Drug Rehab Options Blog

I found this site accidently when I was googling Bob Dylans alcoholic life, and thought it was cool because will have been sober for 6 months on the 29 of Nov. (one day at a time!)--doesn't that one day at a time make it so simple if I thought I had to quit drinking the rest of my life I could not do it.

I am a member of AA and read a few post in the thread about the "real alcoholic" and I just know that an alcholic is only an alcoholic if he deems himself an alcoholic and that is what my Big Book of AA says.
My dad drank like an alcoholic but wasn't one because he didn't think he was. I am an alcoholic no matter how often or how much or how long I drank that's what my Big Book tells me.

I'm not sure if I'll stay on this site too long as I am comfortable in AA and think there might be some weird people here(not saying there are not any in AA) but it's a new experience which I will talk with my sponser about tomorrow.
It might be another oppurtunity to work with others.....just saying hi!

This is my first post. Kinda sad since I just got married. I married an alcholic (which I knew going in). He is such a amazing person and I love him very much. I am not sure if he is a typical alcholic. Very rarely drinks- usually less then once a month....but when he does he can not stop. Since we have been married- which has only been two month....he has been drinking more (maybe once every two weeks). I can home today and he was drinking during the day which I have not seen before. I am so scared for him and feel like I made a huge mistake marrying him. When he drinks he is not mean or anything like that. I just hate seeing him like that....no idea what do to. Needed to vent since I am not ready to share with family and friends.

I'm posting this because my reply to another post got me thinking. So here goes.

Alcoholism is a disease, and I am an alcoholic. Sober 5 weeks, but still an alcoholic.

I've been on vacation from work this past week, and to help fill the time I picked up my copies of "Under the Influence" and "Beyond the Influence". In a few short hours of reading, I had my yellow highlighter in hand. After reading tese two books, I can say without hesitation that I have a disease called alcholism, and yes, I am an alcholic.

A month ago or so, I made some posts stating that I didn't believe it was a disease, that I was an alcohol abuser or heavy drinker, but not an alcoholic. I chose to drink to excess and further damage my health, my personal relations, etc. The term 'alcoholic' just didn't seem to fit.

After re-reading these books and many of the posts on this forum, I now readilly admit that I do indeed suffer from the disease of alcoholism, and am, therefore, alcoholic.

There are still a few things that I don't agree with, but I can no longer try to deny my way out of a real affliction.

:sorry

Brightest blessings to all!
Love,
BHJ

I have posted many times on the friends of alcoholics forum and I do learn a lot from there but most of the times there are no success stories. I am trying to learn as much about alcoholism because the man I love is an alcoholic.

What I'd like to know are the following, is it true that alcohol is the #1 love in an addicts life?

Is the alcohol worth risking everything you have?

Does an alcholic have to hit "their" rock bottom before they seek help?

What can I do to help without actually enabling?

For the last few days I've been doing a lot of reading on codependency, etc. I am going to an Al-Anon meeting tonight (only my second one ever, the first one had just one person there, the person running the meeting). I'm trying to get back on track with my recovery, and focus less on the abf. I am working on a list of boundaries. I am really going to focus on Al-Anon. The meeting couldn't come soon enough for me right now.

Last night I had to take my son to counseling and also sign up for hunter's safety. ABF didn't want to go, of course. Hunter's safety sign ups ended up running over a little, so the counseling had to be rescheduled. So I got home to find an empty house. I assumed he was at his mom's. My initial reaction was to call there, find out what he's doing, ask if he's drinking, etc. He hangs out here a lot when he has no money for beer, because his 60 year old uncle is an alcoholic and always has a constant supply of beer. Well I talked myself right out of that behavior, and turned the radio on, did some dishes and laundry, actually enjoyed the peace and quiet.

When his mom dropped him off, my whole attitude changed. I immediately felt myself becoming anxious/angry. He was drinking, of course. He said he had to help his mom pack (because she is moving). So I said "you're drinking", and he said "I had a couple". So I remained calm, but I told him I wasn't happy, at all, and haven't been. I told him I wanted him out, that we are just going in different directions.

He said "whatever Wendy, I'm so tired of you kicking me out every day, all because I had a few beers". He says "fine, I'll pack my stuff tomorrow and be gone" (which wouldn't have happened anyway). And then we have a few more words, and stupid me tried "talking" to him about stuff......everyone knows you can't talk to an alcholic especially when drinking. That got me nowhere, only him yelling over me, and talking about how he feels, and how it's all my fault.

When Chris was in jail, I started confiding in another man, a friend. I guess you could even go so far as to say I had an emotional affair. I met the guy once, in public. But Chris found out about this. It was in May/June. I have apologized, tried convincing him that nothing physical happened, even though I was wrong for the emotional part of it. But he doesn't believe me, and still throws this in my face, daily. Every time we argue about anything, it's because of what I did. I have apologized countless times and I know that I was wrong, I shouldn't have done it. And I was e-mailing a man for a couple of weeks here recently. I have recognized internally that this is a problem that I need to deal with. But for God sakes, I am so tired of him blaming everything on that. He won't ever let me live it down.

So last night he ends up bringing that up. I gave up on trying to talk to him, and tell him I want help, I want to change and asked if he would go to a meeting. He has no desire. He is in denial, his drinking is not the problem, it's my bitching.....same old stuff.

So then....what do I do? I give him a hug, tell him I love him, and that I'm sorry I told him to leave, that I didn't mean it, but I really want things to change. I am all over the place!!!!! It's like I still have that fear of losing him....I have such a hard time thinking of letting go and not having him in my life, it scares me right back into where I'm comfortable....apparently living in misery.

And then I am mad at myself for "making up", and for keeping the cycle going. I don't want my son to end up like me, or like Chris. I want him to have a childhood filled with laughter, peace, security, and love. Last night wasn't too bad, because we were able to put an end to it quickly, and were able to talk. But some nights it's a huge yelling match. So then I feel like a horrible mom.

This morning, he tells me that he has to go help his mom move some stuff to her new house tonight. So I immediately start in about how I know he will be drinking and stuff, and I am going to Al-Anon but he doesn't want to change. He's frustrated that I'm "nagging" first thing in the morning. On the way to work he turns up the radio loud and is sitting over there as happy as can be, dancing, singing, like he doesn't have a care in the world. Sometimes I think he is happier than I am. And I ask how can he go about like there are no problems, like everything is perfect...and he says "No, I should be more like you and dwell on it, and bitch about stuff".

I can't even bring myself to be nice to him.......is it possible that he really is as happy as he portrays himself?

I'm just all over the place with my emotions, and I know my actions are just further enabling him....but it's so damn hard, how in the world do you detach with love? I mean is it really possible to just let them do what they want, without getting mad and letting it affect you? If so, HOW do you do this???

The I am sitting here at work, feeling guilty for being grouchy/mean to him, and frustrated that I can't bring myself to be nice and loving.

:a043: :wtf2

I've not been here for a long, long time. I've just simply gone downhill.

I'm unemployed now so I can totally devote my days and my nights to drinking my life away.

I have really, really good insurance........Anthem........the best plan they offer.

My question is this.............where do I begin?

Do I start with a doc and ask for the pills that help you not to drink, do I start with AA or do I start with the insurance company?

I'm ready to check in to rehab.......ready to do whatever it takes.

I'm to the point that I drink all day and all night...........crash for a day to get over the hangover and then go do it again.

My life is totally out of control and I need help and I need help bad and I need it now.

I am a drunk.............an alcholic...............I can't help myself no more.......I need someone to help me help me and I want it.

Where do I begin? Please help me!

Love.............Starlite Dawn

PS...........Thank you in advance..............

It seems like I heard of a pill a doctor can give a acholic and if they drink they will get very sick?
Is this true?
Thanks
Kelli

First I want to thank all of you for your input and understanding.
I have no one else to talk to about my feelings.
The two years I was with Tom we had no friends.
I keep on feeling like he does not have long to live,
It is a feeling I get where it is coming from I do not know.
I have not talked to him in several days or went and checked on him.
I just need to stau away for a while.
Not long ago he was drunk and said he was going to see his dad well his dad has been gone many years. My uncle was only 43 and he drank himself to death the day before he had went to the cemetry to see my grandfathers grave no one knows why but the next day he was found dead from acholic poisioing. I feel so helpless I hurt. What I want is my old sober Tom back but of course that will not happen. How can a person go 3 months without drinking then go ona 2 month binge. I had him arrested 3 times I would notpick him upwhen he was released he walkedin the heat thinking back I should have gave him a ride but I toldhimand told him this was the last time and I meant it. Before I would run and pick him up take him back not this time.
Also why does a alcholic want to cuss you call you names threaten you when you are the one who loves them. When he was on this last binge he was smoking I have new furniture he dropped his ciggerate on my chair.
I got up and was screaming at him and got the ciggarette out and I was so mad I grabbed him by his tee shirt and threw him out ofthe chair I was shaking with anger. I said how dare you disrespect my things. I ampaying on mu furinture I did not know I was so strong and then I kicked him I am not proud but I just lost it. He owes fines to the courts forhispublic drunks I kept calling the police everytime he came drunk banging on my door. I was scared. He has never hit me but I was scared. Now I am scared for his health nights are the hardest I seem to think ofthe good times but I will never forget the cruel way he talked to me either.
Sometimes I think if he passes away he will be set free from whatever is going on inside him. I pray and pray I feel drained I have no intrest in another man at all of course it is to soon.I need to find out why I always always pick the same kind of men. I love tom and always will but he is like posion around me. I cannot stop worring about him.
What is wrong with me.
Kelli...

Yesmy b/f
is gone kicked out. But I have to say I feel so horrible for a acholic.
People do not grow up and say boy I want to grow up and be a drunk.
I think it is a horrid disease. What it must be like for them.
I have saw my b/f drink and drink throw up blood and go drink again morning noon and night. It is like he has demons inside him something inside him that torments hims. I see these people walking down the streets turned into bums I bet many of them had some kind of life before liquor took over.
I find it very sad to see one throw there wholelife away.
My b/f or ex now has totally hit rock bottom.
He had a nice home here with me he always paid his half of the bills was clean. The last time I saw him he was shaking and drinking and looked like a man off the street. They also hurt those around them I have never got I am sorry kelli for calling you horrid names night and day never. I try to talk to him about it when he was sober well forget that he acted like he never said allthose things. And on every holiday he ruined everyone why I do not know.
This last x-mas we went to my moms and yes she had acholic it is her home and everyone has a drink or two well tom had about 50 it seems. I hurry and get him in the car so it would not be to embarrising for my family to see and my son is 21 and I was scared he may say something to tom and trouble would start. It started out such a nice x-mas eve, We got in the car and the verbal abuse started out of no where. Is this a pattern to ruin things.
My best friend and her husband were always inviting us over to play cards they have never met him I always made a excuse because we play cards and drink some beer if I had taken Tom it would have turned into a distaer.
So yes I feel sorry for them I know it must be hell pure hell.
I think love and hate can go together.
I have learned from here there is nothing in the world I can do nothing.
But I still have him in my heart and wish him some kind of peace and God willing he will get his life together, He is almost 62 I am only 46 and his health is going down very quickly so when I see a drunk on the street I say a little prayer.
And to all the women and children who are abused by a drunk I really pray and hope they get out.
It all seems so hopeless for them at times.
Kelli...

My b/f who is now kicked out of my home his whole family drank.
His mother father he had a brother who drank and killed himself another brother who he has no idea where he is and a sister who drank and died taking to many rx pills.
I have only met his uncle who is 86 a very nice man and he told me long ago he and his wife tried to get tom and his siblings and raise them but was unable to. He said the family tom came from were all drunks. His uncle is not.
And he has two nephew my age 46 and 43 who are not alcholics and finally have told Tom to stay away if he is drinking. This is all the family he has left all the others are dead or one brother has not been seen for years.
Is this common for children to grow up around this and turn out the same way"? My father was a herion addict and my mom divorced him when I was very young and all three of us kids are not drug users so is there a link is it fate is it in the genes. I am trying to understand.
Thanks Kelly