Archive for the ‘Afternoons’ tag
extremely frustrated!!
I'm actually frustrated that i'm even HERE... But i'm almost positive my boyfriend has a drinking problem. He drinks every day, excessive amounts, and i've told him it bothers me so he cut back in the mornings, but when he cuts back in the mornings and afternoons he gets mean, when he drinks and gets drunk, he becomes mean... i dont know how to deal with this anymore.. i dont know how to deal with the arguments he trys to pick while he's drunk... if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I dont want to leave him hanging just because he has a problem. We all have problems, and when you love someone you're in it for the rough patches too... but i'm so frustrated, and hurt, that im ready to give up....
My disease is not “cool” - Mom for xmas - Long Post
I am a 51 yo recovering alcoholic addict. I completed an 8 week rehab after a rather sudden, then unexpected, dramatic and imposed intervention. It was, I am certain, God?s will. That was a little more than 3 months ago.
I am married to a wonderful non alcoholic wife and have four beautiful kids. My wife and I work together, live in the country and have a life that I am proud of. Boy Scouts, bicycling, skiing, church and community service. All in the same small Pennsylvania community for over two decades.
So why did I fall into alcoholism and addiction? Slow downward spirals that somehow just became sort of normal for me and my family... sleeping in the afternoons, drinking during nearly every activity, lots of short sudden trips to my closet for another pill and always the increasing isolation and unexplained moods. Why did I have to try and escape what should have been a life that so many dream of?
When did it start? Did it start when I was 12 years old? In 1969 - two years after the ?Summer of Love?. My mom, then 29, and dad, then 34, embraced the counterculture. Peace marches at the university, civil rights demonstrations, swingers parties, good music and drugs and alcohol. We housed hippies from California in our garage at our small town midwestern home, on their way to Canada to avoid the draft, a speed freak who lived for a while in our back room because her drug addict boyfriend beat her, skinny dipping at the lake with my parents friends (grad students), that smell of pot rising up out of the living room to my bedroom accompanied by the music of Country Joe and the Fish coming from my father?s amazing Hi-Fi... ?Give me an F ! Give me a U ! ....?
Did my disease start when I was 12, or maybe 13, when I was sitting in the living room with my parents and their cool friends, listening, for the very first time, to Carlos Santana play Oye Como Va? When my mom passed me the joint and told me how cool the music sounds, just like they are right there, in the living room! The music sounded cool, alright, everything was cool and everything stayed cool until 3 months ago. Now, thank God I am clean and sober and learning this new way of living, which can be hard and is, definitely, not always ?cool?. Neither are the consequences of my disease, ?cool?...
I am trying to accept my alcoholism and addiction. I am responsible for my recovery. No one is to blame, but I want so badly to understand it all....
My brother is in AA 24 years this month. My dad was 24 years in AA, since the divorce, until he died, suddenly, 10 years ago at age 63, I think, of a broken heart left over from when my mother left him. My mom has spent the last almost 30 years trying, seemingly, to get as far away from us as she could - California, Hawaii...
Now, in my early recovery, at Christmas, she wants to come and spend a couple of days with me and my family. Is this God?s will? What is the next right thing?
Mark
I am married to a wonderful non alcoholic wife and have four beautiful kids. My wife and I work together, live in the country and have a life that I am proud of. Boy Scouts, bicycling, skiing, church and community service. All in the same small Pennsylvania community for over two decades.
So why did I fall into alcoholism and addiction? Slow downward spirals that somehow just became sort of normal for me and my family... sleeping in the afternoons, drinking during nearly every activity, lots of short sudden trips to my closet for another pill and always the increasing isolation and unexplained moods. Why did I have to try and escape what should have been a life that so many dream of?
When did it start? Did it start when I was 12 years old? In 1969 - two years after the ?Summer of Love?. My mom, then 29, and dad, then 34, embraced the counterculture. Peace marches at the university, civil rights demonstrations, swingers parties, good music and drugs and alcohol. We housed hippies from California in our garage at our small town midwestern home, on their way to Canada to avoid the draft, a speed freak who lived for a while in our back room because her drug addict boyfriend beat her, skinny dipping at the lake with my parents friends (grad students), that smell of pot rising up out of the living room to my bedroom accompanied by the music of Country Joe and the Fish coming from my father?s amazing Hi-Fi... ?Give me an F ! Give me a U ! ....?
Did my disease start when I was 12, or maybe 13, when I was sitting in the living room with my parents and their cool friends, listening, for the very first time, to Carlos Santana play Oye Como Va? When my mom passed me the joint and told me how cool the music sounds, just like they are right there, in the living room! The music sounded cool, alright, everything was cool and everything stayed cool until 3 months ago. Now, thank God I am clean and sober and learning this new way of living, which can be hard and is, definitely, not always ?cool?. Neither are the consequences of my disease, ?cool?...
I am trying to accept my alcoholism and addiction. I am responsible for my recovery. No one is to blame, but I want so badly to understand it all....
My brother is in AA 24 years this month. My dad was 24 years in AA, since the divorce, until he died, suddenly, 10 years ago at age 63, I think, of a broken heart left over from when my mother left him. My mom has spent the last almost 30 years trying, seemingly, to get as far away from us as she could - California, Hawaii...
Now, in my early recovery, at Christmas, she wants to come and spend a couple of days with me and my family. Is this God?s will? What is the next right thing?
Mark
Feedback: prepare for a novelette….
Okay, I had a negative episode at my substance abuse treatment center today.
I go there for antabuse and alcohol abuse counseling. However, for the last month or so have been without a counselor. The one I started out with had no experience or education as a substance abuse counselor and actually had a degree as a social worker. My last session with her consisted of her asking about my family, what language my kids speak in my bilingual home, what my native state in the US is like and her most useful piece of advice regarding drinking was when I feel the urge to drink...say "ohm". I decided it wasn't going to work out with us, and was never assigned another counselor.
That left the sum total of my activity at the center going there twice a week for antibuse and nothing else.
As I mentioned in another post I had a relapse last week for 5 days and the
doc at the center, also with no addiction training, decided I was supposed to show up at the center and have a dose of antibuse every morning this week. And get a blood test to see if I had any liver damage from my relapse. The doc made this decision very quickly without consulting anyone.
Today, walking there, I thought: what is the purpose of this treatment? When I added up all the mg's of antibuse I would get, it would be more than double the mg's I usually take and I didn't see the point of having to go there everyday.
Okay, bear with me, this is a long story but I have been turning this over in my head all day.
Anyway I asked the nurse and then again the doc why they had chosen this treatment, I got the answer it was "procedure". In other words, I didn't get a straight answer. I pointed out that with my work schedule, I wouldn't have time to leave a blood sample (at another location) AND go to the treatment center on one of the mornings. Also I pointed out that I couldn't go every day of the week, because outpatient hours on Thursday are in the afternoons when I am at work. The doctor became sarcastic and angry and, without really answering my questions, walked away in a huff.
To make a long story short, I think she devised this as a hand-slapping "punishment" approach. Make me go there everyday and double my dosage....because I was a bad girl!!!
I would have preferred to be treated as an adult facing consequences: such as being told if I do what I did last week...again, I could seek treatment elsewhere.
I live in a socialized healthcare system and a lot of addicts and alcoholics get welfare on the stipulation that they go to this center. The fact is a great majority of them lie and play the system. I see them out drinking and using and many of them are open alcoholics that have been around my neighborhood for years. I know who they are.
They don't WANT to quit.
I don't get welfare and I WANT to quit. I think that my doc devised this hand slap thing because she has to deal with them and maybe hasn't thought outside of the "welfare merry go round" box.
Am I wrong to question her method? Was I being stubborn? Was this my alcoholic "Everyone else is wrong and I'm right" behavior coming out? I tried to be diplomatic, but I think I have rights as a patient to get a logical explanation for my treatment.
I really don't know!
Feedback?
I go there for antabuse and alcohol abuse counseling. However, for the last month or so have been without a counselor. The one I started out with had no experience or education as a substance abuse counselor and actually had a degree as a social worker. My last session with her consisted of her asking about my family, what language my kids speak in my bilingual home, what my native state in the US is like and her most useful piece of advice regarding drinking was when I feel the urge to drink...say "ohm". I decided it wasn't going to work out with us, and was never assigned another counselor.
That left the sum total of my activity at the center going there twice a week for antibuse and nothing else.
As I mentioned in another post I had a relapse last week for 5 days and the
doc at the center, also with no addiction training, decided I was supposed to show up at the center and have a dose of antibuse every morning this week. And get a blood test to see if I had any liver damage from my relapse. The doc made this decision very quickly without consulting anyone.
Today, walking there, I thought: what is the purpose of this treatment? When I added up all the mg's of antibuse I would get, it would be more than double the mg's I usually take and I didn't see the point of having to go there everyday.
Okay, bear with me, this is a long story but I have been turning this over in my head all day.
Anyway I asked the nurse and then again the doc why they had chosen this treatment, I got the answer it was "procedure". In other words, I didn't get a straight answer. I pointed out that with my work schedule, I wouldn't have time to leave a blood sample (at another location) AND go to the treatment center on one of the mornings. Also I pointed out that I couldn't go every day of the week, because outpatient hours on Thursday are in the afternoons when I am at work. The doctor became sarcastic and angry and, without really answering my questions, walked away in a huff.
To make a long story short, I think she devised this as a hand-slapping "punishment" approach. Make me go there everyday and double my dosage....because I was a bad girl!!!
I would have preferred to be treated as an adult facing consequences: such as being told if I do what I did last week...again, I could seek treatment elsewhere.
I live in a socialized healthcare system and a lot of addicts and alcoholics get welfare on the stipulation that they go to this center. The fact is a great majority of them lie and play the system. I see them out drinking and using and many of them are open alcoholics that have been around my neighborhood for years. I know who they are.
They don't WANT to quit.
I don't get welfare and I WANT to quit. I think that my doc devised this hand slap thing because she has to deal with them and maybe hasn't thought outside of the "welfare merry go round" box.
Am I wrong to question her method? Was I being stubborn? Was this my alcoholic "Everyone else is wrong and I'm right" behavior coming out? I tried to be diplomatic, but I think I have rights as a patient to get a logical explanation for my treatment.
I really don't know!
Feedback?
Vent re: anger and disgust toward my A
My AH is out of the house for a week now. I set the boundaries, he busted them by drinking and becoming violent, I enforced the boundaries, and he is out of the house. He has made a few attempts in the past week to manipulate me, but I have been unwavering in my demands that he go to AA, get a sponsor and work a program before I will even consider anything. I have been completely unsympathetic to his plight (he has been living at the homeless shelter due to no friends - only drug contacts). His mother, on the other hand, is the consummate enabler. He has been lying to her, manipulating her, and using her all his life. I firmly believe her enabling was a significant contributing factor leading to his multiple incarcerations. And now she is doing it again! He is a grown man, for crying out loud! Let him live with his own messes. She has been bringing him to her house in the afternoons because, poor him, he has no place to go during the day, he has to walk around all day. SO THE HECK WHAT!!! HE CHOSE THIS. LET HIM WALK HIS BUTT DOWN TO THE AA MEETING!!!! She is letting him stay at her house tonight, and is probably going to ultimately let him move into her house. I am so mad and so disgusted!!!! At her....at him. How shameless and selfish can you be to use and manipulate your own mother for your own selfish comfort!!! You made the choices that put you in a homeless shelter, LIVE WITH IT!!!! DO SOMETHING TO MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE BETTER!!!! DON'T USE SOMEBODY, MUCH LESS YOUR OWN MOTHER!!!! I know she is "letting" him use her, but for love of freaking God, HAVE YOU NO SHAME???? Just who is this man I married?? I am angry. I am completely disgusted. If I could, I would rip his throat out with my bare hands, that is how angry I am!!! (This is an example of my inability to deal with these feelings)(take heart, I have as of yet taken no actions and spoken no words) He has completely destroyed whatever respect I ever had for him. How does a person deal with having these feelings toward another person? Toward my own spouse, who I knew to the depths of my soul that I loved with all my heart???? At this point, he repulses me!! I am completely and utterly disgusted, and I just don't know how to process/work through these feelings. I cannot get stuck here!
I know that all of you have been through so much, no doubt this included. Please lend me your wisdom, experience, and advice. I could use more to mentally chew on right now than these despicable emotions and rage that are dominating my thoughts at this time.
Much thanks!
I know that all of you have been through so much, no doubt this included. Please lend me your wisdom, experience, and advice. I could use more to mentally chew on right now than these despicable emotions and rage that are dominating my thoughts at this time.
Much thanks!
Night Time is the worse for me…
I used to drink and got/stayed sober for almost 10 years. Got injured, added Narcs to my addiction and then came completely unraveled. I'm only days into recovery again. (On both).
I swear that mornings are beautiful, no problem, afternoons get a little difficult, but the new IOP classes help that, it's like taking crap one second at a time. Stay up all night biting nails, pacing, eating, watching TV... SLEEP would be good, just want to sleep. Is it "night time" for everyone or is the "trigger time" different for everyone.
I remember learning in detox in the 90's for alcohol that a disporportionate amount of addicts were "night owls", "liked thunderstorms" and "were very creative". I guess these were personality traits that soared among users. Is/Was this true? It seems like when the sun goes down is when things really ged hard. (I can't stop posting tonight, it's keeping me busy).
I swear that mornings are beautiful, no problem, afternoons get a little difficult, but the new IOP classes help that, it's like taking crap one second at a time. Stay up all night biting nails, pacing, eating, watching TV... SLEEP would be good, just want to sleep. Is it "night time" for everyone or is the "trigger time" different for everyone.
I remember learning in detox in the 90's for alcohol that a disporportionate amount of addicts were "night owls", "liked thunderstorms" and "were very creative". I guess these were personality traits that soared among users. Is/Was this true? It seems like when the sun goes down is when things really ged hard. (I can't stop posting tonight, it's keeping me busy).
