Drug Rehab Options Blog

Wow,
So I just realized tonight that I have over 60 days sober and I have never felt this good about life. God, I know that everybody hear has heard it time and again, but I too never thought I'd make it; I couldn't even imagine one day sober much less 60+ days. I have re-found my love for my work, I am meeting more people than I ever have - good people, building positive relationships and actually finding a love for life that I just never thought would/could ever exist for me. I don't normally keep track of "the days"; I learned early on that for me, that puts me in a dangerous mindset. Once I start thinking that I have x-days sober, I start thinking that I might not be sick, but I AM. I just keep putting in my work to recovery and living each day to it's fullest. I know I'm not out of the woods, I know I never will be. This disease will be with me my entire life. BUT, I don't have to die young, I can find beauty in life, and I too can be happy. When I think of all of the good stuff that's happened to me just in the past two months, I know that I'm finally heading down the right path. It does bring a tear to my eye at times and I just wanted to thank everyone here for their story, their faith, their receptive ears and their caring nature. And, I hate to sound like a broken record, but to everyone that thinks that their too young or too old, too far gone or not far gone enough, you CAN get help, you can find happiness, you can get well. You DO NOT have to die from this disease. Yes, for me, as I'm sure for many others, truly committing to step one is really hard, but TRUST ME, once you let go, you can start grabbing life. No, it sure as hell isn't easy, but it is definitely worth.

Thank you...everyone.

What is Dharma Wants You ?

Dharma Wants You is an online experience connected to LOST.

The story follows a fictitious scientific community from LOST, The Dharma Initiative, as it attempts to recruit and assess volunteers for a secret research project.

By completing an ‘Eligibility Test’ and registering on dharmawantsyou.com audience members enroll as volunteer recruits for the Dharma Initiative.

Each week audience members will have the opportunity to complete a test that assesses their abilities in a particular skill.


DharmaWantsYou.com

I always played the poor me card. All my life.
Poor me this and poor me that.
All the while I was too busy looking at what was wrong with my life. I never relized what was good.
That may have played a part in my addiction.
Surrounded by happiness and love and never saw it because I was too wrapped up in my darkness.
I would often hear my grams say..your a lucky girl. And I was like yea right.
Why? Because I didnt have a mom..I didnt have a dad. I was asian and got picked on. I wasnt the prettiest girl or popular.
I wasnt good at sports otr didnt do good in school.

Later in life it became. I am not good enough to do that. I am not smart enough. I just dont have what it takes. Why do I have to have alcoholic grandparents? Why am I an addict? Why cant I just be successful like the rest of my family.

NOW...I see. I held myself back. With my thinking. Whoaes me.
I dont have the good job or the college degree. So I am not worth anyhting.
I have a crap job..no car. No money saved. Dont own a house.

But I have begun to see throuhg my recovery. That I have everything a person could ever hope for.
Thats a roof over my head..food in my fridge..A wonderful loving family who accept me for me. A job that pays. Wonderful funny beautiful children who love me and feel safe with me. I have my life drug free again. I am able to struggle in a good way to live happily the way I was meant to. I know no matter what I will always have my family.

I was so spoiled all my life and it caused me to take advantage of alot of things that matter in life. Now as I grow older and grow in my recovery. I can appreciate the things that really matter.

This song got me thinking of all that.

To me this song says....There is always someone worse off than me. Without choice. Be thankful for what I have and not worry about what I dont.

Im only 19 and im an alcoholic, its day three for me, just before i went on my 4 day bender i went 12 days and felt pretty good. then i thought i could have a beer with a girl and boom 3 thirty racks and 2 handles of whiskey and a "date" gone disaster im on day 1 agian, and even more depressed. I feel like im too young i cant believe im an alcoholic it makes me suicidal at times but when i think of the idea of AA i feel like no one will take me seriously cause there all like 30's 40's 50's and so on. Friends and family say i cant do it on my own thats why im on this site. I just need some advice , by the way you are all extremly nice people.

I am a hard a$$ when it comes to crying. But today it just cam over me out of nowhere. It was for a good reason tho.

Went to get my paycheck.
Got all my bills paid. Gave the grams $100. Had my uncles truck on my way to work.
Just stopped at starbucks and got a venti caffe mocha.
So I am sitting at the red light. Just thinking how wonderful and free it feels to have done that. And sittin gthere in my uncles truck with his trust in me.
Went and gassed him up. BIg truck. But it felt good and its the least I could do.
So I am sitting there. and just felt so free. Thats all I can think to explain it.
It feels so good to not feel like a prisoner of my addiction.
No freaking out and worrying about urges. It doesnt even cross my mind now.

And the first thing that popped in my head was...Acceptance.

I am finally really ok with the thought of not ever getting high anymore.

Anytime before I knew I had to quit. But at the same time. I still had it in my mind that I could get high again someday.

Not anymore. I want to be clean. Not because I have to. I WANT to.
And I am so ok with not ever picking that nasty $hit up ever again.

I am so grateful for this. The littlest simplest things in life make me so happy now.

I dont have to be scared anymore.

Hello! I just wanted to share 2 quick stories of people that kept playing "Russian rullet" with alcohol and finally lost.

First: My friend in treatment relapsed and ended up in the hospital and was just diagnosed with Hepatitis C and has to do 48 weeks of chemo and has severe liver cirrosis. She is only 23 years old!
Second: My husband's cousin was found dead 2 days ago in his apartment from drinking too much alcohol and not waking up. His heart stopped. He was only 22 years old!

Hopefully their stories will help us all stay sober today. I know they would want us to be OK.

i've been trying to gamble in a controlled way for the past few weeks. but during the past few days it hasn't been controlled at all - running to the atm machine every half hour for more cash.:skillet
i've tried every possible way i could think of to not gamble yet i always go back to the machines. i'm so sick :(
tomorrow i plan not to gamble. give me some moral support and put your name down if you'll come back tomorow to check on me.

Teens and Bipolar Disorder ,My Story
Posted Today at 07:52 AM by SheilaM
I am 19 and i have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder on april 5th of this year (2008). I have been put on many medications since then and i guess you could say my life has been a rollercoaster ever since. Before my diagnosis i had went on a 3 week drug binge of coke, E, weed, xanax, alcohol, pretty much anything i could get a hold of. So after my binge, i told my mom that i wanted to kill myself, and then off to the E.R. we went. I thought it was funny how the people with the broken arms, legs , etc. were treated before the people threatening to take their own lives ha ha ha As if we could feel any less worthy of ourselves and now we are just a number sitting in a corner on a cot. So i went to rehab about 5 hours later , which is a complete sugarcoat of the words mental ward. And when i got up there i was like , What the hell? they had people like laying on the floor, and just screaming for no reason, telling you that you needed to help them find the yellow brick road so they could go home. At first i thought i didnt belong there, with these "nutcases". i have always known something was wrong with me, i just didnt know what, i smoked a lot of weed, so i was fine when i was high but when i ran out of weed i would become violent , histarical, and try to do anything i could to buy another bag of weed, pawn everything i owned. anyway back to the rehab, so they took my blood, took me to my room, gave me something to eat and i waited until the next morning to see the doctor. Let me tell you, that really helped, NOT! try coming off of all those drugs and then they tell you , sorry , the doctor doesnt come in until the morning, so im thinking okay, ill just put off my suicidal thoughts until the morning . (yeah im a smart ass too)
So yeah i thought coming to rehab would be like a vacation , ha ha was i wrong, people screamed all night long, the supervisors would check on you with their flashlights like every two hours, come take your blood at 5 in the morning. So even if you had no sleep before , you deffinetely werent getting any sleep on your first night. ecspecially with no meds.

so I was told by the doctor that i was bipolar, which runs in my family , and was expected for many years anyway. So, they put me on Lexapro, Xanax, and Ambien. So , to say to the least I was feeling pretty good, i started sleeping, going to groups, which was like art classes, group therapy, stuff like that. The doctors warned me not to get to close to anybody in there, not to give out my number, address, personal info. etc.

But these "nutcases" became my family, for once in my life, i felt like i belonged somewhere. I was always a caring person who liked to take care of people, so thats what i did. Talked people out of bad moods, i could make anyone laugh , even when they were crying. I loved it there, and after a while , when i didnt hear the screaming at night , i knew something was wrong. And that worried me even more. I always voluntered to get my blood drawn at the buttcrack of dawn so everyone else in my room could sleep (they had to do one per room everyday). I would trade up some things in my meals to others , kinda like they do in jail.

I accidentally fed chocolate to a diabetic, whoops, but he was happy lol He was an old black man named willy , id say he was pushing about 70 years old, and he was one of my favorites. They put him on so many drugs , he sounded like bill cosby but even worse.

I am a little white girl, that looks 14 , with an energetic,urban, caring personality, so everyone loved me, and the ones who didnt , were the girls, trying to get the mens attention .But everyone wanted to be around me just because i was never in a ****** mood, i always had a topic to talk about, im a tomboy/classy woman so i could talk anything from baseball to vanity fair, I wasnt after anyone in there. i was told by many that i would not find my prince charming in rehab. lol

Soon it came to the time, where i didnt want to go home from rehab, i felt safe there, there wasnt any illegal drugs to get a hold of, i could stop smoking ciggarettes, i would come out completely sober , for the first time since i was 12, i was going to be sober.

The doctor came in and asked me if i wanted to go home, and i said no , just one more day. and he understood, i was scared to go home, more scared than i was coming in there.
I met three men while i was in there and gave them my number one was an ex boxer who was 35, one was an alcoholic football player who was 22, and one was a diabetic x crack head who was 29. We all got released on the same day.

When my mom came and got me , i fought to stay there, when we went outside it was freezing, she offered me a jacket, i turned her down, just the feeling of wind sent shivers up my spine. it was wonderful. I did not leave on good terms, i did not want to leave, being in a car felt strange, seeing groups of people was very unsettling. i could not go to stores for a while, did not stay at family functions for very long, cut off all ties with old friends,my boyfriend, all of my past. I figured it was the only way i could start a future.

and now here i am it is August 22nd, i have been sober since april 5th , minus the blunt i smoked on 4th of july, he he he. And the 29 year old from rehab , called me and asked me on a date the day i got out. We have been together since then and still going strong. We complete each other, he is my other half, he is my soulmate. so to say to the least, not all bad things , have a bad ending. I am completing school (college) , i have a job which i start next thursday, Me and Dwain (from rehab) have moved into an apartment together and have lived there since May and we plan on getting married and having kids once we both get our careers started.

So for everyone who is at their rock bottom , or feeling hopeless, things do get better, dont kill yourself, it takes more guts to live than die, dying is giving up , giving into the system.
I thought things were never going to turn around for me and they did. I almost killed myself, and was unsuccessful, odviously there is something better for me in life that is keeping me here, so if anyone wants to talk or if any parents have any questions about there own kids............ i am an open book.

Oh yeah and the doctor was wrong, i did meet my prince charming in rehab :Val004:

Well, mixed feelings, for sure, but last night was relapse #3 (when do you stop counting and consider that they are just going to always be relapsing, I wonder) and that's the bummer part. The GOOD, part ("good"?) was that we had agreed that IF he drank, he would not "bring it home" and he wouldn't continue to send me hateful and blaming texts to try to engage in drama. Well....... this is an absolute FIRST, but he called to tell me that he had "had a few" and wouldn't be coming home....... "cuz that's what I wanted, right..... well, right? I mean, did I REALLY want him to spend all that money on a hotel...... it was only one beer, actually, so did I REALLY want that...." quack.... quack......quack.....

Well, I don't want to waste(!) money on a hotel room (!), but my friend put it wonderfully....
After receiving the one and only text of the night from my AH: "one beer, $150 dollar hotel room" , my friend immediately responded: "one peaceful night at home..... PRICELESS!"


LOL, I LOVE THAT! So, that's my story. Boy, you just gotta find humor in these stories sometimes, right?:Dance7: