Archive for the ‘Alcohol Relapse’ tag
Returning to the forums
Hello, all:
I was here frequently a couple of years back under a different name that I now choose to keep separate, since I use it elsewhere in non-recovery sites and found it could be Googled.
In any event, I am in full blown relapse, thoroughly re addicted to opiates in the form of Percocet, Vicoprofen and tramadol. I am so far below where I was two years back, not only getting pills from docs and dentists but buying them on the street as well (one of my former "nevers").
I have depleted my bank account three times over and owe money everywhere. Some of the pills were and are quite legal because I have ongoing disc herniation issues as well as a July 08 cancer diagnosis.
I survived the cancer surgery with a clean slate.
A brief history: i am an alcoholic, in recovery overall since 1986. I had a brief alcohol relapse in 2003 for about three or four months.
Two years ago, I came here and allowed you folks to guide me through an eleven day withdrawal, mitigated only by some clonidine (legal and prescribed by mu doc to whom I'd admitted my addiction) and a few days of sleeping pills after two weeks of no sleep (also legal and prescribed after the lack of sleep became health-jeopardizing).
So here I am back again, in way deeper than I ever imagined. Tonight I was fairly convinced i had O.D.'ed even though my tolerance is ridiculously high. I jockey back and forth between pills containing acetaminophen and ibuprofen, but I know I have hit toxic doses of the former at least once or twice. Each time it scares the feces out of me and I resolve to taper, or come clean to my doc again...but I squeak by with no apparent damage and start in again.
I survived radical cancer surgery just a few months ago and smoked a cigarette in the car on the way home after my first ever non-addiction related hospital stay. I filled the post-surgery pill script in the hospital, didn't even wait to hit my usual pharmacy.
The post-op pain was a nightmare because my tolerance was so high they couldn't give me high enough doses of Dilaudid to keep me pain free.
But, funniest of all, after 24 hours they removed my Dilaudid pump because I wasn't hitting the button enough to merit keeping it in.
I'm rambling and I apologize. It's not from being high, I can't stay high very long anymore, it's just from needing to dump it all somewhere.
Thanks for reading. I'm not at a point of doing much of anything but write it out right now. I'm not whining, I promise. I know exactly what it is
I need to do, I just need to do it.
Be well,
Teddy
I was here frequently a couple of years back under a different name that I now choose to keep separate, since I use it elsewhere in non-recovery sites and found it could be Googled.
In any event, I am in full blown relapse, thoroughly re addicted to opiates in the form of Percocet, Vicoprofen and tramadol. I am so far below where I was two years back, not only getting pills from docs and dentists but buying them on the street as well (one of my former "nevers").
I have depleted my bank account three times over and owe money everywhere. Some of the pills were and are quite legal because I have ongoing disc herniation issues as well as a July 08 cancer diagnosis.
I survived the cancer surgery with a clean slate.
A brief history: i am an alcoholic, in recovery overall since 1986. I had a brief alcohol relapse in 2003 for about three or four months.
Two years ago, I came here and allowed you folks to guide me through an eleven day withdrawal, mitigated only by some clonidine (legal and prescribed by mu doc to whom I'd admitted my addiction) and a few days of sleeping pills after two weeks of no sleep (also legal and prescribed after the lack of sleep became health-jeopardizing).
So here I am back again, in way deeper than I ever imagined. Tonight I was fairly convinced i had O.D.'ed even though my tolerance is ridiculously high. I jockey back and forth between pills containing acetaminophen and ibuprofen, but I know I have hit toxic doses of the former at least once or twice. Each time it scares the feces out of me and I resolve to taper, or come clean to my doc again...but I squeak by with no apparent damage and start in again.
I survived radical cancer surgery just a few months ago and smoked a cigarette in the car on the way home after my first ever non-addiction related hospital stay. I filled the post-surgery pill script in the hospital, didn't even wait to hit my usual pharmacy.
The post-op pain was a nightmare because my tolerance was so high they couldn't give me high enough doses of Dilaudid to keep me pain free.
But, funniest of all, after 24 hours they removed my Dilaudid pump because I wasn't hitting the button enough to merit keeping it in.
I'm rambling and I apologize. It's not from being high, I can't stay high very long anymore, it's just from needing to dump it all somewhere.
Thanks for reading. I'm not at a point of doing much of anything but write it out right now. I'm not whining, I promise. I know exactly what it is
I need to do, I just need to do it.
Be well,
Teddy
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