Archive for the ‘Advantage’ tag
Sinking in
Being away from my addicted ex and ending the relationship was difficult, but necessary. I fell in love with someone who took advantage of me in so many ways. Financially, Emotionally, Spiritually, etc. So if the part away is good for me, why am I still sad? I feel that living at home with my parents, starting over from scratch, barely making ends meet let alone able to save money to get my own place is really affecting me. I am sad because I don't have the time with work and raising my daughter to do anything for myself and though I am lonely, now is not the time to jump into a new love. I have so many good qualities, but all I see is loneliness and despair. His family has helped him set his life up again and he has a job and friends and still uses but I am stuck in a hole where I can't even afford a cup of coffee with a friend. Why did this happen, am I ever going to see the light again. I know this is minor compared to other posts, but I am so sad and need some advice. Has anyone been in my shoes? I really could use some words of encouragement. Thank you for reading...if anything comes to your mind, no matter how little...please post...Thanks
Life is not fair - and I’m really bummed today!
Well, after doing all the things I need to do for me while living w/my AH, life is still not working to my advantage. I am at a complete and total loss, and I am so depressed right now.
You all know my saga of AH, his court ordered treatment, continuous drinking, cops bringing him home instead of DWI's, cops refusing to put him out of the house even tho I have an order, etc. Anyway, AH is still unemployed and actively drinking each and every day, more on the weekends. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I understand that. I am in therapy with the director of the chemical dependency program that AH attends 4 times a week (and get this - 4 times a week, and he still passes the breathalyzer!). I have notified them and told her about his constant drinking, but until he "fails" a breathalyzer, which he is required to take each and every time he goes there, there is nothing they can do about it. Of course, AH thinks that my therapy w/her is a "conflict of interest" cause it's "another set of eyes on him" and doesn't want me to mention his drinking (of course not - why else am I there?????). He met w/the psychiatrist last Monday (with me there) to discuss being put on campral. AH admitted to drinking the entire weekend, so psychiatrist said it wasn't good medicine to give it to him till he was 2 weeks sober. Anyway, AH had to go back yesterday. Told the psychiatrist that he's been doing good, hasn't been drinking and would prefer not to be put on campral if he can do it himself. Pyschiatrist said "that's what I needed to hear" and was happy he was doing so well (WTF????). Today was AH court date for compliance (has to go once a month). The center notified the court that AH relapsed and was increased to 4 times a week. AH was nervous about court today, I told him not to be since he will have them conned. AH was so excited that everything went "great" in court today, not a word about any relapses, nothing!!! He was so excited, that instead of his one on one therapy tonite, he went there right after court today so he can promptly start drinking (he doesn't have group till tomorrow night) and is well on his way to being drunk already (at 11 a.m. this morning!!!!). So after me working all day, I gotta go home to that. And yes, I did have an attitude w/him on the phone, can't help it. Each level I turn to try to protect me and do what I need to do for me, and let everyone know what's going on w/him, is not helping me any at all. It's almost as if he's laughing in my face, he can't be put out of his own house according to the law, court's aren't caring if he "relapsed", his treatment center knows but "what can they do???", it's like ha in my face. I now I have to eventually leave my own house, I know that. I am giving up alot, a house, credit rating, etc. I need to make a plan, cause to be honest, I thought my order of protection against him banned him from drinking in the house, I thought that if he did drink it was automatic jail time (since that's what the DA and judge did say), I thought I could still have what is rightfully mine, and he can leave, which obviously isn't the case. To top it all off, I had a wonderful friendship with my older sister for over 18 years, shared all kinds of confidences, she was my best friend, and I thought it strange that she has not responded to my calls or e-mails in about two months. Now I find out that she has been speaking with my crackhead, ambien addicted, alcoholic sister (who we both cut ties w/along time ago) and somehow, someway they are both against me cause I am a "trouble maker" and always was. And my one sister, the one who was my best friend, betrayed alot of my confidences to the crackhead one. I trusted this sister w/my life, and I got stabbed in the back on that one. My life is not turning out at all the way I'd pictured it, and I've tried to do everything right, and it's not turning out good at all. I used to say no matter what, at least I have good kids, good husband and good family. Now I don't have any of it. My kids hate my AH, nobody is getting together for the holidays, my husband is a drunk who cons me all the time, and my sister betrayed me. I am at such a loss, and so depressed right now. Thanks for listening.
You all know my saga of AH, his court ordered treatment, continuous drinking, cops bringing him home instead of DWI's, cops refusing to put him out of the house even tho I have an order, etc. Anyway, AH is still unemployed and actively drinking each and every day, more on the weekends. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I understand that. I am in therapy with the director of the chemical dependency program that AH attends 4 times a week (and get this - 4 times a week, and he still passes the breathalyzer!). I have notified them and told her about his constant drinking, but until he "fails" a breathalyzer, which he is required to take each and every time he goes there, there is nothing they can do about it. Of course, AH thinks that my therapy w/her is a "conflict of interest" cause it's "another set of eyes on him" and doesn't want me to mention his drinking (of course not - why else am I there?????). He met w/the psychiatrist last Monday (with me there) to discuss being put on campral. AH admitted to drinking the entire weekend, so psychiatrist said it wasn't good medicine to give it to him till he was 2 weeks sober. Anyway, AH had to go back yesterday. Told the psychiatrist that he's been doing good, hasn't been drinking and would prefer not to be put on campral if he can do it himself. Pyschiatrist said "that's what I needed to hear" and was happy he was doing so well (WTF????). Today was AH court date for compliance (has to go once a month). The center notified the court that AH relapsed and was increased to 4 times a week. AH was nervous about court today, I told him not to be since he will have them conned. AH was so excited that everything went "great" in court today, not a word about any relapses, nothing!!! He was so excited, that instead of his one on one therapy tonite, he went there right after court today so he can promptly start drinking (he doesn't have group till tomorrow night) and is well on his way to being drunk already (at 11 a.m. this morning!!!!). So after me working all day, I gotta go home to that. And yes, I did have an attitude w/him on the phone, can't help it. Each level I turn to try to protect me and do what I need to do for me, and let everyone know what's going on w/him, is not helping me any at all. It's almost as if he's laughing in my face, he can't be put out of his own house according to the law, court's aren't caring if he "relapsed", his treatment center knows but "what can they do???", it's like ha in my face. I now I have to eventually leave my own house, I know that. I am giving up alot, a house, credit rating, etc. I need to make a plan, cause to be honest, I thought my order of protection against him banned him from drinking in the house, I thought that if he did drink it was automatic jail time (since that's what the DA and judge did say), I thought I could still have what is rightfully mine, and he can leave, which obviously isn't the case. To top it all off, I had a wonderful friendship with my older sister for over 18 years, shared all kinds of confidences, she was my best friend, and I thought it strange that she has not responded to my calls or e-mails in about two months. Now I find out that she has been speaking with my crackhead, ambien addicted, alcoholic sister (who we both cut ties w/along time ago) and somehow, someway they are both against me cause I am a "trouble maker" and always was. And my one sister, the one who was my best friend, betrayed alot of my confidences to the crackhead one. I trusted this sister w/my life, and I got stabbed in the back on that one. My life is not turning out at all the way I'd pictured it, and I've tried to do everything right, and it's not turning out good at all. I used to say no matter what, at least I have good kids, good husband and good family. Now I don't have any of it. My kids hate my AH, nobody is getting together for the holidays, my husband is a drunk who cons me all the time, and my sister betrayed me. I am at such a loss, and so depressed right now. Thanks for listening.
I can’t believe I’m such a sucker
I am so angry, hurt, betrayed. But I dont know why!!! I ended it with my ABF recently. Aside from being an alcoholic, drug addict and liar he is also bipolar and refuses to take meds or do anything to help himself. He got out of jail at the end of November - and is facing probably 3 years in jail for numerous alcohol/driving on a revoked license related offenses, including an accident that injured all 3 people in the uninsured car he was illegally driving while drunk. While in jail he sent me letters saying how he intended to change, how much he loved me and wanted a clean life with me, how he was ready to do whatever it took to get himself together - treatment, counseling, meds, etc. We've been through a lot together and I told him I'd help him and be supportive of his good decisions. Well of course he did nothing he said he'd do and did everything he said he wouldn't. He stayed with me for 2 nights and then left so he could go drink with his scary criminal friends. I quickly had enough and just.... turned my back. He is impossible to communicate with, mean, demanding, and the lies!!! I cant believe a word he says. So he is officially homeless, was sleeping in his storage unit. He says I kicked him out and turned my back on him.
Well now hes in Denver staying with some woman. His parents - who have had it too and I had a good relationship with - are going down there for his birthday and to meet his new 'friend'. I guess I'm just floored that he has moved on so quickly - instead of working on himself for US like he said, he just went and found someone new - probably someone who he can take advantage of since he now has nothing.
I tried so hard to be supportive, and help him. I wanted things to work but he made it impossible. Why do I care??? FYI - when we met he was clean & sober for over 2 years, and things were wonderful. But they went downhill quickly due to his bipolar disorder. I miss the guy I met, want him back, but figure hes gone forever.
Thanks for reading.
Well now hes in Denver staying with some woman. His parents - who have had it too and I had a good relationship with - are going down there for his birthday and to meet his new 'friend'. I guess I'm just floored that he has moved on so quickly - instead of working on himself for US like he said, he just went and found someone new - probably someone who he can take advantage of since he now has nothing.
I tried so hard to be supportive, and help him. I wanted things to work but he made it impossible. Why do I care??? FYI - when we met he was clean & sober for over 2 years, and things were wonderful. But they went downhill quickly due to his bipolar disorder. I miss the guy I met, want him back, but figure hes gone forever.
Thanks for reading.
Now I’m addicted to adventure!
It's two weeks into my exercise routine. I'm amazed at how quickly I can change. Routine is everything! I feel I must do something each day. It take me but a few seconds to decide and out the door I go. Where did I get so much energy? I feel addicted to moving. I went from doing nothing to doing everything. Wow, what happened? It's "routine" again! Even if you fake a routine, to begin with, it will eventually stick. That tells me that each one of us can become exactly what we choose.
Let's say, for example, I wanted to become a super hero. I would exercise and do as a super hero does, with the exception to using super powers of course. All super heroes exercise! I'll listen to some super hero music while walking around and exercising and jogging and jumping and stuff. I should slim down in no time.
You may laugh but this is exactly how changes are made. By anchoring a routine. At first, the routine is foreign to us. But then, after repeating the cycle, the pattern becomes a part of us. This is exactly how I got trapped into drinking. This process (routine) is so powerful that it takes countless lives each year. Why not use it to our advantage?
My routine is to have an adventure each day. It may be walking, running, cycling, or hiking. I try to video or photograph nature and places I visit. Today, while cycling, I found a pond with many ducks. I found a bench and sat down. They must have been conditioned because they all swam towards me. After seeing I had no food they swam away, they weren't happy. Tomorrow I'll take them bread and film my interaction with them. I am so looking forward to the adventure. I'm addicted now and sure I'll find something to do each day.
Prayers
Let's say, for example, I wanted to become a super hero. I would exercise and do as a super hero does, with the exception to using super powers of course. All super heroes exercise! I'll listen to some super hero music while walking around and exercising and jogging and jumping and stuff. I should slim down in no time.
You may laugh but this is exactly how changes are made. By anchoring a routine. At first, the routine is foreign to us. But then, after repeating the cycle, the pattern becomes a part of us. This is exactly how I got trapped into drinking. This process (routine) is so powerful that it takes countless lives each year. Why not use it to our advantage?
My routine is to have an adventure each day. It may be walking, running, cycling, or hiking. I try to video or photograph nature and places I visit. Today, while cycling, I found a pond with many ducks. I found a bench and sat down. They must have been conditioned because they all swam towards me. After seeing I had no food they swam away, they weren't happy. Tomorrow I'll take them bread and film my interaction with them. I am so looking forward to the adventure. I'm addicted now and sure I'll find something to do each day.
Prayers
gosh I’m an idiot
So my AD came home from a naranon meeting tonight (almost 30 days clean!) reeking of cigarette smoke. So, this probably isn't a big deal at this point, but I came unglued.
I'm angry at myself and everytime I lose my temper at her right now I feel like I'm giving her a relapse. Gosh am I a codie or what!?!?
She's got bad asthma, and I couldn't even count the number of times I've taken her to the ER for asthma emergency treatment in her life. She doesn't smoke, but since she's hanging around after the meeting with the other naranon folks, she is now compelled to smoke with them. The last thing she needs is a new addiction!
Also, she and her 2 year old baby live with me. I work full time, pay all the bills, she pays me nothing, and has taken over one bedroom and the living room. My only refuge is my bedroom, since I have no more living room to relax in. I feel taken advantage of beyond description.
I know I need to just shut up and not interfere with her path. I just detest cigarettes and their smell so I cannot have that smell in my home.
Well, now I've vented here and I'm feeling a bit better. I need to let it all go now and trust that she's on her path to her recovery, no matter how many twists and turns are on that path.
Thanks for listening.
I'm angry at myself and everytime I lose my temper at her right now I feel like I'm giving her a relapse. Gosh am I a codie or what!?!?
She's got bad asthma, and I couldn't even count the number of times I've taken her to the ER for asthma emergency treatment in her life. She doesn't smoke, but since she's hanging around after the meeting with the other naranon folks, she is now compelled to smoke with them. The last thing she needs is a new addiction!
Also, she and her 2 year old baby live with me. I work full time, pay all the bills, she pays me nothing, and has taken over one bedroom and the living room. My only refuge is my bedroom, since I have no more living room to relax in. I feel taken advantage of beyond description.
I know I need to just shut up and not interfere with her path. I just detest cigarettes and their smell so I cannot have that smell in my home.
Well, now I've vented here and I'm feeling a bit better. I need to let it all go now and trust that she's on her path to her recovery, no matter how many twists and turns are on that path.
Thanks for listening.
Do I need to quit AA?
Hello Everyone-
I wanted to get some thoughts from others on my situation right now. I am in AA and am coming up on 6 months. I have really gotten a lot out of AA and feel like I am doing well.
However, my sponsor is pushing me to start sponsoring people and I do not feel like I am ready. I know that AA is a program of give and give back and I really do feel guilty about not wanting to sponsor. But I just don't feel ready. I can't do it. I have tried to explain this to my sponsor but she is still pushing. I told her I am more than happy to do other service work, but I don't want to sponsor. I haven't even read all of the big book!
So... this is where I am at with my thoughts. I feel like it isn't right for me to continue to take advantage of what AA has to offer without giving back. So I think I am going to have to stop going.
Has anyone ever been in this position?
:Flower:
I wanted to get some thoughts from others on my situation right now. I am in AA and am coming up on 6 months. I have really gotten a lot out of AA and feel like I am doing well.
However, my sponsor is pushing me to start sponsoring people and I do not feel like I am ready. I know that AA is a program of give and give back and I really do feel guilty about not wanting to sponsor. But I just don't feel ready. I can't do it. I have tried to explain this to my sponsor but she is still pushing. I told her I am more than happy to do other service work, but I don't want to sponsor. I haven't even read all of the big book!
So... this is where I am at with my thoughts. I feel like it isn't right for me to continue to take advantage of what AA has to offer without giving back. So I think I am going to have to stop going.
Has anyone ever been in this position?
:Flower:
