Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi

I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.

2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.

I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.

I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.

I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.

I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)

today at 5:30. He has taken the first step in his process to deal with his alcoholism. My question is... how should I treat this? Do I act proud...supportive....detached....uncaring. I am at a loss. I am not saying I am staying..but not sure if I am going. Kind of in limbo but how do you support someone you do love in trying to get help? No matter what happens with us - I want a healthy life for him.

And no relief. Hilarious really. I feel like crap. Hum. Btw alcoholism isn't a disease it's an addiction of the mind.

Hi.

I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.

I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.

I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).

I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.

I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.

I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.

I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).

But I think I have found a happy ending.

I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.

I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.

Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...

Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).

Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.

I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.

Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.

so ya, today is day 21 since my last drink. if i make it through i will have made a HUGE advancement in my sobriety.

21 days. longest stretch i have gone ever. this morning my ex. decided that she wasn't going to be at her house to watch the kids so i could see my therapist.....good thing her friend was there and was kind enough to watch them for me.

so ya, kinda choked.

tonite is our staff xmas party. anytime i have gone out for drinks with the guys from work it has always been a gong show. i always have over done it. to not drink tonite will be huge.

and last but not least, today also marks the 3 month anniversary to the day my fiancee walked out the door and left me.

so ya, today has a few things going on.....

BUT....

i will not succumb. i will stand tall and wake up tomorrow morning KNOWING that i was bigger than the alcoholism that runs through my veins.

Hey all, I'm new to this forum, but I wanted to discuss or have a place to vent where people know where I'm coming from. I'm a young professional chef, worked my way up within the culinary industry since I was 15 years old. I suffered from a drug addiction & alcoholism for almost 3 years. Although I'm clean now, sometimes I feel like going back, because my line of work drives me insane & I still don't know how I'm functioning sober. If there is anyone out there who are within the industry & would like to share, please do!

So, here is my story. I feel compelled to right this out and this is simply the best spot to do it....

I am in year two of my alcoholism recovery rollercoaster ride. I stopped drinking on Jan. 1, 2007, lasting 6 full months. During the balance of that year I binged, had several major incidents and spent only 25% of the time sober. During this time I was also training for an Ironman, which I successfully complete in April of this year. This unfortunately, gave me another excuse to drink.....something I just can't control.

I believe I can get back on the wagon and stay on it for good this time.

Does anyone have any suggestions around seeing a Psychologist? Does this help a great deal or should I handle it on my own (like I did once before).

Also, has anyone had success with EFT?


Cheers

find myself in a very difficult situation right now that I find very difficult to deal with and am seeking advice. To begin with about me I have been divorced for about a year and am now a single father to a 5 year old. I have the house, car, and a good job. Shortly after splitting with the ex I met my current fiancee. She was there for me during a very difficult time in my life when I needed help.

About her: She is a wonderful person inside, smart, loving, hard working, and an alcoholic. She has been in and out of treatment centers for the past 5 years the most recent being in August. She is very well aware of her alcoholism problem and makes no secret about it. She stays at home while I work and takes care the house and my child.

For the first 6 months of our relationship she was a very heavy drinker often consuming a half-gallon of vodka a day. This led to a situation where she was "perfect" while sober but miserable when drunk. Our relationship became very stressed because of her drinking problem. She would try to stop drinking but this always failed and even once led to a siezure. She was always in and out of the hospital for alcohol related problems. We argued all the time mostly when she was drunk. She suggested we see a relationship therapist.

By chance, our therapist was a recovered alcoholic. He immediatly identified that our relationship could never recover until she addressed her alcoholism problem. She entered a treatment center for a week and then checked herself out early because she couldn't stand being there anymore. She had stopped drinking and started attending AA meetings several times a week.

Our relationship improved dramatically. I realized how much I love the non-drunk version of this women and even proposed to her. It didn't take much time for her to relapse again. At first it was just the occasional bottle of wine. She then stopped going to all AA meetings. She called them a cult of freeks. She then got into arguments with our therapist all the time that one time turned into yelling. Our therapist refused to see her anymore and told me that I would be absolutely insane to stay with her and she really has no hope to recover with her attitude.

We have been togethor for a year now. She has decided that she will deal with her alcholism her own way. She feels that she can control her drinking and I simply need to buy her wine whenever she wants it. She thinks that she should be able to drink a couple bottles of wine twice a month. I know this is BS because it always starts with a little. She also claims she no longer needs AA or any other form of support. She has made it clear that either I buy her her alcohol or she will be gone.

She is a very smart women. She has read all the AA books, been to countless AA meetings, been to numerous treatment centers. But still has decided that she will do it her own way.

How do I deel with situation where I have grown so close to a person who is an amazing person who I deeply love but at the same time refused to deal anymore with her alcoholism? Should I just give up as the therapist said I should do or do I hold out hoping she will try again?

I debated whether to post this here or in the Alcoholism forum, but since I've only got 57 days under my belt I figure I'm still a newbie... and if this can help *anyone* else, then it's worth it.

Some of you might remember a post I made a few weeks back about quitting drinking vs. recovering, about how I have stopped drinking but I'm not really on a recovery path, so many days I feel lost and confused. I have good days and bad days, and I've not slipped and had a drink so I figure I'm at least hanging in there good enough to stay sober for today (and that's all I can worry about right now - today). However, I have thoughts. And those thoughts often turn into "debates" with myself. Debates about whether or not my problem is as bad as I thought it was. Debates about whether or not I really have to never drink again. Debates about what exactly it is that I think I miss about drinking anyway.

Here are a few examples (my "Addict Voice" in red, my "Rational Voice" in blue):

"You were never really that bad. You stopped it before things got really out of control."
"Oh? How do you know how bad it was? You were drunk. There's a lot you don't remember. Maybe you should ask those who DO remember and see what they have to say about it."

"But, come on. Really. You've read some real alcoholic horror stories. Your own situation was never even close to anything like that."
"What, and you WANT it to be that bad? It has to be that horrible for there to be a problem? Do you WANT to lose everything that is important in your life, including your life?"

"Ok, ok. But look at how (relatively) easy it's been to go this long without drinking. Doesn't that mean anything? If you can go this long once, you can go this long again. What's the harm in having a margarita from time to time, or champagne on New Year's, or wine with dinner? You know more now than you knew then."
"*sigh* If only it were that easy. Don't you remember the last time you had a drink? Don't you remember ANY time you had a drink in the past year and a half? The immediate craving for more? The total inability to stop once you started? What makes you think it will be different this time, easier this time?"

"What exactly do you think you miss about it, anyway? What about drinking do you want back so badly? The blackouts? The hangovers? The sneaking around, convincing yourself that no one knew you were drinking?"
"... ... ... I don't know what I miss exactly. I don't miss the after-effects, no. And I don't miss the sneaking around. I don't miss the way it made me feel about myself, either."
"So... tell me then, what part of it DO you miss? What part of it do you want back?"
"I guess that initial rush, the buzz, the feeling of calm and relief."
"And how long did that last?"
"Never long enough."
"And what about later that night, or the next day? Still calm and relief?"
"No. Disgust. Regret. Shame. Self-loathing. Embarrassment."
"And you want that back, do you?"

I can't figure out why it feels so important to me to think that I'll be able to drink again one day. LOGICALLY, RATIONALLY, I know that I can not. I know that the mere fact that the thought affects me this way means I have a problem.

I guess I still have some work to do.

I hope that this method of posting works. I can?t type online because the online computer is in the livingroom. I?ll save this to my portable drive and then try to paste it quickly. I?m not even sure that I should be posting anything. I?ve never been addicted to anything stronger than Newports :) but I?m afraid that was only for lack of opportunity. I liked getting high as a teenager and now, as an adult, I can remember how much I liked it. There?s my ?dark side? (what I call my desire because the rest of my life is ? or looks ? so stinkin? squared-away) that misses it and would get high in a heartbeat if I didn?t have to be so responsible or worry about scandalizing people. (I have an image to maintain. I always have and always will. Actually, it?s an image that I want to be.) So, I don?t think that I would ever actively seek to get high again. But, there are times that I sit back and try to imagine the rush ? and, you know, I almost can. Still, it?s like an itch that can?t be found. You scratch somewhere else but it really doesn?t satisfy what you want. To all of you who have had your lives turned upside down by addiction, I apologize for the following comment: I don?t hate drugs, except when it comes to my kids (please don?t ask me to explain that one ? I can?t even explain it to myself). I never had a real reason to hate them, I guess. I only enjoyed them. They had little consequence in my life, unlike alcohol. Although I?m not alcoholic, I have alcoholism throughout my family tree, and I know that I don?t control it well ? dead giveaway should have been when I lost my virginity to a guy whom I didn?t know. He thought that, although I wasn?t sober enough to walk to the car, I was sober enough to give consent. Call me dense. That lesson took me a couple years to figure out. But, I haven?t had a drink in twenty years. So, here I am, all grown up, a woman who loves God, has a family and a job. Still, I know that if someone were to restrain me and were to force a needle in my arm, although I would scream indignantly for all the world to hear, I would be silently thanking them for the opportunity. (I can?t believe that I actually admitted that.) Am I simply crazy? Maybe I should be posting in the mental health section. Not for awhile though, because it took me over an hour to get up the courage to post this one.