Drug Rehab Options Blog

Oh boy guys, my computer battery is on it's last leg, and I finally did it.

Just when I'm going to hear / need support from my SR friends....

I told the abf to not come home tonight. Guess I act quickly-

He gave me an easy out. He stopped 'out' again tonight. I called and called his cell. Finally when he answered, he started with the "hi baby" thing.....

I called him back and asked that he go outside to hear me. (not optimal to do over the phone, but it was an opportune time)

I told him NOT to come home tonight..... he started quacking again, along with the come on baby thing. I told him that I know he is useing more than ever, drinking, and disrespecting me.

I told him that the doors would be locked, so as to find a bar room buddy to stay with tonight, and that I would leave his suitcases packed on the porch after I leave for work in the a.m.

I of course got alot of rebuttal, but stuck to my ground, saying that I am through with this life. I told him that he could kill himself with this lifestyle all by himself, and that I was not willing to sit by and watch him do it.

I also told him that he was showing me the ultimate in disrespect, and that I don't blame him for it at this point because up till now, IVE ALLOWED IT.

I said NO MORE. Not one minute more.

He finallhy said o.k. and hung up on me.

I cried like a baby, after we hung up. The pictures hanging on the wall... our beautiful night on new years, everything came rushing in.... I felt the fear - of looseing a man I love dearly, with every ounce of my being.

I have to keep telling myself, It's never going to change if I don't do SOMETHING.

I have to keep telling myself, I can't save him..... I have to save me.

I'm so very very devestated.

I hope and pray I have the strength to NOT give in to him like I have in the past.

I am praying that I stick to this.

Thank you all for listening.
Love,
Cessy

I was just wondering what the recovery rate is typically for users who inject heroin. I know it was like 3% or something like that. I want to believe that maybe someday my ex-abf can learn to live his life as a recovering addict instead of just an addict.

As you all know, I'm on the verge of kicking out my abf- have been trying to 'detatch' and we have all talked about that.

With that being said, I have been doing realitvly well, basically ignoring his behavior, and setting my boundries.

One of my boundries, is to not allow his addiction to directly impact MY life and happiness- this is where things are getting sticky for me.

Any help you can offer will be helpful.

This a.m.... he must be out of his pills. I've suffered through 2 sleepless nights, because he must be experiencing some affects of the pills- he is exhibiting sleep apnea- (LOUD snoring- with no breaths for 10 sec. in between) It's keeping me up.

Night sweats, with him wakeing me saying his heart is 'freaking out'..... but refuses to go to the doc/or hospital.

He sleeps much later than he used to- now I get ready for work and am out of the house before he is up. (we used to get up together, I'd make coffee- while he showered... blaba bla.)

With the recent shift in his behavior, I get up by myself- and get ready etc.

TODAY- here is the part I need help with (but wanted u to know the background) I got up - was in the bathroom- when he yelled from the bed "YOU ARE HOGGING THE BATHROOM- EVERY DAY - I HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU... WHILE YOU GET READY FOR ALL THE GUYS YOU WORK WITH- THIS IS F***** RIDICIOULOUS!!!!!!!!!"

I told him to kiss my ***!! And left for work.

I tried calling him, and when he finally returned my calls- I told him I refused to walk on eggshells with him anylonger. He actually attempted to justify saying what he said.- I tried to cut him off and tell him that his health is suffering- and his moods are out of control, and I wasn't going to allow a man in my life to talk to me like that.

I told him that this is a direct result of his addiction- and It wasn't fair to have me be the brunt of his moodiness.....

He just kept cutting me off- telling me that HE walks on eggshells, that he wanted to get in the bathroom - that I take too long, that I told him to kiss my *** and had no right to say that.....

I can't talk to him.

Talking dosen't work.

I tried not to go round and round with him-

But trying to enforce my boundries of refuseing to be talked to like that - caused me to have a discussion that went NOWHERE!!!!!

What do I do?? I don't know where to turn. I leave these conversations trying to figure out how I could have handled it differently.

I was attempting to not tell him to LEAVE- because he always says I just 'throw him out' like it's nothing.....

I feel so stuck. I can't talk about anything with him- (unless he's high- and in a good mood) Ignoring it - isn't working- because I have to live day to day with dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. I don't feel comfortable asking him to just LEAVE, I'm not comfortable having him there- and dealing with all of the above constantly......

Please, any insight?? I'm frightend, scared, sad, angry, bitter, resentful, and sad sad sad.... all wrapped up in one. I am back to questioning MYSELF- I don't understand why my brain is playing tricks on me.

I'm assuming it's because I'm still trying to find a shred of evidence that it's worth hanging on.....

Thankyou all for listening to me again. I feel like a burden- I'm grateful for your patience with me - while I walk through this very long, hurtful process.
Love
Cessy

The ABF is in jail, and needless to say clean for a few months now. His attitude is remarkable. He attends meetings EVERYDAY, goes to church, works out, and is trying to get into a rhythm so he can keep his sober habits a float when he leaves... Now what to I worry about now? Well in the times we are in today, I am CONSTANTLY worrying about loosing my job. As you all codies know, we are known at times to be workaholics, and this is all I do. I work late hours, weekends, I even work from home on holidays... Christmas I found myself working from home... They are on a firing spree at my job, and I am just so terrified of having to start someplace new. I feel like I am always getting the short end of the stick... This worry of my ABF has transposed to my work, and I really need to stop. I am very humble and have no ego about where I work. I try to tell myself if I loose my job, then so what, I will find another. But I am staring to think this habit I have to "worry-ism" is driving me CRAZY - advice?:Xmasestar

Merry Christmas to All....

It Christmas night...im alone without my ABF...relaxing with my kids...miss him but I am okay, still trying to stay detached. I folded to temptation last night and called him to ask if his mother had half a cup of flour after the door to the supermart had been locked in my face around 7:00. The call gave me the opportunity to "see if he was at home" and to "see how he was doing" and "did he miss me"...at any rate, his mom had no flour and he says "I am fine, happy"...."I miss you too..just waiting for you to stop the fussing" (fussing he defines as when I get angry about when I suspect he has been using), he still last night called me 3 times before midnight.

Getting to the point...he called and asked me and the kids to come to his mom's house Christmas day to get gifts. Since I was scheduled to go to my brother's house for Christmas breakfast, I said sure I can come say Merry Christmas for a few minutes and pick up gifts before joining my family.

Two weeks ago when he e-mailed me about what colognes I like, and I named a few of my favorites. My gift from him was a cologne that was not on my list....Dior "Addict"...He glared at me as I tried to open the box and tried to get the fragrance bottle to spray and asked me what was the matter...I said nothing...I had never heard of a fragrance called "Addict"...(pardon me to anyone in this forum who has). The fragrance was okay but I really don't like it that much. I was kind of silent and he said.."if you dont like it I can take it back and give you the cash...he said "I like it a lot".

Well, just when he was about to yell into the other room to complain to his mother that I did not really like the fragrance, I summoned the kids to get their things ready to leave for breakfast, said goodbye and thanks to his mom and his sister and kids for their gifts.

He hugged me said to me "I'm just waiting for you to come back to me and stop the fussing". I just told him...I will stop fussing and accusing when he stops using. Meanwhile he stays in a chat room all the time while I avoid him. It seems because I loathe him staying in chat rooms...his sister hand crafted a jacket with his screen name on the back of it...and he is so excitable about it when he is showing me.

He IM'd me on the computer that his mom was inviting us for dinner...I declined....(yes I wanted to but had to be strong and not go).


About the Gift: I love my Addict...but I dont love my "Addict".......I'm still wondering what motivated him to choose to give me a cologne called addict when he is an addict???? Was it an indirect message to convince me to love him..the real addict???....Its the most puzzling and funny things at this stage...lol...if this reads contradictory..it is...I love the man but not the addict.


GG

Well, here I go again. I have posted in the past about my abf. He partially moved out two weeks ago and is staying at his moms. He has come over a couple of times within the last two weeks, and the last time was Friday. He helped shovel the 3 feet of snow in the driveway and stayed the night. Things were a bit awkward...he wasn't being affectionate at all, every time I sat near him, he got up and moved, we didn't even kiss (let alone sex), and he just felt distant. I confronted him and asked what was wrong. He said he was tired and exhausted from shoveling snow for the past 48 hrs and didn't feel like being affectionate. I got upset and told him that all I wanted was a kiss or a hug every once in a while to let me know he loved me. I am an affectionate type of person. Well, I thought that we had gotten through that, but the drama continues.
He left Saturday evening and we talked on the phone before he went to bed and then we talked in the afternoon on Sunday. He said he would call me back the last time we talked and well I was up until 3 am worrying about him cause he didn't call. He finally calls at 5:45 am Monday morning on his way to work. He was in a bad mood, so we didn't talk much. We talked Monday evening and night, but the calls were quick. I was ok with that because I thought that he was just tired and needed to get some sleep.

Well, Tuesday morning comes along and I am still stranded at home due to the additional snow we got Sunday-Monday. I don't have a penny on me, so I can't pay anyone to plow me out. I donate plasma twice a week for money and haven't been able to do that and the bills are piling up. (I have been out of work for the past 6 weeks and I have no way to pay rent for January...another story) So with all this stress, I have been extremely depressed and hysterical at times. My abf hasn't offered to come over and help me out of the snow and to make things worse, I didn't hear from him all day until 8 pm. He knows that I am stranded and depressed and he doesn't call to check on me or to see if I am ok, which really upset me. He called right when my dad got here, so I had to call him back. I called him back and he didn't answer at first, but he called me back and to find out he was up at his buddies place since he got off work at 5 or 6. He proceeded to tell me he was going to go home and crash. I asked him if that meant he didn't want to talk and he said that he needed to go and cut me off without saying "I love you" which he always does. So I call him right back and ask him why he didn't say I love you and he said there were people around, which has never been a problem before. Well that left me thinking that there must have been a female in the room and he didn't want her to hear it or maybe I am just making that up, I don't know. So he once again cut me short and hasn't called me and it's 10 pm. I know that he is at home and passed out by now.
This has left me feeling that I do not matter to him and that he doesn't love me, that his work is more important to him, that he can't take 2 minutes out of his day to call and see how I am doing, I am not worth the time, HIS time. I am almost at the end of my rope with him. I love him so much, but I am getting hurt more and more each day. I mean it's almost Christmas and I know that we won't be spending the day or part of the day together, but will he even call and wish me a Merry Christmas?? I know I sound pathetic and that I should just let him go and forget about him, but it is easier said then done. I want our relationship to work out, but then again I don't want to keep getting hurt. I am at across road and I have no idea what to do. I know what most of you will say which is let go and get over him, but I don't know if I can. Will I ever know when the right time for me to let go or stay?? Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this post is so long.

Hi everyone, and thankyou for all your help lately.

This post is to say that I'm going to go out on a limb tonight.......

I told you in my post Sunday- of the troubles I have been having- and as expected, although I handled things- we are going downhill again in the 'swing of emotion' proccess.

My abf told me today he wanted to close his business. He is not doing well anymore, and wants to take the business elsewhere. Said he is going to do this today.

In addition- I can tell he is in one of his 'depressive states' - must not have many pills in his pocket.

I asked him what he wanted me to pick up at the market tonight - for x-mas eve dinner- he responded in a flat was saying he didn't care. I asked him to TRY and have a little holiday spirit- he said he has none anymore.

He dosen't seem to care about anything anymore- and I'm sick of 'trying'.

I understand he is upset about his business today- bla bla bla, but this is the 3rd xmas I will be going through the 'swing of emotion' or lack there of - with him.

I'm done.

I am going to call him, (in an hour or so) and tell him this......

I'm going to say- that regardless if tomorrow is xmas eve or not, if he chooses to be miserable, and depressed he can do it elsewhere. I plan to tell him that me and my kids do not need the added pressure of knowing that he is just 'going through the motions' of the holidays. I am going to tell him that although I love him, and prob. always will, I can be content and happy with or without him, and that the pain of watching him do this -over and over again, is just too hurtful to me at this point. Therefore, if he is not happy where he is, and can't enjoy the holidays with us, then no skin off my nose. I will enjoy the holidays - just me and the kids. I'm sick of being dragged down in my own home, because he is always unhappy.

What do you all think?

I just can't take always trying to make him be happy- it dosen't work, and I'm ready to just say goodbye.
Thanks,
Cessy

I was just wondering if anyone here has seen other men whilst still in a relationship with an ABF/H???

I ask because i have been with my bf for 8yrs, 4yrs have involved serious depression, self harm and alcoholism, which came to a head in January this year and i left to live with my mum.

He is now in stable employment for 4wks now and has kept his drinking to a minimum.
But i still am not sure how i feel about our whole relationship, its not how it should be, full of love, closeness and passion. Its been like this for years now.
I can count on one hand how many times we have slept together and it doesnt bother me.
I do love him and he is a good looking guy but theres something stopping me from doing all the normal stuff couples do.
He on the other hand wants the intamcy back but understands i dont want to be pressured into anything.

Now the point im getting at, on friday night i was outrageously flirty with a guy on a works night out, we work together in my local hospital. im a nurse hes a doctor, single and extremely good looking.
Ive always had a bit of a soft spot for him but i didnt think id go this far.
We kissed and i went back to his flat for a bit more, not sex though.
I cant see it going any futher but i wont be seeing him until tomorrow and its gonna be so awkward.

Am i out of order or do you think i did this for a reason?
Im so confused and i feel terrible but i actually enjoyed being kissed and held by another guy.

I welcome any advice and i dont mind you being truthful
I think its because maybe i wanted to try being with someone new, to see how it made me feel and it felt good.

sam.x

I have posted just a couple of times on SR, and have found that the feedback is helping me. I am the one that had her son taken from her due to the abf. I am trying to get my son back, just have to jump through the CPS hoops which I am doing. This however is not why I am posting again.
My abf left me a week ago to live with his mom until he could get a place of his own. I hadn't talked to him the first couple of days, but he called me and ended up coming over and spending the whole day and night with me. I have to admit it felt good, but it also felt bad. He went back to his new home and we talked a couple times a day until he came over again after work yesterday. He stayed the night and most of today and now is back at home. There is a lot of little things I can tell you all, but I will try to get to the point. He got paid on Monday and he said he would give me some money due to the fact that 1) i have no income due to the loss of my job, & 2) the bills that i have are bills that we had together. When he came over last night, he gave me $150 out of his $500 (estimating) paycheck. That would only cover one of the necessary bills and leave me with no gas money, no money for dog food, and no money for pellets to keep me warm (arctic blast came through). I got hysterical and just let him have it. I didn't understand why he wouldn't help me more with our bills. To find out, his mother made him pay $200 rent for living there. He has lived there before and never required him to pay rent, so I know she is doing it because she doesn't like me and doesn't want him to be with me. I told him that I felt he was just saying "f@*k Stephanie, i don't live here anymore and don't have to worry about what she is going through and has to deal with." **that is what I am upset and confused about, and questioning myself as to why I still want him in my life** I was so upset to the point of getting sick. Well, we talked about it and didn't really solve anything other then he would try to pay more towards the bills when he had the money. I know there is nothing I can do about it, so I just am trying to deal with that situation a day at a time.

My other situation is that since my abf has been living at his moms, he stays off the alcohol, but he comes over here and has to drink. I asked him if I was the reason he drank and he said no that I am not and that he drinks cause he doesn't know how to cope with things. I on the other hand can't help but think that it is "me" or that it is "us" that makes him drink. I asked him why he is this way and he said it was hard to explain and to read the NA book (he previously had a meth addiction). He also told me that he loved me to death and that I was his best friend and lover. That pulled my heart strings. It got me thinking that maybe it was a good thing he moved out cause if he stopped drinking, then maybe there is hope for us and we can be together in the future for life. Then again I think that if he still drinks when he is around me what is not living together going to really change if we start living together again.

As you all can tell by this lengthy (sorry by the way) post, that I am really messed up and really don't know what to do. Yes, I am severely co-dependent, and Yes reading Co-Dependent No More, but I LOVE this man and I KNOW what he is like when he isn't drinking and he is a wonderful man. I want to have hope that we can be and live together again after we both work on the issues we have. Am I hopeless???

If nothing changes, nothing changes.....if you stick your hand in the fire, it burns, just like the last 500 times.