Drug Rehab Options Blog

Oh boy guys, my computer battery is on it's last leg, and I finally did it.

Just when I'm going to hear / need support from my SR friends....

I told the abf to not come home tonight. Guess I act quickly-

He gave me an easy out. He stopped 'out' again tonight. I called and called his cell. Finally when he answered, he started with the "hi baby" thing.....

I called him back and asked that he go outside to hear me. (not optimal to do over the phone, but it was an opportune time)

I told him NOT to come home tonight..... he started quacking again, along with the come on baby thing. I told him that I know he is useing more than ever, drinking, and disrespecting me.

I told him that the doors would be locked, so as to find a bar room buddy to stay with tonight, and that I would leave his suitcases packed on the porch after I leave for work in the a.m.

I of course got alot of rebuttal, but stuck to my ground, saying that I am through with this life. I told him that he could kill himself with this lifestyle all by himself, and that I was not willing to sit by and watch him do it.

I also told him that he was showing me the ultimate in disrespect, and that I don't blame him for it at this point because up till now, IVE ALLOWED IT.

I said NO MORE. Not one minute more.

He finallhy said o.k. and hung up on me.

I cried like a baby, after we hung up. The pictures hanging on the wall... our beautiful night on new years, everything came rushing in.... I felt the fear - of looseing a man I love dearly, with every ounce of my being.

I have to keep telling myself, It's never going to change if I don't do SOMETHING.

I have to keep telling myself, I can't save him..... I have to save me.

I'm so very very devestated.

I hope and pray I have the strength to NOT give in to him like I have in the past.

I am praying that I stick to this.

Thank you all for listening.
Love,
Cessy

Hi!
Someone (let's call her "L") who is active in AA with a lot of time, is telling others that I am using, along with my boyfriend/SO who used to be married to L. They have a child together and she is very angry at him for not reconciling.

I am not using, and I don't think my bf is, either. I have not noticed anything at all unusual about him, he's working a lot which is really good considering the economy. I really don't think he is using, but the problem about rumors is it casts a shadow of doubt.

I am active in NA, attend meetings and have a service position which I love doing. I have a sponsor and one sponsee. I used to attend 3 meetings a week, now it's less (1-2x) due to the holidays and bad weather plus to get to each meeting and back is a 50 mile drive for me. I have been involved in NA since 1999. I relapsed in 2005, coming back in 2006. So that's some background on me.

2 years ago I moved to a small community, where no one has ever seen me "out there." There is a big difference between how I look and act when I'm clean. I just don't think that people who knew me back then would think this.

My sponsor said, consider the source, and the best thing was to show up at meetings regularly and not waste a lot of breath denying this. To get to more meetings, will involve quite a commitment to driving on mountain passages in icy/foggy conditions, but maybe that's what I need to do, recommit myself to 3 x a week?

Has anyone ever been in this position? Any advice? I have enjoyed a good reputation and I feel this tarnishes it. Tomorrow is our ASC and I will show up at that, should I say something?

I am really disappointed in this side of the fellowship.

Thanks.

Hi. I am 46 days clean from oxy, percs, and crack. My life has fallen apart and I dont know how to put the pieces back together.

I hurt myself on the job about 2 years ago, prior to that I had a crack problem but was able to get it under control until I found the joy of percs and then I slowly moved onto oxys. At first I tried so hard to keep it under control. My girlfriend had just had my baby and we had her other childern to care for also.

My girlfriend and I had a good relationship. She accepted me. Not for what I was but for who I was. I love her and the kids so much. Fast forward to today. My girlfriend kicked me out a few months back after she discovered I was using crack again. I cant blame her but I will admit that I am angry at her for putting me out of our home. She says she did it because she knew what was coming.

So I got clean after about a month of being out of my home. But being clean hasnt made the situation better. I still dont know what I want. I know that we were happy together but I dont know how much of it was real and how much of it was drugs. I know I love her and the kids but right now I cant even face the kids. I want to but I have done so much to them I just cant right now.

And to top it off my girlfriend isnt even begging me to come home. In fact she had me come to our house and get the rest of my stuff acting like it was no big deal. I love her with all of my heart and she is acting like its no big deal. About a month ago she asked me to come home and I said I cant. Idont know if it was because I was pissed she told me to leave or if it was because I really wanted to her act more like she was concerned or something. I dont know it just seems like she doesnt care. She said that I need to get better for myself and I want too but I want my family back and I dont know how. I have done alot to hurt her and the kids and I just cant or dont know how to set things straight.

I am in a recovery group not NA but a support group and they keep saying I need to focus on myself but I really want to put my family back together and noone seems to want me to. She is not my wife but I want her to be. I want what we had back. I know that she loves me. I think that she is trying not to bother me but I dont know.

How do I do this??????

I was told I treat him likes s**t because I ignore him, that I don't do the dishes or clean the house and he has pictures to prove it!!! He said he's been taking photos on his cell phone everyday when he gets home to work to show I don't do dishes/clean? I don't act like I love him. He doesn't have an issue with drinking so he doesn't see where I get off saying he does. He only had 7 beers tonight and wasn't even drunk, so there's no issue. I don't talk to him enough. I don't share my interests to with him. My dogs were brought up that he deals with them so I should accept his drinking. He doesn't hardly get really drunk, like once in his opinion since June. He's done it more than once but I just quit writing it all down since it doesn't do anything.

This all started tonight because he was giving my daughter a little lecture on dating appropriate people. After like 10 minutes of his repetetiveness and me seeing her increasing anxiety I said I think she understands. He stormed out of the bathroom, slammed his hands on the wall, slammed his hands on the fridge LOUD, made everything fall off the fridge. Yelled at me and continued the above talking for somewhere around an hour?

The whole time my 11yr old cousin was here and heard/saw the whole thing. I kinda mentioned it while he was going off that this wasn't an appropriate talk with two little ones who understand everything. Yeah, that didn't go over well either.

So I sat silently listening to the whole line of BS, which made him mad, too. I won't talk to him, I suggested a therapist because I know nothing to do. Otherwise I didn't talk. I'm not speaking with someone who views talking about problems by slamming his fists on the walls and beginning a conversation by yelling at me.

I wanted to cry but I won't let him see me do that anymore.

He suggested after the holidays we finish our relationship up because there's nothing else left. That there wasn't any more for us to do. That I can't accept him as he is, meaning drinking, so it was over. That he felt like imploding and hanging himself everyday because he was so stressed over it(me not doing anything and not being affectionate).

I find that I am very bitter and angry that I am an alcoholic and for years I asked "why me?" Why are there so many people that can go out after work and have one or two drinks and be done? Why not me? Why must I always drink too much and act like an idiot? My sisters and brother rarely drink but I rarely had a day go by I didn't drink. I'm really bitter that I'm the one that got the bad gene (my dad's been sober 40 years, but is also alcoholic). I'm angry that I can't go to dinner and share a bottle of wine and be done for the night. Anyone else feel this way?

It seems like any thread I might start is always about something bad ...

I am a musician. I play with some friends at a local pub on Wednesdays. We are the guys who try to pull the middle of the week drinkers in. It is a bit ironic really if you think about it. Anyway ...

My AW has always been very jealous of music. Even though that is one of things that attracted her. Something she would always say to me was that she didn't like thinking about all those girls hitting on me. My reply was that I didn't like her drinking why would I want any girls I could pick up in a bar in the middle of the week.

Of course she was always jealous anyway. Now, I want to say that I am a faithful husband. I wouldn't dream of cheating on my AW. As we are going through this divorce I still consider myself married until the judge says I am not and I act accordingly. That being said, there is this girl that I have known for about a year. She plays and has a really beautiful voice and I enjoy playing and singing with her. Not long after I met her she asked if I gave lesson on guitar and I said yes I did. My wife was not very happy and said no way. She is a young (13 years younger than me) attractive woman who seems very grounded and genuine.

Well, she has been coming on Wednesdays the last couple of weeks. She doesn't drink but comes out for the music. I was under the impression that all she was interested music. Well, I guess that that isn't all she is interested in.

You know how your self esteem goes down the toilet? When you feel like you are not good enough or not worth enough for someone. How you feel that no one will ever be attracted to me again. How will I function without this ONE person that knows me better than anyone .... blah blah blah

Now before some of you say "You don't need a relationship", believe me I know. I am not looking for one but boy did that feel good in the ego. I am going to give her music lessons (strictly professional) and I am sure we will have a good friendship.

I feel like my HP is guiding me.

My son had been going to a new church with a friend from school. A few weeks ago he came home afterward and said "Dad, I think you would like it, there is a lot of music. Will you go with me next week?"

I said sure i would and I did really like it. I saw people I knew and I liked the music. I even got a large lump in my throat and a tear in my eye at one point. Have you ever felt like you were just in the right place at the right time? That is how it felt. Amazing. The next week I felt differently about my circumstances. I felt like I could see a little clearer. I met the leader of the worship service and we had a lot in common and who knows maybe I will be playing there on Sunday mornings.

2 days ago I found out that my AW now has a "roommate" in the house that I am still paying for. It really bummed me out. I couldn't even come on here much. I was consumed by my grief. Could I really be replaced so easily? I stood by and and took all of her crap and then I am just the garbage at the curb?

Then my HP showed me that I have worth. My HP showed me that I have a lot to give. My HP showed me that I am a good guy and people like me. My HP showed me that I was replaced long ago by alcohol, I just couldn't see it. My HP showed me that I will be okay.

And by the way, I figure that if I am paying for this house my son and I should be living in it. I deserve to be comfortable.

Sorry for the long post. I was just feeling good!

Today I had the WORST conversation I have ever had with the ex. He made me feel terrible. I didnt let him no that I felt that way. I am just heart broken. Stupid me still feels like this is gonna turn around. I keep thinking if he gets off the drugs he will see what he is doing.

I am so totally broken hearted. Today is my birthday. He never once mentioned it. Never said a word. Yet, he treated me as if I am the worse person on the face of the earth.

I told him to get the f out of my life. I am sooooo tired of feeling this way. I love this man so much and I dont know why anymore. He has not made one ounce of effort to show me ANYTHING.

I know that its the drugs I know that but it doesnt make it hurt any less. He again brought up how I owe him the rent money and how I am a thief. I just sat there. I just cant believe that the man I fell in love with would even utter these words to me.

I told him to come and get his crap cause I am tired of looking at it. He told me like 5 times dont worry I will be there tomorrow to get. I kept ok ok but he just keeps torturing me with it. Its like pulling a broken nail off the bed SLOWLY.

Do you think he knows how much he is hurting me?

I dont act this way to him.

This is something I have been thinking of. I know that I can do better for myself with my depression, if I could just act/ think in a different way. In this sense I take responsibility. But it's just so hard to do. Do any of you have any advice for this, it's hard because everything I do reminds me that I'm not as good as I want it to be, it's easier just to avoid certain things.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Anger

Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.

As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.

It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.

Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.

God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.