Drug Rehab Options Blog

I've read a lot of posts here from a lot of people covering different situations and I am a little sadden that I am not seeing more positive stories from people. I know that there are a lot out there to be read. Maybe I'm lucky that my situation I was in worked out. I know there are people new here that are looking for advice and I know that some are in situations that they should get out of. I would like to give out some advice to some new members that there is hope if you alcoholic is willing to sober up. You do need to take care of yourself first but keep in mind your spouse has an illness. Remember all is not lost. I have been married for 22 years and 15 of it my spouse drank everyday. I was out of love and lost but after my spouse admitted the problem and sobered up I fell in love again with the person I married long ago. Have hope if you are in a situation that can be overcome.

Maybe I'm wrong to post this but I feel that some people need to hear there are some good positive stories out there

Well - it's not the first time and it IS with the same woman, who is also an alcoholic. He'd sworn up and down that he wasn't interested in her at all and he'd been drunk, etc. It's sure easy to blame alcohol for everything that goes wrong - isn't it?

Anyway - we'd split for a time when he met her and that would have been legit, except he hung onto me (his enabler) the whole time, and I couldn't really get rid of him completely because we owned a house together (I know not an excuse - but I needed him to be on board to at least try to help me sell, and he spent a lot of time trying to talk me out of it - which meant that I didn't get his support).

Found out that when I was getting together with a friend on Friday night - he decided to go out to the country to visit friends overnight. Well - he never left the city and spent all night until 4 the next afternoon with her. He's such a good liar that his lies were down to the last minute detail, but he'd left the computer on his mail passed out and I saw a message from her, which read that she was confused because he's told her that he loves her and was supposed to call her on Sunday, which he didn't and she knows NOTHING about me (he's such a good liar). He's been stringing her down the garden path as well ... but always blames his actions on the alcohol.

I freaked on him. It was the last straw. I woke him up out of a sound drunken sleep to confront him and he was still lying, even though I had the evidence, calling me insane, etc. I didn't sleep all night and today told him that was it! I wanted him out or I was leaving - although neither of us have anywhere to go, so it was moot. I was adamant though and held my ground. I told him never to touch me again, etc.

THEN - HE WENT TO REGISTER FOR REHAB TODAY - for the very first time. He's NEVER sought ANY help in all of the 13 years we've been together, although I've given him the information many times. He has an appointment for an assessment in a couple of weeks and is on call if there is a cancelation sooner. He said they told him I could join him for the consultation. Honestly, I told him that I wasn't sure I even cared enough to help with that and at the time I said it, I really meant it (but I feel myself softening a little).

Obviously, it took THIS nasty incident to happen in order for me to react firmly, and his worry of finally losing me for him to take the step. It's a HUGE step in the right direction (especially for the man who said he NEVER needed help with anything), but I'm feeling - too little - too late.

There is ZERO, ZILCH, NADA trust here. I wanted so badly to ditch him, and yet here I am just going with the flow ... I wish I had the courage of my convictions! Why should I have to put up with the abuse a second longer? He pleaded with me to give him 6 months.

So I've been sneaking drinks since I was around 16 and I'm 23 now and still sneaking them. Back in the day I used to get drunk often but today am still functional the vast majority of the time. In a given day between the moment I wake and go to bed I can consume 14 drinks without much of an issue (though by the end of the night I'm feeling it a bit and in the morning I have to have a drink or two to steady myself).

I can go out for a night of drinks at the bar and control myself well enough that I only have a couple and be able to drive home without a hitch; I've even been pulled over by a cop after one of these nights and let go with a warning to drive slower.

I have no problem not having a drink at first, but when I have one at any point I find myself confronted with the fact that I can't keep myself from not having another, which leads to having another and another and another.

My friends are all drinkers who manage their drinking well. All of our nights together usually involve a drink or two. My family also drinks often and every family function involves drinks. I've been OK with that as well. It's when I get alone that I have problems.

I can go out for a night on the down and only have a few drinks, but upon getting home I find myself having a six pack and/or shots of whiskey. I don't know why I do it. I don't want to do it, but I can't go to bed unless I do.

I find that I drink faster than everyone else and I get uncomfortable because I would rather finish the next drink than hold a conversation.

I also don't drink cheap. I LOVE good beer and the effort that goes into making an intricate microbrew. I have even brewed hundreds of bottles worth of my own beer. This makes it all more expensive than it should be, I suppose, if I were sucking down Natural Light or Crystal Palace gin. The fact that I spend a lot of my time creating drinks makes things much more difficult for me, because I feel like I have a connection to alcohol that most alcoholics do not. Of course, I realize that this could also be me tricking myself.

This post has been a hell of a lot longer than I ever meant it to be. But there it is.

<3

Well, I joined this group yesterday in hopes of getting some understanding of what is happening in our family. My freshman in college came home from college for Christmas break and after a week we found coke and xanax in her bag (we also found a handle of vodka after she left). We confronted her, and at first she shrugged it off, but 5 minutes into the conversation she broke down and told us she needed help. She knew she had a problem as she even gave me a name of a treatment center she would like to go to. When our conversation ended I called the center, they had an opening and instructed us to act quickly. I stayed up all night researching treatment centers to see if this one would be the right fit for her. We decided to send her where she wanted to go. She spent 6 nights in detox before she was moved to the treatment center. She has been in treatment since December 23rd. I know we did the right thing...but here is where the family is torn. How do we know if she is actually and addict/ alcoholic or if she is a kid who just spiraled out of control during her first semester away at college? My other daughter wants her to come live with her at her college (she is a grad student) but she is under the impression that she will be able to drink again...she just neds to know her limits. I know she feels this way because her dad and I have not felt she is an addict/alcoholic, just a kid that is self medicating because we have felt she has some underlying psych problems. I know that anyone that goes into trmt is lead to believe they are an addict, but I know people that were in trmt for drugs that are able to socially drink. I am just so concerned wht we will do once she finishes treament. We plan on sending her to a sober house...but her future scares me to death. Unfortunately 18 yr olds seem to focus on drugs and drinking for their social life. Thanks for listening. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I broke up with my boyfriend. We were close to talking marriage, etc. I realized he had a problem, he said he sometimes has a problem. I dumped him hard, broke contact off completely, I went to a shrink and I am continuing this. He is now seeing a psychiatrist and opened up to me and told me about his abuse as a child, every possible kind. He is getting help. We aren't seeing each other until the Spring. We both have hope, but I don't know if I am just being niave about this. He wants to change, he has told all of his family and friends that he is an alcoholic and he is not drinking now. I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting in a few minutes. We write letters in postal mail only to communicate now. My therapist says I could wait for him, but I might resent him. There is a lot of hurt, I don't know I guess I'll go to this meeting and see what it is all about. Thanks.

I have recently separated (again...) from my alcoholic girlfriend - moved back to my hometown. She was not the only reason for this, work was finishing up and I missed my family, my mates and so on. What I want to know is this...

In retrospect, many of the things she said to me over the past few months have now made me think that she 100% wants to stop, but now cannot - as opposed to still *wanting* to drink. I say this after listening to the AA Big Book the other night and Bill W. talks about reaching the point where he DOES want to stop, but cannot - of course without the help of a higher power.

Prior to this last incident, she had been attending AA and was very proactive in starting her recovery. So it makes me wonder. Is she just feeding me more excuses or what? The last month or so she slipped about once a week, but a lot of this talk did not come immediately after the event - much later when we were just talking together.

Her mother is on the scene again, who is also an alcoholic. These two together are like the devil incarnate squared. I truly believe her mother does not help her situation at all. My girlfriend is also a double winner, very co-dependant - especially with her mother. And so, she does not want to *abandon* her.

Of course this could be an excuse (and sounds like one...) I know this isn't *really* mine to solve, but hers. It's just that if I can still be there as at least ONE person who is there to listen and offer encouragement, then I'd like to be. Then again, she could be full of sh*t and that really scares me. She had said a lot of things that nobody has prompted her to believe in the past and if it's all just another lie, then she's headed further away and not closer to recovery - from one extreme to another. Well, she IS still drinking as far as I know. So maybe I have my answer...

Any views on this? Obviously there is not definite answer, but some thoughts would help.

And I guess the proof IS in the pudding...

Today (Christmas) I became so frustrated that I found this group by searching "for help for the parent of an adult child alcoholic". I have attended Al-anon. I wonder if I have misunderstood my role in my daughter's recovery. I have been careful to not nag or comment when she shows up under the influence. Today her daughter, 11, told me about her Mother showing up at her school functions (musical concerts) after drinking. Last night the same thing happened at a Christmas Eve service. She was in rehab for a month. I thought there would be major changes. Instead, there is denial.
My question to family especially parents is how they handle these situations. Almost all of our family get togethers have been a disaster for the last 5 years.
Thanks,

I have been married 21 years to an alcoholic. I have 2 beautiful daughters 20 and 12. We have been living a nightmare for the past 10 years. My husband goes to work and comes home and drinks all night. He goes to the basement and stumbles up the stairs to go to bed. I have been going to therapy because I am not sure what to do. Of course the therapist always wants to know how I feel after things have happened and I always give the same answer. I don't know how I feel, sick? Worn out from being kept up all night long since I don't want to go to bed with him. I can go to therapy for the rest of my life and still be lost. I understand that I have been mentally abused and I know that not all alcoholics are abusers and not all abusers are alcoholics but when do you leave and never look back? Can someone help me find my way?

Here in New Zealand it is Christmas eve.

I just wanted to let everyone know you and your alcoholic loved ones (drunk and sober) are all in my thoughts and prayers.

I am grateful my family has some recovery in it so our xmas day should be rather pleasant, but there have certainly been some in the past that have been spectacular disasters.

May God bless all of us and keep us safe.

:Xmasc

"We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm that.

These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the real problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound to you like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beat himself on the head with a hammer so that he couldn't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk."


:HOXmasrd