Archive for the ‘Angela’ tag
What I didnÂ’t understand at my First Al-Anon Meeting
By Angela L. , Washington
I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting after my boyfriend had his first relapse. Tears that hadnÂ’t stopped in days were running down my face. I wasnÂ’t wearing makeup and my hair was tied back just to keep it out of my face. I brought my boyfriendÂ’s Sponsor with me, a longtimer who had more than 20 years of sobriety under his belt. He was the only person I could think of to call for help; he showed me Al-Anon.
I remember walking into the room knowing that these people were going to tell me what I needed to do to help my alcoholic boyfriend get back on track. I shared what had happened: he picked up drinking again after being sober for two and a half years and was now in jail. I waited for someone, anyone, to tell me their secret since they all were either nodding their heads or smiling. One lady turned to me and said, “Keep Coming Back.: Another person said, “Welcome.”
What was going on? Why wouldnÂ’t they tell me what to do? I sat there crying even harder. My boyfriendÂ’s Sponsor didnÂ’t say anything; he just patted my back as I was doubled over in pain and confusion. Why were these people not telling me how to fix the problem? CouldnÂ’t they see my pain? DidnÂ’t anyone care?
I got angry. I stood up and proceeded to let everyone know that I thought they were mean and hateful for “keeping” their little “secret” to themselves, apparently thinking I wasn’t worth knowing it. Once I had given everyone in the room a piece of my mind, including my boyfriend’s Sponsor, I stormed out determined to fix my alcoholic boyfriend without their help.
I spent the next four years going to open A.A. meetings, learning the Steps and reading everything I could about alcoholism and addiction. I talked to men and women in recovery and listened to their stories. I became somewhat of an expert on this horrible, destructive disease that was eating up my soul.
During this time two things happened. My boyfriend and I got married, and he had six more relapses.
By the time I came back to Al-Anon, I was so broken and empty- all I could do to go on was breathe. I was dead inside, and no one could see it. I had no hope, no joy, no feeling of self-worth. I was drained and tired. I had tried to “fix” the alcoholic only to destroy myself in the process.
I walked into my second Al-Anon meeting not so much with the hope of help but with the fear of not getting it. I walked in prepared to kill myself and had the means to do so. I didnÂ’t know what to expect, but I knew that I couldnÂ’t continue living in this pain anymore. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me that if A.A. works for them, Al-Anon could really work for me.
I didn’t yell at anyone; I didn’t double up in pain and confusion, I just sat there crying and listening. Some of it I could relate to, some I couldn’t. Then I heard someone say that “I” didn’t cause it, “I” can’t cure it and “I” can’t control it. All of a sudden this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It wasn’t my fault! A very small glimmer of hope started to form in my mind, and I wanted more.
I went to that meeting wanting to rid my life of this agonizing feeling but left wanting to come back. Over the next several months I went to meetings every week, bought and read literature, talked with others, found a Sponsor, and got into service work.
In the beginning, words couldn’t describe the pain I was in. Now words can’t describe the peace I’m in. My worst day in Al-Anon far outweighs my best day without it. Today, I understand serenity. I appreciate suggestions, and I have hope. I‘ve accepted the alcoholic for who he is because now I know who I am.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqts, Inc. Virginia Beach, VA.
I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting after my boyfriend had his first relapse. Tears that hadnÂ’t stopped in days were running down my face. I wasnÂ’t wearing makeup and my hair was tied back just to keep it out of my face. I brought my boyfriendÂ’s Sponsor with me, a longtimer who had more than 20 years of sobriety under his belt. He was the only person I could think of to call for help; he showed me Al-Anon.
I remember walking into the room knowing that these people were going to tell me what I needed to do to help my alcoholic boyfriend get back on track. I shared what had happened: he picked up drinking again after being sober for two and a half years and was now in jail. I waited for someone, anyone, to tell me their secret since they all were either nodding their heads or smiling. One lady turned to me and said, “Keep Coming Back.: Another person said, “Welcome.”
What was going on? Why wouldnÂ’t they tell me what to do? I sat there crying even harder. My boyfriendÂ’s Sponsor didnÂ’t say anything; he just patted my back as I was doubled over in pain and confusion. Why were these people not telling me how to fix the problem? CouldnÂ’t they see my pain? DidnÂ’t anyone care?
I got angry. I stood up and proceeded to let everyone know that I thought they were mean and hateful for “keeping” their little “secret” to themselves, apparently thinking I wasn’t worth knowing it. Once I had given everyone in the room a piece of my mind, including my boyfriend’s Sponsor, I stormed out determined to fix my alcoholic boyfriend without their help.
I spent the next four years going to open A.A. meetings, learning the Steps and reading everything I could about alcoholism and addiction. I talked to men and women in recovery and listened to their stories. I became somewhat of an expert on this horrible, destructive disease that was eating up my soul.
During this time two things happened. My boyfriend and I got married, and he had six more relapses.
By the time I came back to Al-Anon, I was so broken and empty- all I could do to go on was breathe. I was dead inside, and no one could see it. I had no hope, no joy, no feeling of self-worth. I was drained and tired. I had tried to “fix” the alcoholic only to destroy myself in the process.
I walked into my second Al-Anon meeting not so much with the hope of help but with the fear of not getting it. I walked in prepared to kill myself and had the means to do so. I didnÂ’t know what to expect, but I knew that I couldnÂ’t continue living in this pain anymore. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me that if A.A. works for them, Al-Anon could really work for me.
I didn’t yell at anyone; I didn’t double up in pain and confusion, I just sat there crying and listening. Some of it I could relate to, some I couldn’t. Then I heard someone say that “I” didn’t cause it, “I” can’t cure it and “I” can’t control it. All of a sudden this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It wasn’t my fault! A very small glimmer of hope started to form in my mind, and I wanted more.
I went to that meeting wanting to rid my life of this agonizing feeling but left wanting to come back. Over the next several months I went to meetings every week, bought and read literature, talked with others, found a Sponsor, and got into service work.
In the beginning, words couldn’t describe the pain I was in. Now words can’t describe the peace I’m in. My worst day in Al-Anon far outweighs my best day without it. Today, I understand serenity. I appreciate suggestions, and I have hope. I‘ve accepted the alcoholic for who he is because now I know who I am.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqts, Inc. Virginia Beach, VA.
