Archive for October 12th, 2008
New to Forum
Hi all,
I'm new here...living in misery...my boyfriend and best friend is an alcoholic. He has been for 15 years, but I have only been personally involved with him for a year. He has been to rehab, and failed. He has tried twice on his own, and failed. He is becoming more and more difficul to deal with as his emotions run the gammit....very mean upon occasion, a side I have rarely seen.
I want to help, and I have done so much - and I am not ready to let go.
I was on chat here the other night and several of you were very kind to me - and gave me insight as I have no drug or alcohol addictions - I am a non-drinker who has never even smoke marijuana - yes, that is the truth.
I am so emotionally burned.
Thoughts?
Thank you and God Bless,
I HATE BOOOZE!
HB works too.
Did I mention, we work together - and now I am helping cover his tail at work? (No he never comes while drinking or drunk, but it isn't not always worn off....)
I'm new here...living in misery...my boyfriend and best friend is an alcoholic. He has been for 15 years, but I have only been personally involved with him for a year. He has been to rehab, and failed. He has tried twice on his own, and failed. He is becoming more and more difficul to deal with as his emotions run the gammit....very mean upon occasion, a side I have rarely seen.
I want to help, and I have done so much - and I am not ready to let go.
I was on chat here the other night and several of you were very kind to me - and gave me insight as I have no drug or alcohol addictions - I am a non-drinker who has never even smoke marijuana - yes, that is the truth.
I am so emotionally burned.
Thoughts?
Thank you and God Bless,
I HATE BOOOZE!
HB works too.
Did I mention, we work together - and now I am helping cover his tail at work? (No he never comes while drinking or drunk, but it isn't not always worn off....)
Tgfu
It has happened to me and I have finally sought help! I learned many moons ago never to judge people, but this path I chose and need all of your help to find my way back again. I am on Suboxone now. I am a true friend and asking for help and support and will give it back to you also. Lets hold hands, a strong wind is blowing....
When recovery rules all in your relationship.
My boyfriend went to rehab about six months ago. He has been doing quite well in his recovery up until about a month ago. Some of the issues we have are due to low self worth, jealousy and a compulsion to control on his part. Other issues are due to challenges that are naturally faced in recovery. I do have a few questions to gain some input regarding some of the challenges we are facing.
My friends and I go to a club sometimes to hang out, dance and drink. I have greatly lessened going there to be supportive of his recovery. There have been three birthdays at the club recently and it has been an all out war for me to go. He has to leave the house so he doesn't see what I am wearing as he can't see me looking nice if he is not there. It drives him crazy and he just tries to pick fights with me. My ex is a part of the group and he hates that even though my ex would love to meet him and I believe truly wishes us the best. He accuses me of being deceptive, doesn't believe I am not behaving out of line when I am out, etc.
I have let him know that I want to support him in his recovery but that I cannot ignore the other people in my life. He can't go with me of course but expects me to not go either because he can't go. He also expects me to not drink anything as he can't drink and it brings upon jealous feelings in him. I do want to be supportive of him without losing my own self, life and my friends. I feel I cannot live for just him or his recovery. This is not just a problem with going to the club, but anywhere without him so I feel control is a part of the issue here as well. It is a problem if I go out for dinner with a girlfriend and he asks me all sorts of questions about what we did, ate and drank. He wants to know every detail. What is your take on this and what do others feel a healthy boundary looks like?
I know he is lonely and is having a terrible time with not being able to go out and have fun. He doesn't have any friends and is only with our immediate family as his family is a large part of his problems in the first place. We used to have date night but that has been canceled as he is either angry or crying that he is so limited as to where we can go. He is tired of staying home all the time and is threatened that I have fun with my friends and he can't have fun with me.
I am ready to walk out on the relationship. I am a positive thinker and find the pity pot he is on often draining and futile. It is like he has no interest in getting off of it. I spend my time reading, do believe I have healthy boundaries, good self worth and communications skills basically in hand. We all screw up from time to time but I believe I have most things under control in my life. The problem is there are a few things I will not give in to as I have let him know losing myself is not an option here. I had a history of co dependent behavior that he was used to and does not like everything not being about him anymore.
AA and intense rehab worked to sober him up but he finds that he does not receive the guidance from AA anymore to learn how to gain a new perspective on certain topics. He does not feel that AA allows his self worth to grow past a certain point and I do agree with him. I read lots of self help books and he reads some of them which are helpful but not direct guidance like he had in rehab.
I will be supportive but not give up my own friends and going to their birthdays. I will not drink or have alcohol in our home but will drink when I go out with my friends. I feel like his recovery is ruling my whole life along with his. I can see him asking but he is demanding I have the exact same restrictions he has in life.
Anyone else deal with this and if so how did you work it out? Thanks for reading.
My friends and I go to a club sometimes to hang out, dance and drink. I have greatly lessened going there to be supportive of his recovery. There have been three birthdays at the club recently and it has been an all out war for me to go. He has to leave the house so he doesn't see what I am wearing as he can't see me looking nice if he is not there. It drives him crazy and he just tries to pick fights with me. My ex is a part of the group and he hates that even though my ex would love to meet him and I believe truly wishes us the best. He accuses me of being deceptive, doesn't believe I am not behaving out of line when I am out, etc.
I have let him know that I want to support him in his recovery but that I cannot ignore the other people in my life. He can't go with me of course but expects me to not go either because he can't go. He also expects me to not drink anything as he can't drink and it brings upon jealous feelings in him. I do want to be supportive of him without losing my own self, life and my friends. I feel I cannot live for just him or his recovery. This is not just a problem with going to the club, but anywhere without him so I feel control is a part of the issue here as well. It is a problem if I go out for dinner with a girlfriend and he asks me all sorts of questions about what we did, ate and drank. He wants to know every detail. What is your take on this and what do others feel a healthy boundary looks like?
I know he is lonely and is having a terrible time with not being able to go out and have fun. He doesn't have any friends and is only with our immediate family as his family is a large part of his problems in the first place. We used to have date night but that has been canceled as he is either angry or crying that he is so limited as to where we can go. He is tired of staying home all the time and is threatened that I have fun with my friends and he can't have fun with me.
I am ready to walk out on the relationship. I am a positive thinker and find the pity pot he is on often draining and futile. It is like he has no interest in getting off of it. I spend my time reading, do believe I have healthy boundaries, good self worth and communications skills basically in hand. We all screw up from time to time but I believe I have most things under control in my life. The problem is there are a few things I will not give in to as I have let him know losing myself is not an option here. I had a history of co dependent behavior that he was used to and does not like everything not being about him anymore.
AA and intense rehab worked to sober him up but he finds that he does not receive the guidance from AA anymore to learn how to gain a new perspective on certain topics. He does not feel that AA allows his self worth to grow past a certain point and I do agree with him. I read lots of self help books and he reads some of them which are helpful but not direct guidance like he had in rehab.
I will be supportive but not give up my own friends and going to their birthdays. I will not drink or have alcohol in our home but will drink when I go out with my friends. I feel like his recovery is ruling my whole life along with his. I can see him asking but he is demanding I have the exact same restrictions he has in life.
Anyone else deal with this and if so how did you work it out? Thanks for reading.
Ocd…
This entire weekend I spent countless hours rehashing my finances from the past ten years- trying to figure out what income I could have lived on- why I couldn't make enough to live a decent life, in a decent neighborhood despite working full time and often two jobs, which interfered with my painting. Stupid student loan. I kept trying to figure out where I went wrong- I have lived down to the wire for ever and ever- seriously I have never owned more than two pairs of shoes and having to shop for anything sends me into a panic. It was an emergency when I had to buy a pair of glasses and I even declared banktruptcy after accumulating doctor bills I could never ever pay, even with insurance... I have a stack of papers with numbers and notes and covered over and over with different incomes, how and when I could have attained them... It looks insane and I know I'm just going to do it all over again tomorrow.:scared::e136::smashfrea
Day 24: Social Anxiety
Wondering if anyone else suffers from social anxiety. For the past year and a half, I have been in semi-retirement and been basically self-employed. As a result of that I do not have to go out to work and can work from my office at my house.
It seems when I do go out I do not enjoy large crowds or the majority of people. This is magnified by social settings where people are drinking.
I have become somewhat of a loner and shun hanging out with certain groups of people.
It seems when I do go out I do not enjoy large crowds or the majority of people. This is magnified by social settings where people are drinking.
I have become somewhat of a loner and shun hanging out with certain groups of people.
why again?
I feel guilty....I feel I only come here when I have trouble...when there are so many loyal people in this forum that write and suggest so often. I guess when things go well, I don't want to think about this forum.....don't get me wrong, it's wonderful. Guess it's part of my denial.
My husband first brought me here b/c of his cocaine drinking and Rx. He's now using pain killers and muscle relaxers (since finding them in his brief case). He's taking some cold meds prescribed by our doctor but mixed them with pain killers and has been a stumbling, slurring, sleeping, mess all day ( found and empty package of pain meds in the trash). I was putting the kids to bed only to here him coming home in a cab hauling his banged up motocycle that he took for a spin and fell off.
What the %!@#!!!!! I can't believe him....he's a successful business man with nothing but a future set out for himself and our family and he pulls shi_ like this.
He's been so together for about6 months....successful with his new business. I'm so frustrated with his behaviour....why does this cycle keep happening....I was devistated to see him coming home the way he did( with what he did to his R2 YAMAHA - which I seriously don't think he has a clue what happened) Im not looking forward to tomorrow.
I'm so confused.
People here with SR recommend meetings, but we live abroad at the moment.
My husband first brought me here b/c of his cocaine drinking and Rx. He's now using pain killers and muscle relaxers (since finding them in his brief case). He's taking some cold meds prescribed by our doctor but mixed them with pain killers and has been a stumbling, slurring, sleeping, mess all day ( found and empty package of pain meds in the trash). I was putting the kids to bed only to here him coming home in a cab hauling his banged up motocycle that he took for a spin and fell off.
What the %!@#!!!!! I can't believe him....he's a successful business man with nothing but a future set out for himself and our family and he pulls shi_ like this.
He's been so together for about6 months....successful with his new business. I'm so frustrated with his behaviour....why does this cycle keep happening....I was devistated to see him coming home the way he did( with what he did to his R2 YAMAHA - which I seriously don't think he has a clue what happened) Im not looking forward to tomorrow.
I'm so confused.
People here with SR recommend meetings, but we live abroad at the moment.
Why are cigarettes & caffeine exceptions in AA/NA
Nicotine & caffeine are mood-altering chemicals... yet it's commonly accepted that they will not "lead us back" to our DOC in the same way that drugs like alcohol or pot will.
Why the distinction? I definitely enjoy smoking & drinking coffee...and would definitely consider myself addicted to nicotine. Is it because these drugs don't have the capacity to make my life truly unmanageable? Let's say I was sober from ALL drugs and "relapsed" by chugging an energy drink and smoking a cig. I would definitely feel great and get "buzzed." Where is that line between mood-altering chemicals that exempts nicotine and caffeine?
I know I'm playing devils advocate here but it's something I've wondered from day one.
Why the distinction? I definitely enjoy smoking & drinking coffee...and would definitely consider myself addicted to nicotine. Is it because these drugs don't have the capacity to make my life truly unmanageable? Let's say I was sober from ALL drugs and "relapsed" by chugging an energy drink and smoking a cig. I would definitely feel great and get "buzzed." Where is that line between mood-altering chemicals that exempts nicotine and caffeine?
I know I'm playing devils advocate here but it's something I've wondered from day one.
Language of Letting Go - Oct. 12 - Being Gentle With Ourselves During Times of Grief
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Being Gentle with Ourselves During Times of Grief
The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.
We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.
Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.
It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.
We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.
It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.
Before long, we will take wings and fly.
God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Being Gentle with Ourselves During Times of Grief
The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.
We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.
Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.
It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.
We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.
It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.
Before long, we will take wings and fly.
God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Its no big deal…
Question How should respond (or not respond) or what can I do when: AH has had a few swallows from his "hidden bottle". I take one look at his face and my insides are turning. I tell him I can't stand when you drink. He responds with "it's no big deal, or who am I hurting, or here we go again its all about my drinking.." How can I help me help myself? How can I keep my big shut my mouth? I am not ready to leave him yet, but I have a feeling that is going to be an option. Help
I keep doing the same stupid things
hello newcomer here im going write my problem or problems and see if anyone can relate.this has been going on for about 8years Im not sure i can change.i thinks its getting worse.i go out get drunk dont know when to stop and become crazy abusive to family or friends.then next three or so days i become deeply depressed.then next weekend im ok and controlled dont drink too much,then after that the next week it happens again when im out with people.it upsets me allot,i havent met anyone like me.well there was this one girl but she didnt have as much remorse as me for her actions.i feel so stupid because i do the same things over and over.my life is becoming very isolated because people dont want to know someone who they dont know when he will lose control.its like when im drunk i become hyper-sensitive.i think deep down im a good person,but why do i go and do this again and again.its not a nice feeling.i also have anxiety/depression issues,with no real support network.no girlfriend and abit of a loner.ive tryed cutting down,ive tryed making new friends,ive tryed aa but i couldnt relate,i tryed counselling.i just hate being the person i am and im desperate to change.
