Drug Rehab Options Blog

Im a twenty one year old male, i dont know where to start, so im just going to start it like this.

My problem is marijuana, it never really started that way, but it has become one. I began smoking when i was 16 or so, and i started heavly smoking when i was about 18 for reasons that really dont matter. But now, im really going to quit, i "quit" about twenty times before, but now im just sick of it.

My problems with my marijuana use, i just really need help. I dont know what is wrong with me.

Before i started smoking, i was fine, i never experienced anything like i do now, i was just me, i was happy, i did what i wanted to do and was never scared of anything, i talked to people, i was just always smiling.

I began to notice a problem, a serious problem, when i tried to go to college. I developed serious anxiety and panic, and i would go home and just smoke marijuana by myself and pretend everything was okay.

Now, today, i have quit for about two weeks. I 'quit' about one month and a half ago, but then smoked again, and i have no excuse for doing it. But now i just dont want to do it anymore, all of my 'friends' are drug addicts who i really dont hang around anymore because it has become a problem with me.

I really just want to know if these symptoms are from withdrawal. My palms are just always sweaty, i always feel uneasy, i feel uncomfertable when im sitting around alot of people, ive become depressed and anxious.

Am i just crazy? Or are these symptoms real?

Thank you if you read, and any advice would really be helpful. Thank you again.

And another point, i am not afraid of the truth, so please do not sugar coat any of your opinions, or facts, or whatever you have for me, thanks again.

I have often looked at this forum and always just pass it by.
I dont know why.
I know there is so much more to recovery than just putting the stuff down.
I know this.
But after awhile it seems that I become bitter.
Like I need some kind of release.
I believe that I cant hold onto recovery because I really dont do anyhting more than just put it down.
I try to live on like it never happened. And it just isnt working.
I dont want to be just as obsessed with recovery as I am with the drugs.
And lately I have been ungrateful for this millionth chance at living a better life.
I dont know if I think I dont deserve it. I dont really want it. Or maybe I just dont know anything about it really.
I have been an addict since the age of 12. Now I am 33 and living a "normal" life seems so hard.
I am not just interested in the struggles of active addiction and the struggle of putting it down.
I need to know how to keep it.
My attitude is unacceptable. I dont seem happy with anyhting.
I am very lucky and should be grateful for everything I have.
But my spoiled brat mind is pouting because I am not living like I feel I should be.
I am ready to admit that.
And that is hard. I want what I want and I want it now kinda thing.
I know..I am pitiful.
Alot of people..Whom I know dont even come close to the chances I have had.
I make myself ashamed.
But at the same time..I cant help how I feel. And I cant pretend I dont feel like this. That will solve nothing.
So please dont think too bad of me for being this way.
I really want to know how to humble myself. How to appreciate the simple things. How do all of you embrace your recovery instead of resenting it.
I am tired of feeling and thinking this way.
So yes..I am ready to know...What is recovery?

Hello---Well I said I felt very vulnerable to a relapse and that is what I did.I decided just to have a couple of drinks....so here I am.* Now, do not beat me up, but the real turning point for me, the real change in my thinking came with the obsession that I would have to change my date.* Alot of people did not feel that way, but alot did, as did my sponsor, although she would not have forced me to do so.* I just could not get past this, I wish I would have....I just feel like I lost what was for me a critical part of my recovery.* The "time" had kept me from drinking once before.* And, oh yes, I have heard that "time is not a tool"Anyway the drink itself (from my original post), the obsessing about it, the consequence of changing my date, the building resentments around all of this was enough, I guess....I started thinking about drinking and eventually did.Now here I am on day one, yuck!!* On one hand, I could beat myself, obsess, resent.....but that would lead to more drinking.** On the other hand, I can strive to move on, face this one day at a time, work a good program and strengthen the things that may have been lacking in my program.I think that is what I need to do...focus on today, I can move on,* the good thing is that I feel like my "non-drinking" life is stronger than my "drinking" life, if that makes sense.Thanks for listening---Chris

I look forward to them all week at work. Then when they get here. I am just so tired and lazy and depressed.
I dont feel like doing anything....I am bored and sick of just work and home all the time.
I feel bad for feeling like this. There are alot of people here going through some serious things right now and I am complaining that my life sucks.
Sorry guys.
Just feel sad for no reason.