Drug Rehab Options Blog

At the beginning of sobriety is it normal to feel like a complete stranger in your own house? I know my wife didn't like me when I was drunk but I'm beginning to think she may not like me sober either. Is it just mending years of bad behavior? It's just extremely frustrating when I finally gave in to her request and have made a wholehearted effort to change. I have repeatedly asked that she give me time and space to sort through feelings of anger, shame, embarrassment and all sorts of other feelings I never addressed with no avail. She thinks 18 days of sobriety and everything is ok. Is there a good way to explain that I don't want to hang out with our friends or family until I feel I can bear it? I know it's not fair to her or our daughter but I feel this is something I have to do to have chance at staying sober..Thanks

The secret of life is to know when enough is enough.
- Dr. Vincent Ryan

This was my father's favorite saying in his final years, and one of the last thing he said to me before he died. I was contemplating selling my house and moving to a smaller one, and that was his pronouncement on the subject.

It was kind of ironic, since there he was, a family doctor for forty years, gasping and wheezing over the phone, barely able to speak, dying from smoking too much. But the fact that he learned the lesson late doesn't negate the truth. And it goes straight to the heart of the issue of gratitude; namely, that gratitude makes us feel like we have enough, whereas ingratitude leaves us in a state of deprivation in which we are always looking for something else.

That's why the idea of cultivating "the gratitude attitude" is so popular among twelve-step programs. As Emmet Miller notes in "Gratitude: A Way of Life". "Gratitude has to do with feeling full, complete, adequate - we have everything we need and deserve; we approach the world with a sense of value." Addictions of all sorts come from a sense of deprivation, a feeling of lack that the user believes can be filled with a substance or activity, whether it's drugs, shopping, alcohol or food. Caught up in lack, we feed the need but never feel truly satisfied because our substance of choice can't fill the lack. Consequently we continue to want more and more.

As many people have pointed out, our consumer society owes its very existence to its ability to fuel a sense of never being satisfied. If we were happy about the way we looked, for example, why would we spend billions on cosmetics and plastic surgery? Or on expensive cars that supposedly convey a certain image that we don't have?

An attitude of gratitude gets us off the treadmill and out of the rat race. As we cultivate a true and deep appreciation for what we do have, we realize that our sense of lack is, for the most part, an illusion. No matter our material circumstances, the richness of our soul is ultimately what brings happiness, not another Martini, bigger breasts, or the latest video game. In the words of Lao Tzu, "He who knows enough is enough will always have enough."
From the book "Attitudes of Gratitude" by M.J.Ryan, pages 73 and 74.
M.J.Ryan is the executive editor of Conari Press, publisher of the best-selling "Rainbow Acts of Kindness" series, and the editor of "A Gratteful Heart" and The Fabric of the Future". She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.

Hi guys, I know I am only new here (today), but I am starting to stuggle, and have no support, well I do, I have my wonderfull husband and my oldest daughter who is 19, but I can beat them with all sorts of excuses and good intentions, I never lie, but they fall for any reason I give then about being in controll or that it is better for me to have another drink.

I am cutting down on my intake because I don't want to detox in a center again because it is so far from my husband and children and if I go back they will keep me there for 3-4 months and we can't afford for my family to travel & visit me, my children are my life, and I quit rehab last time because I couldn't see them, and I ended up severely depressed.

Also they put me on drugs to stop seizures, which are some of the same I had a 12 year addiction to (I have been clean from them for 12 years now) and I like thm too much, they scare the bejebers out of me, so I need to do it this way.

I used to drink 3ltres of wine per day 14% and had to detox in a center because of seizures, now I am down to 10 cans per day of beers at 4%, I need to knock off 2 cans per day now, to get to a point where I can safely detox at home, but now I am struggling.

I am scared, and the more scared I get, the more I want a drink, it sux big time and I feel like I am close to losing it and going backward.

I guess I am asking for some tips/tricks/hints on keeping on reducing my intake so I can stop in a few days time.

Any help would be so appreciated, thankyou guys.

What kind of trouble do I get to look forward with these seemingly innocent pills? They don't get me "high" but take away my pain like nothing I have used before and give me amazing energy.

I dumped my drug dealing boyfriend thinking that I would be safe from using since I only buy from him and my prescription vicodin is a reasonable amount from Kaiser. So...I was out of my medicine this week and instead of just getting through it I found someone who has all sorts of connections. She turned me onto dilaudid pills - great price and I thought, what the hell? Now I'm in love with a new drug. But I'm in trouble aren't I? Am I getting close to shooting up here? I feel like I am. Damnit.

My boyfriend went to rehab about six months ago. He has been doing quite well in his recovery up until about a month ago. Some of the issues we have are due to low self worth, jealousy and a compulsion to control on his part. Other issues are due to challenges that are naturally faced in recovery. I do have a few questions to gain some input regarding some of the challenges we are facing.

My friends and I go to a club sometimes to hang out, dance and drink. I have greatly lessened going there to be supportive of his recovery. There have been three birthdays at the club recently and it has been an all out war for me to go. He has to leave the house so he doesn't see what I am wearing as he can't see me looking nice if he is not there. It drives him crazy and he just tries to pick fights with me. My ex is a part of the group and he hates that even though my ex would love to meet him and I believe truly wishes us the best. He accuses me of being deceptive, doesn't believe I am not behaving out of line when I am out, etc.

I have let him know that I want to support him in his recovery but that I cannot ignore the other people in my life. He can't go with me of course but expects me to not go either because he can't go. He also expects me to not drink anything as he can't drink and it brings upon jealous feelings in him. I do want to be supportive of him without losing my own self, life and my friends. I feel I cannot live for just him or his recovery. This is not just a problem with going to the club, but anywhere without him so I feel control is a part of the issue here as well. It is a problem if I go out for dinner with a girlfriend and he asks me all sorts of questions about what we did, ate and drank. He wants to know every detail. What is your take on this and what do others feel a healthy boundary looks like?

I know he is lonely and is having a terrible time with not being able to go out and have fun. He doesn't have any friends and is only with our immediate family as his family is a large part of his problems in the first place. We used to have date night but that has been canceled as he is either angry or crying that he is so limited as to where we can go. He is tired of staying home all the time and is threatened that I have fun with my friends and he can't have fun with me.

I am ready to walk out on the relationship. I am a positive thinker and find the pity pot he is on often draining and futile. It is like he has no interest in getting off of it. I spend my time reading, do believe I have healthy boundaries, good self worth and communications skills basically in hand. We all screw up from time to time but I believe I have most things under control in my life. The problem is there are a few things I will not give in to as I have let him know losing myself is not an option here. I had a history of co dependent behavior that he was used to and does not like everything not being about him anymore.

AA and intense rehab worked to sober him up but he finds that he does not receive the guidance from AA anymore to learn how to gain a new perspective on certain topics. He does not feel that AA allows his self worth to grow past a certain point and I do agree with him. I read lots of self help books and he reads some of them which are helpful but not direct guidance like he had in rehab.

I will be supportive but not give up my own friends and going to their birthdays. I will not drink or have alcohol in our home but will drink when I go out with my friends. I feel like his recovery is ruling my whole life along with his. I can see him asking but he is demanding I have the exact same restrictions he has in life.

Anyone else deal with this and if so how did you work it out? Thanks for reading.

Hello ppl I posted here a while back and told a bit of my story but i havint had aksess to a computer and now I do and Ive been in all sorts off **** and Im really stressin I would like a person to talk to to through these times Ive been using and drinking a huge binge now I feel so bad..:codiepolice sorry Im not real good with computars either Im not real smart :(

I'm so sad and depressed.

Sometimes, I get so down that I just sit and stare into blankness. While I know I'm not fixing things by doing this, sometimes, it's the only solace I get when I'm attacked on so many fronts.

Take for instance, my degree. I graduated back in May of 2007. My major was Information Technology (IT), so you would think that I would have all sorts of opportunities for employment. My first career job ended miserably after a year. They terminated me due to performance. I had no idea what I was doing as I was a programmer programming in a very old and archaic programming technology.

During that horrible year, I was trying to get through severe depression as my girlfriend left me. Later on that year, I painfully discovered that she had moved on from seeing images of her being kissed by the new guy through the internet.

Fast forward to today, and I'm still unemployed. I've moved back to the town I graduated college from, and have been turned down for a job already. I'm going back to school, though, through the help of my wonderful grandmother this January to begin English Composition. As soon as I get registered for classes, I plan on getting some counseling from the counseling center. While I wish I could solve my problems on my own (which I think I can through time and constant application submission), I feel like it would be a healthy thing to do to talk to someone who is a licensed professional, ya know? I find it very difficult to do anything anymore. I mean, things that I enjoy, like making websites and stuff, I find little interest in because it somehow "emotionally reminds me" of my dreaded past experiences of missing my ex, going through hell with my past employer, etc.

Could someone please give me an internet hug!

Hey there, a bit of background. I have this very supportive girl on MSN and we've been developing a very close bond over the past 2 years, she's helped me through all sorts of stuff, so it's obvious to say she's very important to me. The second part of this background is that I have some very bad social anxiety when it comes to friends, old wounds are easy to reopen and they make me want to throw up. So this Friday and today I PMed her a few times, she didn't bother to answer, today when I PMed her she just got offline and ignored me. I hadn't felt this way in a long time, she brought up all this past pain from other relationships where I was rejected cause of the same stuff. I'm terrified, more about losing her than any relapse I could experience.

I have been sober now since June. For the past couple of years I was drinking so heavy.. lots of beer at night..sometime as many as 8 or 9. At one point in May..I had a very bad panic attack out of the blue. this lead me to the ER. my heart was racing and I felt like I was going to pass out. I told them how much I was drinking.. and that I needed to stop... and that day was the day I took my last drink.

Now since that day I have suffered with not feeling well. I take xanax very low does per day..to take the terror away.
I have seen my medical doc and they have done all sorts of blood work, MRI..of the Brain,,CT of the abdomen, A complete cardio workup.. and I had my first mammo. Each test has come back perfect and normal My concearn is I have lost weight since I stopped drinking about 10 pounds since early june.. it's now Sept. Is this a normal weight loss to expect after quitting the booze?? I worry about cancer.. or something awful..but all tests are fine. Doea this weight loss sound normal?

Hi everyone,

I just thought i'd check in and say hi... I've been doing good and staying away from A-exbf. It's still pretty fresh, so of course i've had THOUGHTS of it, but then quickly thought better than to go ahead and do it. I always just say to myself "what good is it going to do? Is is going to change anything? No... Is it going to make me feel better about everything that happened? no... The only thing that will do all that is if I move on. What HAS made me feel better is the fact that I DIDNT think of "checking up on" or worst yet, contacting the guy. It sounds pretty silly, but I was actually pretty proud of myself. You know, I did something this weekend that made me feel quite good. As I mentioned before, my A-ex used to always be on me about how I need to lose weight (i'm 5ft, 135, everyone says I look nice just the way I am), but he had very low self esteem to the point he would get on the scale every single day and if it was off from where he wanted it to be, even if it was less than a pound, he'd throw a fit and not eat for days. Forget about a six pack, he had like an 8 pack on his stomach, but it wasnt a healthy looking one. He looked emaciated, even his roommate said so. He looked sickly, not strong and in shape. So he extended those feelings onto me all the time. Because I wasnt the same way, I wasnt thin enough. He used to tell me that my size 8 was "fat". That he usually only dates girls that are a size 0 or 2. Well, I think toys r us is having a sale on barbie dolls!! haha... Anyway, I got off track there... What I started saying was I decided to take new pics of myself and post them on my websites, etc because a few times people have been telling me I look different from the ones that are up. Anyway, the minute I posted the new ones, I started getting all sorts of comments from guys online saying how beautiful I am and how nice the new pics are. Sounds dumb, but it felt so nice after all that criticism from the ex to have people APPRECIATE my pics! :) Anyway, it was a nice boost after everything i've been dealing with. So that's how my weekend went. I had my own little triumph in not allowing myself to make contact with the A-ex or check on him, and I got a few nice compliments along the way. Oh, also I received my copy of "getting them sober: volume 1" in the mail this weekend and I started reading that. Well, that's about it! Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week.