Drug Rehab Options Blog

I used to drink and got/stayed sober for almost 10 years. Got injured, added Narcs to my addiction and then came completely unraveled. I'm only days into recovery again. (On both).

I swear that mornings are beautiful, no problem, afternoons get a little difficult, but the new IOP classes help that, it's like taking crap one second at a time. Stay up all night biting nails, pacing, eating, watching TV... SLEEP would be good, just want to sleep. Is it "night time" for everyone or is the "trigger time" different for everyone.

I remember learning in detox in the 90's for alcohol that a disporportionate amount of addicts were "night owls", "liked thunderstorms" and "were very creative". I guess these were personality traits that soared among users. Is/Was this true? It seems like when the sun goes down is when things really ged hard. (I can't stop posting tonight, it's keeping me busy).

WOW. I never really understood how Art would play into IOP, I just thought it was a filler class to keep us busy in between the Group Therapy Sessions. (Wellness, Steps, Speaker, Etc)

I wasn't thinking much while I was enthralled in creating my art because I'm only slightly artistic but when I got done, I saw, and other members comment that it look like I drew my interpretation of what I think hell would be like. (Evil, Red, a Blackhole) drawing me so tiny compared to the canvas. Me looking so weak and pathetic.

I just wanted to say to anyone, no matter what phase of recovery you are in, not to discount some methods before you try it. There obviously was a lesson to be learned in this assignment. For me, it was to really put an image with my addiction and to truly understand what it was doing to me emotionally, what I was afraid of. It's kind of hard to describe art to anyone if you are the "artist". I'm going to see if I can take a picture and post it if I'm allowed to.

Please share if you know of anyone that had bumped heads with both and what the experience was. This would be prescribed for addiction management as well as pain control for severe/chronic pain, which sparked the addiction and poorly thought out behavior in the first place. (Needing more to feel better and function, then just needing more to feel something and finding new, innovative and BEYOND STUPID ways to take it--the kind of stupid that can be fatal). It's not just the substance that affect some addicts, it's the entire process not to exclude the method of delivery into our poor bodies.

Hello. I was wondering if it is in anyway okay/appropriate to talk about gambling in conjuction with alcoholism. Is that considered a trigger for some? Gambling is a slight problem for me and I'd love to mention it at times if possible. If not, then that's fine. Thank you.

So after all he said yesterday about telling his girlfriend that it isn't going to work, he apparently had a change of heart. He is going to stay with her. Ok what ever. I did tell him that he needs to tell me if he was "with" her before or after this last time we were together. He refused to answer me. I only wanted to know because I'm not one who is with just anyone and wasn't sure if I should be getting checked for anything if he is sleeping around. I feel I have the right to know, but he seems to think differently. Of course he had been drinking who knows how much during this discussion.


During the course of the conversation he also was telling me that over the last 6 years I have done nothing but make him feel like crap. Right now he claims he doesn't care if he lives or dies. I see this for the manipulation that it is. I know I have posted before about talking to our family doctor. While I understand what he says and does is his business and decisions, he will have every other weekend with the kids and various other visitation rights. I have already told the attorney drawing up our papers that I want the whole clause added about no drinking while caring for the kids. But I really want the doctors opinion on whether he feels he is stable enough to keep them. I have also told him that at any time if he feels that he needs me to come and get the kids I will do so. I don't know I'm just so worried about the kids.

I have been with my ABF for 10+ years. 3 years ago he went to rehab and stopped using narcotics. After he never went to AA/NA just counseling. Soon after he returned home things started to get out of hand with his sleeping medication. Personally, I was irked his rehab sent him home with any because it was one of a dozen pills he abused. Anyway, I lived with it because overall it was an improvement.

Fast forward 3 years and the abuse spiraled to include several drugs, multiple doctors, pharmacies and a web of deception. He justifies it as what he "needs" to sleep. Lately he has been so drugged that I have been worried for his life and often talked to my counselor about it. He is on so many downers that one day recently he fell down on the floor and couldn't get up because his body was like jello.

Of course, ABF thinks MY counseling should be devoid of talk about HIM as if we are two completely separate forces that don't affect each other.

Last week my counselor finally talked me into allowing her to contact his psych doc and main prescriber to tell her what's going on. On Tues he found out via apt with her and of course the crap has hit the fan.

I suppose it's no surprise to most of you that everything that has happened is my fault. He turned down a chance from her for help. I have ruined his life, and he hates me. I have heard it all in the last 2 days. I know it's all addict bullcrap talking and this morning I was even laughing under my blanket at some of things he was blaming me for. Mostly the rage is extremely dark and scary. I have never seen him act like this for extended periods of time and am considering leaving. I feel like if I leave I need to be ready to say that I am not coming back until he is in treatment again. And yet I feel so weak and it's still hard to walk away even while he's acting like a monster.

He's thrown every book at me (figuratively) he can think of, including threatening to kill himself as revenge.

I go back to my counselor tomorrow and I am guessing ABF will want to come along and yell and rage at her, too. She's prepared for it. Dealing with him is taking so much energy from me. I don't want all of our love to be down the drain, but right now there is nothing there anyway.

I know this is kind of disjointed. I am just really sad and wanted someone to talk to who would understand and not judge me.

Thanks.

This is from a book 'Daily meditations on healing through humor'
by Anne Wilson Schaef

Self Abuse

It's a hard thing for a self abuser to get too much of a bad thing.

Self abuse is the corner stone of addiction.
An improper cornerstone can support a shaky life.
*****
When I'm self-abusing, at least I am getting attention.

I had to share this.
It's friggin true and funny!

:e088:

I was just wondering how long this lasts after giving up alcohol. And do drinkers live with it for years without realizing? I know everyone is different, and am thinking in terms of weeks months and years. Me, I'd be happy being able to do enough maths at a checkout!!!

Ok..More health problems arising.
My back has been going out on me for the past month or so. Real bad the first time. Took almost 2 weeks for the pain to just ease up. Couldnt stand up strait or walk without being in severe pain.
I sucked it up the best I could. Fine for 2 days. BAm..came back. White knuckled it. Then it went away again for a few days and came back but not as bad. Did that for a couple weeks. Monday it hit hard again. Now the pain is all In my sides and hips and feels like I have some serious menstrual cramps too.
I couldnt take it today anymore. I called in work and went to the Dr.

She wants me to start physical therapy. BUT she gave me tramadol for the pain.

She told me this was non narcotic. Could have fooled me. I took it and thought I was friggin drunk. I felt light headed and then very sick and got sick a few times. Then was really itchy all over. Then I had to just lay down and go to sleep. But I also felt like I do when I have used and run out. Like I needed something really bad.
I did not like that feeling. I was fiending and I didnt know what for. I just had that really anxious desperate feeling you get when you run out of drugs. But I wasnt craving drugs. It was just te feeling physically.
I am not thrilled about this.

I don't know why I just don't kick AH the hell out. I can't take anymore of this ****. He ruins everything. All he cares about is himself. As you know tonight is my birthday. Yeah, we're broke. All I asked was he spend sometime watching tv with me, you know together on the couch. Well, he went on the other couch. But not before, running around doing he is own thing. My little boy mentioned lighting a fire in the fireplace and singing me happy birthday. I am crying out on the inside to be loved by him and I get shitted on time and time again.

He is just not worth it. I am tired of him, his addiction, covering for him, the lies I have told on his behalf. He can't even make an attempt to make my special day in anyway special. He is to F*ing self absorbed. I love my son but I regret marrying him. I was a strong woman who would have never put up with ****. I saw the signs early on and should've run before having a child with him. Now I am reaping what I have sown. He even had the freaking gall to yell I gotta leave here as me and my 5 yr. old little boy where going upstairs. After all it has taken to calm that little boy down from the weeks of seperation anxiety.

I spent my birthday night, crying in the dark of my bedroom. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him for what he has become. Once my emotions calm down, I need to get a plan on bettering both my son and I's life. It is all to obvious that having AH in the picture is nothing but pain and dissapointment, time and time again.

I can't believe I am here again. I just want to walk. I applied for a credit card and was praying it was in the mail. If I could only just get out of here for 24 hours at a hotel. I am seriously thinking that the only hope is to seperate.

I just don't know what else to write or say. I have never been so miserable in my life except for the death of my mother. But at least she died and I could grieve and go on. Maybe that is my way out, let this hell of a marriage die and move on.

To hell with him.