Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi there, I have already posted a few times in alcoholsim and women in recovery but I thought I'd say hi over here. I'm all over the map with my substance abuse but mainly in the past little while its been booze. I was however a equal opportunity addict. I've been clean and sober for 2 weeks now and every day is a struggle. I'm practically over the hump of detox but I'm definetly not feeling great. I just wanted to introduce myself.

Throughout my teens and twenties, I never drank really. I hated the way it made me fell panicky the next day.
So why now at the age of 35 when I could do without it do I drink to excess?

Do you know what, I am not worthy of your replies at this moment in time. I am a disappointment.

Please disregard this post

B
x

Hi all! I have many things that I need to change about myself but drinking is on the top of the list. Nice to meet you all, btw!

Why is it that when I drink, I feel as though I'm ushered out of my routine everyday life and onto a sandy beach with cabana boys, a floral sarong and zero need for SPF? My life is better now than it's ever been. I'm a successful glass artist and jewelry designer. I work from home and enjoy my work very much. If that's not awesome enough, I'm three years married to the love of my life. So, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I can't stop drinking? Each night when the sun goes down, I curl up on the couch with a half a bottle of pinot. Sometimes, I snack too and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I know it's ridiculous but I do it anyway.

For some reason, the idea of never drinking again freaks me out. I've tried to only drink on weekends but that always finds me making excuses for why it's okay to drink on Tuesday, which eventually leads to it being okay to drink on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday too.

Well, anyway, I'm not much of a forum poster. I'm shocked actually that I've posted the same day that I joined. I didn't expect to post for at least a year or better. I guess this half a bottle of pinot helped my stage fright. Crap. . . I just found another reason to keep drinking. lol (KIDDING!!!)

My youngest daughter, age 26 going on 10, just stormed out of the house and left her 6 month old here saying she didn't want her anymore. Of course, first she had to tell me how heartless I was and it was no wonder my middle daughter is an addict the way I treat them. (I know she didn't mean the daughter part.)

Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.

Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.

So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.

I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.

Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.

i'm on my third day off vicodin what can i expect

Every time I think I've found the lowest I could possibly go, life surprises me with yet another slide straight into hell, with no one to thank but myself.

This time, I was about 2 weeks into sobriety. Peer pressure overcame my decent judgment though and I decided it might be ok to have a beer. This kicked off a 4-day drinking and drug binge. My companion through this 4-day binge insists he will pay me back, and I believe him. He has always kept his word about paying me back. However, he's never owed me $2000 before and he's even more broke than I am so I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay for this one on my own, until he can pay me back. I'm sure my credit card already loves the interest payments.

Now, what have drinking and drugs done for me?

The thing is, if it were anyone else I could have easily said no. Every time I do something that I know is a bad idea, this guy is involved. I fell for him ages ago-- perhaps a year-and-a-half ago-- but we've always kept it "just friends" because he has a girlfriend (though she lives about 120 miles away). And we didn't start out this way, we were good friends, we did fun stuff together-- movies, concerts, etc- studied together for our classes, and generally stayed out of trouble and worked hard in school. Then we started drinking a bit and everything has spiraled down hill. Neither of us can stop drinking, he's engaged to his gf and they have a baby but whenever he gets drunk he tries to kiss me and hugs me and tells me he's in love with me but he wants to be in his daughter's life and can't call off the engagement at this point-- I don't know if he means it or he's being manipulative or he's just drunk. I'm heartbroken because I really did fall for him-- first guy I've ever been in love with-- and it kills me that we can only be friends so I drink all the time to forget about it.

And I KNOW that he's not good for me, because he's got so much power over me that I drink and do drugs with him even though I know I shouldn't, and don't even want to. I know I'd be better off without him in my life at all. When neither of us are drunk we're awesome friends, we have so much fun just watching movies or hanging out and we're supportive of each other and we are good influences on each other. And then we get around alcohol and we both become idiots; he wants to do this crap, and either puts a lot of pressure on me or sweet-talks me into it, and I give in every time.

Now all I seem to do is drink and cry. I hate my life, I can barely pay my bills, and I'm miserable from the time I get up until the time I either start drinking or crawl into bed. I want to be over him; I want to be the person I used to be before I started drinking, back when I liked myself.

Hi all. I have been drinking a lot lately. My wife told me that she was worried about my drinking at breakfast today. If you search my posts you'll see that I have quit several times and I keep going back to it. I am to the point now where I can drink 3/4 of a fifth of 100 proof whiskey and 6 beers. I black out quite often now and I look / feel unhealthy.

I am attempting to quit again. Today was my first day and I feel terrible. I have been sweating all day. I can't believe I am here again. I am ashamed of myself and don't know why I keep sabatoging myself.

I recently heard a dr. say addiction is wanting the wrong thing very badly and that's me. I need help and I need to quit.

Bonnie,

I know you had your surgery today...:sick:.....hoping everything went ok...thinking of you , and wishing you a speedy recovery...so you can be back here with us.:D..
enjoy your time on sunday with Chris and Duey!

:a194:

IÂ’m really proud of myself today. A friend of mine invited me to the Phillies parade party at CitizenÂ’s Bank Park and I accepted, not really realizing what a drunken festival the parade would be. There were SO many people there--seriously, at least a million people came down to this parade. Most of them drunk off their a**. I told my friend the night before that I no longer drink and she was cool with that. IÂ’m really glad that I did, because when I smelled all the beer at the parade, I really wanted to have some myself. I almost think that if I hadnÂ’t told her, I might have let myself have one. I would like to think that I am strong enough to control myself, but I donÂ’t have too much experience with control yet. We walked back into the city from the stadiums and she commented on how happy she was to be completely sober. So many people around us were obviously intoxicated. One drunk guy even thought he could outrun 10 policemen who were chasing him--so not smart.

I took the train home from the city and itÂ’s about a 10 minute walk to my house. The only direct route takes me right by a local bar, and a part of me wanted to go inside and have a beer so badly. I contemplated taking a shortcut, but I would have had to climb a really high fence and I thought I might get hurt or rip my pants. I ended up calling a friend and talking to him until I got home, and it didnÂ’t dawn on me until a bit ago that I didnÂ’t even notice the bar when I walked by it. Now IÂ’m going to curl up with some tea and watch a movie. Today was a really good day.

Have just had a phone call from one of my daughters to say her dad, my xah is in Critical Care Unit after having violent seizures this morning at his nursing home. He hasn't been drinking for 5 years as has been in the home due to his incapability to care for himself at all, even with 3 daughters support.

Since breaking his hip 18 months ago he has been bedridden, and because of many little strokes over the past months, he has no use of his left side. A hell of a life for someone who had been a sportsman and had a great brain.
The hospital has told our children to get there as he is not expected to make it this time, and frankly I hope they are right.

We were married for 27 years, and have been apart for nearly 20, and if it hadn't been for the blasted alcohol we'd still be together, he wouldn't have been in the home and I would not feel guilt and sorrow at not being with him NOW.

Booze stole our happiness and life together for the past 25 years and I feel very angry at us both for letting it get such a hold, and taking something so precious away as it did.

Need prayers please, for his release from just existing, and for me to get thru and keep living.