Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi, I'm 22 and have been drinking since the age of 17ish. It wasn't a problem then (most b/c of access) - I would get drunk once in a while and have a good time.

I began drinking very heavily in June - about a 6-8 drinking session every afternoon on an empty stomach (I would only eat one big meal a day to cap off my last drink). This was the first time I started to lose control and realize that it was a problem. If I tried not to drink for a day, I would get this overwhelming fatigue and fog in my mind and body.

I think I'm an alcoholic b/c I have zero sense of control. I would say to myself, "ok, just a 24oz today" at 5pm. And by 11pm, after 8 or so drinks and 3 trips to the store later, I would just crash out and forget everything the next morning.

I've also tried to make alot of excuses for my drinking behavior, blaming others, blaming things beyond my control - but never looking inward. This has hurt my family and friends (on top of me generally acting like an ass while drunk). This is not limited to alcohol as I have an addictive personality generally, whether it was illicit drugs in my youth, or prescribed pharmeceuticals, I just don't have any control with regards to psychoactive substances.

I had 11 drinks last night and I felt the urge again today at 4pm before I stumbled onto this website. I read enough that I felt myself prepared to make this commitment; the posts also illustrated how difficult the quitting process and life without alcohol can be. I really want to "nip this in the bud" before my drinking problem gets out of hand. This is after realizing that I can never become a "social drinker" - it's either alcohol free or a pathetic drunk.

This site is a wonderful resource and I look forward to sharing my experiences (and hearing yours). Happy abstaining!

I think you can, as far as outgrowing a specific addiction to something. I think that, like a bump in a rug, if one is squashed another will pop up somewhere and I doubt if you could "outgrow" all addictions/being an addict/having "an addictive personality". I say this because a couple years ago I drank like 7 shots of tequila a day and I had seizures from alcohol withdrawal. I HAD to drink. if I wasn't supposed to be drinking somewhere, I would go into the bathroom, lock the door, and drink. Definitely alcoholic behavior. However, today I was offered a glass of wine with Thanksgiving dinner and I said ok. I drank half a glass and I just didn't want any. I didn't like the taste or the way I felt at all and I haven't had anything before that for a couple months. I can take it or leave it. This isn't some twisted alcoholic method of justifying to myself that I can drink either; I honestly wouldn't mind if I was never able to drink again. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Did it only happen with 1 drug?

Hi everyone
I've been looking at the forums for a couple of weeks, from the point of view of an "adult child of an alcoholic". I've always thought I could never become an addict, I didn't have an "addictive personality" or thought that if I was going to 'become' one- I would have done it by now! (I'm only 27!!)

While I don't think i can call myself (at this stage) an alcoholic or addict (whether this is denial or a comparison to my father who was/is drunk 24/7?) I do think i have a problem with alcohol and drugs. Recently, I've been drinking pretty much every night, sometimes only 1 or 2, often a lot. I've been taking ecstasy every few weeks and ketamine too. Seems to be getting worse, in the last week::
i've got drunk, i'd say,4 nights and i've secretly crushed up ecstasy to snort to give me a "lift" and to keep me awake when i've been going out for a drink with friends.... one of these nights took some ketamine to try and knock me out when i went to bed and ended up throwing up everywhere. Missed work with a hangover/comedown 1 day... been crying and despairing a lot, not wanting to get out of bed ...

I do a live in job the middle of nowhere and only have a few people to hang out with, who i also live and work with. Stupidly I've gotten partially involved with a guy who works here and is like every guy i've been involved with/attracted to - angry, emotionally unavailable, immature, drinks too much etc etc... his mother is an alcoholic... i'm being a complete idiot and would have walked away a long time ago but i'm not strong enough to stay away from him .. he's always here! I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm going to leave. This will help. But that doesn't change the fact that without distractions of being in a city and around loads of friends etc I see how ****** up i really am...

A couple of years ago I used to regularly go without drinking for a month or so and i can't imagine having the willpower now. i feel weak. i need to sort this out before i f**k up my life, get physically addicted to something or end up in a relationship with an alcoholic. Need to deal with all my issues with my dad. I've done lots of reading and have plenty of knowledge, but how can you get it to sink in, maybe fundamentally i don't want to recover, or don't think i'm worth it???

Reading other peoples posts give me hope, thanks for sharing, im glad i found this place

I started my recovery in AA 14 years ago. I started dating a wonderful woman in NA about two years ago and started going to NA meetings, Conferences and Unity Day with her. About a year before I started dating her I moved about 12 miles or so farther away from the 3 AA meetings I had been attending for years. I was also working 10 hour days which made it impossible for me to attend the weeknight meetings so far away. I kept going to my home group on Saturday. It took over two years for me to find a meeting close to my house. I didn't lose my recovery time but I did revert to old behavior and it almost cost me my job. I was also spending way too much money. I hit a spiritual bottom in September and feel as raw as I did 14 years ago.

I started working the steps from the NA Step working guide because it goes deeper than the way I had worked the steps in AA. I consider myself an addict because I have an addictive personality. If one of something is good, two must be better. I was obsessing on things and acted on impulse. I forgot many of the things I learned in recovery and became selfish and self centered. I bought things I didn't really need but thought I wanted. Then the economy crashed and reality set in. I haven't had so many regrets since I walked into the rooms 14 years ago. I know I can't do anything about the past and try not to go there. I have to move forward but it is really difficult.

If anyone reading this realizes that they are complacent regarding their recovery, I urge you to get back into action. Don't do what I did, slip away from meetings... stop running major decisions by my sponsor... pretty soon the old ways come back and those character defects that have been held at bay will snap back into place, ready to help you self-destruct.

To wake up one day and have the "What the $&#* have I done to my life" feeling again after 14 years was very traumatic. I forgot what I was and who I was. My disease kicked my @$$ once again.

Because of the economy I may end up losing the job, the car and the house but there is no one to blame but myself for putting myself in such a precarious situation. I can't be angry at my Higher Power. I can only try to get back on the path to recovery.

I'm really depressed over my current situation. I can't believe where I'm at in life. I sold my house in 2004, not because I really wanted too but because my neighbors were the neighbors from hell. I tried to see my part in the problem, tried to keep to myself, etc. Things turned into a legal battle and I decided I was going to have to move whether or not it was into a prison cell for taking matters into my own hands or moving to a new house. The housing prices were sky rocketing but I was able to get into a house. I should have gone back to being a renter and scaled down... banked the money and had a cushion to fall back on. Hindsight is 20/20. Now I'm leveraged to the hilt because I was blind to my actions.

I know I have no one to blame but myself...

It hurts to feel this much regret and sadness. Except for a few months right after I got clean, life has been a tremendous struggle for me. I just don't seem to know how to live life on life's terms. I can't commit suicide because of my spiritual or religious beliefs but I'm not too interested in living either. I've been struggling with the concept of a Higher Power... The bible talks about the only way to God is through Jesus while the program talks about a "loving God as we understand Him"....

I'm very very tired of living though.

Well, I've rambled on enough. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to try to get off my pity pot. I've been praying a lot... always have, even when I was blind to what I was doing to myself I gave thanks for the things I had, every morning and every night. In the morning I give thanks for another day of life, for a job to go to, for my health, for a place to rest my head at night. Lately though when I wake up which is early because I don't sleep well anymore, I think "oh @&#^, I have to face another day". I just don't know if I have it in me to start all over again in my mid 40's. So far I haven't wanted to use so that is a blessing. I'm having an extremely difficult time going from the "problem" to the "solution" (working a program of recovery)...

Can anyone relate?

Peace

I watched MythBusters tonight (Tivo) and they did some drinking experiments. They got totally hammered to see if coordination and attraction, to the opposite sex, would be effected.

I wondered if I were on that show and sober, if I'd be able to do that "for the cause". I wondered if any of these three stars were "sober". Hmmm

After some thought... I know that I have an addictive personality. I go with either extreme, to kill myself or nestle into a healthy lifestyle. I've been the drunkard route and don't want to return. I realize it's dangerous to think about but could I do what they did for the sake of the show, and survive? Would I be able to slip back into my sober routine? I think I could but I remember when I quit smoking where I'd have one and throw in the towel.

Are we that much of a time bomb? Are we that fragile? Is it really that dangerous? Are we that ignorant to want to think about it, let alone, find out? Prayers

Well to start off I am very very angry and from my past threads I have good reason to be. My lastest thread I talked about this man that I am dating and he told me how he was born with a syndrome that won't allow him to have kids. Well it took me off guard and I decided to talk more about it with him so see if we can get past it. Last night we had plans to go to the movies so he came over and we had time before hand so we began to talk a bit. He started to tell me about his condition and with him there I looked it up on the internet. It is a very serioius condition, not only does it effect sperm count but also the person is could be born with mental issues and physical issues. One of the symptoms listed was an addictive personality. So I asked him does he feel he has this......WELL OMG did I get an ear full. He began to tell me how he went to GA in the past because he loves to play cards which then I got out of him how he owns ever card to all the casino's in AC.

Then I found out the he tried to kill himself back in April from an overdoes......COCAINE!!!!!! I was like what???????? he was like I am not an addict and have been clean since April excpet the time I slipped up 3 weeks ago.......he also said he went to rehab for 3 months becuase he thought he may have a problem with cocain but continued to say he was not the person anymore or an addict except the cravings he has for the drug.

Well I am sure you know how all this went down and he realized last night that he just met the wrong girl, I TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT! I was like I dealt with my exALBF in the past and it will be a cold day in hell if I will ever go through this again with anyone else. He was like why are you so mad etc....just forget what i said and lets move on. I told him it was to late and that this relationship will not go forward. He did not get it, he just said we are both upset and lets talk tomorrow. I had no plans to talk to him again. He sent me a text today saying how he needs to get his life together, don't have time for a girlfriend now working all the time (forgot to mention that he filled for bankruptcy also), need to focus on himself, how he does not want to hurt me etc......... OH BUT HE IS NOT AND ADDCIT.......:c004: RIGHT!!!!!!!

I am so hurt he seemed so nice, why is everyone so messed up!!!!!!!!

I just had a "well, duh!" moment...a sort of epiphany for me...

I was skimming through an interesting thread that forced me to rub a few brain cells together... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html ...somehow I generated a thought!

I guess I "knew" beforehand, but I finally realized tonight that my making a habit of things was a problem long before I ever drank. It doesn't matter what I do...I always do something I like repetitively...I cannot control this...I just need to figure out a way to make this characteristic (fluke, whatever) work for me. I need to stop trying to change myself and go with the grain. I will find a way to be at peace. Anyone else notice that they seem to be this way? I guess some people call it having an "addictive personality".

First of all, my doctor was not there. They said they called me, but I checked my phone and there were no messages and no missed calls and I only drank 3 glasses of wine last night so I know I didn't "forget". They asked me if I wanted to see another doctor and I said yes, because its not like I have a relationship with the MIA doctor, plus, I knew I might not reschedule cuz I was really nervous.

The doctor came in and asked me what was going on. I told him my blood pressure has been really high, I can't sleep at night, I have high anxiety, etc. (and this is the tough part) I told him I think it is because I am drinking too much. I could see right away he was very uncomfortable. He asked me a few questions, like how much I drink, how long I have been doing it, do I feel suicidal? I answered his questions and he said I needed to get on some medication. So he prescribed Ativan for anxiety, but it is highly addictive, so only 30 days worth. And also Lexapro...an antidepressant, is this supposed to make me not want to drink? And lets give someone with an addictive personality an addictive drug after she just told you she' s worried about drinking too much. Oh yea, he also said, Don't drink alcohol with the Ativan....WHAT? When I said I am worried that I can't stop, and do I just slow down or just stop....he said just stop, you can do it! :wtf1:

I tried to talk about my drinking (very uncomfortable for me) and I was worried about damage to my internal organs, i.e.liver, etc. And all he said was it took years to develop liver problems and since I had my gallbladder out 1-1/2 years ago, (and must have had all kinds of blood tests) my liver was fine then.

I just feel like I got no answers and feel stupid because I was crying so hard I couldn't talk and I knew he was uncomfortable. I don't want to feel the prescriptions because I might be asking for trouble.

He did give me a name for a therapist and said to make an appointment. I just feel like a failure.