Drug Rehab Options Blog

I'm seeking the advice of those who are recovering alcoholics and those who are or have been intimately involved with a recovering alcoholic. I have recently begun to date a man who is a recovering alcoholic--that much I know. He hasn't drunk in many years. But that's all I know. He doesn't offer more, and I want to be careful about intruding on this difficult subject, since he doesn't seem to want to share it on his own. He seems to have his **** together, but recovery is clearly an important part of his life, and I'm seeking advice about how best to approach the topic with him, if at all. I am inexperienced with the matter of alcoholism, and I'd like to be properly supportive.

Thanks for whatever advice you have.

Hey Fam,

After some recent events and sharing a little about myself in a thread about the 7th Tradition, I decided to vent a bit here and see what ES&H you guys can give me. I suspect some of you will share with me stuff I've already been told before...but I think I need to hear it again anyway. LOL!!

Okay..here goes: When I came home from jail in 2001, I joined a new home group. The group I previously called "home" had become too wild for me, plus my work schedule didn't allow for me to attend like I wished. My new home group was small and intimate, and it met once a week on Sunday evenings. The members were a mix of men and women, and some had extensive clean time and others were fairly new. Everybody was nice, polite and very respectable. There were 9 group members and the meeting averaged about 15 people every Sunday. I felt comfortable there and we got to know each other very well in a short time.

I immediately volunteered for a service position, and when the rotation came around I was voted in as the new treasurer. I thought it was pretty cool because as a newcomer I was removed from the treasurer position because I didn't have enough clean time. At this time I had almost 3 years clean and I wanted to prove I'd be the best treasurer this group ever had.

I loved my home group and I looked forward to going every week. Keeping the financial records was easy and the tasks that came with the position were a breeze. Prior to the ends of my using, I took pride in effectively handling my own financial affairs, so it wasn't a big deal for me to pay the rent, purchase supplies and give a report during group conscience. I guess I did such a good job that everytime rotation came up, I'd get voted back in as treasurer. I guess it didn't help any that two of our senior members moved out of town, one member joined another group, and another member went out on the zeal. In a matter of three years, I became the senior member of our group and those who once attended every week, would now came erratically.

Our GSR resigned because she got a new job and had to work on Sundays. Our "speaker seeker" got a new job and if he didn't have to work on Sunday, he'd prefer to go fishing. Our coffee maker got sick and has suffered illness after illness - sometimes being hospitalized for long periods. I could go on, but I think you get where I'm headed. Before I knew it, I was wearing almost all the hats. It was tiresome, but I did what I felt I had to do to keep the doors open. Setting up the chairs, making the coffee, putting out the literature, shoveling snow, cleaning up after the meeting, giving reports, attending our area meeting, etc...

Some new members eventually joined, but they were very irresponsible. They'd come late and sometimes leave early. No one wanted to be GSR or treasurer. Our speaker seeker would forget to get a speaker. Our greeter relapsed. It got to the point where I'd come on Sunday's expecting things to go wrong - sometimes they did and other times things went worse than wrong. LOL!!

Oldtimers would visit and see what was going on and suggest that I leave and join another group. They said I should step back and let the group "sink or swim." I tried that - hoping the others would step up to the plate. No such luck. An example of this is the time I stayed home. The meeting is supposed to start at 4:30...my phone rings at 4:50...a member asks why no one is at the meeting and the doors are locked? Apparently, if neither one of my vehicles is seen in the lot, nobody opens the doors (4 group members have a key!!!). WTF???

As it stands today, there's only 4 group members that show up regularly. Our secretary has been late 3 of the last 4 weeks. Last Sunday she showed up 45 minutes late!! We still have no GSR. No speaker seeker. Our greeter has showed up once in a month. Our coffee maker has been here two weeks in a row, but before that... once in 5 weeks. I could go on....

Comments? Suggestions?


G

I found SR very close to my sober day, in fact I was basically making my decision to stay sober during my first few days with the forum. I've spent almost all my time at SR in the New to Addiction and Recover section and I've benefited from some great support and tried to give some in return. On the last day I drank (July 12th 2008) I had my first black out after decades of binge drinking and it really got my attention. Things had been getting worse and worse over the last couple years, and especially the last 10 months or so before July. I'm not an AA person and I don't intend to go to AA meetings but I do see the value in much of the program.

As I'm approaching 90 days without alcohol it feels like I'm in newly dangerous territory so I'm opening this thread here because I think it will reach an audience that includes a variety of lengths of experience with sobriety. I'll also let my friends in the Class of July 2008 know of this thread.

Here's what's going on any given day lately. These don't all happen at the same time, but some of them do. Some are in conflict with each other.

1. I'm thinking that I'm good at this and maybe I don't have as bad of a problem as I thought I did.
2. Ninety days seems like a lot which makes me think of this long term, rather than one day at time.
3. Alcohol advertising is getting me irritated more often lately. Even worse, the movies and shows that have everyone turning to drink when times go bad or when they want to have fun.
4. There are way too many drinking/drug/party songs!!! Do you ever get to the point where you can enjoy them because they're otherwise good songs?

None of this is new ground to you or to me but it seems different/worse right now. I don't have strong urges to drink, and rarely even get medium urges, but....I don't know....it seems like I should be happier.

Is it common to hit this point in the road around 90 days? For those that hit this at 90 or at some other amount of time I'd appreciate knowing how you did it.

Thanks for reading this far down.

Just something scary I realised:

When I was still drinking I drank a lot, daily. I threw up every day, sometimes blood, I had to have alcohol in my bloodstream to feel "normal". I woke up with terrible anxiety every day, etc. etc.
This went on for years and years.

Here it is:

During those hellish drinking years I hardly EVER considered giving it up!

Once in a while I would think about moderating my drinking (this never worked) and would check out some internet pages about alcohol abuse, but for the rest I had just fully accepted the debilitating presence of alcohol in my life and kept drinking!

This, in hindsight, strikes me as really warped and strange. Truly sick.

At my meeting tonight we discussed Making Amends. I am not on that step yet but I have repeatedly apologized to my husband about my drug use over the years. I know that when I do get to that step and I make an amends to someone - with no expectations - I let it go, even if my apology is not accepted.

My husband seems to not accept my apology. I have not 'officially' made amends to him. Someone at my meeting said to keep my side of the street clean...BUT...it seems my husband likes to throw the trash BACK over to my side!

My question is; It's not supposed to matter how the other person responds to the apology, only that you got it 'off your chest' and have forgiven yourself. But what if you live with that person and, as I said before, that person keeps throwing it back on your side? What do you do??

October 6

Amends without expectations

“Projections about actually making amends can be a major obstacle both in making the list and in becoming willing.”

The Eighth Step asks us to become willing to make amends to all persons we have harmed. As we approach this step, we may wonder what the outcome of our amends will be. Will we be forgiven? Relieved of any lingering guilt? Or will we be tarred and feathered by the persons weÂ’ve harmed?

Our tendency to seek forgiveness must be surrendered if we expect to receive the spiritual benefits of the Eighth and Ninth Steps. If we approach these steps expecting anything, weÂ’re likely to be very disappointed with the results. We want to ask ourselves if we are pinning our hopes on gaining the forgiveness of the person to whom we are making amends. Or maybe weÂ’re hoping weÂ’ll be excused from our debts by some sympathetic creditor moved to tears by our hard-luck story.

We need to be willing to make our amends regardless of the outcome. We can plan the amends, but we canÂ’t plan the results. Although we may not be granted a full pardon by everyone to whom we owe amends, we will learn to forgive ourselves. In the process, we will find that we no longer have to carry the burdens of the past.


Just for today: I will let go of any expectations I have on the people to whom I owe amends.



Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

I had no intention of going, but despite feeling wiped out and worn out I attended another AA meeting. I think I found my group. I got a packet with some numbers, and there were some really great people there, way more women and ALOT of laughing. This particular group is geared towards artists. The speaker was having her 17th anniversary and was inspiring, real, and really funny. I had dessert at a local cafe with 2 women after the meeting and it was really fun. I think I may have found some friends, at the very least some people to talk to and have a coffee, as opposed to drinking which was my alternate plan.

I have a friend who has been in recovery for over a year. He is doing well but he seems to have some health problems...difficulty thinking...overly emotional responses...numbness and sometimes pain in his hands and feet.

I have encouraged him to get medical help, but he always has an excuse. I fully understand that his health is his responsibility. I would step out but my worry is that usually he is a logical person, but his emotional respones have been extreme and he doesn't seem to think rationally at times. Are these symptoms normal for after a year of recovery?

Day 1 of no procrastinating starts in 5 minutes. My last act of procrastination will be to plan to make a to-do list tomorrow of stuff that must get done that day. Those things will all be done that day. I am going to assess upcoming deadlines, and set clear dates for steps leading to completion of tasks before deadlines.

I have an allnighter-hangover from writing a paper which is probably a huge piece of crap anyway. I don't know for sure because I've already sent it in and I'm terrified to reread it now that I've slept and am more functional. I am too old for this garbage! I need my 8 hours!

Hi all. I just wanted to introduce myself and say hello. I am new to this forum, but have been in and out of recovery (mostly out) for 5-6 years now. I can put together a few months of sobriety here and there, but I seem to always go back to drinking. I am trying my best to stay sober, but something inside of me is really stopping me from working the steps honestly and thoroughly.

I feel like that guy from the Big Book who keeps jumping in front of moving traffic. I just got out of a 28-day treatment center 2 weeks ago, and last night I drank again. I am not drinking tonight, though.

Dave.