Drug Rehab Options Blog

I've been sober for a little over 10 years now and have had the same sponsor since I was in my first year of sobriety.

In the beginning he was great. Always available, patient, worked the steps with me. Helped me to laugh and enjoy life for the first time ever.

Skip ahead 10 years and our relationship has evolved.

For one thing, he's old enough to be my father (I came in rather young and he took me under his wing) and in a lot of ways when I meet with him I feel like it's an obligatory meeting with a parent. I feel almost annoyed by him sometimes. It's the same thing over and over (and I'm not even talking recovery stuff). About my car, his car, his diet, my diet, etc., etc.. I feel as though I'm suffering a fool most of the time.

Another thing is that he also talks to me about other people he sponsors and it makes me uncomfortable. Now let's say he sponsored a guy named Joe who was picking up prostitutes and cheating on his wife. He wouldn't say "Joe cheats on his wife with prostitutes." He might say "Joe has a lust problem. We've been talking a lot about his lust problem." Or something along those lines. This has been going on for awhile and it, of course, makes me measure what I tell him.

So in essence it's like he's not even sponsoring me anymore. Occasionally he will give me a nugget, but it's not too often.

Lately this relationship (with my sponsor) has come up in my therapy sessions. My therapist says I should cut way down on the amount of time I see him and/or let him go. My therapist also thinks that I should talk to him about why.

I'm just at a loss as to what to do. We've been really close for all of these years. I sometimes look around the rooms at the meetings I go to and think that there is no one there I'd even want to have as a sponsor.

Does anyone have any practical experience with a similar situation?

Thanks.

Hey folks,

It has been a interesting few years . . .

This forum helped me to be sober for about a year. Some minor medical problems made it easy to relapse. This year I had surgery and dental work. I've been taking low doses of hydro on a daily basis even without the need --just to avoid the WDs and maybe even life in general . . .

My dosage isn't huge (about 10 mg/day) but it is an addiction nonetheless. I'm not tempted to boost the dosage, but the meds aren't doing much.

I've been incredibly busy with a new venture, and also embarrassed to post because of my relapse and continued use. I pop in every now and then to check on folks. This really is an incredible, caring bunch.

In my opinion, it's impossible to grow emotionally and spiritually while on opioids. I'm in my early 50's and I don't have an unlimited amount of time on this earth to straighten out.

So yesterday I took 2.5 mgs. and today nothing.

Today is the winter solstice. It marks the darkest day and the longest night of the year. Every day from now will be filled with more light, as I hope that I shall be.

I went by the drug store to pick up some Immodium and Emergen-C for the inevitable G.I. distress that is sure to follow. Right now I'm pretty calm and serene . . . let's see how days 2-10 pan out.

I'd like to thank everyone for letting me be a part of the journey.

Buzz

I leave on Thursday morning. I'm going to New York for 4 1/2 days with my mom. It will be just the two of us (which is a challenge in itself, but a different story!). She doesn't know about my drinking problem, and she also doesn't know that I have quit. We don't live near each other so we see each other once a year at best. This will be the longest amount of time we've spent around each other in at least 5 years.

I am worried about whether or not I will be able to resist the temptation to drink while I'm on this trip. Mostly because she doesn't know I've quit. I can already hear part of me rationalizing it: she doesn't know I have a problem and have quit, so if I have a drink with her it will not seem weird at all, and no one else will ever have to know! I'll be on vacation. No kids, no husband, no real life obligations or responsibilities... a drinker's paradise!

Part of me really views this as a "good opportunity" to test the waters now that I have 62 days sober, to see if it would be any different if I tried drinking again. And if nothing's different, then at least I wouldn't be exposing my husband and kids to it - they'd never even have to know!

God how sick is that? I'm disgusted with myself for even typing it.

But that's what part of me is thinking.

The other part of me thinks why ruin a good thing? I don't want to start all over. I don't want to come home and have to tell my husband that I drank in NYC, and I don't want to lie and not tell him. I've lied to him enough already about alcohol. And what if I have a few drinks in NYC and come home and the cravings kick back in again? Do I want to go back to hiding vodka bottles and sneaking drinks? NO, I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT. So why push it?

Why can't I just NOT DRINK and be happy??

I am feeling uneasy and not sure if I am overreacting. Would love some perspectives.

Last night, my RABF got frustrated and had a temper outburst. I have told him once before that verbal assault, yelling or other negative communication is not tolerated in my world. I created a gentle safe home, and I will not have it trashed by emotional toxicity.

So, last night. We had worked well side by side all day on projects, and we were eating dinner. All was going beautifully. After dinner RABF is preparing to go to his AA mtg, and we are saying our goodbyes. He offered to take my dog outside, which I appreciated. He usually takes very good care and treats me and my animals well. My dog is a runner, and he knows this so we both know she needs to stay on her leash. I reminded him as he was going out to bring the leash. He got all macho and said no dog was running away on his watch, and he diodn't need a leash.

Well. He got distracted on the walk, took a call on his phone, left the dog on her own for a fair amount of time, and guess what/ she bolted after a squirrel into the night.

When he told me, I just matter of factly got my keyes, got in my car and started driving to look for the dog. It was raining, and miserab;le and we couldn't see a thing so we came home. Itold him to just go to the meeting and that I'd wait for vthe dog to return, because I knew eventually she would.

Again, he got all dramatic and said he wasn't leaving till the dog returned. Without getting loud, i insisted that it'd be fine. Just go. Honestly, I was feeling like I wanted some space by now. His emotions were getting very intense.

So, he walks thru the kitchen (on the JUST washed floor with muddy boots....aaarghh) and knocked over an entire apple pie. Aaaaarghhh again.

Why I minimize these irritations I do not know, but I was on my last nerve.

Dog comes home, and I was dealing with her the way I do: I spoke sternly but in a calm voice.


He, on the other hand, yelled and I mean LOUD yelling, at my dog, and traumatised the 2 of us for hours afterwords. It was excessive and inexcusable to speak that way.

After he left, I began to shut down totally. I feel that verbal assault of anyone or anything is never okay. It is abusive and aggressive. I felt so on edge and uncomfortable.

When we spoke this afternoon, I let RABF know that I cannot see him until I have had time to sort thru my feelings about his yelling, and told him that it is not acceptable in my ligfe, and that if it ever happens again, we are done.

He of course, thinks i am overreacting and don't know how to treat a dog properly and that I baby her, and came up with lots of BS about/rationalisations for it being appropriate when a dog takes off. I disagree and I know in my heart that my dog responds best to firm calm tones. She was shaking for hours. He also owned his behaviour and said he will look at why he lost his temper and apologised

My question besides just needing to air my thoughts here, is: am I being too harsh on him because of my own issues with DV in the way far distant past or am I being clear headed?

Hello All. I am currently battling my addiction to Oxycontin with the use of Suboxone. I have been on Suboxone for 1 week now. Started on 16mg and now down to 4mg a day. I have severe and painful Psoriatic arthritis and that is the reason I started the oxy's. I have a question that I hope someone can answer. Over the weekend I had a SEVERE flare up of arthritis pain over the weekend.

I tried taking all the non narcotic pain relievers and non relieved the pain. So, like a complete IDIOT I took a Roxi 30. Of course I felt nothing, so I took another 1. Started to feel some MINOR pain relief but of course because of the blocking effect, not much.

I dont want to go through those whole vicious cycle of pain meds, subs, pain meds and my question is a follows:

Can I resume my Suboxone treatment after slipping up yesterday? Is there a certain amount of time I need to wait?

Any help would be appreciated.

OK. Here goes. I found this site because I am looking for help and guidance. My boyfriend is an addict. Although his primary addiction is alcohol, he has used other drugs. He was already in NA when we met 8 months ago. In that short amount of time, we've grown to love each other quite deeply and I'm fairly certain he is who I will be with for a very long time.

I have never had alcohol or drugs of any kind. No particular reason why, I was just never interested in either. I've dated my fair share of people who were active alcoholics so I'm familiar with addiction (not in a good way) but recovery is foreign to me.

Consequently, there's been a part of me that worried about the worst but all seemed to be going well with my BF's recovery so I didn't feed that anxiety by paying attention to it. Even when I heard things like "he doesn't have a year of clean time so you know where that relationship is headed", I chose to be in the moment and in the relationship. November 18th was going to be my boyfriend's anniversary. That (apparently) important milestone where, once surpassed, our relationship would have a chance of survival... so, I invested a lot in November 18th.

He relapsed last night.

Just like that, November 18th lost all meaning. And now the threat of "he doesn't have a year of clean time so you know where that relationship is headed" is going to be in my mind for the next 365 days (or more).

I'm devastated and I don't know what to do or even how to feel. I'm feeling many things but disappointment, fear, and anger are the top three. I'm overwhelmed and profoundly saddened by the whole thing.

I checked out Al-Anon's site but reading it I felt like the steps and principles don't quite fit what I'm experiencing right now. But I'm also naive. Obviously. Anyone out there with some words of wisdom?

Sorry about the long post and thanks for listening...

IÂ’ve been thinking about this lately, plus there have been some threads on the topic, so I decided to put my thoughts out here for discussion.

In my mind, the question is not why do I attract unhealthy people, but why am I attracted to unhealthy people? When I decided to start dating, I was still seeing my therapist, so I think that helped me sort through things in some ways. I remember catching myself thinking about things like: “what will my friends think of this guy?” So, not only was I worried about pleasing someone I hardly knew yet, I was worried about how dating him would please the people I already knew. What about me? Why wasn’t I thinking about what would please me?

Now, I admit that I am one of those people who really likes to have someone special in my life. I prefer it to being alone, so that probably explains why I started dating only a few months after officially deciding that my marriage was over. I don’t really think there is a standard amount of time that’s required to get healthy enough to move on. It definitely varies from person to person. There are many variables. In my case, I think I began the process of detachment and moving on long before I actually did it. I also believe that my recovery was somewhat accelerated both by a really good therapist, and an intense desire to figure out what went wrong—with me, not him. And in some ways, dating, and looking inward to my thoughts and reactions as I was doing it, helped me grow.

In any case, I still found myself falling back into the same thinking patterns that got me into trouble in the first place. So, now that IÂ’ve been seeing the same guy for more than a year, IÂ’ve been contemplating a little about how I managed to find myself in a relationship with a loving, respectful, non-addicted person, and also how itÂ’s lasted this long and still remained enjoyable and fulfilling.

So, at least for me, I think the main thing thatÂ’s changed is that, while I like having someone special in my life, I donÂ’t feel a desperate need. I prefer it, but I can honestly say that if the person I am seeing turns out not to be the person I want in my life, I could let him go. I would not even hesitate to move on. Now, to some, this may seem cold, but I know in my heart that I will not try to make him into what I want him to be, or spend any of my precious life trying to control someone to meet my needs. If our paths diverge, I will have some wonderful, warm, fun, tender memories and be grateful for that. If we continue to be good together, I will continue to be grateful every day for the gifts he brings to my life. This, I think is the difference in me now.

I hope others will share their thoughts on this important topic.

L

I can't even begin to illustrate how pissed I am right now.

I'm posting this here because I need to vent and at the moment this seems like the best place to do it. Don't even bother to read this.

At work, sort of a complicated work issue, but I'll try to explain a little...

I'm a contract writer for a large health insurance company. I write summary plan descriptions for large employer sponsored group health plans. We have a larger account that is adding several thousand new members this year and going from about 9 plans to 34. It's a big deal, probably the biggest thing going for the 2009 renewal year.

The account manager is a giant PITA. He's new to the company, not much experience, fresh out of college, micro manages everything...

The latest item involves a Spanish translation that was sent my way (expected). The unexpected part is that he says it needs to be included in some advance copies that he asked me to start working on yesterday, which I did. What I don't get is why he thought it would be a good idea to get them finished up early knowing that more changes (translation text) were coming later.

So now he expects me to edit these documents again, after they were already finished. Which is fine, things change. But when I tell him it's a lot of rework, he argues with me. He thinks it's a simple paste into these documents. It's not.

So he's expecting these additional revisions in an unreasonable amount of time. I tell him it can't happen and pretty much demands an explanation why. There are numerous reasons and it's a complicated discussion. But frankly I can't think of a worse way to spend my time trying to explain the intricacies of the job I've been doing for 10 years. There's a reason why my employer comes to me with these big accounts. I've got the most experience and I'm pretty good at what I do.

These documents are massive (over 100 double sided pages), and there are 34 of them. This is not word processing. This is desktop publishing. Adding a single sentence to the front end shifts everything back. Pages have to be reformatted, table of contents regenerated, a slew of formatting. In addition, we are dealing with advance copies. Copies people. This translation text needs to go into two separate copies of each document. And since one version is redline marked and the other isn't, I can't simply paste it into the master and generate a new copy. So now I have 68 documents to deal with instead of 34.

Again, all this is fine. Things like this happen. What gets me is how he is arguing with me about the method in which I get this all done. He hasn't a clue (and I wouldn't expect him to) how this all works.

When working with this many documents of this size, there is NO SUCH THING, as a quick and simple edit. And the quality of these documents is my responsibility. The reason I get picked for the major accounts is because I produce high quality documents. And that takes time. I'm still dang speedy, but no one can deliver a high level of quality at the speed in which he expects. Plus he's fighting me every step of the way.

Example:
How long will this take?
A week.
Why a week? You should be able to just do x, y, z.
It's not that simple.
Why not?
Because we need to consider a, b, c, d... etc.

AND ON IT GOES. We've had these discussions often enough now. He still doesn't get it.

And for the above translation issue, the deadline we agreed upon weeks ago was end of the day Friday, with the condition that I have the translated text by Monday. I got the translated text today. And I'm still going to meet the Friday deadline. But he wants it tomorrow, because he thinks it's a simple fix that should take more than an hour or two.

So anyway, this really pisses me off. And I'm having trouble letting it go. This guy is renting space in my head. He OWNS my mood right now. And that's not good. I need to do something healthy with this here and I'm having some trouble.

I have been considering a couple work options lately, but have mixed feelings because of how they would affect my sobriety. One of them I would be working out of town for weeks at a time, doing grueling 12 hour shifts for 2 weeks or more in a row then having the same amount of time off (when I could come home and have the AA support I have here). This will be a stressful environment... I will only work at a dry site with drug testing... but this is a job sector that is notorious for drug abuse. Another job will probably give me better people to be around (pretty much guaranteed there won't be the same drug element), but I will likely have to move pretty far away from my home. I could get a job at home for much less pay and get more technical training, but life here feels pretty bleak too... I've lived here my whole life, but outside of AA I don't have much family or friends keeping me here. It seems like apart from sobriety, I have no priorities or responsibilities (I am "free" you could say), so there is nothing to stop me. I won't need to make this decision for several months yet, but lately it's been on my mind.

:atv

hi! my name is Jake, and I set this account up for me and my girlfriend Erin. I am going to tell her about it when she gets out of rehab in a week. I will give her the password and username and that way we can both us it at any point in time.

I guess I could have told her about it and we could have seperate names, but why do that, we are lovers and both in need of a lifestyle change, a change from using, and we are going to do it together.

So you may never know if its male or female you are talking to with this name, haha. No, except of course you will because of he signature.

We are both from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, the state capital. And the drug is Heroin, by IV usage. I think she will think this is pretty cool, the whole forum and everything. Plus I made a picture of us with some cheap type of photoshop. So if you see the picture of the guy and girl side by side, the colorful one with the heart above it.

Well sorry to get off on all that. I just dont know where to start with the recovery chat. So for now, being it has taken me an extensive amount of time to make this all, I will be heading to bed. So goodnight. =)