Drug Rehab Options Blog

Today (Christmas) I became so frustrated that I found this group by searching "for help for the parent of an adult child alcoholic". I have attended Al-anon. I wonder if I have misunderstood my role in my daughter's recovery. I have been careful to not nag or comment when she shows up under the influence. Today her daughter, 11, told me about her Mother showing up at her school functions (musical concerts) after drinking. Last night the same thing happened at a Christmas Eve service. She was in rehab for a month. I thought there would be major changes. Instead, there is denial.
My question to family especially parents is how they handle these situations. Almost all of our family get togethers have been a disaster for the last 5 years.
Thanks,

Hi everyone
I've been looking at the forums for a couple of weeks, from the point of view of an "adult child of an alcoholic". I've always thought I could never become an addict, I didn't have an "addictive personality" or thought that if I was going to 'become' one- I would have done it by now! (I'm only 27!!)

While I don't think i can call myself (at this stage) an alcoholic or addict (whether this is denial or a comparison to my father who was/is drunk 24/7?) I do think i have a problem with alcohol and drugs. Recently, I've been drinking pretty much every night, sometimes only 1 or 2, often a lot. I've been taking ecstasy every few weeks and ketamine too. Seems to be getting worse, in the last week::
i've got drunk, i'd say,4 nights and i've secretly crushed up ecstasy to snort to give me a "lift" and to keep me awake when i've been going out for a drink with friends.... one of these nights took some ketamine to try and knock me out when i went to bed and ended up throwing up everywhere. Missed work with a hangover/comedown 1 day... been crying and despairing a lot, not wanting to get out of bed ...

I do a live in job the middle of nowhere and only have a few people to hang out with, who i also live and work with. Stupidly I've gotten partially involved with a guy who works here and is like every guy i've been involved with/attracted to - angry, emotionally unavailable, immature, drinks too much etc etc... his mother is an alcoholic... i'm being a complete idiot and would have walked away a long time ago but i'm not strong enough to stay away from him .. he's always here! I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm going to leave. This will help. But that doesn't change the fact that without distractions of being in a city and around loads of friends etc I see how ****** up i really am...

A couple of years ago I used to regularly go without drinking for a month or so and i can't imagine having the willpower now. i feel weak. i need to sort this out before i f**k up my life, get physically addicted to something or end up in a relationship with an alcoholic. Need to deal with all my issues with my dad. I've done lots of reading and have plenty of knowledge, but how can you get it to sink in, maybe fundamentally i don't want to recover, or don't think i'm worth it???

Reading other peoples posts give me hope, thanks for sharing, im glad i found this place

I am a recovery addict and the adult child of two alcoholics and all the way down on both sides of their families. I've been through the usual stuff we go through.

I have been clean for nearly five years and still can't get myself to date...I have instant fear when someone even pays any attention to me. I want to change that but I don't know how. I have been to psychologists and psychiatrists...they ask how my week was and blah, blah, blah...I can get that at a meeting or talking with a friend and it doesn't cost me $$$. I am doing diligent step work (my 4th set). I don't even know how to flirt anymore.

Anyone out there expeience this and what helped?:wtf2

I'm an adult child of an alcoholic mother. I'm in my 30's now and she is in her 60's. I primarily grew up with my grandparents, I have never had an addiction problem, but I am definitely a codie.

I go to Alanon and I'm trying to deal with my mother. She has never shown much interest in me and seems to go out of her way to be mean to me.

I am a responsible person, successful career, etc. but no matter what I do it doesn't seem good enough for her.

My issue, I haven't seen my mom in two years. I called her to tell her I was flying in town and I wanted to see her. I rented a hotel, etc. The minute I landed in the airport, she called me and said she was "too busy" to see me. She wasn't seeing anyone till after the New Year. She was sober when she called.

My mom is retired, never goes anywhere, etc. I was hurt and upset. I told her I just landed at the airport and it was ridiculous.

Anyhow, she has done this before. I'm at the point to wash my hands of her and stop trying to have a relationship with her. I feel guilty, I'm her daughter, and I would like to have a mom. My father is dead.

Has this happened to you? If so what should I do? Walk away? I seriously doubt she will ever get sober.

Thanks for listening.

I am afraid of the unknown, of finding out that I have been living a lie.

I'm afraid of the pain I will have to face and the embarrassment that will follow when I find myself crying in front of complete strangers that might recognize me on the streets at a later date.

I'm afraid to let go of the pain that has driven me all these years

I'm afraid to be betrayed, again

I'm afraid to be seen anything less than a man.

My weekend revalation has been a rude awakening for me and I am experiencing a wide range of emotions and guilt.
I have not left the house in 4 days and tears begin whenever I research ACoA. You have to understand that I haven't cried in 20 yrs and now I've shed tears everyday, I afraid the dam will break and 40 yrs of anger, rage and hurt will come puring out.

I know I'm depressed, I'm battling the urge to call her and tell her I want the woman I fell in love with, but I know that can't happen. I know in my heart she is poison to me and my well being.

I used to be so good at shutting my feelings off, why can't I do it now?
What is it about discovering that I am a Adult Child that has me by the throat and won't let go ?

I don't understand why I am afraid to let it go... I feel like such a feak'n child.

I'm sorry