Archive for the ‘AA’ tag
What is a Big Book Thumper (to you?)
I just had an a-ha moment reading one of Rufus Posts' concerning "Big Book Thumpers"
So the title stands, "What is a Big Book Thumper to you?"
I realized that BB Thumpers in my opinion all fail to read the same few sections of the Book.
Love and Tolerance of others is our code.
God has peopled this world with physicians and practioners of various kinds who give of themselves freely etc and that their services are often indispensable to helping the newcomer and following his case afterwards
We realize we know but a little, what we have found is an answer that works for us
sometimes not always they say I have to have "their" concept of God, although the book clearly states I get to choose my own concept of a power greater then myself.
Quite often these are folks that fail to have a successful relationship but have no problem "arbiting" the sex lives of others.
Quite a few also point back to "The Golden Age" of AA which frankly never existed, there were addicts, fornication, arguments, 13 stepping, etc from the very beginning, "Hospitals and Institutions" which is older then everything except "General Service" was founded with a fist fight in the parking lot of San Quintin
They miss where Bill wrote "AA must always be all inclusive, never exclusive" You are a member if You say you are, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
This, I'm sure by no means covers everything for me, but for example Steve, Taz, and Rufus constantly refer to the Book, I don't think of them as "thumpers" so that made me question what a thumper is to me and the answer was illuminating.
"me" or "you" are acceptable answers, but what is a BB thumper to you? Is it a good thing? is it bad?
I mean this thread to be helpful to both myself and others, lets keep it clean, I, by no means mean for this thread to be controversial I just had an a-ha moment reading Rufus regarding my perception.
So the title stands, "What is a Big Book Thumper to you?"
I realized that BB Thumpers in my opinion all fail to read the same few sections of the Book.
Love and Tolerance of others is our code.
God has peopled this world with physicians and practioners of various kinds who give of themselves freely etc and that their services are often indispensable to helping the newcomer and following his case afterwards
We realize we know but a little, what we have found is an answer that works for us
sometimes not always they say I have to have "their" concept of God, although the book clearly states I get to choose my own concept of a power greater then myself.
Quite often these are folks that fail to have a successful relationship but have no problem "arbiting" the sex lives of others.
Quite a few also point back to "The Golden Age" of AA which frankly never existed, there were addicts, fornication, arguments, 13 stepping, etc from the very beginning, "Hospitals and Institutions" which is older then everything except "General Service" was founded with a fist fight in the parking lot of San Quintin
They miss where Bill wrote "AA must always be all inclusive, never exclusive" You are a member if You say you are, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
This, I'm sure by no means covers everything for me, but for example Steve, Taz, and Rufus constantly refer to the Book, I don't think of them as "thumpers" so that made me question what a thumper is to me and the answer was illuminating.
"me" or "you" are acceptable answers, but what is a BB thumper to you? Is it a good thing? is it bad?
I mean this thread to be helpful to both myself and others, lets keep it clean, I, by no means mean for this thread to be controversial I just had an a-ha moment reading Rufus regarding my perception.
alcohol, depression, counselling and medication
Hi
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
not sure about this
I am feeling uneasy and not sure if I am overreacting. Would love some perspectives.
Last night, my RABF got frustrated and had a temper outburst. I have told him once before that verbal assault, yelling or other negative communication is not tolerated in my world. I created a gentle safe home, and I will not have it trashed by emotional toxicity.
So, last night. We had worked well side by side all day on projects, and we were eating dinner. All was going beautifully. After dinner RABF is preparing to go to his AA mtg, and we are saying our goodbyes. He offered to take my dog outside, which I appreciated. He usually takes very good care and treats me and my animals well. My dog is a runner, and he knows this so we both know she needs to stay on her leash. I reminded him as he was going out to bring the leash. He got all macho and said no dog was running away on his watch, and he diodn't need a leash.
Well. He got distracted on the walk, took a call on his phone, left the dog on her own for a fair amount of time, and guess what/ she bolted after a squirrel into the night.
When he told me, I just matter of factly got my keyes, got in my car and started driving to look for the dog. It was raining, and miserab;le and we couldn't see a thing so we came home. Itold him to just go to the meeting and that I'd wait for vthe dog to return, because I knew eventually she would.
Again, he got all dramatic and said he wasn't leaving till the dog returned. Without getting loud, i insisted that it'd be fine. Just go. Honestly, I was feeling like I wanted some space by now. His emotions were getting very intense.
So, he walks thru the kitchen (on the JUST washed floor with muddy boots....aaarghh) and knocked over an entire apple pie. Aaaaarghhh again.
Why I minimize these irritations I do not know, but I was on my last nerve.
Dog comes home, and I was dealing with her the way I do: I spoke sternly but in a calm voice.
He, on the other hand, yelled and I mean LOUD yelling, at my dog, and traumatised the 2 of us for hours afterwords. It was excessive and inexcusable to speak that way.
After he left, I began to shut down totally. I feel that verbal assault of anyone or anything is never okay. It is abusive and aggressive. I felt so on edge and uncomfortable.
When we spoke this afternoon, I let RABF know that I cannot see him until I have had time to sort thru my feelings about his yelling, and told him that it is not acceptable in my ligfe, and that if it ever happens again, we are done.
He of course, thinks i am overreacting and don't know how to treat a dog properly and that I baby her, and came up with lots of BS about/rationalisations for it being appropriate when a dog takes off. I disagree and I know in my heart that my dog responds best to firm calm tones. She was shaking for hours. He also owned his behaviour and said he will look at why he lost his temper and apologised
My question besides just needing to air my thoughts here, is: am I being too harsh on him because of my own issues with DV in the way far distant past or am I being clear headed?
Last night, my RABF got frustrated and had a temper outburst. I have told him once before that verbal assault, yelling or other negative communication is not tolerated in my world. I created a gentle safe home, and I will not have it trashed by emotional toxicity.
So, last night. We had worked well side by side all day on projects, and we were eating dinner. All was going beautifully. After dinner RABF is preparing to go to his AA mtg, and we are saying our goodbyes. He offered to take my dog outside, which I appreciated. He usually takes very good care and treats me and my animals well. My dog is a runner, and he knows this so we both know she needs to stay on her leash. I reminded him as he was going out to bring the leash. He got all macho and said no dog was running away on his watch, and he diodn't need a leash.
Well. He got distracted on the walk, took a call on his phone, left the dog on her own for a fair amount of time, and guess what/ she bolted after a squirrel into the night.
When he told me, I just matter of factly got my keyes, got in my car and started driving to look for the dog. It was raining, and miserab;le and we couldn't see a thing so we came home. Itold him to just go to the meeting and that I'd wait for vthe dog to return, because I knew eventually she would.
Again, he got all dramatic and said he wasn't leaving till the dog returned. Without getting loud, i insisted that it'd be fine. Just go. Honestly, I was feeling like I wanted some space by now. His emotions were getting very intense.
So, he walks thru the kitchen (on the JUST washed floor with muddy boots....aaarghh) and knocked over an entire apple pie. Aaaaarghhh again.
Why I minimize these irritations I do not know, but I was on my last nerve.
Dog comes home, and I was dealing with her the way I do: I spoke sternly but in a calm voice.
He, on the other hand, yelled and I mean LOUD yelling, at my dog, and traumatised the 2 of us for hours afterwords. It was excessive and inexcusable to speak that way.
After he left, I began to shut down totally. I feel that verbal assault of anyone or anything is never okay. It is abusive and aggressive. I felt so on edge and uncomfortable.
When we spoke this afternoon, I let RABF know that I cannot see him until I have had time to sort thru my feelings about his yelling, and told him that it is not acceptable in my ligfe, and that if it ever happens again, we are done.
He of course, thinks i am overreacting and don't know how to treat a dog properly and that I baby her, and came up with lots of BS about/rationalisations for it being appropriate when a dog takes off. I disagree and I know in my heart that my dog responds best to firm calm tones. She was shaking for hours. He also owned his behaviour and said he will look at why he lost his temper and apologised
My question besides just needing to air my thoughts here, is: am I being too harsh on him because of my own issues with DV in the way far distant past or am I being clear headed?
Women’s 12 steps - Step II
Step Two
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The key ideas in step 2 are faith and sanity. Faith includes the ideas of belief and trust. Many of us enter recovery thinking that nothing and no one can be trusted. We may be skeptical about belief in a Higher Power. We often feel confused about what we believe. We may have learned from bitter experience that many people cannot be trusted.
Trusting someone can feel risky, yet step 2 asserts that in order to recover, we need to find someone or something we can trust. Step 2 asks us to entertain the possibility that help is available, that we cannot and need not relay only on our EGO selves to break from our addiction. We are not told who or what this power is. Instead, we are invited to explore for ourselves and make up our own minds. Coming to believe means setting aside our illusion of control and opening ourselves to the possibility of support.
This step also asks us to admit that we have done some insane things in our unmanageable lives. We are not necessarily mentally ill?indeed, we very likely are not the ?crazy? women we may have feared we were. Maybe we grew up in ?crazy-making? families and came to doubt our perceptions of reality. Maybe we did insane things?harmful to ourselves or others..because of our addiction. The traditional AA definition of insanity is ?doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.? Step 2 invites us to step onto a different path; for by living differently, we can expect different results.
In this chapter, you will explore the idea of belief?what does it mean to believe something? You will also have a chance to think about what you believe. Then you will look back at your life to identigy things you may have done that felt ?insane?, as well as forward into the future to envision the sanity you want.
QUESTIONS TO FOLLOW LATER TONIGHT :Val004:
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The key ideas in step 2 are faith and sanity. Faith includes the ideas of belief and trust. Many of us enter recovery thinking that nothing and no one can be trusted. We may be skeptical about belief in a Higher Power. We often feel confused about what we believe. We may have learned from bitter experience that many people cannot be trusted.
Trusting someone can feel risky, yet step 2 asserts that in order to recover, we need to find someone or something we can trust. Step 2 asks us to entertain the possibility that help is available, that we cannot and need not relay only on our EGO selves to break from our addiction. We are not told who or what this power is. Instead, we are invited to explore for ourselves and make up our own minds. Coming to believe means setting aside our illusion of control and opening ourselves to the possibility of support.
This step also asks us to admit that we have done some insane things in our unmanageable lives. We are not necessarily mentally ill?indeed, we very likely are not the ?crazy? women we may have feared we were. Maybe we grew up in ?crazy-making? families and came to doubt our perceptions of reality. Maybe we did insane things?harmful to ourselves or others..because of our addiction. The traditional AA definition of insanity is ?doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.? Step 2 invites us to step onto a different path; for by living differently, we can expect different results.
In this chapter, you will explore the idea of belief?what does it mean to believe something? You will also have a chance to think about what you believe. Then you will look back at your life to identigy things you may have done that felt ?insane?, as well as forward into the future to envision the sanity you want.
QUESTIONS TO FOLLOW LATER TONIGHT :Val004:
Overcoming defects of character
I recently celebrated 3 yrs sober, and it felt good, but I am still unhappy that I suffer from certain character defects. I easily get a negative outlook on life and just wish for the instant feeling of good I got from booze/drugs. I have had a lot of extremes in life, more than other people in recovery I know. I did a lot of narcotics, got a lot of money without working for it early in life, and sex was the same. I don't like journeys, I just like destinations. I have difficulty in life not seeing it in these terms (black and white, all or nothing, sex/booze/money/status), and I often live my life just wanting to escape or find a means to escape. This makes me more selfish than I would like. I notice most people in general are very selfish.... most people in aa are still selfish to some degree, and the people who I see as less selfish are only selfless IF they think it will benefit them. I am like that, but more extreme. I feel like it will take a lifetime to undue the damage I did to myself (if it is possible). Getting sober and getting a job is easy, overcoming this stuff feels almost impossible. All I can manage to do is pray about it, do my readings, and try not to commit the selfish acts that have ruined me and my attitude/approach to life (or at least ones that are obvious to me). I am only now starting to accept myself a little more for who I am, so I am only beginning to accept others a little more too and want to be a part of their lives.
Needing some guidance and support please
Hi to all. I have known for a while I am a binge drinker and it is causing me constant problems. Mainly with drinking from 9 at nite til 6 or 7 the next morning about 4 or 5 times a month, then I make excuses and miss work. I am 25 years old. I am letting my family down and myself. Once I start drinking I cannot stop until I've drank over a fifth of vodka. 9 out of ten times I can't stop at least. I am not sure if I am going to go to AA or not. And my bpyfriend drinks too, I don't know if he will quit. He can have problems too, just not as many as me lately. I need help. What should I do. I can't imagine my life without drinking. My wedding, going out with friends, etc. Someone please send me a message and help.
Getting better
Over the last 24 hours I have been reminded about how soberity is not just dependent on 'not drinking' but rather on walking my spiritual talk.
Despite being 10 years clean and sober (and of course being grateful for this) sick relationships with men have plagued me in soberity. So much so that last year I ended up in SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). That's a long story so in brief I will just say, my solution to a traumatic event in my life was 'get into a relationship.'
My entire life, I have had the same relationship with many different guys. The dance goes: the relationship begins in a full on 'can't get enough of each other' obsession. The men are usually end up being irresponsible, violent, have over bearing mothers and are very self centred. I end up being overly responsible, tell them what to do and continually try to 'help them' improve themselves then get mad when they are not grateful for the 'sacrifices' I make for them!!
But I must be getting better as over the last few weeks I've found myself attracted to a guy who belongs to a social group I go to and 'fate' would have it that we got to spend the day together on Monday.
He seems like a very nice man BUT all the signs are there for it to be a disaster. For a man his age, he is what I would call irresponsible and he has an overbearing Mother. He also appears to be obssessed with us 'getting together' and keeps sending me texts about how nice and beautiful I am etc...
I am meeting him this morning to say thanks, but no thanks. I am even surprised by this myself and can only assume I can do this because of the time I've spent in SLAA and the 4th and 5th step I did. I know how these kinds of relationships go and I know how they end. It's a bit like how I felt about drinking when I got to AA, I knew it was no longer working.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling abit frightened about talking to him but I'd rather feel uncomfortable for 30mins than end up in a sick relationship with him and be uncomfortable for at least 6 months!
I am also surprised that while I am flattered by his compliments, I am not dependent on them nor do I feel in debted to him which is bizzare for me since I am the type of girl that guys just have to smile at me and I'd sleep with them. Lol.
Dunno if anyone else can relate but I thought I'd share this.
:ghug2
Despite being 10 years clean and sober (and of course being grateful for this) sick relationships with men have plagued me in soberity. So much so that last year I ended up in SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). That's a long story so in brief I will just say, my solution to a traumatic event in my life was 'get into a relationship.'
My entire life, I have had the same relationship with many different guys. The dance goes: the relationship begins in a full on 'can't get enough of each other' obsession. The men are usually end up being irresponsible, violent, have over bearing mothers and are very self centred. I end up being overly responsible, tell them what to do and continually try to 'help them' improve themselves then get mad when they are not grateful for the 'sacrifices' I make for them!!
But I must be getting better as over the last few weeks I've found myself attracted to a guy who belongs to a social group I go to and 'fate' would have it that we got to spend the day together on Monday.
He seems like a very nice man BUT all the signs are there for it to be a disaster. For a man his age, he is what I would call irresponsible and he has an overbearing Mother. He also appears to be obssessed with us 'getting together' and keeps sending me texts about how nice and beautiful I am etc...
I am meeting him this morning to say thanks, but no thanks. I am even surprised by this myself and can only assume I can do this because of the time I've spent in SLAA and the 4th and 5th step I did. I know how these kinds of relationships go and I know how they end. It's a bit like how I felt about drinking when I got to AA, I knew it was no longer working.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling abit frightened about talking to him but I'd rather feel uncomfortable for 30mins than end up in a sick relationship with him and be uncomfortable for at least 6 months!
I am also surprised that while I am flattered by his compliments, I am not dependent on them nor do I feel in debted to him which is bizzare for me since I am the type of girl that guys just have to smile at me and I'd sleep with them. Lol.
Dunno if anyone else can relate but I thought I'd share this.
:ghug2
Controling mother, loses her game
My mom likes to complain. She lives her life to do nothing but complain from sun up to sun set.:kabong:
She is a sober 30 yr. AA old timer. I can't stand her.
She and I made plans a month ago for her to come here for Thanksgiving. She's 3 hrs away. Ok, I was dreading it any way. But she's my mom and I figure I could handle it for a couple of days.
Well, she called me this morning saying she was getting ready to leave. She said that she expects to go shopping at Hamricks (A clothing store that older folks like) first thing Friday morning. I said sure, that's fine. Stephie is coming too. We all want to go shopping on black friday.
Stephie is my DIL. Stephie is also pregnant with grand child #2.
My mom had a fit. I CANT STAND HER! I DON'T WANT TO GO SHOPPING WITH HER. I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN SHE GOES WITH US. I HAD WANTED TO SPEND THE DAY, JUST YOU AND ME
I was standing there thinking, "oh here we go again". She never expressed any dislike for Stephie before. She was just pissed that I was not going to be her shopping slave for the day. She was mad that we might have to go to a store that was not of her choosing.
So she let me have it and hung up the phone in my face.
I had my son call her back later to see what she was going to do. She pissed and moaned to him about how she thought blah blah blah that I was blah blah blah and she was this and that.
After they hang up, I decide I will not call her back under any circumstances what so ever. I don't need the drama. In fact, when I do talk to her again, I will go ahead and clear out the opportunity for Christmas by saying that I have decided to stay with a friend that day.
Isn't it sad? I actually feel relieved that my mother is not coming. Not only that, but it's like I could care less if I ever saw her again, and I mean that in a very serious way, and yet still love her.
Thanks for letting me get that out.
She is a sober 30 yr. AA old timer. I can't stand her.
She and I made plans a month ago for her to come here for Thanksgiving. She's 3 hrs away. Ok, I was dreading it any way. But she's my mom and I figure I could handle it for a couple of days.
Well, she called me this morning saying she was getting ready to leave. She said that she expects to go shopping at Hamricks (A clothing store that older folks like) first thing Friday morning. I said sure, that's fine. Stephie is coming too. We all want to go shopping on black friday.
Stephie is my DIL. Stephie is also pregnant with grand child #2.
My mom had a fit. I CANT STAND HER! I DON'T WANT TO GO SHOPPING WITH HER. I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN SHE GOES WITH US. I HAD WANTED TO SPEND THE DAY, JUST YOU AND ME
I was standing there thinking, "oh here we go again". She never expressed any dislike for Stephie before. She was just pissed that I was not going to be her shopping slave for the day. She was mad that we might have to go to a store that was not of her choosing.
So she let me have it and hung up the phone in my face.
I had my son call her back later to see what she was going to do. She pissed and moaned to him about how she thought blah blah blah that I was blah blah blah and she was this and that.
After they hang up, I decide I will not call her back under any circumstances what so ever. I don't need the drama. In fact, when I do talk to her again, I will go ahead and clear out the opportunity for Christmas by saying that I have decided to stay with a friend that day.
Isn't it sad? I actually feel relieved that my mother is not coming. Not only that, but it's like I could care less if I ever saw her again, and I mean that in a very serious way, and yet still love her.
Thanks for letting me get that out.
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Holidays,
As I rush out the door to "speak" at an AA meeting I am BLASTING this song
Thankful?
Oh yeah
it aint me no mo'
YouTube - joe cocker - Feeling Alright - The Definitive Collection
FEELIN’ ALRIGHT – Joe Cocker / Dave Mason
Seems I got to have a change of scene
Cause every night I have the strangest dream
Imprisoned by the way, yeah, it could’ve been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I got to leave before I start to scream
But someone's locked the door and took the key
Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' too good myself, (uh oh)
Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' that good myself, (uh oh)
Boy you sure took me for one big ride
Even now I sit and I wonder why
And when I think of you I stop myself from cryin’
I Just can’t waste my time I must get by
Got to stop belivin' in all your lies
Cause there’s too much to do before I die
Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' too good myself, (uh oh)
Oh no, Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' that good myself, (uh oh)
PIANO SOLO, then INTRO PART
(Feelin’ alright) Don't you get too lost in all I say
Yeah, but at the time you know I really felt that way
But that was then and now you know it’s today
I can't escape I guess I'm here to stay
’til someone comes along to take my place
With a different name and a different face
As I rush out the door to "speak" at an AA meeting I am BLASTING this song
Thankful?
Oh yeah
it aint me no mo'
YouTube - joe cocker - Feeling Alright - The Definitive Collection
FEELIN’ ALRIGHT – Joe Cocker / Dave Mason
Seems I got to have a change of scene
Cause every night I have the strangest dream
Imprisoned by the way, yeah, it could’ve been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I got to leave before I start to scream
But someone's locked the door and took the key
Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' too good myself, (uh oh)
Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' that good myself, (uh oh)
Boy you sure took me for one big ride
Even now I sit and I wonder why
And when I think of you I stop myself from cryin’
I Just can’t waste my time I must get by
Got to stop belivin' in all your lies
Cause there’s too much to do before I die
Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' too good myself, (uh oh)
Oh no, Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
Not feelin' that good myself, (uh oh)
PIANO SOLO, then INTRO PART
(Feelin’ alright) Don't you get too lost in all I say
Yeah, but at the time you know I really felt that way
But that was then and now you know it’s today
I can't escape I guess I'm here to stay
’til someone comes along to take my place
With a different name and a different face
Dry Drunk
What is it? I had a member explain it to me, once (Thanks, E!), but I don't think I fully understand...or maybe I'm hearing it differently, now.
I sometimes hear it in context with AA, which I don't use.
I feel absolutely fantastic.....am I a dry drunk?! If so, I guess it's a good thing?!
I sometimes hear it in context with AA, which I don't use.
I feel absolutely fantastic.....am I a dry drunk?! If so, I guess it's a good thing?!
