Drug Rehab Options Blog

January 1


Vigilance

?We keep what we have only with vigilance...?

Basic Text, p. 60

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How do we remain vigilant about our recovery? First, by realizing that we have a disease we will always have. No matter how long we?ve been clean, no matter how much better our lives have become, no matter what the extent of our spiritual healing, we are still addicts. Our disease waits patiently, ready to spring the trap if we give it the opportunity.

Vigilance is daily accomplishment. We strive to be constantly alert and ready to deal with signs of trouble. Not that we should live in irrational fear that something horrible will possess us if we drop our guard for an instant; we just take normal precautions. Daily prayer, regular meeting attendance, and choosing not to compromise spiritual principles for the easier way are acts of vigilance. We take inventory as necessary, share with others whenever we are asked, and carefully nurture our recovery. Above all, we stay aware!

We have a daily reprieve from our addiction as long as we remain vigilant. Each day, we carry the principles of recovery into all we do, and each night, we thank our Higher Power for another day clean.

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Just for today: I will be vigilant, doing everything necessary to guard my recovery.

Sharing stories and offering encouragement and motivation is a great thing between a former or current Substance abuser. However what about the flip side of the coin?

I've noticed in some discussions that people that are seeking validation or excuses for there own acts are getting rewarded. Id like to point out that no one forces me or anyone to drink alcohol or abuse any substance. Without taking responsibility for our own actions we will never achieve any of our goals.

People encouraging abuse, triggers, stress, health issues, financial problems, social issues... are problems i hear all the time.These things are terrible and i am sorry to hear it. But it does not give validation or make it any less our fault for abusing.

My point is that at times people want to hear the sympathy to validate there own false perception that its others peoples fault. Or exp: because of such n such problems I have proper motive to lie and abuse.

I am not accusing anyone of false doings on this board or am i saying this is not a great community. But sometimes people should be receiving respectfully reality checks instead of further validation to excuses and motives for there recent screw up.

I know if I was trying to make excuses i would want someone to tell me. Exp someone who has been there before.

I'm sooo stupid. I read the damn book. Used to be on this forum all the time, so shoulda known better.

My daughter got outta rehab 1 year ago...she was soo skinny, down and out, so I let her and her boyfriend move in for 1 mth until they could get their s*#t together.

So they've been living with me, doin methadone, and I thought in recovery. On the 15th, the boyfriend and I got into a huge fight, and he called me every name in the book. He told me he had been miserable the whole year he'd been here. They were paying me $300/mth at first nothing for food....I drove them almost every day to the methadone clinic. So I told him to get the hell out.

Well, the fight was on...my daughter of course took the boyfriends side...even though I had been protecting her son from a tirade of his. She also called me every name in the book.

Sooo, he's been in the homeless shelters, he took my daughter's phone that I had bought and pay the bill on because she's not workin,...I know....but I had bought it originally because she was on the street and I wanted my grandson to be able to talk with his mom...after she had been missing all those mths.

Anyway...make a long story short...I stopped service today...and he called and left a looooong message on my phone....not threatening...again, just callin me names....and my daughter after hearing the messages...started yelling at me about how dare I disconnect her phone. Anyway...I'm here waiting for the police to call me back...just wanna get it on record.

Christmas is really gonna suck here. My grandson is turning 14...that lovely age when they're starting to talk back. And he is so sarcastic with me. My daughter just drips venom when she speaks to me.

I'm just beyond devastated. just soooo upset...I've cried for 3 days because of everything my daughter has said and done. And believe it or not...she's clean.... on methadone....and acts like this. Ohhhh, I thought I was doing such a great thing letting them live with me. My grandson got to be with his mom. My daughter was safe.....when I think of 2006 and all the praying that my daughter would come back to me....

I guess I just had to vent. As usual SR...thanks for being here.

I recently celebrated 3 yrs sober, and it felt good, but I am still unhappy that I suffer from certain character defects. I easily get a negative outlook on life and just wish for the instant feeling of good I got from booze/drugs. I have had a lot of extremes in life, more than other people in recovery I know. I did a lot of narcotics, got a lot of money without working for it early in life, and sex was the same. I don't like journeys, I just like destinations. I have difficulty in life not seeing it in these terms (black and white, all or nothing, sex/booze/money/status), and I often live my life just wanting to escape or find a means to escape. This makes me more selfish than I would like. I notice most people in general are very selfish.... most people in aa are still selfish to some degree, and the people who I see as less selfish are only selfless IF they think it will benefit them. I am like that, but more extreme. I feel like it will take a lifetime to undue the damage I did to myself (if it is possible). Getting sober and getting a job is easy, overcoming this stuff feels almost impossible. All I can manage to do is pray about it, do my readings, and try not to commit the selfish acts that have ruined me and my attitude/approach to life (or at least ones that are obvious to me). I am only now starting to accept myself a little more for who I am, so I am only beginning to accept others a little more too and want to be a part of their lives.

Sorry to blather on... I was just thinking that one major loss in not drinking is no longer feeling excited about anything, or inspired enough to engage in any acts of creativity. A small price to pay for the benefits of sobriety, I know. Before, I was so keyed up all the time, alcohol relaxed me and allowed for concentration on my work. My work stunk,(even before drinking) but it made me feel like I was there. And I know that alcohol doesn't enhance your mental acuity but I wrote alot and got better at it, I sort of taught my self to do some things I didn't think I could do before. Now I just seem to have lost the ability to care about anything enough to try. I feel like the excited part of my brain that sees possibilities and inventiveness has been turned off. Am I lazy? Why do I need a motivating factor with euphoric qualities to get me off my ass to do anything? And now I feel a little lost, like I have no defining qualities... There's a long back story to that, upbringing etc. So, now I can tackle all the "who am I" philosophies. Except I don't want to because it's... scary. And it imlpies a certain egocentricity. Though I guess posting this does too.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Step Eleven

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
--Step Eleven of Al Anon

"... praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out" means that we ask on a daily basis to be shown the plan for that day. We also ask our Source for the power we need to carry that through. We will get a yes to both requests.

We do not ask other people to show their will for us. We ask God. Then we trust that we'll be empowered to carry God's will through.

God never, never asks us to do anything that He would not equip us to do. He never asks us to do anything we can't do. If we are to do it, we will be empowered. That's the easy part of this program. We never have to do more than we can, or anything we can't. If we want to worry and fuss we can, but we don't need to. That is our choice.

I have learned, through difficult and good times that this Step will carry me through. When I don't know what to do next, God does. Working this Step, one day at a time, will take us to places we could never have traveled on our own. Simple acts, done daily in accordance to God's will for us, lead to a Grand Plan for our life.

Today, I will focus on asking God to show me what He wants me to do. I will ask God for the power to do that; then I will go ahead and get the job done. God, help me let go of my fears about living life one day at a time. Help me trust that when life is lived simply and in trust, a beautiful mosaic called "my life" will be woven. I am being divinely led, guided, and cared for.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

So after the second DUI and now me fighting him for custody and child support does AH get sober. Or supposedly sober.

He was drunk all weekend and most weeknights for months. Made everyones life a living hell. The DUI happens, I find out about the other woman and kick him out.

Now he seems sober as a judge. Now he is fighting me for joint custody of the baby and acts like life is great this way and how happy he is. Makes me really believe that maybe it was our relationship that led him to drink. Why couldn't he do that here and be the husband/father that we needed?

Why am I feeling so sad about this? All I ever wanted was for him to get sober and have a real family like we promised our kids and baby. Now he is sober, but just at his own place and fighting for the baby.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Spontaneity

In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous.

Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don't have fun; and always be in control.

We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self destructive, or irresponsible manner.

That's not what we're talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are - in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn't hurt us, and doesn't infringe on the right of others.

We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self-awareness and self esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.

Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control others and ourselves and fully and freely enter into the present moment.

Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you're wrong? Relish your imperfections. Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!

We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.

Today, I will throw out the rulebook and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, others, and myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Hi guys my heart is breaking. My husband for the last year has been on heroin. He was sober for six years and his wonderful mother got him started on it again, she's his running partner. I feel so alone and lost I havent had a husband for months all he soes is lie and pick fights with me and then disappears for hours. He was arrested for it and has a court date coming up and secretlt I'm hoping he does time this way he cant run from treatment anymore. Every day since I bonded him out "I'm going into treatment" "tommarrow" " I messed up but I dont want to lose you or our son" "I dont want this life" but he does the same crap everyday the same excuses not to go into treatment. I keep calling but he hasn't went home yet no answer. I worry so much about him. He is probably with his crappy mother she is a junkie and will put her son in the grave next to her she doesnt care she laughs at his problem, and acts like he isn't sick, that kills me as a mother I could never act that way towards my son or want to do him any harm like that. I lay in bed next to him and have him touch me and i feel dirty because I feel like a stranger is touching me not the man I love and married. I'm leaving him tonight after him not showing up and taking off on his brother who was visiting(he is mentally diabled and in dss care from their mother) he finally gets to visit his brother and his brother takes off on him to shoot up. He ignores our beautiful baby boy hes a 1yr and 4months and doesnt even pay him attention. Since he was born my husband was there and just this last year getting addicted he ignores him. He was a wonderful husband and father. That man is gone and now so I'm I, he obviously loves the dope more than his son and I. I will be there for him but from a safe distance because I need to be there for my son and me being emotionally drained off of him I have none for my son, but no more he is not bringing me down with him anymore, nor our baby boy and when he decides to clean up he can come around and see if we want anything to do with him since he abandoned us for too long. I love him and want him back but he's to far gone, I cry and cry and beg and beg and it does no good.Maybe losing us will be his down fall into getting into recovery and staying