Archive for the ‘Abusive Relationships’ tag
I just figured something out
I just figured some thing out
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I just figured out, if you are going to read books on codependencies and abusive relationships, DO NOT borrow a siblings books to read.
I just found some books my sister used when she was trying to get out of an abusive relationship, and one of the books "It's My Life Now" has a section in it where the reader fills in blanks to certain questions. I just read how (in her mind) I abused her with verbal slurs and put downs for the last 47 yrs. I am 47 she is 51. I know that she was really hurting at this time and I am trying to not take it personally, because as we know her feelings are her feelings. But dang if it doesn't hurt, since I don't remember EVER saying the things that are accredited to me.
So, just a word of warning to all those out there, Don't borrow books from siblings or friends if they have interactive questions in them, its kind of like eavesdropping on a conversation that you weren't meant to hear.
I love my sister very much and had no idea that this was going thru her mind. I don't understand where all this came from, but I am sorry that she felt that I would hurt her to that extent.
I posted this in another forum and thought this might be helpful here also.
:ghug3
Barb
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I just figured out, if you are going to read books on codependencies and abusive relationships, DO NOT borrow a siblings books to read.
I just found some books my sister used when she was trying to get out of an abusive relationship, and one of the books "It's My Life Now" has a section in it where the reader fills in blanks to certain questions. I just read how (in her mind) I abused her with verbal slurs and put downs for the last 47 yrs. I am 47 she is 51. I know that she was really hurting at this time and I am trying to not take it personally, because as we know her feelings are her feelings. But dang if it doesn't hurt, since I don't remember EVER saying the things that are accredited to me.
So, just a word of warning to all those out there, Don't borrow books from siblings or friends if they have interactive questions in them, its kind of like eavesdropping on a conversation that you weren't meant to hear.
I love my sister very much and had no idea that this was going thru her mind. I don't understand where all this came from, but I am sorry that she felt that I would hurt her to that extent.
I posted this in another forum and thought this might be helpful here also.
:ghug3
Barb
I just figured some thing out
I just figured out, if you are going to read books on codependencies and abusive relationships, DO NOT borrow a siblings books to read.
I just found some books my sister used when he was trying to get out of an abusive relationship, and one of the books "It's My Life Now" has a section in it where the reader fills in blanks to certain questions. I just read how (in her mind) I abused her with verbal slurs and put downs for the last 47 yrs. I am 47 she is 51. I know that she was really hurting at this time and I am trying to not take it personally, because as we know her feelings are her feelings. But dang if it doesn't hurt, since I don't remember EVER saying the things that are accredited to me.
So, just a word of warning to all those out there, Don't borrow books from siblings or friends if they have interactive questions in them, its kind of like eavesdropping on a conversation that you weren't meant to here.
I love my sister very much and had no idea that this was going thru her mind. I don't understand where all this came from, but I am sorry that she felt that I would hurt her to that extent.
Barb
I just found some books my sister used when he was trying to get out of an abusive relationship, and one of the books "It's My Life Now" has a section in it where the reader fills in blanks to certain questions. I just read how (in her mind) I abused her with verbal slurs and put downs for the last 47 yrs. I am 47 she is 51. I know that she was really hurting at this time and I am trying to not take it personally, because as we know her feelings are her feelings. But dang if it doesn't hurt, since I don't remember EVER saying the things that are accredited to me.
So, just a word of warning to all those out there, Don't borrow books from siblings or friends if they have interactive questions in them, its kind of like eavesdropping on a conversation that you weren't meant to here.
I love my sister very much and had no idea that this was going thru her mind. I don't understand where all this came from, but I am sorry that she felt that I would hurt her to that extent.
Barb
Relationship During The First Year???
I AM NEW TO RECOVERY AND NEW TO THE SITE. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN OFF OF COCAINE SINCE NOVEMBER 3, 2005 AFTER ABOUT A 6 YEAR TRIP STARTING AT AGE 14. IN THOSE 6 YEARS I HAD SOME OF THE WORST RELATIONSHIPS YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO DATING A GUY WHO WAS ALMOST 30 AT THE AGE OF 14 AND STAYING WITH HIM FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS BECAUSE HE WAS MY FREE DOPE. PLUS NOT TO MENTION THE COUNTLESS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS AND WHAT NOT.
NOW I HAVE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR ABOUT 10 MONTHS AND I MET THIS WONDERFUL GUY WHILE I WAS IN TREATMENT. WE STARTED OFF SLOW AND JUST AS FRIENDS AND THEN WHEN WE GOT OUT CONTINUED TALKING AND ENDED UP STARTING TO DATE APRIL 12 OF THIS YEAR. MIND YOU I HAD ONLY BEEN CLEAN 5 MONTHS WHEN I STARTED THIS RELATIONSHIP HOWEVER WE HAD BEEN FRIENDS PRETTY MUCH SINCE I CAME INTO THE PROGRAM.
NOW I HAVE MANAGED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY, BUT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD IS WHAT THEY HAVE TOLD ME SINCE DAY ONE IN TREATMENT..."WAIT A YEAR BEFORE STARTING A RELATIONSHIP"...I AM STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE WITH THIS ONE AND I WOULD LOVE SOME INPUT FROM WHOMEVER FEELS THE DESIRE TO SAY SOMETHING...THANK YOU FOR LISTENING...
NOW I HAVE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR ABOUT 10 MONTHS AND I MET THIS WONDERFUL GUY WHILE I WAS IN TREATMENT. WE STARTED OFF SLOW AND JUST AS FRIENDS AND THEN WHEN WE GOT OUT CONTINUED TALKING AND ENDED UP STARTING TO DATE APRIL 12 OF THIS YEAR. MIND YOU I HAD ONLY BEEN CLEAN 5 MONTHS WHEN I STARTED THIS RELATIONSHIP HOWEVER WE HAD BEEN FRIENDS PRETTY MUCH SINCE I CAME INTO THE PROGRAM.
NOW I HAVE MANAGED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY, BUT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD IS WHAT THEY HAVE TOLD ME SINCE DAY ONE IN TREATMENT..."WAIT A YEAR BEFORE STARTING A RELATIONSHIP"...I AM STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE WITH THIS ONE AND I WOULD LOVE SOME INPUT FROM WHOMEVER FEELS THE DESIRE TO SAY SOMETHING...THANK YOU FOR LISTENING...
Subsalicylate’s Question
This was in Sunrose's welcome thread and I thought I'd make a new for this newcomer's question:
Hello to Sunrose & everyone here,
As of this moment, I have been somewhat sober for a little under 3 months. So, I'm not so sure that lessening your intake really counts very much in the way of being sober. Actually, I am more so really trying NOT to give into temptation, as I am surrounded by people who <3 to drink. So, I'd rather be completely honest here; and just say that every now and then I do give in to temptation; but can manage to go days at a time without drinking. So, sometimes...say I've had a really bad/stressful week, I may have 2 at most. I am not proud of it & obviously have to suffer the consequences of it by telling myself, "NO!"...I'm sure you guys may well know, after one or two, you just want more. However, despite all of this, I have gone from drinking a 6-pack a day to skipping days at a time and then having maybe 1 or 2...That is progress of some sort, I'm sure?
I guess...Actually, I really may have more of question for anyone who may care to answer this?...If stress/issues of which were never really quite resolved (say abusive relationships/emotional abuse and really more than just one) & getting used to drinking as a means to resolve these issues. Currently, I do attend therapy for these things. Though, the therapy & the hurt I experienced, all truly being more than I am anywhere capable of handling...Anyway, I don't forget it & the therapy/antidepressants aren't really enough (even now). I find it hard trusting people - mostly I tend to detach myself from almost everyone - As so, to avoid getting to close / hurt by them.
If these are the things that make you want to drink...What I would like to know is how you lay these issues to rest? I do manage to whatever degree to put up the best defense I know how...But, as for the guy who was emotionally abusive/detached from me...I guess I just know how much I really loved him. And, every now and then, it gets really hard! It gets really hard NOT TO DRINK.
What I would like to know is, "How do you guys lay these issues to rest?" I have for the longest time been emotionally dependent on alcohol. I do have a great boyfriend who I care about deeply. However, the experience of not only that, but other things as well. When you've experienced so much of the bad. How do you move beyond that?
Hello to Sunrose & everyone here,
As of this moment, I have been somewhat sober for a little under 3 months. So, I'm not so sure that lessening your intake really counts very much in the way of being sober. Actually, I am more so really trying NOT to give into temptation, as I am surrounded by people who <3 to drink. So, I'd rather be completely honest here; and just say that every now and then I do give in to temptation; but can manage to go days at a time without drinking. So, sometimes...say I've had a really bad/stressful week, I may have 2 at most. I am not proud of it & obviously have to suffer the consequences of it by telling myself, "NO!"...I'm sure you guys may well know, after one or two, you just want more. However, despite all of this, I have gone from drinking a 6-pack a day to skipping days at a time and then having maybe 1 or 2...That is progress of some sort, I'm sure?
I guess...Actually, I really may have more of question for anyone who may care to answer this?...If stress/issues of which were never really quite resolved (say abusive relationships/emotional abuse and really more than just one) & getting used to drinking as a means to resolve these issues. Currently, I do attend therapy for these things. Though, the therapy & the hurt I experienced, all truly being more than I am anywhere capable of handling...Anyway, I don't forget it & the therapy/antidepressants aren't really enough (even now). I find it hard trusting people - mostly I tend to detach myself from almost everyone - As so, to avoid getting to close / hurt by them.
If these are the things that make you want to drink...What I would like to know is how you lay these issues to rest? I do manage to whatever degree to put up the best defense I know how...But, as for the guy who was emotionally abusive/detached from me...I guess I just know how much I really loved him. And, every now and then, it gets really hard! It gets really hard NOT TO DRINK.
What I would like to know is, "How do you guys lay these issues to rest?" I have for the longest time been emotionally dependent on alcohol. I do have a great boyfriend who I care about deeply. However, the experience of not only that, but other things as well. When you've experienced so much of the bad. How do you move beyond that?
