Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi guys... I stumbled here from probably out of the void.

Im currently a 22 year old addict to heroin and any opiate i can get ahold of... for that matter any psychoactive pills seems to vanish in my wake.

I just took a six hour nap to avoid my family as I am home from college for the 'holidays'. I realized the only place left that has any real friends, promise, or relations with the opposite sex is only in my dreams.

They dont know yet i medically withdrew from that semester based off my kidney problems and instead spent the near whole time doped out of my mind.

I get opiates for my kidney, which i have contemplated suicide over as well as blasting it with a bullet to get it removed. It DOES hurt and if they cant tell whats wrong and why it hurts i wonder why i may someday be forced to make "sure" its fixed.

But i digress and look loony, Im only 22, I have a 10 month old daughter... and my life is a wreck and may get only worse.

I just nabbed a bottle of wine and tho alcohol is NOT my poison of choice it will do for now... for now...

I do know that im clean right now aside from the boos and such tonight... But if i get $120 im going to go out an score faster than you can say "merry christmas charlie brown".


I want help, I know im sick and have some serious addiction issues... But i cant admit to there being a real a caring compassionate God... I dont believe in such a higher power and that grounds me a little...(logic wont let me believe otherwise). I dont believe addicts are ever cured I just believe they manage to stay clean long periods of time... years and years even but that slip is just around the corner. Im sober today and I dont know about tomorrow...


(ps. The name is based off of a River's name in Hell as well as my birth year.)

Hi guys... I stumbled here from probably out of the void.

Im currently a 22 year old addict to heroin and any opiate i can get ahold of... for that matter any psychoactive pills seems to vanish in my wake.

I just took a six hour nap to avoid my family as I am home from college for the 'holidays'. I realized the only place left that has any real friends, promise, or relations with the opposite sex is only in my dreams.

They dont know yet i medically withdrew from that semester based off my kidney problems and instead spent the near whole time doped out of my mind.

I get opiates for my kidney, which i have contemplated suicide over as well as blasting it with a bullet to get it removed. It DOES hurt and if they cant tell whats wrong and why it hurts i wonder why i may someday be forced to make "sure" its fixed.

But i digress and look loony, Im only 22, I have a 10 month old daughter... and my life is a wreck and may get only worse.

I just nabbed a bottle of wine and tho alcohol is NOT my poison of choice it will do for now... for now...

I do know that im clean right now aside from the boos and such tonight... But if i get $120 im going to go out an score faster than you can say "merry christmas charlie brown".


I want help, I know im sick and have some serious addiction issues... But i cant admit to there being a real a caring compassionate God... I dont believe in such a higher power and that grounds me a little...(logic wont let me believe otherwise). I dont believe addicts are ever cured I just believe they manage to stay clean long periods of time... years and years even but that slip is just around the corner. Im sober today and I dont know about tomorrow... :a122:


(ps. The name is based off of a River's name in Hell as well as my birth year.)

Hey everybody, sorry so long since I last wrote! i've been too busy poppin' pills & ruining my life. On September 12th, I was driving to work & fell asleep on the interstate going 90 MPH & smashed into a guard rail. I didn't get hurt at all except a lil' whiplash & some abrasions... god only knows how I survived... even the sherrif was baffled when he saw me walking around outside what used to be my car.

So I was given percocet... oh great, even better than hydros!!! I abused them & almost lost my job...... I then got ahold of some fentyl patches which I never heard of, but tried it anyway to get the fabulous high.

I just slapped it on my arm, didn't cut it or anything & thank god I didn't cut it in half or anything!!! I didnt' know Fentyl was 81% more powerful than morphine & that it wasn't just a one 100 mcg dose, it was a one 100 mcg dose every hour!!!!!

So I got a ton of those & was going on my day feeling great *post accident*. Someone at work noticed that my eyes were rolling in the back of my head & told my boss. I told her that I always feel tired & maybe it's from the accident *LIAR!!!*

So that was when I broke down. Also, my boyfriend recorded me on his cell phone me falling asleep while doing laundry, eating ANYTHING, just smashing my face on the floor with my glasses on & EVERYTHING passed out. When I looked at myself on the recorder, I freaked out & immediatley went to my psych.

He kinda looked at me like I was a freak & told me "you won't die from WD"

I'm like.. ok, then why do I FEEL like it!?!

I then went to the ER & confessed everything. First time in my LIFE that I have told a professional that I have a drug problem... INCLUDING MARIJUANA. They said they were proud I realize I have a problem, gave me a shot of Toradol in my butt for my WD headaches & sent me on my way.

I haven't done pills since about October 20th & I haven't smoked marijuana since October 23rd. I'm crystal clean!!!

I just dont' know what to do with myself!!I try so hard to exercize, read, clean, COLOR, ANYTHING I can do.. but I find myself getting bored easily & just wanting to lay down & stare at the ceiling & cry.

It is now 3 am & of course can't sleep. So I thought I'd share with you guys that yay I'm clean!!! But it sucks... I just don't know who I am anymore.... I've done drugs since I was 14 & now am 26... I never found myself.. I'm afraid I never will........

Alcoholism is present on both sides of my family. I've had a tendency to drink too much at once since I was 18, but those times were few and far between.

Now, like many here, I am seeking help and a way to get out of this hell.

I won't go into thembarassing things I've done,.....but I would like to tell you how I got here, noting that I'm not excusing myself, but explaining how alcohol became a crutch.

About 8 years ago, my job became increasinglt stressful, my boss increasingly a power hungry arse. I started to drink in the evenings, began to get depressed (but didn't know what it was) and drank more to ease that feeling.

Then my mother got diagnosed with Cancer, which invited more alcohol, more depression. 2 months after my Mom died, my wife filed for divorce, and sudddenly not only was my Mom gone, but now my wife and kids. My wife was aslo drinking heavily, and we weren't happy. I'd plead with her to slow down, because I was trying desperately to. All our friends were heavy drinkers.

I almost lost my licence shortly after my wife left, but the Police Officer, God Bless him took me home instead.

My depression is getting better, but I'm still having troble with alcohol.

I convince myself that I've got ahold of it, and am controlling it now, but that's not true, and eventually the amount creeps back up.

I don't believe moderation can work for me.............right now I'm sipping on Vodka and water, sparingly to try and control the withdrawal symptoms and wean off.

I look forward to being a member here, and hope you can inspire me, and that later I can inspire others.


I took last Friday off to get some yardwork and housework don, and spent it instead drinking, then picking my kids up. I was never totally blitzed, and have improved, but I DID drink about 15 drinks each day. I'm tired of this.

Alcoholism is present on both sides of my family. I've had a tendency to drink too much at once since I was 18, but those times were few and far between.

Now, like many here, I am seeking help and a way to get out of this hell.

I won't go into thembarassing things I've done,.....but I would like to tell you how I got here, noting that I'm not excusing myself, but explaining how alcohol became a crutch.

About 8 years ago, my job became increasinglt stressful, my boss increasingly a power hungry arse. I started to drink in the evenings, began to get depressed (but didn't know what it was) and drank more to ease that feeling.

Then my mother got diagnosed with Cancer, which invited more alcohol, more depression. 2 months after my Mom died, my wife filed for divorce, and sudddenly not only was my Mom gone, but now my wife and kids. My wife was aslo drinking heavily, and we weren't happy. I'd plead with her to slow down, because I was trying desperately to. All our friends were heavy drinkers.

I almost lost my licence shortly after my wife left, but the Police Officer, God Bless him took me home instead.

My depression is getting better, but I'm still having troble with alcohol.

I convince myself that I've got ahold of it, and am controlling it now, but that's not true, and eventually the amount creeps back up.

I don't believe moderation can work for me.............right now I'm sipping on Vodka and water, sparingly to try and control the withdrawal symptoms and wean off.

I look forward to being a member here, and hope you can inspire me, and that later I can inspire others.

I see a lot of posts of people asking about boundaries, I read the sticky about "signs of crossed boundaries" I see people posting that ignore and cross boundaries, I see a lot of confusion about what boundaries are, so I thought I would start a thread about setting your own boundaries, successful stories thereof, unsuccessful stories, and examples of respecting and/or crossing other peoples boundaries.

I will start with a few examples from my own experience:

1) My XAGF was just beginning to get sober when she drank and lied to me about it. I stated "I'm sorry that you felt you had to lie to me about it, When you lie to me I have trouble believing you, and I don't want this in my life or relationship any more". She felt "attacked" and that I was "threatening the relationship" and I was crossing a boundary by "questioning her integrity" :wtf2

opinion 1) setting a boundary for yourself is NOT "crossing someone else's boundary" Setting a boundary in "someone else's "yard" is not a boundary

2) My XAGF was being distant and stated she was having childhood issues and asked for "space" I went home and saw she had "blocked" me from viewing her photos from her "social site" and had added a new man as a friend. This felt like "old behavior" on her part (I had seen all this before immediately prior to previous breakups) I ended up calling her, texting her, and finally using an IM to get ahold of her. Now for whatever reason, and I truly believe they were valid and pertinent, I didn't respect her boundary and crossed it.

Opinion 2) it's NOT OK to cross someone's boundary for ANY reason, a boundary is a boundary, however, healthy people set healthy boundaries, there are definitely two parts here, however, to stick strictly to my part, I crossed that boundary

3) Since I have moved back, I have encountered "judgment" for drinking from some of my old friends in the program, not a lot, some of it took the form of humor, but it was hurtful. I was talking to my XRAGFBFF today, telling her about the last few nights where I have pulled these people aside and said, "Look, it's NOT OK for me for you to call me "newcomer", I have 7 months, it's NOT OK to make fun of me and (blah blah blah)" and she made an interesting observation "I see a pattern here, you're beginning to establish healthy boundaries again and not let people put you down Andrew, that's healthy. I bet every one of those people "owned their part" and apologized and gave you a hug. The last few years people have been walking all over you and denying it, until you finally began letting them, and now, you are beginning too get healthy and set boundaries, it's not OK for people to say hurtful things to you anymore, congratulations. "

I hadn't even seen it like that

3) When you are healthy, you begin setting healthy boundaries, and healthy people in your life respect them, and if you are healthy, you can enforce those boundaries in a healthy non confrontational way.

Anyhow, this has been "rattling around in my can" all morning, can you guys help out with this thread? share experience, strength and Hope, and even ask questions, and maybe, if we get enough examples/stories, and ESH we can make a sticky and have a more comprehensive of what a "healthy boundary" looks like?

well i finally got ahold of the sheriffs deputy handeling my case and she said that because my tox screen came back negative the prosecuting attorney will not be charging me with anything! the whole thing is just being chalked up to a horrible tragic accident which is what it was.
i have started going back to f2f therapy and it is helping me to accept the fact that it was just an accident and that although there are times that i feel like a murder i am not.
i finally wrote a letter to mr. schwartz's widow thanking her for her letter to me and telling her how extraordinary i think she and her family are for being able to forgive me. well since i lost her address i delivered it to her in person...it was one of the hardest things i have done.....but mrs. schwartz was so kind to me....she invited me into her house for tea and cookies and we talked about the accident and how i need to accept that it was gods plan for mr. schwartz to be taken that way and that i need to remember that god is always there and he has forgiven me also. she was so sweet and loving for lack of a better term. she truely is an extraorinary woman. when i left i felt more calm than i had in a very long time.
well i am at work and christi just woke up from her nap so i need to go. talk to everyone later.

thanks so much for all of your support and prayers i don't know what i would have done without it.

rachel