Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi everybody! I've thought about you all often and it's good to know that this awesome forum is still going and offering help/advice/support to those that need it.

When I first came on here in 2004, it was my xabf and a year of turmoil there. But, through Al Anon and all of you, that relationship ended a long time ago.

It's my son who will be 30yrs old this year...that has the drinking addiction. He got two DUI's back-to-back in 2007 and needed a lawyer. The laws have gotten alot stricter here in CO, as they should be.

I retained a lawyer for him and my as (alcoholic son) just did in house arrest for the month of Dec. for the one DUI and now he's in jail today for a bit for the 2nd one.

The whole time he was on house arrest, he was still drinking. I'd go visit him and see him on the holidays and he was still using. So, house arrest didn't do much for him because he was still "running' while on it.

In jail, he'll have to be sober and also his PO will be taking random breathilizers and putting a device on his vehicle to blow into before driving.

He has HUNDREDS of community service, fines and classes. He has no job, he's gotten fired from each one. He's homeless because everywhere he lived, he didn't pay rent.

On house arrest, he stayed with his Dad and during that time stold his Dad's credit cards and booked flights for his gf's and other things...ran up thousands of $ on his dad's cards. It just seems like his addiction is getting worse and worse, he lies constantly. He's very sensitive to talk to...if one thing is said that he doesn't like...he jumps on you verbally.

He's just filled with pain...his uncle/best friend, died of a cocaine accidental overdose on Christmas 2005 and my son knew his uncle did some drugs, but not to the extent that he was. My AS was the last person with his uncle the night before he died and so my AS has been feeling guilty ever since. He constantly runs and needs people's acceptance.

My fear is for when he gets out of jail....where will he go? What will he do? Will he finally see after years and years of drinking that it's JUST NOT WORTH IT?

I'm scared for him because of the fact that he continues to keep the cycle going.

I ask for your prayers for him...this is gonna take alot to get him to FINALLY hit that bottom and want back up.

Thank you and I hope all of your holidays were blessed!:praying

I am new to this forum but have been on this board for a little while in new to recovery forums.

I feel I not only need support for my sobriety but also to deal with the fact that my partner and child's father is still drinking. I entered treatment in August (outpatient) and he continued to drink. He would just go out all day and come home and pass out. He would lie his you know what off about his whereabouts. I was strong for a while. I can only control myself...but as time went on I ended up relapsing (30 days ago) and hsi dysfunctional family came down on me really hard. It was not easy to pull it together when being treated so unfairly but I did it.

Tonight is New Years Eve and he has told me he is going to work, yet he left very early for his shift and I know he is probably going out. This man chooses alcohol over his family. Each weekend he stumbles in arounf 8 and passes out. He feels this is his relaxatin and he deserves it and I am a stay at home mom so I am lucky to have what I have yada yada.

Can someone be in recovery and also be in Al-anon? I know I need my AA buddies but they do not need to hear about his drama when I need to work on myself..I am just hurt and confused and shellshocked that someone could be so callous. He gets extremely annoyed when I talk about recovery.

I know that step one is to become employed and start feeling some independence..step 2??

Thanks for listening.

Tonight, I'm sitting here alone in a self contemplative mood because it looks like I will be ringing in the New Year by myself as AH is working and I'm totally ok with that..

Today I have come full circle in my journey of my AH's addiction. It was a year ago today that I found the stash of pills hidden underneath the passenger side seat of my husbands truck.. the months of speculating of his drug use had finally been revealed.. Today also marks the day that the chaos and insanity that I allowed to control my life for so many months afterward entered into my life..

My first thoughts were to fix my AH.. in my crazy way of thinking I just knew that I could save my AH from this addiction and that in a few months everything would be back to normal... um, was I ever in for a very rude awakening.

Oh, I went to Al anon, but not for myself.. I went because i was hoping that there I would find out some tips and ideas on how to help my husband. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that Al-anon was going to offer me no such thing.. So I decided not to go back but instead "help" my AH work his program.. yep, you can see where this is leading.. I was on him like white on rice.. Did you go to a meeting today? Have you found a sponsor? You should really be going to more then just one meeting a week? Look honey, I bought all these books on addiction just for you.. when I wasn't "working" on his program, I was playing Nancy Drew, searching for any and every sign of drug use that I could find and of course I found things and of course I continued on that Merry-go-Round of insanity, knowing things were not working but still not willing to let go and let God..

Every time, I thought things could not possibly get worse, they did.. Every time, I thought that the pain could not possibly cut any deeper it did. The lying, the cheating, the secrets, the stealing.. it just all consumed me to the point where I just did not care anymore..

All the while, I kept posting here on SR... reading situations that mirrored mine, Some were worse then mine and some were one's of hope, the ones that had lived through the nightmare and came out on the other side intact.. I knew what I needed to do, I even had advice for other people on what they should do but I was still living life on my terms instead of life's terms..

One morning in early September, I woke up just wanting to take my own life.. I don't think I would actually have done such a thing but the thought that it even crossed my mind scared the crap out of me.. I knew that I needed to do something RIGHT THEN.. So I sheepishly crawled my way back to Al anon bracing myself for attacks on my character and questions to as why I was still with my AH and where I had been for all these months.. Of course I found none of that there.. all i found were many hugs, lots of support and finally a feeling of serenity, the feeling that I had been looking for all this time..

Slowly I crawled my way out of my hole.. I surrendered everything to my HP and the day I did that I got my life back. As I started attending meetings and working the program for me and not my AH, my AH started attending meetings again too.. This time, it's hands off his program and my hands are all over mine..

I want to thank each and everyone of you beautiful people here on SR.. From the newcomers on here whose pain and angst I can so relate to, to the old timers who always had a cyber hug and words of support and to people like Anvil, who never sugar coats anything.. her words helped me to wake up from the foggy world that I was living in and to face the reality of what was truly going on in my life..

I look back on my journey this past year and today I thanked my HP for allowing me to experience it. It was a painful journey full of hard lessons, but lessons that I needed to be taught in order to become the best me that I can be..

I'm still not where I want to be.. but I have learned through Al-anon that "one day at a time" will get me there..

I have been praying and praying that God would remove some friends from my AH's life that are not friends of his sobriety.. today my AH called me while he was at one of those friends homes.. I found myself resorting back to my crazy days of trying to tell him what to do and where he needed to be and then I felt myself getting angry at God for not answering my prayers.. then a small voice inside my head said that sometimes, God works on a different schedule then I do.. sometimes what I want is not what God necessarily has in mind.. so I quickly turned my problems back over to my HP and my fears went away.. A year ago, I would not have done that... I owe my program for that bit of progress..

Thank you SR friends for being there for me through my worst... and hopefully this year seeing me at my best...

Happy New Year
:nyag:nyd

I've lurked on this site a few times but I've never posted. This seems like a good place to throw out a dilemma I'm having. (this may be long. sorry)

Married 7+ years with two young kids. H has been sober since Aug this year. In a nutshell, his last drinking episode was the last straw for me. My boundaries were VERY clear. He crossed the line, and I said "that's it, we are separating".
H says "I will stop drinking, forever".

I really wanted to separate, but this is not financially possible. It's a long story...... I'm in graduate school and have two preschoolers. H cannot afford to support two households - especially with the economy in the dump.

Here's my dilemma:
H says he is committed to "doing whatever it takes" to salvage the marriage". He is seeing a counselor (although she is not trained in addictions work) and he did some reading about A. He is trying to give me physical and emotional space. We have two young kids we both adore.

Problem is: after his last episode I completely checked-out of the relationship. My boundary was crossed and that was it. Even though I recognize all his good qualities, I cannot imagine ever being "in love" with him again. Is this because my trust in him is gone?
How do people reconcile after years of unhealthy enmeshment, finger pointing, anger, and resentment?

Oh, and I tried an Al-Anon group here. It was bad.

Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.

I'm new here and I have been trying to work the twelve steps Al-Anon and I don't relate to it very well. NA I seem to understand better although I deal with both on a daily basis. I have everything I need for AA , I need books and workbooks for naranon if there are any that can help me get control of my life.:Xmaskstar

I am a mother of an addicted son. I just witnessed him on a benadryl abuse situation. I've never done a blog before, but I need help and support. I have gone to al-anon and worked the 12 steps, but haven't kept up with the meetings.

I've attending a couple of meetings in the last week that have provided me with an understanding of keep coming back, it works if you work it, and you are worth it. That statement hit me all of a sudden this morning and gave me a sudden lightning bolt of enlightenment. I walked out of a meeting this morning and for the first time, truly felt like I am on the path to recovery that my HP wants me to take.....and it felt good. My path to recovery is trying, gut wrenching, scary, emotionally draining, and overwhelming at times, but I am so grateful for it! For the first time last night in an Al-Anon meeting I was able to say.....I'm grateful for my relationship with the alcoholic that was in my life, because it was that relationship that got me to realize that my life was unmanageable, insane, and I wanted a better life for myself. I haven't been able to say that in the past and truly mean it, but I can now. Thanks for letting me share yet another one of my "aha moments" with all of you!

One of the things I've learned in al-anon is that the best way to get over the holiday blues is to replace old, bad memories with good, new memories. My first Xmas after leaving me ex was awful. I felt miserable. But I decided I was going to follow al-anon suggestions and see if I could build new Xmas memories that were _good_.

I went out and found a little butterfly ornament, and a little plastic tree and set it up on the kitchen counter. The butterfly is the symbol of al-anon, and it represents how I'm growing from my old life as a caterpilar to a new life as a butterfly, free from all the "baggage" I was carrying around that made my life so burdensome. I decided I was starting a _new_ holiday tradition, which is to go find a butterfly ornament every year to hang on my little plastic tree.

Alkies get a "chip" for every year of sobriety, so I'm giving myself a butterfly for every year of sanity.

Here is a pic of this year's butterfly

http://evanayers.com/Images/Acha/Butterfly02.jpg

It was on sale at a local art shop, which makes it better cuz I'm all about sales.

When I arrived here I was living in a cozy little apartment behind the Salvation Army, and my tree was almost too big for the kitchen counter. Today I have somewhat bigger condo, and a bookshelf where the tree has plenty of room. This butterfly tradition also helps me see how my life is growing and improving over the years. Eventually, I want to move to Colorado Springs where there's real trees and mountains, the summer heat here in Las Vegas is _awful_ on my health.

Some day I'm going to have a _huge_ tree with tons of butterflies on it.

So what new memories are you all making for yourselves? Are you starting any new traditions to celebrate your new freedom?

Mike :)

OK, today I am divorced.

I did make a mistake, dated before the divorce was final. Did meet another Al-anon and found out the hard way it's not good to date another al-anon that is not going to counseling or al-anon.

Anyway we broke up last Friday. She wrote today and wanted to date again. I told her if she went to counseling or Al-anon I would reconsider this. She said no so I will not date her again.

Looks like it doesn't get any easier, I will just have to take it one day at a time.

Also I am going up to Portland, OR for the Holidays (More alkys to deal with).

I guess this is a step in the right direction, I realized the toxic relationship and bolted.

I have posted before about having lost all hope.

Last June my ABF went into detox to rid himself of drug and alcohol problems. I was naive in believing he really wanted to do all that and much to my dismay he's back using drugs and never gave up the booze. He was homeless (tough for me to let him be) at the time and in retrospect I now believe he went in there to get out of the street. He also knew I would no longer help him out financially (except food) as I'd reach my fill. Since going to Al-Anon and being on this site I also realize how he's been manipulating me for the entire two years of our relationship. The rehab gave him camprol and he just stopped taking it and continued his drinking. The rehab only kept him for 4 days???? He told me the place he would be renting in was a sober house. How stupid was I? Am I? He was also put on another drug to help him stay off of the drugs. He's compulsive and when not doing one addiction makes up for it with others.

Long story.....He worked at the same place I do for awhile until he got fired. He did stay off the coke....He did turn his paycheck over to me for me to take care of his bills (I complained but wrongly did it for him). Once he got fired he went back to his old job where drugs went rampart. Yup...as you've already guessed...he's back to using drugs. He's drinking as much as ever. Yup....to further complicate things he lost his job last night because of a situation he got himself into.

I've been getting stronger every day and letting him know the relationship was at a standstill until he choses to help himself. I'm sick over the amount of money I've given him (I'm so stupid!) for these past two years. I was so afraid of what would happen to him otherwise. I put an end to that these past few weeks when I closed two accounts of numbers I'd given him to buy things like eye glasses, etc. I've paid 23 of the last 24 of his cell phone bills.

I've been detaching with love and firmness. Sure I love him and don't want to see anything bad happen to him but, my hands are tied!

So, today he called in the morning to ask would I wait for him if he were to go away for a long time to get himself squared away. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I deserve to have him be the best he can be. He's telling me over and over he wants to get better for me and I'm what's good for him! He didn't tell me until tonight he'd lost his job. I paid last week's rent for him....so he's got a roof over his head until next Wed. He said he got himself into trouble by being so kindhearted to someone who was supposed to return $$$$ to him by the end of the night. He lent his company's $$$$ and that's why he was fired. I get the distinct impression his accolades of love (as in times past) aren't forthright! He's going to be homeless again by next Wed.

So, to all of you out there am I just being cynical or am I witnessing the same manipulative behavior I have in the past? I don't mind buying him a meal but I'll not give him one dime to pay any more bills. He comes from a very large family and I know when he went homeless in June no one was willing to help him out.

He's always saying that someone did him wrong. I expressed to him today that it wasn't his kindness that got him into trouble but, perhaps the people he chooses to associate with don't have his best interests at heart. He told me I was the only one he trusts...I'm the only one who understands.

I'd love to give him some leeway but, based upon his history I think he's just pulling at my heart strings. I refuse to be used anymore. I told him that last week and I can't fall back into that old bait and hook trap he's setting for me.

Help. Sorry this ended up being so long. I'm attempting to keep myself from going into panic mode.

Alphawoman