Archive for the ‘Amount Of Money’ tag
In need of guidance here (lost all hope back again)
I have posted before about having lost all hope.
Last June my ABF went into detox to rid himself of drug and alcohol problems. I was naive in believing he really wanted to do all that and much to my dismay he's back using drugs and never gave up the booze. He was homeless (tough for me to let him be) at the time and in retrospect I now believe he went in there to get out of the street. He also knew I would no longer help him out financially (except food) as I'd reach my fill. Since going to Al-Anon and being on this site I also realize how he's been manipulating me for the entire two years of our relationship. The rehab gave him camprol and he just stopped taking it and continued his drinking. The rehab only kept him for 4 days???? He told me the place he would be renting in was a sober house. How stupid was I? Am I? He was also put on another drug to help him stay off of the drugs. He's compulsive and when not doing one addiction makes up for it with others.
Long story.....He worked at the same place I do for awhile until he got fired. He did stay off the coke....He did turn his paycheck over to me for me to take care of his bills (I complained but wrongly did it for him). Once he got fired he went back to his old job where drugs went rampart. Yup...as you've already guessed...he's back to using drugs. He's drinking as much as ever. Yup....to further complicate things he lost his job last night because of a situation he got himself into.
I've been getting stronger every day and letting him know the relationship was at a standstill until he choses to help himself. I'm sick over the amount of money I've given him (I'm so stupid!) for these past two years. I was so afraid of what would happen to him otherwise. I put an end to that these past few weeks when I closed two accounts of numbers I'd given him to buy things like eye glasses, etc. I've paid 23 of the last 24 of his cell phone bills.
I've been detaching with love and firmness. Sure I love him and don't want to see anything bad happen to him but, my hands are tied!
So, today he called in the morning to ask would I wait for him if he were to go away for a long time to get himself squared away. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I deserve to have him be the best he can be. He's telling me over and over he wants to get better for me and I'm what's good for him! He didn't tell me until tonight he'd lost his job. I paid last week's rent for him....so he's got a roof over his head until next Wed. He said he got himself into trouble by being so kindhearted to someone who was supposed to return $$$$ to him by the end of the night. He lent his company's $$$$ and that's why he was fired. I get the distinct impression his accolades of love (as in times past) aren't forthright! He's going to be homeless again by next Wed.
So, to all of you out there am I just being cynical or am I witnessing the same manipulative behavior I have in the past? I don't mind buying him a meal but I'll not give him one dime to pay any more bills. He comes from a very large family and I know when he went homeless in June no one was willing to help him out.
He's always saying that someone did him wrong. I expressed to him today that it wasn't his kindness that got him into trouble but, perhaps the people he chooses to associate with don't have his best interests at heart. He told me I was the only one he trusts...I'm the only one who understands.
I'd love to give him some leeway but, based upon his history I think he's just pulling at my heart strings. I refuse to be used anymore. I told him that last week and I can't fall back into that old bait and hook trap he's setting for me.
Help. Sorry this ended up being so long. I'm attempting to keep myself from going into panic mode.
Alphawoman
Last June my ABF went into detox to rid himself of drug and alcohol problems. I was naive in believing he really wanted to do all that and much to my dismay he's back using drugs and never gave up the booze. He was homeless (tough for me to let him be) at the time and in retrospect I now believe he went in there to get out of the street. He also knew I would no longer help him out financially (except food) as I'd reach my fill. Since going to Al-Anon and being on this site I also realize how he's been manipulating me for the entire two years of our relationship. The rehab gave him camprol and he just stopped taking it and continued his drinking. The rehab only kept him for 4 days???? He told me the place he would be renting in was a sober house. How stupid was I? Am I? He was also put on another drug to help him stay off of the drugs. He's compulsive and when not doing one addiction makes up for it with others.
Long story.....He worked at the same place I do for awhile until he got fired. He did stay off the coke....He did turn his paycheck over to me for me to take care of his bills (I complained but wrongly did it for him). Once he got fired he went back to his old job where drugs went rampart. Yup...as you've already guessed...he's back to using drugs. He's drinking as much as ever. Yup....to further complicate things he lost his job last night because of a situation he got himself into.
I've been getting stronger every day and letting him know the relationship was at a standstill until he choses to help himself. I'm sick over the amount of money I've given him (I'm so stupid!) for these past two years. I was so afraid of what would happen to him otherwise. I put an end to that these past few weeks when I closed two accounts of numbers I'd given him to buy things like eye glasses, etc. I've paid 23 of the last 24 of his cell phone bills.
I've been detaching with love and firmness. Sure I love him and don't want to see anything bad happen to him but, my hands are tied!
So, today he called in the morning to ask would I wait for him if he were to go away for a long time to get himself squared away. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I deserve to have him be the best he can be. He's telling me over and over he wants to get better for me and I'm what's good for him! He didn't tell me until tonight he'd lost his job. I paid last week's rent for him....so he's got a roof over his head until next Wed. He said he got himself into trouble by being so kindhearted to someone who was supposed to return $$$$ to him by the end of the night. He lent his company's $$$$ and that's why he was fired. I get the distinct impression his accolades of love (as in times past) aren't forthright! He's going to be homeless again by next Wed.
So, to all of you out there am I just being cynical or am I witnessing the same manipulative behavior I have in the past? I don't mind buying him a meal but I'll not give him one dime to pay any more bills. He comes from a very large family and I know when he went homeless in June no one was willing to help him out.
He's always saying that someone did him wrong. I expressed to him today that it wasn't his kindness that got him into trouble but, perhaps the people he chooses to associate with don't have his best interests at heart. He told me I was the only one he trusts...I'm the only one who understands.
I'd love to give him some leeway but, based upon his history I think he's just pulling at my heart strings. I refuse to be used anymore. I told him that last week and I can't fall back into that old bait and hook trap he's setting for me.
Help. Sorry this ended up being so long. I'm attempting to keep myself from going into panic mode.
Alphawoman
Oxy User
Hi. I'm brand new to this site and I have a big problem or I feel that way tonight. Maybe I will change my mind. I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post and I don't know if anyone can relate to me but I know that my life is going down the crapper so to speak because of my oxy addiction. Mostly I am concerned about the amount of money is costs me, which isn't a great reason to get help.
Long story short I am pretty hooked on oxy, my boyfriend had a back injury several years ago and he started selling them. I took recreational painkillers but maybe (at the most) 7 a week when we met for stress, to get high basically and it didn't hurt anyone. I've always held a great job, am college educated, etc. You can't tell by looking at me that I'm a junkie. I don't smoke, eat meat and rarely drink. I bike to work and am very healthy.
Anyway, over the past couple years my intake has gone up and up. Now I'm hooked on the relationship, the pills: snort and take them orally. I go into withdrawal when I try to break up with my boyfriend. I'm not even sure I love him or if I've just stayed together for the "benefits." It's costing me a lot of money and I'm not sure I want out and I honestly don't know what to do. How did I get myself into such a mess? I've never had a problem like this before. I guess i just want to know that there is hope to have a better life than this. I am feeling like such a looser.
Long story short I am pretty hooked on oxy, my boyfriend had a back injury several years ago and he started selling them. I took recreational painkillers but maybe (at the most) 7 a week when we met for stress, to get high basically and it didn't hurt anyone. I've always held a great job, am college educated, etc. You can't tell by looking at me that I'm a junkie. I don't smoke, eat meat and rarely drink. I bike to work and am very healthy.
Anyway, over the past couple years my intake has gone up and up. Now I'm hooked on the relationship, the pills: snort and take them orally. I go into withdrawal when I try to break up with my boyfriend. I'm not even sure I love him or if I've just stayed together for the "benefits." It's costing me a lot of money and I'm not sure I want out and I honestly don't know what to do. How did I get myself into such a mess? I've never had a problem like this before. I guess i just want to know that there is hope to have a better life than this. I am feeling like such a looser.
I don’t know if I did the right thing…
My son turns 20 next week.
He still lives at home.He is a good kid-he doesn't drink, use, smoke, drive crazily late at night or party wildly.I am pretty proud of him but that's not to say we haven't had problems.We have.He's been treated for depression for years and once attempted suicide at 13.I can't quite believe I'm posting this-but I'm nothing if honest I guess.I need to give this background because it counts in this scenario.
It took him a long time to reach out and make friends with people.He has in the past 2-3 years and I'm glad.He knows some great kids, finally, after being alone and confused and sad for so long.
Anyway-he wants to have a party for his 20th next week.He approached me about it tonight.I know he's responsible now-but we went back and forth about his friends.I told him I was ok with him having some friends over-but it went from 5 friends to 20 and I suddenly thought-no.I couldn't do that.
I know some of his friends drink (he doesn't-he hates the taste of alcohol-thank god.Hes tried it-and dope-and decided it's not for him) and that was ok but I would not have trashed people in my house.....but hey-theyre teenagers-you KNOW what happens at parties...
I made the suggestion that for his birthday I would give him a set amount of money to go out to a restaurant with his friends and celebrate.I said I would pay for food, not alcohol-that was up to them.I also said I'd prefer this because if they came to my house and partied and things went wrong-I'd end up the 'mom nazi' ruining all their fun and not only do I not want to be that but I just couldn't stand teenagers drinking in my house.It scares me.I've read too many stories about how these things get out of hand. I get he's turning 20 and can do what he wants(as such) I just don't need to have it in my face, if that makes sense.
I just want to know if I'm being unfair?Jonathan is such a good kid but I'll be honest and say I just don't trust some of his friends and this is my house and I'm an alcoholic.I'm not sure I'd handle it very well.
I'm trying to be fair here-but I feel really caught.
I'd appreciate any advice.I think I'm doing the right thing by offering as a birthday gift to pay for a meal out with friends?But I just can't support his friends coming here and potentially getting drunk.It just seems to be crossing a boundary.He's not pushing for it but I sense he feels a bit let down that he couldn't offer it to them.
I'm a bit torn I guess.I just hate parenting teenagers/adults.The boundaries seem so thin somehow....
Jules
He still lives at home.He is a good kid-he doesn't drink, use, smoke, drive crazily late at night or party wildly.I am pretty proud of him but that's not to say we haven't had problems.We have.He's been treated for depression for years and once attempted suicide at 13.I can't quite believe I'm posting this-but I'm nothing if honest I guess.I need to give this background because it counts in this scenario.
It took him a long time to reach out and make friends with people.He has in the past 2-3 years and I'm glad.He knows some great kids, finally, after being alone and confused and sad for so long.
Anyway-he wants to have a party for his 20th next week.He approached me about it tonight.I know he's responsible now-but we went back and forth about his friends.I told him I was ok with him having some friends over-but it went from 5 friends to 20 and I suddenly thought-no.I couldn't do that.
I know some of his friends drink (he doesn't-he hates the taste of alcohol-thank god.Hes tried it-and dope-and decided it's not for him) and that was ok but I would not have trashed people in my house.....but hey-theyre teenagers-you KNOW what happens at parties...
I made the suggestion that for his birthday I would give him a set amount of money to go out to a restaurant with his friends and celebrate.I said I would pay for food, not alcohol-that was up to them.I also said I'd prefer this because if they came to my house and partied and things went wrong-I'd end up the 'mom nazi' ruining all their fun and not only do I not want to be that but I just couldn't stand teenagers drinking in my house.It scares me.I've read too many stories about how these things get out of hand. I get he's turning 20 and can do what he wants(as such) I just don't need to have it in my face, if that makes sense.
I just want to know if I'm being unfair?Jonathan is such a good kid but I'll be honest and say I just don't trust some of his friends and this is my house and I'm an alcoholic.I'm not sure I'd handle it very well.
I'm trying to be fair here-but I feel really caught.
I'd appreciate any advice.I think I'm doing the right thing by offering as a birthday gift to pay for a meal out with friends?But I just can't support his friends coming here and potentially getting drunk.It just seems to be crossing a boundary.He's not pushing for it but I sense he feels a bit let down that he couldn't offer it to them.
I'm a bit torn I guess.I just hate parenting teenagers/adults.The boundaries seem so thin somehow....
Jules
I feel such a fool
Hi I'm new here :)
I have joined this forum because I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I've just been used for my money by a man who I thought had feelings for me. I honestly cannot get over the extent of the lies this man told me to get what he wanted. We hadn't even known each other for long, but it was very intense and I was beginning to have really strong feelings for him. I know something about heroin addiction as a couple of my friends in the past had addictions. While this man was with me, a friend called me and told me that I shouldnt trust him and that he was just going to use me. I didn't want to hear it. (this man was in the room with me at the time of the phone call from my friend) I had, very stupidly, given him a little money and I know he had gone out and used with it. I know how stupid I am for doing that!! And I know how wrong it was, and I know this is all about co-dependency, but it doesn't stop how hurt and used I feel now. Famous last words, he said he would pay me back, and of course he hasn't!! But I was so hoping he would! It's such a little amount of money and he told me I was worth more to him than that. I just dont understand why he bothered with the extent of the lies, I mean he just went overboard at how crazy he was about me. There was no need for that, it just hurts more now! I know now that I meant nothing. I was just a means to an end, and that has never happened to me before. I didn't do anything to deserve it. I was so suspicious and worried after the phone call with my friend. He had gone out (yeah you guessed why!) and I had some time to think on my own. I got so scared that my friend might be right that I decided I would have to just stop it now. So when he came back, I voiced my worries. He told me that he wouldn't ever do that to me, and said that my friend just didn't want me to be with him but somehow the fear was too big and I didn't believe him. I told him I had to go out and he should leave too. So he did and that was a few days ago. I knew that he would have money yesterday and all day I prayed he would return the small amount of money I had given him as he had said he would, but he hasn't. That's how I know I meant nothing. I just feel such a fool and I can't believe someone would actually do this to me.
I can't stop crying.
Tessie x
I have joined this forum because I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I've just been used for my money by a man who I thought had feelings for me. I honestly cannot get over the extent of the lies this man told me to get what he wanted. We hadn't even known each other for long, but it was very intense and I was beginning to have really strong feelings for him. I know something about heroin addiction as a couple of my friends in the past had addictions. While this man was with me, a friend called me and told me that I shouldnt trust him and that he was just going to use me. I didn't want to hear it. (this man was in the room with me at the time of the phone call from my friend) I had, very stupidly, given him a little money and I know he had gone out and used with it. I know how stupid I am for doing that!! And I know how wrong it was, and I know this is all about co-dependency, but it doesn't stop how hurt and used I feel now. Famous last words, he said he would pay me back, and of course he hasn't!! But I was so hoping he would! It's such a little amount of money and he told me I was worth more to him than that. I just dont understand why he bothered with the extent of the lies, I mean he just went overboard at how crazy he was about me. There was no need for that, it just hurts more now! I know now that I meant nothing. I was just a means to an end, and that has never happened to me before. I didn't do anything to deserve it. I was so suspicious and worried after the phone call with my friend. He had gone out (yeah you guessed why!) and I had some time to think on my own. I got so scared that my friend might be right that I decided I would have to just stop it now. So when he came back, I voiced my worries. He told me that he wouldn't ever do that to me, and said that my friend just didn't want me to be with him but somehow the fear was too big and I didn't believe him. I told him I had to go out and he should leave too. So he did and that was a few days ago. I knew that he would have money yesterday and all day I prayed he would return the small amount of money I had given him as he had said he would, but he hasn't. That's how I know I meant nothing. I just feel such a fool and I can't believe someone would actually do this to me.
I can't stop crying.
Tessie x
Better, but still struggling
Well, I had a better night last night with AH. We went to my son's "meet the teacher night for his kindergarten. Then we went and got a bite to eat at somewhere cheap (really cool chinese buffet, cheap for adults and kids eat for only a few bucks and the food is awesome. One of my great little finds.) Then, since we have been having so much rain here in TX lately, I forgot that I hadn't gotten my little boy a raincoat. I was looking for one of those little yellow kind with the boots. Looked everywhere and couldn't find it. Plenty of them for little girls (Hannah Montana, etc.) but not little boys. Whats up with that? Anyway, I ended up getting him an all weather jacket, kinda wind breaker/rain wear with a hood. Very cute and much more than I had anticipated on spending. But AH's check was coming today. So, I went to pay some bills, you know the ones with the turn off notices pending and we are wiped out. Now I am trying to figure out how to make a small amount of money stretch through until next Friday when I get paid.
So, here we go again, the proverbial anxiety attack. The knot in my stomach again. I feel like I am living in the depression era or something. AH and I watched TV together last night and there is still a strain. I did speak to him calmly last night and told him that I loved him and always will, but I would be a liar if I didn't tell him that I have been actively looking into a divorce. That I am weighing my options and that I was looking into roomates from the local paper to see what was being charged and/or offered to share expenses. I told him that even though I loved him, our family was way to dysfunctional and that if it didn't improve I would have to remove him from the home for the sake of our son. I know Dr.Phil is a schmuck about a lot of things, but I have heard him say this saying, "A child would rather be from a broken home than be living in one". And though it would rip the heart out of me to do it, I have to think what is best for my son.
So, sadness still lingers as the unknown still lingers. The finances suck and are as bad as ever. However, I do get to go to my therapist in a little bit. First session with her and I am looking forward to it. I really don't have the $20 to spare for the co-pay, but then again I don't think I have the sanity to spare either. I need healing. Also, I am looking forward to my Al-anon meeting on Saturday.
Well, that's my update for today. But the day is still early. Oh, by the way, AH was suppose to look into that Ju-Jitsu payment and getting out of it. He hasn't yet. Also, he was suppose to check into his expense report payment (before he went into rehab he paid his expense report and was suppose to be reimbursed $150 (which I desperately need). He hasn't. Just pisses me off. But I am not suprised. Like I have told him, I have lowered my expectations, that way you don't get let down. However, I think I am going to give him about a week to either fix that jujitsu thing or I am just going to stop the payment in my account through the bank.
So, here we go again, the proverbial anxiety attack. The knot in my stomach again. I feel like I am living in the depression era or something. AH and I watched TV together last night and there is still a strain. I did speak to him calmly last night and told him that I loved him and always will, but I would be a liar if I didn't tell him that I have been actively looking into a divorce. That I am weighing my options and that I was looking into roomates from the local paper to see what was being charged and/or offered to share expenses. I told him that even though I loved him, our family was way to dysfunctional and that if it didn't improve I would have to remove him from the home for the sake of our son. I know Dr.Phil is a schmuck about a lot of things, but I have heard him say this saying, "A child would rather be from a broken home than be living in one". And though it would rip the heart out of me to do it, I have to think what is best for my son.
So, sadness still lingers as the unknown still lingers. The finances suck and are as bad as ever. However, I do get to go to my therapist in a little bit. First session with her and I am looking forward to it. I really don't have the $20 to spare for the co-pay, but then again I don't think I have the sanity to spare either. I need healing. Also, I am looking forward to my Al-anon meeting on Saturday.
Well, that's my update for today. But the day is still early. Oh, by the way, AH was suppose to look into that Ju-Jitsu payment and getting out of it. He hasn't yet. Also, he was suppose to check into his expense report payment (before he went into rehab he paid his expense report and was suppose to be reimbursed $150 (which I desperately need). He hasn't. Just pisses me off. But I am not suprised. Like I have told him, I have lowered my expectations, that way you don't get let down. However, I think I am going to give him about a week to either fix that jujitsu thing or I am just going to stop the payment in my account through the bank.
