Archive for the ‘Advice From’ tag
I need some advice (new here)
hi everyone,
i'm new to this forum and was hoping i could get some support/ advice from you guys.
I've known my A boyfriend for 3 years and we've been officially dating for a little over a year. I've gone into the relationship knowing that he had a problem, though I probably wasn't quite aware (or didn't want to realize) the full extent of it. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease... and I've witnessed that first hand. He is aware of the fact that he has a problem and has told me that before. I have tried to be supportive, understanding and patient for the past year we've been dating. I was waiting for him to get to the point where he would be ready to quit and ask me for help. He has told me a few times he wanted to quit and I told him I would be there for him if he would. He has tried a few times to "just" not drink, but after a few days he would drink again.
We've had another talk last week about his addiction and I told him that I couldn't do this anymore... that his alcoholism was destroying our relationship and that I want him to get help - I asked him to go to AA and gave him information about a (outpatient) treatment center. He said that he really wants to quit/ he knows he needs to quit! He told me he's been to counseling and AA and it didn't help him (he got a DUI over 3 yrs ago and was court ordered) and he wants to try it on his own. I believe that he needs to get professional help and a support group to help him through this... So I tried to convience him at first that he should seek help, but he just shot that idea down. I decided not to push it onto him, because after all I can't make him go (it's something he needs to do because he wants to, otherwise it's not gonna help him), and asked him how I could support him in doing it on his own. Make a long story short, he went a couple of days without alc. and then I found out that he drank the other day while I was at work. We had a fight Monday (about something else) and I stormed out and went home (we don't live together). He told me that he doesn't want me to come over because he's still mad and needs to get over our fight first. I know he's been drinking again the past 1 1/2 days.
Any ideas where to go from here? Is there a good book that lists all the different treatment options (because next to the reason that he doesn't have any money for treatment (which I and his fam. would be able to supply), I think one of the reasons he is so reluctant to get professional help is because he doesn't know about all the different approaches and thinks that it's all the same and it's not gonna help him)?
If he keeps trying to quit on his own... how can I better support him? And more important how would I know that his withdrawal symptoms could become life threatening (any self assesment tools he can use... i.e. if he drinks daily, etc. then it is likely that w. symptoms become life threatning) / what are some of the signs that withdrawal symptoms are getting life threatning?
Sorry that this post is a little long... I guess I just really needed to tell my story (for the first time).
I would really appreciate your feedback! Thanks
:)
i'm new to this forum and was hoping i could get some support/ advice from you guys.
I've known my A boyfriend for 3 years and we've been officially dating for a little over a year. I've gone into the relationship knowing that he had a problem, though I probably wasn't quite aware (or didn't want to realize) the full extent of it. I know alcoholism is a progressive disease... and I've witnessed that first hand. He is aware of the fact that he has a problem and has told me that before. I have tried to be supportive, understanding and patient for the past year we've been dating. I was waiting for him to get to the point where he would be ready to quit and ask me for help. He has told me a few times he wanted to quit and I told him I would be there for him if he would. He has tried a few times to "just" not drink, but after a few days he would drink again.
We've had another talk last week about his addiction and I told him that I couldn't do this anymore... that his alcoholism was destroying our relationship and that I want him to get help - I asked him to go to AA and gave him information about a (outpatient) treatment center. He said that he really wants to quit/ he knows he needs to quit! He told me he's been to counseling and AA and it didn't help him (he got a DUI over 3 yrs ago and was court ordered) and he wants to try it on his own. I believe that he needs to get professional help and a support group to help him through this... So I tried to convience him at first that he should seek help, but he just shot that idea down. I decided not to push it onto him, because after all I can't make him go (it's something he needs to do because he wants to, otherwise it's not gonna help him), and asked him how I could support him in doing it on his own. Make a long story short, he went a couple of days without alc. and then I found out that he drank the other day while I was at work. We had a fight Monday (about something else) and I stormed out and went home (we don't live together). He told me that he doesn't want me to come over because he's still mad and needs to get over our fight first. I know he's been drinking again the past 1 1/2 days.
Any ideas where to go from here? Is there a good book that lists all the different treatment options (because next to the reason that he doesn't have any money for treatment (which I and his fam. would be able to supply), I think one of the reasons he is so reluctant to get professional help is because he doesn't know about all the different approaches and thinks that it's all the same and it's not gonna help him)?
If he keeps trying to quit on his own... how can I better support him? And more important how would I know that his withdrawal symptoms could become life threatening (any self assesment tools he can use... i.e. if he drinks daily, etc. then it is likely that w. symptoms become life threatning) / what are some of the signs that withdrawal symptoms are getting life threatning?
Sorry that this post is a little long... I guess I just really needed to tell my story (for the first time).
I would really appreciate your feedback! Thanks
:)
A little quitting advice?
Hello everyone!
I am a drunk who has just decided to get my life together, and it has been the hardest personal challenge I have ever faced!
I want to set a date to quit drinking, and I am concerned about the withdrawal period, and I have a question for those of you who gone through the process. I cannot afford detox, nor can my career take the hit, and I plan on seeing a doctor this week about going cold turkey through some sort of outpatient plan.
I currently drink up to two bottles of wine a night, and I have done so for several years. Would slowly scaling back on my alcohol consumption help avoid the withdrawal that I am sure to experience? If so, how much should I cut back, and how quickly/gradually should I do it?
Again, I am going to talk to a doctor about all of this, but any advice from those of you who have gone through this would be greatly appreciated!
I am a drunk who has just decided to get my life together, and it has been the hardest personal challenge I have ever faced!
I want to set a date to quit drinking, and I am concerned about the withdrawal period, and I have a question for those of you who gone through the process. I cannot afford detox, nor can my career take the hit, and I plan on seeing a doctor this week about going cold turkey through some sort of outpatient plan.
I currently drink up to two bottles of wine a night, and I have done so for several years. Would slowly scaling back on my alcohol consumption help avoid the withdrawal that I am sure to experience? If so, how much should I cut back, and how quickly/gradually should I do it?
Again, I am going to talk to a doctor about all of this, but any advice from those of you who have gone through this would be greatly appreciated!
Need Advice From Codies who’ve been there
So, now my addict son's druggie girlfriend has landed herself in jail, for probation violation after she ran into some guy and totaled her car, and the ofc arriving at the scene did a routine check and found a warrant out for her. Now, her parents won't bail her out, since they just footed the ticket for her last fiasco last month, her ex won't either, my son CAN'T, but now he wants me to foot the bill for her $500 bond. She has looked me in the face, lied to me, stolen from me and he wants me to bail her out? Says she's "changed". What? In the last two weeks? I don't trust either one of them yet. Trust has to be earned. I've been codie and bailed him out consistently for the last 10 to 15yrs at least, but I've warned him no more, and if he screws up again and gets busted for ANY reason, dirty UA, drug court violation, doesn't matter, he's out....(he lives in the house I own in my absense). I have been paying a lot of his bills, because he's applied for disability, but lately, I've been clamping down, and telling him he has to work out whatever I do or give to him.
On the girlfriend deal, am I wrong in refusing to bail her out? I don't think so, but now I seem to be the villian in the piece because I said no!
I need advice AND prayers for guidance to know God's will and for HIM to just take charge.
:codiepolice
:feedback:
Need Help…quiting Percocet..any Suggestions
I am very new here and have been trying to find help for a week or so and just need some advice from someone that has quit pills.
I am currently using 100mg of percocet a day. I have been for past year and half..I am ready to quit, I want to quit! However I dont want to quit cold turkey I have heard it is real hard on you. I have to be able to work 6 days a week and manage ten employees. SO DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ON A TAPER THAT WOULD MAKE IT EASY TO QUIT? Has anyone here been addicted to percocet? THanks for any suggestions, I am starting to freak myself out a bit, alan
I am currently using 100mg of percocet a day. I have been for past year and half..I am ready to quit, I want to quit! However I dont want to quit cold turkey I have heard it is real hard on you. I have to be able to work 6 days a week and manage ten employees. SO DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ON A TAPER THAT WOULD MAKE IT EASY TO QUIT? Has anyone here been addicted to percocet? THanks for any suggestions, I am starting to freak myself out a bit, alan
Advice from RA please!
RAH is on his 4th step still. He now has a new sponsor that's taken an interest in him finishing this step. He explains to my husband that he'll feel so much better once he's completed this step. I try to not say anything, pretty much let him work his recovery and I work mine. I have noticed a "change" in his meetings. He's avoiding going because he doesn't want to tell his sponsor he's not done. Although he has worked on it, a whole lot more than before.
Any suggestions? I try to listen, he's going through his "God I treated you so badly". I have explained to him that I don't think there is a thing that he is going to say, write or admit that would surpise me. I encourage the moving on effort, but try to not nag.
Any suggestions?:e088:
Any suggestions? I try to listen, he's going through his "God I treated you so badly". I have explained to him that I don't think there is a thing that he is going to say, write or admit that would surpise me. I encourage the moving on effort, but try to not nag.
Any suggestions?:e088:
RA boyfriend isolating himself from non-A girlfriend
Hi Everyone,
I am so glad that I found this forum and will appreciate any advice from both Recovering Alcoholics, Alcoholics, and those that love them like me.
A little over three months ago I met the man of my dreams. He is an RA and was 1 year 9 months sober at the time. Everything was wonderful. He was the best boyfriend I ever had and we were both very much in love with each other. My family loved him. He sent me flowers and presents all of the time and I truly believed he was my soulmate.
Then it came time for his two year anniversary of sobriety and he warned me before it happened that he got really weird around his one year anniversay and he might get weird again. Well he did, he began to get very depressed and he started smoking again. He also began to distance himself from me.
We took some time apart and he repeatedly told me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me and that I was the most precious thing to him. We did talk about seeing each other a little bit less (we had been seeing each other almost every day) and I began to go to Al Anon which I like and I totally support him going to his meetings and am very understanding when he needs to take a call from another person in the program. I don't drink at all either.
So.... yesterday... somewhat out of the blue... he broke up with me. He told me that at this point in his sobriety he needs to be alone. He told me that he still loves me and that I'm perfect and I didn't do anything wrong and that he needs to be alone at this point in his sobriety. I asked him if we could just take a break and then see what happens and not break up, but he wanted to break up.
I am so upset and love him so much and want to support him. I am not sure what to do. Others have told me that he may be isolating himself because he is going to drink again, especially since he already started smoking again. Regardless, I know he is going through a hard time right now and I want to be there for him. I love him.
I don't know what to do. Do I just not contact him at all? Should I check in on him in a week or so and see how he is doing? Should I let him know that I love him and want to support him no matter what is going on?
Do you think there is any chance that if I give him this time that he will get back into his recovery and then want to get back together? I am so upset and love him so much. He is the most wonderful person that I ever met.
Any advice would be much appreciated and I am going to continue the Al Anon meetings. :praying
I am so glad that I found this forum and will appreciate any advice from both Recovering Alcoholics, Alcoholics, and those that love them like me.
A little over three months ago I met the man of my dreams. He is an RA and was 1 year 9 months sober at the time. Everything was wonderful. He was the best boyfriend I ever had and we were both very much in love with each other. My family loved him. He sent me flowers and presents all of the time and I truly believed he was my soulmate.
Then it came time for his two year anniversary of sobriety and he warned me before it happened that he got really weird around his one year anniversay and he might get weird again. Well he did, he began to get very depressed and he started smoking again. He also began to distance himself from me.
We took some time apart and he repeatedly told me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me and that I was the most precious thing to him. We did talk about seeing each other a little bit less (we had been seeing each other almost every day) and I began to go to Al Anon which I like and I totally support him going to his meetings and am very understanding when he needs to take a call from another person in the program. I don't drink at all either.
So.... yesterday... somewhat out of the blue... he broke up with me. He told me that at this point in his sobriety he needs to be alone. He told me that he still loves me and that I'm perfect and I didn't do anything wrong and that he needs to be alone at this point in his sobriety. I asked him if we could just take a break and then see what happens and not break up, but he wanted to break up.
I am so upset and love him so much and want to support him. I am not sure what to do. Others have told me that he may be isolating himself because he is going to drink again, especially since he already started smoking again. Regardless, I know he is going through a hard time right now and I want to be there for him. I love him.
I don't know what to do. Do I just not contact him at all? Should I check in on him in a week or so and see how he is doing? Should I let him know that I love him and want to support him no matter what is going on?
Do you think there is any chance that if I give him this time that he will get back into his recovery and then want to get back together? I am so upset and love him so much. He is the most wonderful person that I ever met.
Any advice would be much appreciated and I am going to continue the Al Anon meetings. :praying
RA boyfriend isolating himself from Non-A girlfriend
Hi Everyone,
I am so glad that I found this forum and will appreciate any advice from both Recovering Alcoholics, Alcoholics, and those that love them like me. :)
A little over three months ago I met the man of my dreams. He is an RA and was 1 year 9 months sober at the time. Everything was wonderful. He was the best boyfriend I ever had and we were both very much in love with each other. My family loved him. He sent me flowers and presents all of the time and I truly believed he was my soulmate.
Then it came time for his two year anniversary of sobriety and he warned me before it happened that he got really weird around his one year anniversay and he might get weird again. Well he did, he began to get very depressed and he started smoking again. He also began to distance himself from me.
We took some time apart and he repeatedly told me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me and that I was the most precious thing to him. We did talk about seeing each other a little bit less (we had been seeing each other almost every day) and I began to go to Al Anon which I like and I totally support him going to his meetings and am very understanding when he needs to take a call from another person in the program. I don't drink at all either.
So.... yesterday... somewhat out of the blue... he broke up with me. He told me that at this point in his sobriety he needs to be alone. He told me that he still loves me and that I'm perfect and I didn't do anything wrong and that he needs to be alone at this point in his sobriety. I asked him if we could just take a break and then see what happens and not break up, but he wanted to break up.
I am so upset and love him so much and want to support him. I am not sure what to do. Others have told me that he may be isolating himself because he is going to drink again, especially since he already started smoking again. Regardless, I know he is going through a hard time right now and I want to be there for him. I love him.
I don't know what to do. Do I just not contact him at all? Should I check in on him in a week or so and see how he is doing? Should I let him know that I love him and want to support him no matter what is going on?
Do you think there is any chance that if I give him this time that he will get back into his recovery and then want to get back together? I am so upset and love him so much. He is the most wonderful person that I ever met.
Any advice would be much appreciated and I am going to continue the Al Anon meetings.
I am so glad that I found this forum and will appreciate any advice from both Recovering Alcoholics, Alcoholics, and those that love them like me. :)
A little over three months ago I met the man of my dreams. He is an RA and was 1 year 9 months sober at the time. Everything was wonderful. He was the best boyfriend I ever had and we were both very much in love with each other. My family loved him. He sent me flowers and presents all of the time and I truly believed he was my soulmate.
Then it came time for his two year anniversary of sobriety and he warned me before it happened that he got really weird around his one year anniversay and he might get weird again. Well he did, he began to get very depressed and he started smoking again. He also began to distance himself from me.
We took some time apart and he repeatedly told me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me and that I was the most precious thing to him. We did talk about seeing each other a little bit less (we had been seeing each other almost every day) and I began to go to Al Anon which I like and I totally support him going to his meetings and am very understanding when he needs to take a call from another person in the program. I don't drink at all either.
So.... yesterday... somewhat out of the blue... he broke up with me. He told me that at this point in his sobriety he needs to be alone. He told me that he still loves me and that I'm perfect and I didn't do anything wrong and that he needs to be alone at this point in his sobriety. I asked him if we could just take a break and then see what happens and not break up, but he wanted to break up.
I am so upset and love him so much and want to support him. I am not sure what to do. Others have told me that he may be isolating himself because he is going to drink again, especially since he already started smoking again. Regardless, I know he is going through a hard time right now and I want to be there for him. I love him.
I don't know what to do. Do I just not contact him at all? Should I check in on him in a week or so and see how he is doing? Should I let him know that I love him and want to support him no matter what is going on?
Do you think there is any chance that if I give him this time that he will get back into his recovery and then want to get back together? I am so upset and love him so much. He is the most wonderful person that I ever met.
Any advice would be much appreciated and I am going to continue the Al Anon meetings.
