Archive for the ‘Adult Conversation’ tag
I feel trapped (This is a whiney post, so be warned…)
I don’t like doing this but I felt like I had to put my whininess out here. I would have put it in Whiners Anonymous, but it’s a little too long (besides, I like using WA for more humorous complaints).
It’s not exactly a bad day, but not good, either. I'm starting to get that pseudo-panicky feeling (I’m not quite sure how to describe it)...like I just need to get far away from everyone (myself included). I drank a fair amount last night and want more tonight, but I'm not leaving the house to get any.
I'm not where I need to be in life. I do not know how to get to where I want to go. Organizational skills would help but I seem to be lacking in that department. I'm getting too old for this crap. I'm supposed to be a self-sufficient person. I hate depending upon people. I'm not even living on my own right now. When I was on my own, I was living in a crappy apartment making it paycheck to paycheck and wasting my "disposable income" on tons of booze.
I've never had a good job my entire working career. I have a degree and I flip burgers for a living. I am stuck working a low wage job with no hopes for better employment. As much as I told myself that I was not going to let it bother me this time around, I don’t know how to do that. All I’m doing right now is dreading tomorrow in that negative workplace. I deserve so much better than what I do now. I just need someone in this crappy town to give me a freakin’ chance. I am a great worker plus I can think for myself. I do not need to be micromanaged and I am dependable.
I am lonely. I am starved for face to face adult conversation. I do not know how to take charge of my “happiness level”. I cannot “think it and be it”. I cannot “fake it until I make it”. With each day that passes I feel like I know less and that means confusion galore. Nothing makes any sense to me--add that onto the fact that I’ve always felt out of place. I’m so tired of not knowing what I should do, of not knowing what will work for me.
This makes me so mad. I was creating art work again. I was getting excited about it. I haven’t done anything with it today because the motivation is simply not there. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just produce? The desire is there, but I don’t know how to get back what it is that I lost. I feel like there’s a part of me that’s a little dead inside.
It’s not exactly a bad day, but not good, either. I'm starting to get that pseudo-panicky feeling (I’m not quite sure how to describe it)...like I just need to get far away from everyone (myself included). I drank a fair amount last night and want more tonight, but I'm not leaving the house to get any.
I'm not where I need to be in life. I do not know how to get to where I want to go. Organizational skills would help but I seem to be lacking in that department. I'm getting too old for this crap. I'm supposed to be a self-sufficient person. I hate depending upon people. I'm not even living on my own right now. When I was on my own, I was living in a crappy apartment making it paycheck to paycheck and wasting my "disposable income" on tons of booze.
I've never had a good job my entire working career. I have a degree and I flip burgers for a living. I am stuck working a low wage job with no hopes for better employment. As much as I told myself that I was not going to let it bother me this time around, I don’t know how to do that. All I’m doing right now is dreading tomorrow in that negative workplace. I deserve so much better than what I do now. I just need someone in this crappy town to give me a freakin’ chance. I am a great worker plus I can think for myself. I do not need to be micromanaged and I am dependable.
I am lonely. I am starved for face to face adult conversation. I do not know how to take charge of my “happiness level”. I cannot “think it and be it”. I cannot “fake it until I make it”. With each day that passes I feel like I know less and that means confusion galore. Nothing makes any sense to me--add that onto the fact that I’ve always felt out of place. I’m so tired of not knowing what I should do, of not knowing what will work for me.
This makes me so mad. I was creating art work again. I was getting excited about it. I haven’t done anything with it today because the motivation is simply not there. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just produce? The desire is there, but I don’t know how to get back what it is that I lost. I feel like there’s a part of me that’s a little dead inside.
