Drug Rehab Options Blog

It's by a band called The Receiving End Of Sirens, and the song is called Saturnus. If you're into experimental rock, I suggest you check it out.

"I've got this little itch that I never learned to scratch
It seems that even if I had, I'd rather itch than not
When the pleasure is the lesser and it's giving to the pressure
Of an ever growing lust and an always present want

All this is yours so here's your piece of it, your part in it
Clench your jaws
With claws, you'll strangle it, you'll smother it
Damn right, I want nothing to do with this
No part of it

Fight to death to keep it
This mere fondling is mine
(It's the subtlest of snares)
I've cared so much with proving that I've lost all love for proof
An ever growing craving for a quickly fading feel
(It's the subtlest of snares)
I'd trade my soul for a great big hole and a heart too hard to heal

All this is yours so here's your piece of it, your part in it
Clench your jaws
With claws, you'll strangle it, you'll smother it
Damn right, I want nothing to do with this
No part of it
Keep locked your jaws
I hope you choke on it

The craving grows
Fiercer and fiercer it grows

My heart is ringing out of tune
My heart is ringing out of tune
My heart is calling out for you

I'm first to thirst and the last to drink
Of the words I've heard but rarely think
Forget my heart has gone to hell
I have found the well and it's mine, all mine"

Just seems like a recovery song to me. It probably isn't, but it's all in your perception. Thoughts?

My husband and I were talking about the difference between the addict in your life being a significant other or a child.

My feeling is that having a child as an addict is harder because they would always be in your life, you can't completely let go. You will always be open to them if they seek recovery. Addiction, whether active or in recovery, will always be in your life.

Whereas with a significant other, you can completely let go and move on. I'm not saying that this isn't horrible also, but you can eventually get addiction out of your life.

My husband disagrees and feels that he picked me as his significant other, and therefore will always stick by me. He didn't pick our children and would be able to move on easier without them.

I just can't understand this. Is this a male, female thing?

Joined earlier today, and have been poking around a bit. Feeling like I need to reach out and connect a bit.

I haven't had a drink since last Sunday night, so it's a few hours short of a week. So, I guess that's a good start. It's not the first time I've gone a week without drinking, but it's rare enough that I get this far that it merits a bit of acknowledgement... acknowledgement as an accomplishment (however small) and more importantly, acknowledgement as an opportunity.

I'm not generally a daily drinker, and I've never been one who drinks early in the day. More commonly, over the past couple years, I've been a 2 - 3 days a week drinker. The issue is that, when I do drink, I don't stop. I drink until I pass out. It takes a fair amount to get me to pass out. If I don't have enough, I'll find myself walking to a liquor store late at night to make sure that I do have enough.

I travel for business, often for a week or more. When I'm gone, I WILL commonly drink nightly, although I tend to more commonly keep it to a pint of liquor (usually brandy). Sometimes I'll get a pint and a baby bottle, because I know that a pint probably won't be quite enough.

I have some experience with addiction recovery. I haven't ever used hard drugs. I did quit smoking, however. In that process, I joined a support group like this, and was quite active for a couple years. During that time, I learned a lot about the nature of addiction in general, and to speak eloquently and persuasively to others who were going through the process of escaping that addiction. So, I feel that I come to this with the advantage of at least understanding some important general principles.

I've realized I have a problem for several years now. There's a cycle with which I'm sure many of you are familiar, of waking up feeling miserable, ashamed, and desperate after a night of drinking. Of persuading myself that I needed to stop. Of walking myself through what I believed the course would be. Of committing to that course...

... of bargaining my way out of that course one or more days later, drinking myself into a slump on the couch and waking up in my own urine. Somehow, putting it that starkly seems to clarify the nature of my problem.

I've spent great resources of mental energy on this problem. I believe I understand some of the physical reasons why I can't stop once I start. And, I believe I also understand some of the physical reasons why it's getting harder to keep it to 2 or 3 nights a week. I think I have a tenuous grasp on some of the mental reasons I've refused to break the cycle to this point.

One thing that was vitally important to my recovery from nicotine addiction (over 6 years smoke-free now) was having some insight into the road ahead. Quitting was really hard at times. Having voices there to tell me how the hard times were temporary, how to cope with them, and most importantly, in concrete terms, what I could expect down the road in terms of comfort (as it applied to nicotine).

I'm at a pretty crucial point in the process right now. I made it to 11 days back in July (aided by a stomach flu that made it easier to turn away from alcohol temporarily). It's been nearly 2 years since I made it more than 2 weeks (16 day), and that's the only time I've gone 2 weeks in probably 5 years. I'm fearful of the days ahead. I really feel like I need some positive visions of life after alcohol. I need to hear that there really is comfort beyond quitting.

My wife doesn't have the same problem I have. She has a problem, but it's not nearly as severe as mine. She can stop... but she has a hard time going more than a couple days without though. We really do have a pretty classic co-dependency relationship. She's the enabler/instigator. I'm the willing participant when she pushes the "go" button.

We both made a commitment to not drink until Thanksgiving. I figured that was a start. But, we've made these commitments a hundred times, and we rarely last very long before one of us uses the other's weakness to jointly break the compact. Tonight, I felt like it was happening. I saw her at work (she works in a pub) and she said in a tone of voice we both recognize, "I don't want to stay in tonight, what'll we do?" I didn't have the strength to shoot her down, but went home, and worried about what fate would bring me. Was just about at the point of resignation that I'd end up losing my week of sobriety once she got home.

She got in, and there was a sporting event on TV that she was interested in. She watched it for an hour or so, and both of us avoided the elephant in the room. I worked on some stuff for my job, and she watched TV. I started cooking something, and that seemed to be enough of something for her to grasp onto that she no longer seemed to be pushing (without saying so) for a night out. I focused on the meal, and by the time we ate, both of us seemed to have recommitted (again, without saying so) to at least making it through today. We won't drink tonight.

That's the basics. As I say, I've thought about my problem a lot. I could probably keep writing for hours. But, I'd rather post what I've written, and pray that some of you have some encouraging glimpses at life without alcohol to offer me. The week hasn't been easy. I gather there are harder things, but part of the insidious nature of addiction is the fact that difficult times are obscured by moments of ease. We then cling to those moments of ease to convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't so bad after all... and so forth...

Thank you for your help.

RP

an awsome podcast called "the spirituality of addiction"

The Spirituality of Addiction and Recovery [Speaking of Faith® from American Public Media]