Archive for August 21st, 2008
When will this nightmare go away
Started drinking heavily when i got my heart broken by a girl, then i became addicted to it ever since. One night maybe months later i was sitting in my room and i was just drooling over the idea of booze, i think that was the point i became an alcoholic. Its gotten a lot worse since. Now everytime i drink i go on 3 or 4 day benders, have trouble remembering things, im a car crash waiting to happen, i feel like i have no will power and i cant overcome this drinking. Feels like theres no way out except suicide but then i dont have the guts to do that .Sometimes it feels like a horrible dream that im gunna wake up from and appreiciate my life. how do i live a normal life with this condition.
Effect Of Alcohol On Women: Testosterone Connection
This article presents an effect of alcohol on womem of which I was unaware...
Someone to Talk to
Back-story. I work like crazy. My last day off was last Tuesday, since then I've been working non-stop/babysitting up to my 15 hour day this Monday, followed by early morning babysitting on Tuesday, a trip out of town, and then a 10 hour shift the next day (Wednesday), then babysitting early this morning, work, and then packing to move up to my apartment with a roommate who had to already borrow $500 because she can't pay our rent... it's been a non-stop whirl-wind and even I feel as though I've accomplished nothing this summer and haven't done enough. I am stressed.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and I'm soooo irritable to my parents right now. They're not even drinking for once. They didn't drink tonight, possibly because of me. It was supposed to be a nice night to spend together, but instead I had to finish packing, and then just made snippy comments to them. I feel bad about my actions, and I know I am over-reacting and bitching too much to them. I am very mean to them, I know it.
My dad makes these comments to me, comments that make me feel as if I'm not good enough, not doing enough. He lectures me all the time. I misplaced my phone charger and it's so hard to find anything in the big mess of my stuff, and he just kept going on and on about how I should always put it in the same place, that it's important, that we'd have to go and buy a charger first thing in the morning, etc. When I explained why I moved it from my original place, it didn't matter, because I shouldn't have taken it out of that spot even if my reason was valid. I snapped. And still he didn't want to listen to me, to how I feel when he lectures me all the time. He's heard it all before so he doesn't want to hear it again, even though he's never listened to a word of it. I found the cord. Then it was something about how I shouldn't have worked so much so that I wouldn't be so bitchy, that I need to go to bed already so I can drive efficiently tomorrow. In my angst, I yelled something about how he's doing the opposite of what I want and need, that I just needed someone to talk to. He's confused, doesn't know what to do, so instead of simply listening he says, exasperated, "what honey, I don't know what else to tell you, your life is miserable, you work a lot, I know this." He loves me, he does, he just can't do anything right. All I wanted was someone to talk to, someone to listen to me. My mom just left the room, that's always her solution, and tonight she was not the problem. I was mean and snappy to her too though.
Just as I finished that paragraph my mom walked in here before bed and I just tested her. Her solution for everything is to apologize. I don't want anymore apologizing, and I said that. I also said "I just wanted someone to talk to" she says "I'm sorry, goodnight, honey, love you" then I say even more bluntly "I just want someone to talk to" she says "I have to go to bed.... uh, sorry" door shuts. She has never been affectionate. Couldn't she just listen to me? I actually asked her to listen to me! I couldn't be more obvious, and she refused. My dad always refuses simply because he doesn't listen, and my mom refuses. And they wonder why I'm so bitchy, why I can't stand them most of the time. I am ashamed at my behavior, because I was screaming out of control at my dad for about 10-20 seconds, and it really was over the top. Then I come up to my room and realize just how much it all hurts me. Why does it have to hurt so much? And at the end, I feel like I have upset them and made them feel badly and that I should.... know better than to do that. Oh god.... I shouldn't have to worry about it, I should be the kid!
I just want them to be parents. I want them to tell me that I'm being disrespectful, I want them to talk to me, I want them to listen to me, I want them to be responsible.
I have no one to talk to, no one. One of my close (well, fake close seeing as this friend knows nothing about my home life) is having a hard time with her father who won't pay child support, and another work friend that I have actually spoken to, tells me that her life is miserable, she can't leave her dead-beat boyfriend that she lives with (the girl just turned 18....) and she seriously considered popping some pills tonight. I just want someone to talk to. I am alone, that's how it's always been and always will be. Usually I can handle that, but it was overwhelming tonight. Since childhood, I have not felt close to a single human being outside of the family, never been in more than a casual relationship even. This is not due to lack of wanting these relationships or lack of trying.
Typing this has really helped.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and I'm soooo irritable to my parents right now. They're not even drinking for once. They didn't drink tonight, possibly because of me. It was supposed to be a nice night to spend together, but instead I had to finish packing, and then just made snippy comments to them. I feel bad about my actions, and I know I am over-reacting and bitching too much to them. I am very mean to them, I know it.
My dad makes these comments to me, comments that make me feel as if I'm not good enough, not doing enough. He lectures me all the time. I misplaced my phone charger and it's so hard to find anything in the big mess of my stuff, and he just kept going on and on about how I should always put it in the same place, that it's important, that we'd have to go and buy a charger first thing in the morning, etc. When I explained why I moved it from my original place, it didn't matter, because I shouldn't have taken it out of that spot even if my reason was valid. I snapped. And still he didn't want to listen to me, to how I feel when he lectures me all the time. He's heard it all before so he doesn't want to hear it again, even though he's never listened to a word of it. I found the cord. Then it was something about how I shouldn't have worked so much so that I wouldn't be so bitchy, that I need to go to bed already so I can drive efficiently tomorrow. In my angst, I yelled something about how he's doing the opposite of what I want and need, that I just needed someone to talk to. He's confused, doesn't know what to do, so instead of simply listening he says, exasperated, "what honey, I don't know what else to tell you, your life is miserable, you work a lot, I know this." He loves me, he does, he just can't do anything right. All I wanted was someone to talk to, someone to listen to me. My mom just left the room, that's always her solution, and tonight she was not the problem. I was mean and snappy to her too though.
Just as I finished that paragraph my mom walked in here before bed and I just tested her. Her solution for everything is to apologize. I don't want anymore apologizing, and I said that. I also said "I just wanted someone to talk to" she says "I'm sorry, goodnight, honey, love you" then I say even more bluntly "I just want someone to talk to" she says "I have to go to bed.... uh, sorry" door shuts. She has never been affectionate. Couldn't she just listen to me? I actually asked her to listen to me! I couldn't be more obvious, and she refused. My dad always refuses simply because he doesn't listen, and my mom refuses. And they wonder why I'm so bitchy, why I can't stand them most of the time. I am ashamed at my behavior, because I was screaming out of control at my dad for about 10-20 seconds, and it really was over the top. Then I come up to my room and realize just how much it all hurts me. Why does it have to hurt so much? And at the end, I feel like I have upset them and made them feel badly and that I should.... know better than to do that. Oh god.... I shouldn't have to worry about it, I should be the kid!
I just want them to be parents. I want them to tell me that I'm being disrespectful, I want them to talk to me, I want them to listen to me, I want them to be responsible.
I have no one to talk to, no one. One of my close (well, fake close seeing as this friend knows nothing about my home life) is having a hard time with her father who won't pay child support, and another work friend that I have actually spoken to, tells me that her life is miserable, she can't leave her dead-beat boyfriend that she lives with (the girl just turned 18....) and she seriously considered popping some pills tonight. I just want someone to talk to. I am alone, that's how it's always been and always will be. Usually I can handle that, but it was overwhelming tonight. Since childhood, I have not felt close to a single human being outside of the family, never been in more than a casual relationship even. This is not due to lack of wanting these relationships or lack of trying.
Typing this has really helped.
Off the sauce, any change in antidepressant effect?
Hello,
I haven't really been into the mental health forum much yet, so if there's a past thread that addressed this issue, feel free to point it out to me. My question is about people's experiences on antidepressants before and after going sober.
I have been dealing with depression for most of my life (I'm 27 now). I've been on and off a few SSRIs and also Wellbutrin, right now I'm on 20mg of Lexapro. I had self-tapered from 20 to 10 a few months ago, then I basically lost my sh!t and became just... wow. Very, very badly depressed and suicidal and just... wow. So I went back to 20 and for the last month have been ok, for sure better than I was doing before! I have been sober for 11 days. I'm wondering if anyone noticed an improvement in their depression after they went sober? Did anyone need their meds adjusted?
TIA for your stories/suggestions.
I haven't really been into the mental health forum much yet, so if there's a past thread that addressed this issue, feel free to point it out to me. My question is about people's experiences on antidepressants before and after going sober.
I have been dealing with depression for most of my life (I'm 27 now). I've been on and off a few SSRIs and also Wellbutrin, right now I'm on 20mg of Lexapro. I had self-tapered from 20 to 10 a few months ago, then I basically lost my sh!t and became just... wow. Very, very badly depressed and suicidal and just... wow. So I went back to 20 and for the last month have been ok, for sure better than I was doing before! I have been sober for 11 days. I'm wondering if anyone noticed an improvement in their depression after they went sober? Did anyone need their meds adjusted?
TIA for your stories/suggestions.
Post-DUI paranoia
Does anyone else here still get nervous whenever they see a police car while driving? It's been almost a year since my arrest. I haven't driven intoxicated since (I hate to say I was "lucky" to live in walking distance to four liquor stores.) Yet, every time I see the police I get this immediate feeling of panic that "oh no, I hope they don't find me out!" followed by "oh wait, I haven't a drop of alcohol in me."
It's getting rather annoying. I really hope this *is* a passing phase.
It's getting rather annoying. I really hope this *is* a passing phase.
Lashing out to make yourself feel better…OT
I read something on another thread that was personally upsetting, not because I care about this particular poster or give any credence to what was said, but I've read similar insults, for lack of a better term, from this person and don't understand why they are so vile and seemingly hateful. I think it's because that used to be me.
Before I got into recovery and got off my high horse, I used to do the same things, this was mostly in high school and in my early twenties. The backhanded compliments, the insults, the degrading remarks, then the tags on the end with the pot stirring comment knowing you're going to p*ss someone off, but waiting for that thrill of hearing what they say back, just so you're sure you got them. This used to make me feel better. For a few moments I could escape the h*ll of my own life by making someone else as miserable as I was, even if it was for just a minute.
I am thankful this is not be anymore, however, I am sad that it exist on this board. I know I can't control someone else's behavior and that I can take what I like and leave the rest, however, I don't understand why someone would come to what should be a respectful, calm and welcoming place and do that. It's sad to me really.
Before I got into recovery and got off my high horse, I used to do the same things, this was mostly in high school and in my early twenties. The backhanded compliments, the insults, the degrading remarks, then the tags on the end with the pot stirring comment knowing you're going to p*ss someone off, but waiting for that thrill of hearing what they say back, just so you're sure you got them. This used to make me feel better. For a few moments I could escape the h*ll of my own life by making someone else as miserable as I was, even if it was for just a minute.
I am thankful this is not be anymore, however, I am sad that it exist on this board. I know I can't control someone else's behavior and that I can take what I like and leave the rest, however, I don't understand why someone would come to what should be a respectful, calm and welcoming place and do that. It's sad to me really.
Thanks to all for the help on reaching 1 month
Hello all,
Today I reached the one month mark, along with Bostonluv (you go!!). My last drink was on July 22nd (it's the 22nd here in Japan). I spent the 23rd crawled up around the toilet, unable to even hold water down. I haven't consumed any yeast excrement since then and I owe a big heartfelt dose of gratitude to the people here at SR. This is an incredibly valuable service, especially for those of us with limited access to other English speakers in the same situation. So everyone, even those who are struggling against their demons (and who here isn't?), please take a short moment, a deep breath, and be happy and content that every post here can help someone else in ways you never imagined.
Good luck and good health to all.
Michael
Today I reached the one month mark, along with Bostonluv (you go!!). My last drink was on July 22nd (it's the 22nd here in Japan). I spent the 23rd crawled up around the toilet, unable to even hold water down. I haven't consumed any yeast excrement since then and I owe a big heartfelt dose of gratitude to the people here at SR. This is an incredibly valuable service, especially for those of us with limited access to other English speakers in the same situation. So everyone, even those who are struggling against their demons (and who here isn't?), please take a short moment, a deep breath, and be happy and content that every post here can help someone else in ways you never imagined.
Good luck and good health to all.
Michael
3rd biggest
Race of the year.
transerie.com
Looks like it will be mainly reaching and running, and we may run into some weather, which always makes it interesting.
Webshots-Grand Opening Special: Enter code SAVE25 at checkout and save 25% on your order!
She has a few pics from last years race, which I didn't do, unfortunately, it was a screamer.
May go for it and drag the big digital on deck for some pics this year, usually end up putting the thing below well before the start of the race.
Webshots-Grand Opening Special: Enter code SAVE25 at checkout and save 25% on your order!
Ignore the link blurb, it does actually take you to the albums.
John
transerie.com
Looks like it will be mainly reaching and running, and we may run into some weather, which always makes it interesting.
Webshots-Grand Opening Special: Enter code SAVE25 at checkout and save 25% on your order!
She has a few pics from last years race, which I didn't do, unfortunately, it was a screamer.
May go for it and drag the big digital on deck for some pics this year, usually end up putting the thing below well before the start of the race.
Webshots-Grand Opening Special: Enter code SAVE25 at checkout and save 25% on your order!
Ignore the link blurb, it does actually take you to the albums.
John
Exercise relieve hydrocodone muscle ache withdrawls?
I've got a friend that recently beat her battle with Soma's & Loratab's she said her doctor told her exercise will help with the muscle aches. I've been searching the intraweb for facts proving that but, found nothing...... well, that's not totally true..... that's actually how I found you guys. I wanted to know if any of you ever heard this & can shed some light on this for me?
Oh, yeah I also ran across something called "Thomas Recipe", What have you heard about this & is it just substatuting one drug for another?
Thanks in advance,
Criggy
Oh, yeah I also ran across something called "Thomas Recipe", What have you heard about this & is it just substatuting one drug for another?
Thanks in advance,
Criggy
Newb, Day one quiting hydrocodone
I didn't even know anything about websites like this even existing. Glad I found it, very helpful stuff I've found so far.
Let me start of by telling you about my addiction & how it started. I broke my back riding a bike, that's right a BMX bicycle. I was about 30 & trying to recapture my youth & keep in shape. I was riding w/ my brother & his kids. We were crossing a gully & the only way to get across was to ride over a 2x6 board. My wheel slipped off & I went head first into the gully compressing my spine breaking T4-T7. It's been a little over four years now since I've been on hydrocodone & I'm tired of being medicated. I want to feel normal again. I was taking anywhere from 3-6 10/325mg a day. I've quite cold turkey before for about a month so, I know how hard it is & I know how easy it is to relapse. I've only relapsed about 3 or 4 months now but since the relapse I've always kept my intake to 3 & under. I've been wanting to stop again so I've been weening myself for the last couple of weeks taking half pills at a time. Once I was down to taking 2 halves a day for about 2 weeks I decided this is it so, Yesterday morning I took my last half & started feeling withdrawls that night. Today was my 1st full day & it's what I expected, I got all the withdrawls symptoms. I must say I doing a little better than last time,I'm thinking thanks to me weening myself.
Looking forward to the support.
Criggy
Let me start of by telling you about my addiction & how it started. I broke my back riding a bike, that's right a BMX bicycle. I was about 30 & trying to recapture my youth & keep in shape. I was riding w/ my brother & his kids. We were crossing a gully & the only way to get across was to ride over a 2x6 board. My wheel slipped off & I went head first into the gully compressing my spine breaking T4-T7. It's been a little over four years now since I've been on hydrocodone & I'm tired of being medicated. I want to feel normal again. I was taking anywhere from 3-6 10/325mg a day. I've quite cold turkey before for about a month so, I know how hard it is & I know how easy it is to relapse. I've only relapsed about 3 or 4 months now but since the relapse I've always kept my intake to 3 & under. I've been wanting to stop again so I've been weening myself for the last couple of weeks taking half pills at a time. Once I was down to taking 2 halves a day for about 2 weeks I decided this is it so, Yesterday morning I took my last half & started feeling withdrawls that night. Today was my 1st full day & it's what I expected, I got all the withdrawls symptoms. I must say I doing a little better than last time,I'm thinking thanks to me weening myself.
Looking forward to the support.
Criggy
