction is his first love, if it weren't he'd be on his hands and knees begging for help. He said I was right and that he was afraid to give it up and fail again. I said think about what you just said afraid to give it up over your wife and your children and most of all for your peace and serenity. He doesn't want the no contact boundary I said I am putting in place after this last conversation.
No matter what I always kept in contact with him. My RA brother said get out of his way and let him live his life the way he chooses knowing that I will not be a part of it even if it's just contact. RA brother said in eleven yrs you have come far. You've kicked him out when he was using not going back on your decision no matter how hard it has been for you. But he continues to use. He knows he can call you and that you are the one person who loves him unconditionally. Maybe if you are not there and he don't have you to call when he's down and feeling guilty and ashamed it will sink through to him that he can't have his addiction and an emotional connection with you too!!
RA brother said you could be the key to him seeking out recovery for himself but you don't know because you've never gotten completely out of his way. Makes sense to me but AH doesn't like that idea at all (surprise). I said I talk to you and end up having/creating expectations which only hurts me when those expectations don't come to fruition. He did understand that and said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore yet it hurts him not to be able to hear my voice. I told him that I loved him and that no contact was not a way for me to punish him but simply for me and my commitment to take care of me. I told him if he ever decides to seek help, is active in recovery with solid proof of such I'd be happy to hear from him. He said "ok, I understand. I love you" and we said good-bye. I CAN do this. I know I CAN. No more slips. I pray for God's strength because this is my weakest area.
Leaping out Update
First let me thank each and every one of you - You are so very special to my heart - Spent the first nite at my rent house Thanksgiving nite and haven't looked back.
I made that frightening leap of that cliff that keeps so bound in fear and holds us back for so long . . . As I took that big jump, I opened my eyes and began to feel the thoughts, prayers and encouragement of all my wonderful recovery family with me and my fear disappeared.
As I knew I would suddenly hit the ground with a crushing blow; but I landed in the softness and safety of my God's hands. And I have been at peace every moment since.
Yes, There have been moments of tears, twinges of memories and little times hints of the future that will be sad - but no regrets. I know I am exactly where my God wants me to be.
And I thank everyone of you for helping me walk this path of recovery, grow in my relationship with the God of my understanding and gather the strength, courage and wisdom I need to be living Happy, Joyous and Free One Day at a Time.
May each of you have that in your lives forever,
Love & HUGS to all,
Rita
:ghug
I made that frightening leap of that cliff that keeps so bound in fear and holds us back for so long . . . As I took that big jump, I opened my eyes and began to feel the thoughts, prayers and encouragement of all my wonderful recovery family with me and my fear disappeared.
As I knew I would suddenly hit the ground with a crushing blow; but I landed in the softness and safety of my God's hands. And I have been at peace every moment since.
Yes, There have been moments of tears, twinges of memories and little times hints of the future that will be sad - but no regrets. I know I am exactly where my God wants me to be.
And I thank everyone of you for helping me walk this path of recovery, grow in my relationship with the God of my understanding and gather the strength, courage and wisdom I need to be living Happy, Joyous and Free One Day at a Time.
May each of you have that in your lives forever,
Love & HUGS to all,
Rita
:ghug
What is a Big Book Thumper (to you?)
I just had an a-ha moment reading one of Rufus Posts' concerning "Big Book Thumpers"
So the title stands, "What is a Big Book Thumper to you?"
I realized that BB Thumpers in my opinion all fail to read the same few sections of the Book.
Love and Tolerance of others is our code.
God has peopled this world with physicians and practioners of various kinds who give of themselves freely etc and that their services are often indispensable to helping the newcomer and following his case afterwards
We realize we know but a little, what we have found is an answer that works for us
sometimes not always they say I have to have "their" concept of God, although the book clearly states I get to choose my own concept of a power greater then myself.
Quite often these are folks that fail to have a successful relationship but have no problem "arbiting" the sex lives of others.
Quite a few also point back to "The Golden Age" of AA which frankly never existed, there were addicts, fornication, arguments, 13 stepping, etc from the very beginning, "Hospitals and Institutions" which is older then everything except "General Service" was founded with a fist fight in the parking lot of San Quintin
They miss where Bill wrote "AA must always be all inclusive, never exclusive" You are a member if You say you are, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
This, I'm sure by no means covers everything for me, but for example Steve, Taz, and Rufus constantly refer to the Book, I don't think of them as "thumpers" so that made me question what a thumper is to me and the answer was illuminating.
"me" or "you" are acceptable answers, but what is a BB thumper to you? Is it a good thing? is it bad?
I mean this thread to be helpful to both myself and others, lets keep it clean, I, by no means mean for this thread to be controversial I just had an a-ha moment reading Rufus regarding my perception.
So the title stands, "What is a Big Book Thumper to you?"
I realized that BB Thumpers in my opinion all fail to read the same few sections of the Book.
Love and Tolerance of others is our code.
God has peopled this world with physicians and practioners of various kinds who give of themselves freely etc and that their services are often indispensable to helping the newcomer and following his case afterwards
We realize we know but a little, what we have found is an answer that works for us
sometimes not always they say I have to have "their" concept of God, although the book clearly states I get to choose my own concept of a power greater then myself.
Quite often these are folks that fail to have a successful relationship but have no problem "arbiting" the sex lives of others.
Quite a few also point back to "The Golden Age" of AA which frankly never existed, there were addicts, fornication, arguments, 13 stepping, etc from the very beginning, "Hospitals and Institutions" which is older then everything except "General Service" was founded with a fist fight in the parking lot of San Quintin
They miss where Bill wrote "AA must always be all inclusive, never exclusive" You are a member if You say you are, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
This, I'm sure by no means covers everything for me, but for example Steve, Taz, and Rufus constantly refer to the Book, I don't think of them as "thumpers" so that made me question what a thumper is to me and the answer was illuminating.
"me" or "you" are acceptable answers, but what is a BB thumper to you? Is it a good thing? is it bad?
I mean this thread to be helpful to both myself and others, lets keep it clean, I, by no means mean for this thread to be controversial I just had an a-ha moment reading Rufus regarding my perception.
Identity statement help/suggestions
I've been asked to help with a comment in my homegroup's Identity Statement to include a statement about time sharing.
Is there an NA 'authorized' statement I can use, or do I just write it to the best of my ability?
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. :ghug :biggrin:
Is there an NA 'authorized' statement I can use, or do I just write it to the best of my ability?
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. :ghug :biggrin:
recovering addicts that cannot feel emotions
has anyone experienced a recovering addict that has a problem with emotions.
I'm mean all emotions, love, hate, guilt, sorrow, all of them.
my son is a good guy and wouldn't do anything to hurt someones feelings, but if for some reason he does, he lacks the remorse. He won't be ignorant about it, he'll just remain quiet because he knows he doesn't feel what he should feel. I hope I'm explaining this right. I was watching celebrity rehab and amber said she can't feel things anymore and I'm wondering if this is a natural accurance with recovering addicts. And will these emotions return?
by the way he is 1 yr sober this month. yippie!!!!!
I'm mean all emotions, love, hate, guilt, sorrow, all of them.
my son is a good guy and wouldn't do anything to hurt someones feelings, but if for some reason he does, he lacks the remorse. He won't be ignorant about it, he'll just remain quiet because he knows he doesn't feel what he should feel. I hope I'm explaining this right. I was watching celebrity rehab and amber said she can't feel things anymore and I'm wondering if this is a natural accurance with recovering addicts. And will these emotions return?
by the way he is 1 yr sober this month. yippie!!!!!
Holiday looking blue………
I woke up this morning and realized that the Christmas Tree my little one and I decorated will have nothing under it come christmas..... the money isn't there and yet I was able to save recycle to turn in for a gift for my little one ( she wanted a baby doll and a bike ) . But that was all I could do without asking for help. I asked if I could get into a program to make sure my little one gets something for the holidays ,but was told we were not poor enough and my H. made too much money. But all the money he makes only pays the bills to keep the house over our heads and keeps the utilities on and that is important . We do have is each other and our faith to hold this house together....and that also keeps our hearts warm.
Thanksgiving was the same and yet friends helped with some food we needed and my hubby felt we didn't need the food..... I told him to be thankful for the help we do get and to thank our friends around us..... He continues to drink on days off and that is a bothersome thing that I hide myself from...... I just find other things to do or just go someplace to stay away.....
I pray that I can hang in there and keep the faith with my own program ...... I have come too far to give up all the almost 23 years I have being sober.... January 1 2009 will be 23 years for me and I look forward to each new year....
My Hubby knows this is the highlight of my life besides being married 10 years with him..... and my 8 year old daughter....
For this Christmas I pray for one special gift and that is to have a sober house back......... to see my other half get to meetings again and find himself rather than the bottle he hides in the garage and the meds he takes with that bottle..... I want my family back so we can have the fun of doing things together without disruptions.....:a043:
Please Mr. Jesus, bring peace back in my house this Christmas.... let my family have the laughter of a sober house and not a drunk house..... let us love each other in a normal way and be thankful for the friends we have today........Amen..
Little Penguin :ghug
Thanksgiving was the same and yet friends helped with some food we needed and my hubby felt we didn't need the food..... I told him to be thankful for the help we do get and to thank our friends around us..... He continues to drink on days off and that is a bothersome thing that I hide myself from...... I just find other things to do or just go someplace to stay away.....
I pray that I can hang in there and keep the faith with my own program ...... I have come too far to give up all the almost 23 years I have being sober.... January 1 2009 will be 23 years for me and I look forward to each new year....
My Hubby knows this is the highlight of my life besides being married 10 years with him..... and my 8 year old daughter....
For this Christmas I pray for one special gift and that is to have a sober house back......... to see my other half get to meetings again and find himself rather than the bottle he hides in the garage and the meds he takes with that bottle..... I want my family back so we can have the fun of doing things together without disruptions.....:a043:
Please Mr. Jesus, bring peace back in my house this Christmas.... let my family have the laughter of a sober house and not a drunk house..... let us love each other in a normal way and be thankful for the friends we have today........Amen..
Little Penguin :ghug
It’s not my battle.
Whose Battle Is It?
by Rick Warren
?But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord?s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem . Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!? 2 Chronicles 20:17 (NLT)
*** *** *** ***
In today?s passage, God is talking to King Jehoshaphat and the Israelites. They?re about to be attacked by three enemies: the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Meunites.
Jehoshaphat had to be worried about how his people could defend themselves in such a battle, but God knew exactly what Jehoshaphat was thinking. He said, ?You will not have to fight in this battle.? Now, that?s the kind of battle I like!
What God tells Jehoshaphat in this passage, and what he would remind us today, is this: ?The battle is not yours; it?s mine. You don?t have to fight in it.?
In other words, it?s God?s problem. Let him solve it.
The fact is if you are God?s child, then your problems are his problems. And he?s much better at fighting your battles and solving your problems than you will ever be. Your job is to trust him to work it all out. Perhaps the reason we have so many tired, fatigued, and discouraged Christians is because we think, ?It all depends on me.?
The day you resign as General Manager of the Universe, you?re going to find that it doesn?t fall apart. You can relax in faith, trusting that God is able to run things without your help.
Twice in this passage it says, ?Don?t be afraid,? and ?Don?t be discouraged.? When you face a seemingly impossible situation, don?t be afraid and don?t be discouraged. Has God ever lost a battle? No. He doesn?t lose battles.
There?s an important phrase in verse 17. God tells Jehoshaphat, ?Take your positions and stand firm.? What does it mean to stand firm? It means to have a mental attitude of quiet confidence. It is never God?s will for you to run from a difficult situation. I?ve discovered that when I run from a difficult situation, inevitably God always brings it back around and gives me another chance. Why?
Because God wants us to learn ? and he wants to teach us through experience ? that in every situation he is sufficient. He is competent and capable and he will meet our needs in that situation. Don?t be afraid; fear is the opposite of faith.
You stand firm on two things:
The character of God ? He?s faithful. He does not bring us this far just to let us down. He doesn?t bring you out on a limb and then cut off the limb. Have faith in the nature andcharacter of God.
The truth of his Word ? God?s Word is faithful. You can count on the promises found in the Bible.
Stand still. Remember Who the battle belongs to. Trust that he is able to deliver you. And then watch him do it!
© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.
I just love the part about not being the general manager of the universe...so true!
by Rick Warren
?But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord?s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem . Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!? 2 Chronicles 20:17 (NLT)
*** *** *** ***
In today?s passage, God is talking to King Jehoshaphat and the Israelites. They?re about to be attacked by three enemies: the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Meunites.
Jehoshaphat had to be worried about how his people could defend themselves in such a battle, but God knew exactly what Jehoshaphat was thinking. He said, ?You will not have to fight in this battle.? Now, that?s the kind of battle I like!
What God tells Jehoshaphat in this passage, and what he would remind us today, is this: ?The battle is not yours; it?s mine. You don?t have to fight in it.?
In other words, it?s God?s problem. Let him solve it.
The fact is if you are God?s child, then your problems are his problems. And he?s much better at fighting your battles and solving your problems than you will ever be. Your job is to trust him to work it all out. Perhaps the reason we have so many tired, fatigued, and discouraged Christians is because we think, ?It all depends on me.?
The day you resign as General Manager of the Universe, you?re going to find that it doesn?t fall apart. You can relax in faith, trusting that God is able to run things without your help.
Twice in this passage it says, ?Don?t be afraid,? and ?Don?t be discouraged.? When you face a seemingly impossible situation, don?t be afraid and don?t be discouraged. Has God ever lost a battle? No. He doesn?t lose battles.
There?s an important phrase in verse 17. God tells Jehoshaphat, ?Take your positions and stand firm.? What does it mean to stand firm? It means to have a mental attitude of quiet confidence. It is never God?s will for you to run from a difficult situation. I?ve discovered that when I run from a difficult situation, inevitably God always brings it back around and gives me another chance. Why?
Because God wants us to learn ? and he wants to teach us through experience ? that in every situation he is sufficient. He is competent and capable and he will meet our needs in that situation. Don?t be afraid; fear is the opposite of faith.
You stand firm on two things:
The character of God ? He?s faithful. He does not bring us this far just to let us down. He doesn?t bring you out on a limb and then cut off the limb. Have faith in the nature andcharacter of God.
The truth of his Word ? God?s Word is faithful. You can count on the promises found in the Bible.
Stand still. Remember Who the battle belongs to. Trust that he is able to deliver you. And then watch him do it!
© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.
I just love the part about not being the general manager of the universe...so true!
JFT December 3
December 3
Vision without limits
?Perhaps for the first time, we see a vision of our new life.?
Basic Text, p. 35
In our addiction, our vision of ourselves was very limited. Each day, we went through the same routine: getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more. And that?s all we could reasonably expect for the duration of our lives. Our potential was limited.
Today, our prospects are changed. Recovery has given us a new vision of ourselves and our lives. We are no longer trapped in the endlessly gray routine of addiction. We are free to stretch ourselves in new ways, trying out new ideas and new activities. In doing so, we come to see ourselves in a new way. Our potential is limited only by the strength of the Higher Power that cares for us?and that strength has no limits.
In recovery, life and everything in it appears open to us. Guided by our spiritual principles, driven by the power given us by the God of our understanding, our horizons are limitless.
????=????
Just for today: I will open my eyes to the possibilities before me. My potential is as limitless and as powerful as the God of my understanding. Today, I will act on that potential.
Vision without limits
?Perhaps for the first time, we see a vision of our new life.?
Basic Text, p. 35
In our addiction, our vision of ourselves was very limited. Each day, we went through the same routine: getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more. And that?s all we could reasonably expect for the duration of our lives. Our potential was limited.
Today, our prospects are changed. Recovery has given us a new vision of ourselves and our lives. We are no longer trapped in the endlessly gray routine of addiction. We are free to stretch ourselves in new ways, trying out new ideas and new activities. In doing so, we come to see ourselves in a new way. Our potential is limited only by the strength of the Higher Power that cares for us?and that strength has no limits.
In recovery, life and everything in it appears open to us. Guided by our spiritual principles, driven by the power given us by the God of our understanding, our horizons are limitless.
????=????
Just for today: I will open my eyes to the possibilities before me. My potential is as limitless and as powerful as the God of my understanding. Today, I will act on that potential.
getr345 has 60 days today!
getr345 has 60 days sober today, and 17 days free of nicotine and pain pills!! Way to go!:You_Rock_
:fireworks2:cheer
Congrats on your sober/clean time and many more sober days to come!
:fireworks2:cheer
Congrats on your sober/clean time and many more sober days to come!
Another for old times sake…
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times!"
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My boobs are
as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal."
:loser:
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times!"
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My boobs are
as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal."
:loser:
