Archive for the ‘Anger Issues’ tag
First post and one week under my belt!
Hi, all.
I'm grateful that these forums exist, first and foremost. Here's to the administrators, moderators and dedicated community members for making it so.
I've been substance-free for a week now and while I have my moments ... I am beginning to love not imbibing. Drinking (and consequently blacking out) really took a toll on me, and having just ended a live-in relationship that, in hind-sight, moved along too fast for too many reasons that weren't valid, the two coupled, and a really nasty mode of thinking couldn't seem to stop emerging. Removing the bottle(s) and the person in question from the situation seems to make this path much easier, and I feel it's the one I'm meant to be on. There's much work to be done, but this has been coming for a very long time. This is my first attempt, my first acknowledgment of substance-abuse/major behavioral issues and the first time in a long time I've been proud of myself.
I am also working on anger issues, because when I blacked out, I was not a nice girl. When I am conscious and sober, I am quite the people-pleaser, albeit with a fairly short fuse. The Serenity Prayer is working wonders for me.
I love reading, working out, making music, listening to music, philosophy :D, languages, various trivia and music theory.
As such, I imagine I'll spend quite a bit of time in the most appropriate forums (largely Special-Interest Groups) at this point in my life and in my recovery, but I wanted to say hi to and thank everybody here for their honesty and integrity.
Thanks!
I'm grateful that these forums exist, first and foremost. Here's to the administrators, moderators and dedicated community members for making it so.
I've been substance-free for a week now and while I have my moments ... I am beginning to love not imbibing. Drinking (and consequently blacking out) really took a toll on me, and having just ended a live-in relationship that, in hind-sight, moved along too fast for too many reasons that weren't valid, the two coupled, and a really nasty mode of thinking couldn't seem to stop emerging. Removing the bottle(s) and the person in question from the situation seems to make this path much easier, and I feel it's the one I'm meant to be on. There's much work to be done, but this has been coming for a very long time. This is my first attempt, my first acknowledgment of substance-abuse/major behavioral issues and the first time in a long time I've been proud of myself.
I am also working on anger issues, because when I blacked out, I was not a nice girl. When I am conscious and sober, I am quite the people-pleaser, albeit with a fairly short fuse. The Serenity Prayer is working wonders for me.
I love reading, working out, making music, listening to music, philosophy :D, languages, various trivia and music theory.
As such, I imagine I'll spend quite a bit of time in the most appropriate forums (largely Special-Interest Groups) at this point in my life and in my recovery, but I wanted to say hi to and thank everybody here for their honesty and integrity.
Thanks!
forgiveness
RAH and I have been seeing a counselor. The counslor seems focused on my lack of forgiveness for what occurred in out marriage because of his drinking. My question is this: Exactly HOW do I forgive him? Are there steps you have taken to forgive your A?
He has been dry for the last 19 months. He was doing the same things, anger issues, tantrums, threats, etc, until a month ago. The counselor finally called him on it. He MAY be seeing the light now, but I am not getting my hopes up yet. He seems a little easier to live with for now.
I thought that I was beginning to forgive him, letting go of the anger, in relation to the things he didnt repeat while sober.
I dont even know that I wnt to continue the marriage, but i do know, that no matter what, I need to find forgiveness.
Any suggestions??
He has been dry for the last 19 months. He was doing the same things, anger issues, tantrums, threats, etc, until a month ago. The counselor finally called him on it. He MAY be seeing the light now, but I am not getting my hopes up yet. He seems a little easier to live with for now.
I thought that I was beginning to forgive him, letting go of the anger, in relation to the things he didnt repeat while sober.
I dont even know that I wnt to continue the marriage, but i do know, that no matter what, I need to find forgiveness.
Any suggestions??
violence - drugs or character?
Well I've been hesitant to post this question - I don't know why. Maybe it's because part of me is ashamed I put up with it, part of me is also afraid that I brought it on myself, and part of me is afraid to acknowledge it ... I don't really know what to think anymore ...
I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts or experiences about violence and anger as it relates to substance abuse.
When my ex and I first got together, he was the sweetest, most gentle person i'd ever met. He and I seemed so much alike - and I felt that we connected with each other on a very deep level - we had both been hurt and betrayed by the very ppl that you're supposed to be able to trust the most - we'd both been cheated on - I felt like we understood one another and would protect each other's hearts.
After I while, I noticed that he had some serious anger issues - he tended to "go off" and smash things when he was angry ... and while it concerned me a bit, he didn't direct it AT me and I felt I could identify with feeling that angry and I felt as long as he wasn't hurting anyone, then it was good that he had an outlet - he would usually kick things and throw things ...
After a while, he started wrecking MY things (because he didn't have anything left of his own to wreck) and then I started to get p*ssed. He was putting holes in the walls of our rented home and considering I was paying for about everything, I was angry that he was doing damage that ultimately, I would be responsible for in one way or another.
When my resentment grew, I got to the point where rather than letting him "go off" and ignoring it, I started to yell and scream back - after all, now his anger was directly affecting ME. Things eventually escalated to him cornering me and screaming in my face, calling me horrible names, blocking me in rooms or breaking down doors when I would lock myself in a room to get away from him screaming and yelling.
I could see his pain and I wanted so badly to help him deal with all his anger and resentment ... I KNOW I wasn't perfect and I said and did a LOT of things out of my own anger - I was hurting so badly and I would say things I knew hurt him, trying to get him to "get" how much I was hurting when he did all this stuff.
He broke my hand once by grabbing it during an argument. I told everyone I slammed it in a door - he was so remorseful and apologized and said he'd never hurt me on purpose.
He threw me down on the couch once and I hit my head on the corner of the wooden arm of the couch. He apologized and said he didn't mean to do that ... and he only shoved me onto the couch because I wouldn't sit down and talk to him (when I get mad, I tend to pace around ranting and raving).
He shoved me into the walls a few times and left holes where my body hit the wall.
He punched me in the face once - I can't remember what happened to cause the argument, but it was most likely about him stealing something or lying to me about something - and he wanted to use the phone to call his mother and I wouldn't let him - so he punched me in the face ... that scared him, and he never lifted a hand to me again after that (i made him leave for a few days but then felt so bad that I had pretty much egged him on and taunted him that I asked him to come back so we could work on things)
He really scared himself after that - he was so upset and told me he'd always said he'd never ever hit a girl ... and it was pretty strained for a while - I felt so neglected because he wouldn't touch me at all ... but he never raised a hand to me again after that ... he did still have tantrums but would punch the walls and bash his head against walls and doors and fridges and rip the phone out of the wall etc.
A few other things he's done:
He's spit in my face
He's thrown a bottle of pop at me, completely drenching me in pop
He's called me fat, *****, bitch etc.
Can this behaviour be brought on by drugs? Or is this something that is in him ... and is he likely to be this way with other women?
I noticed as time went on that he also seemed to regress ... he acted more and more like a 5 yr old having a tantrum. He is younger than I am, but when we met, he seemed very mature for his age ... but the longer we were together, it seemed the more immature he behaved. People around him (as well as him) have said that he only behaves like this around me ... and I don't know if that is because I brought out this behaviour in him, or because I called him on his lies and told him the truth even if he didn't want to hear it, or what ...
I dunno ... I will be taking this up with my therapist once I find a new one ... but I'm really wrestling with the violence ... I know I got VERY angry with him and said a lot of hurtful things, but I have never hit him or thrown and broken things ... and I've never used drugs ...
Several of my friends have told me this is something very wrong with him.
His family seems to think it was the combination of US
And he ... well ... he seems to always have a "reason" for it ... he's been remorseful and apologetic afterward ... but he still seemed to rationalize it a lot more than trying to change the behaviour.
He has even told me that he was never angry until I "made him" stop smoking pot. *sigh*
Can certain people just bring out bad behaviour in their partners? Is it possible that I just pushed his buttons in the wrong way?
I'm having such a hard time ... I've felt so bad the last few days, thinking that I really messed things up and it must have been horrible for him to live with me if he can so easily just walk away and not look back ... I'm over here missing him so much I can hardly stand it.
:wtf2
I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts or experiences about violence and anger as it relates to substance abuse.
When my ex and I first got together, he was the sweetest, most gentle person i'd ever met. He and I seemed so much alike - and I felt that we connected with each other on a very deep level - we had both been hurt and betrayed by the very ppl that you're supposed to be able to trust the most - we'd both been cheated on - I felt like we understood one another and would protect each other's hearts.
After I while, I noticed that he had some serious anger issues - he tended to "go off" and smash things when he was angry ... and while it concerned me a bit, he didn't direct it AT me and I felt I could identify with feeling that angry and I felt as long as he wasn't hurting anyone, then it was good that he had an outlet - he would usually kick things and throw things ...
After a while, he started wrecking MY things (because he didn't have anything left of his own to wreck) and then I started to get p*ssed. He was putting holes in the walls of our rented home and considering I was paying for about everything, I was angry that he was doing damage that ultimately, I would be responsible for in one way or another.
When my resentment grew, I got to the point where rather than letting him "go off" and ignoring it, I started to yell and scream back - after all, now his anger was directly affecting ME. Things eventually escalated to him cornering me and screaming in my face, calling me horrible names, blocking me in rooms or breaking down doors when I would lock myself in a room to get away from him screaming and yelling.
I could see his pain and I wanted so badly to help him deal with all his anger and resentment ... I KNOW I wasn't perfect and I said and did a LOT of things out of my own anger - I was hurting so badly and I would say things I knew hurt him, trying to get him to "get" how much I was hurting when he did all this stuff.
He broke my hand once by grabbing it during an argument. I told everyone I slammed it in a door - he was so remorseful and apologized and said he'd never hurt me on purpose.
He threw me down on the couch once and I hit my head on the corner of the wooden arm of the couch. He apologized and said he didn't mean to do that ... and he only shoved me onto the couch because I wouldn't sit down and talk to him (when I get mad, I tend to pace around ranting and raving).
He shoved me into the walls a few times and left holes where my body hit the wall.
He punched me in the face once - I can't remember what happened to cause the argument, but it was most likely about him stealing something or lying to me about something - and he wanted to use the phone to call his mother and I wouldn't let him - so he punched me in the face ... that scared him, and he never lifted a hand to me again after that (i made him leave for a few days but then felt so bad that I had pretty much egged him on and taunted him that I asked him to come back so we could work on things)
He really scared himself after that - he was so upset and told me he'd always said he'd never ever hit a girl ... and it was pretty strained for a while - I felt so neglected because he wouldn't touch me at all ... but he never raised a hand to me again after that ... he did still have tantrums but would punch the walls and bash his head against walls and doors and fridges and rip the phone out of the wall etc.
A few other things he's done:
He's spit in my face
He's thrown a bottle of pop at me, completely drenching me in pop
He's called me fat, *****, bitch etc.
Can this behaviour be brought on by drugs? Or is this something that is in him ... and is he likely to be this way with other women?
I noticed as time went on that he also seemed to regress ... he acted more and more like a 5 yr old having a tantrum. He is younger than I am, but when we met, he seemed very mature for his age ... but the longer we were together, it seemed the more immature he behaved. People around him (as well as him) have said that he only behaves like this around me ... and I don't know if that is because I brought out this behaviour in him, or because I called him on his lies and told him the truth even if he didn't want to hear it, or what ...
I dunno ... I will be taking this up with my therapist once I find a new one ... but I'm really wrestling with the violence ... I know I got VERY angry with him and said a lot of hurtful things, but I have never hit him or thrown and broken things ... and I've never used drugs ...
Several of my friends have told me this is something very wrong with him.
His family seems to think it was the combination of US
And he ... well ... he seems to always have a "reason" for it ... he's been remorseful and apologetic afterward ... but he still seemed to rationalize it a lot more than trying to change the behaviour.
He has even told me that he was never angry until I "made him" stop smoking pot. *sigh*
Can certain people just bring out bad behaviour in their partners? Is it possible that I just pushed his buttons in the wrong way?
I'm having such a hard time ... I've felt so bad the last few days, thinking that I really messed things up and it must have been horrible for him to live with me if he can so easily just walk away and not look back ... I'm over here missing him so much I can hardly stand it.
:wtf2
Horrible Week, even worse tonight.
My youngest daughter, age 26 going on 10, just stormed out of the house and left her 6 month old here saying she didn't want her anymore. Of course, first she had to tell me how heartless I was and it was no wonder my middle daughter is an addict the way I treat them. (I know she didn't mean the daughter part.)
Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.
Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.
So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.
I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.
Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.
Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.
Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.
So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.
I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.
Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.
NA Drama (Continuing Part 4739) *Warning, super long post*
Okay Folks,
Here goes. I am trying really hard to NOT DWELL. Okay, so you all know that I moved to an itty bitty town out in the middle of nowheresland Central WI 6 yrs ago where NA is SMALL. DID I say SMALL????
The women there just cannot get along. There is one woman there (Z) who has some sort of a personality disorder. I mean she just sort of bursts things out, like a little kid and if she is mad at you she will just scream I hate you, or, I am never talking to you again, and run out of the rooms.
I have befriended her cuz she is obviously alienated herself from a lot of ppl and I hate it when ppl make fun of her.
Well, last night it happened again. There is another lady (Q) who was there last night and Z has tried and tried to talk to her for something that happened a month ago. I know in my heart that Z just wants Q to get over it so they can be friends again. Well, Q wants NO part of Z ever ever again and has been making this quite clear.
I know this is rambling now, but last night when I read the JFT it was on Principles before Personalities and so she was kind of sharing to the other woman how she needs forgiveness, blah blah blah....well, Q didn't bite, Z was crying and screamed out at the end how Z was a &$%& B-iatch and ran from the room once again. I was trying to calm her down cuz we had just gotten in the circle to say the Serenity prayer and then she ran out.
Now I know I have NO control over ppl, places or things, but I swear, week after week this has been going on. This is the 4th time, Sept. 21st it was a showdown in the parking lot, screaming match, nose to nose confrontation that almost ended in swings...Then there was even road rage involved. (On Z's part following Q way too close and honking and tailgating for miles)
I am at the point now where I just want to say FORGET IT! I hate drama, I don't really want to be around either of these women cuz I honestly think they both have anger issues and I want to just leave and go to AA. No matter what meeting in town I want to attend one or both are gonna be there. It is starting to affect my recovery now, or at least I am allowing it to. Q said to me last night she thought Z was trying to come between us. Q is the one who if any of you remember told me a month ago she couldn't talk to me anymore because I didn't want to gossip about Z with her. I don't really think she is the healthiest person to talk to or hang around either. She is on her 4th marriage and ready to leave him too. She just seems so angry all the time.
Now the reason I am posting all of this on here and not going to my sponser is cuz since there are so few women and my sponsor is the other woman, and she was away at a convention, I just don't want to tell her about it and spread it any further. She really doesn't need to know, unless someone else chooses to share it with her. It just wouldn't be right.
Today Z called me and I was glad I wasn't home, cuz I am frankly ticked off at her and her mouth.
What would you guys do? Stick it out, or run back to AA where there are so many ppl that I am sure I could find some less dramatic women to hang around with.
That is the one hard thing about small towns, everyone is in everyone's business and meddling and nosey and sometimes just plain old MEAN!
UGH!
Yesterday was a really crappy day for me and I was really looking forward to a meeting and picking up my 9 month keytag. Since there was only 5 of us one guy said, oh, we don't really even need to have a meeting, lets just visit..... well, THAT ticked me off too. Here I left the comfort of my home and drove 15 miles on dark deer riddled roads and unlocked the church, set up, made coffee and I wanted a meeting! So, I handed out the readings and the keytag box, then Q (who didn't know it was my 9 mnth said, well, we don't need to do these anyway, right??) I said, YES, maybe someone has an anni......I wasn't leaving there w/out my yellow keytag!!!!!
I left last night feeling even crappier.
Well that is my sob story...
Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Sheila
Here goes. I am trying really hard to NOT DWELL. Okay, so you all know that I moved to an itty bitty town out in the middle of nowheresland Central WI 6 yrs ago where NA is SMALL. DID I say SMALL????
The women there just cannot get along. There is one woman there (Z) who has some sort of a personality disorder. I mean she just sort of bursts things out, like a little kid and if she is mad at you she will just scream I hate you, or, I am never talking to you again, and run out of the rooms.
I have befriended her cuz she is obviously alienated herself from a lot of ppl and I hate it when ppl make fun of her.
Well, last night it happened again. There is another lady (Q) who was there last night and Z has tried and tried to talk to her for something that happened a month ago. I know in my heart that Z just wants Q to get over it so they can be friends again. Well, Q wants NO part of Z ever ever again and has been making this quite clear.
I know this is rambling now, but last night when I read the JFT it was on Principles before Personalities and so she was kind of sharing to the other woman how she needs forgiveness, blah blah blah....well, Q didn't bite, Z was crying and screamed out at the end how Z was a &$%& B-iatch and ran from the room once again. I was trying to calm her down cuz we had just gotten in the circle to say the Serenity prayer and then she ran out.
Now I know I have NO control over ppl, places or things, but I swear, week after week this has been going on. This is the 4th time, Sept. 21st it was a showdown in the parking lot, screaming match, nose to nose confrontation that almost ended in swings...Then there was even road rage involved. (On Z's part following Q way too close and honking and tailgating for miles)
I am at the point now where I just want to say FORGET IT! I hate drama, I don't really want to be around either of these women cuz I honestly think they both have anger issues and I want to just leave and go to AA. No matter what meeting in town I want to attend one or both are gonna be there. It is starting to affect my recovery now, or at least I am allowing it to. Q said to me last night she thought Z was trying to come between us. Q is the one who if any of you remember told me a month ago she couldn't talk to me anymore because I didn't want to gossip about Z with her. I don't really think she is the healthiest person to talk to or hang around either. She is on her 4th marriage and ready to leave him too. She just seems so angry all the time.
Now the reason I am posting all of this on here and not going to my sponser is cuz since there are so few women and my sponsor is the other woman, and she was away at a convention, I just don't want to tell her about it and spread it any further. She really doesn't need to know, unless someone else chooses to share it with her. It just wouldn't be right.
Today Z called me and I was glad I wasn't home, cuz I am frankly ticked off at her and her mouth.
What would you guys do? Stick it out, or run back to AA where there are so many ppl that I am sure I could find some less dramatic women to hang around with.
That is the one hard thing about small towns, everyone is in everyone's business and meddling and nosey and sometimes just plain old MEAN!
UGH!
Yesterday was a really crappy day for me and I was really looking forward to a meeting and picking up my 9 month keytag. Since there was only 5 of us one guy said, oh, we don't really even need to have a meeting, lets just visit..... well, THAT ticked me off too. Here I left the comfort of my home and drove 15 miles on dark deer riddled roads and unlocked the church, set up, made coffee and I wanted a meeting! So, I handed out the readings and the keytag box, then Q (who didn't know it was my 9 mnth said, well, we don't need to do these anyway, right??) I said, YES, maybe someone has an anni......I wasn't leaving there w/out my yellow keytag!!!!!
I left last night feeling even crappier.
Well that is my sob story...
Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Sheila
NA Drama (Continuing Part 4739) *Warning, super long post*
Okay Folks,
Here goes. I am trying really hard to NOT DWELL. Okay, so you all know that I moved to an itty bitty town out in the middle of nowheresland Central WI 6 yrs ago where NA is SMALL. DID I say SMALL????
The women there just cannot get along. There is one woman there (Z) who has some sort of a personality disorder. I mean she just sort of bursts things out, like a little kid and if she is mad at you she will just scream I hate you, or, I am never talking to you again, and run out of the rooms.
I have befriended her cuz she is obviously alienated herself from a lot of ppl and I hate it when ppl make fun of her.
Well, last night it happened again. There is another lady (Q) who was there last night and Z has tried and tried to talk to her for something that happened a month ago. I know in my heart that Z just wants Q to get over it so they can be friends again. Well, Q wants NO part of Z ever ever again and has been making this quite clear.
I know this is rambling now, but last night when I read the JFT it was on Principles before Personalities and so she was kind of sharing to the other woman how she needs forgiveness, blah blah blah....well, Q didn't bite, Z was crying and screamed out at the end how Z was a &$%& B-iatch and ran from the room once again. I was trying to calm her down cuz we had just gotten in the circle to say the Serenity prayer and then she ran out.
Now I know I have NO control over ppl, places or things, but I swear, week after week this has been going on. This is the 4th time, Sept. 21st it was a showdown in the parking lot, screaming match, nose to nose confrontation that almost ended in swings...Then there was even road rage involved. (On Z's part following Q way too close and honking and tailgating for miles)
I am at the point now where I just want to say FORGET IT! I hate drama, I don't really want to be around either of these women cuz I honestly think they both have anger issues and I want to just leave and go to AA. No matter what meeting in town I want to attend one or both are gonna be there. It is starting to affect my recovery now, or at least I am allowing it to. Q said to me last night she thought Z was trying to come between us. Q is the one who if any of you remember told me a month ago she couldn't talk to me anymore because I didn't want to gossip about Z with her. I don't really think she is the healthiest person to talk to or hang around either. She is on her 4th marriage and ready to leave him too. She just seems so angry all the time.
Now the reason I am posting all of this on here and not going to my sponser is cuz since there are so few women and my sponsor is the other woman, and she was away at a convention, I just don't want to tell her about it and spread it any further. She really doesn't need to know, unless someone else chooses to share it with her. It just wouldn't be right.
Today Z called me and I was glad I wasn't home, cuz I am frankly ticked off at her and her mouth.
What would you guys do? Stick it out, or run back to AA where there are so many ppl that I am sure I could find some less dramatic women to hang around with.
That is the one hard thing about small towns, everyone is in everyone's business and meddling and nosey and sometimes just plain old MEAN!
UGH!
Yesterday was a really crappy day for me and I was really looking forward to a meeting and picking up my 9 month keytag. Since there was only 5 of us one guy said, oh, we don't really even need to have a meeting, lets just visit..... well, THAT ticked me off too. Here I left the comfort of my home and drove 15 miles on dark deer riddled roads and unlocked the church, set up, made coffee and I wanted a meeting! So, I handed out the readings and the keytag box, then Q (who didn't know it was my 9 mnth said, well, we don't need to do these anyway, right??) I said, YES, maybe someone has an anni......I wasn't leaving there w/out my yellow keytag!!!!!
I left last night feeling even crappier.
Well that is my sob story...I am thinking I probably should have posted this on the women's board?
Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Sheila
Here goes. I am trying really hard to NOT DWELL. Okay, so you all know that I moved to an itty bitty town out in the middle of nowheresland Central WI 6 yrs ago where NA is SMALL. DID I say SMALL????
The women there just cannot get along. There is one woman there (Z) who has some sort of a personality disorder. I mean she just sort of bursts things out, like a little kid and if she is mad at you she will just scream I hate you, or, I am never talking to you again, and run out of the rooms.
I have befriended her cuz she is obviously alienated herself from a lot of ppl and I hate it when ppl make fun of her.
Well, last night it happened again. There is another lady (Q) who was there last night and Z has tried and tried to talk to her for something that happened a month ago. I know in my heart that Z just wants Q to get over it so they can be friends again. Well, Q wants NO part of Z ever ever again and has been making this quite clear.
I know this is rambling now, but last night when I read the JFT it was on Principles before Personalities and so she was kind of sharing to the other woman how she needs forgiveness, blah blah blah....well, Q didn't bite, Z was crying and screamed out at the end how Z was a &$%& B-iatch and ran from the room once again. I was trying to calm her down cuz we had just gotten in the circle to say the Serenity prayer and then she ran out.
Now I know I have NO control over ppl, places or things, but I swear, week after week this has been going on. This is the 4th time, Sept. 21st it was a showdown in the parking lot, screaming match, nose to nose confrontation that almost ended in swings...Then there was even road rage involved. (On Z's part following Q way too close and honking and tailgating for miles)
I am at the point now where I just want to say FORGET IT! I hate drama, I don't really want to be around either of these women cuz I honestly think they both have anger issues and I want to just leave and go to AA. No matter what meeting in town I want to attend one or both are gonna be there. It is starting to affect my recovery now, or at least I am allowing it to. Q said to me last night she thought Z was trying to come between us. Q is the one who if any of you remember told me a month ago she couldn't talk to me anymore because I didn't want to gossip about Z with her. I don't really think she is the healthiest person to talk to or hang around either. She is on her 4th marriage and ready to leave him too. She just seems so angry all the time.
Now the reason I am posting all of this on here and not going to my sponser is cuz since there are so few women and my sponsor is the other woman, and she was away at a convention, I just don't want to tell her about it and spread it any further. She really doesn't need to know, unless someone else chooses to share it with her. It just wouldn't be right.
Today Z called me and I was glad I wasn't home, cuz I am frankly ticked off at her and her mouth.
What would you guys do? Stick it out, or run back to AA where there are so many ppl that I am sure I could find some less dramatic women to hang around with.
That is the one hard thing about small towns, everyone is in everyone's business and meddling and nosey and sometimes just plain old MEAN!
UGH!
Yesterday was a really crappy day for me and I was really looking forward to a meeting and picking up my 9 month keytag. Since there was only 5 of us one guy said, oh, we don't really even need to have a meeting, lets just visit..... well, THAT ticked me off too. Here I left the comfort of my home and drove 15 miles on dark deer riddled roads and unlocked the church, set up, made coffee and I wanted a meeting! So, I handed out the readings and the keytag box, then Q (who didn't know it was my 9 mnth said, well, we don't need to do these anyway, right??) I said, YES, maybe someone has an anni......I wasn't leaving there w/out my yellow keytag!!!!!
I left last night feeling even crappier.
Well that is my sob story...I am thinking I probably should have posted this on the women's board?
Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Sheila
in a terrible situation
I haven't been here in a while, but I need help and I am not sure who else to reach out to.
My AH is turning into someone I don't know. To give a little background, he has not used any illegal drugs (other than pot) in about 6 months but his behavior is getting worse. It is almost worse than when he was using cocaine/vicodin. He has been diagnosed with ADD and is on Vyvanse to treat that. He is also on Xanax for anxiety issues... he has not abused that, amazingly enough.
so here is the problem: I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and we went on a vacation out of the country to have our last vacation without kids together. Well, he showed me that he has some severe anger issues he needs to work out before the little one arrives. He flipped out on me because he said I was in a bad mood and I was trying to ignore him by reading a book and not talking to him. So, he grabbed the book and ripped up the book into pieces. He told me he didn't want to spend anymore time with me on the vacation. He took my passport, credit cards, drivers license etc., and tried to leave me in another country pregnant, with no way to get back to the US. He says now that he wouldn't have left me, but I was hysterical at the time, trying to fight with him to get my things back. He also took my passport and hit me in the face with it and grabbed my cell phone away from me and in the process hit me in the face and cut my lip open. I have to admit, I did hit him too because I was trying to get my things back and I know there is no excuse for it but he is so much bigger than I am, I was just trying to protect myself and our unborn baby. He eventually calmed down and of course is now acting all remorseful... but I just don't know what to do. If my friend was going through this, I would tell her to get out at any cost, but for some reason I am still here. I just feel stupid that I trusted him enough to get pregnant by him and now I am in a worse situation than I was before.
It is like he becomes a different person when he is angry, someone I don't know and I have never seen before. There is no reasoning with him when he is in a rage. Of course he says he will change, but isn't that the typical behavior of an abusive husband? He has not directly hit me with his fist, but I am afraid of him and I am afraid he is going to hurt me and our child if he can't control his anger. He has acted like this once before but he was on klonopin at the time which I thought was causing the anger, and now I don't what is causing it. I just keep thinking it has to be his medicine or something that is making him act this way. My Mom thinks he is possibly bipolar. I know that I should leave, but why can't i just make the decision to go?
My AH is turning into someone I don't know. To give a little background, he has not used any illegal drugs (other than pot) in about 6 months but his behavior is getting worse. It is almost worse than when he was using cocaine/vicodin. He has been diagnosed with ADD and is on Vyvanse to treat that. He is also on Xanax for anxiety issues... he has not abused that, amazingly enough.
so here is the problem: I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and we went on a vacation out of the country to have our last vacation without kids together. Well, he showed me that he has some severe anger issues he needs to work out before the little one arrives. He flipped out on me because he said I was in a bad mood and I was trying to ignore him by reading a book and not talking to him. So, he grabbed the book and ripped up the book into pieces. He told me he didn't want to spend anymore time with me on the vacation. He took my passport, credit cards, drivers license etc., and tried to leave me in another country pregnant, with no way to get back to the US. He says now that he wouldn't have left me, but I was hysterical at the time, trying to fight with him to get my things back. He also took my passport and hit me in the face with it and grabbed my cell phone away from me and in the process hit me in the face and cut my lip open. I have to admit, I did hit him too because I was trying to get my things back and I know there is no excuse for it but he is so much bigger than I am, I was just trying to protect myself and our unborn baby. He eventually calmed down and of course is now acting all remorseful... but I just don't know what to do. If my friend was going through this, I would tell her to get out at any cost, but for some reason I am still here. I just feel stupid that I trusted him enough to get pregnant by him and now I am in a worse situation than I was before.
It is like he becomes a different person when he is angry, someone I don't know and I have never seen before. There is no reasoning with him when he is in a rage. Of course he says he will change, but isn't that the typical behavior of an abusive husband? He has not directly hit me with his fist, but I am afraid of him and I am afraid he is going to hurt me and our child if he can't control his anger. He has acted like this once before but he was on klonopin at the time which I thought was causing the anger, and now I don't what is causing it. I just keep thinking it has to be his medicine or something that is making him act this way. My Mom thinks he is possibly bipolar. I know that I should leave, but why can't i just make the decision to go?
