Drug Rehab Options Blog

hello. my mother was an alcoholic and died when i was 17. i'm 27 now, i don't have a drinking problem, but i can't help notice that i view life differently than most people. my mother was not physically abusive, but she liked to contort the truth and turn everyone against each other. i know a lot of people have had it worse than i have, and honestly i cannot recall really what was so bad about the past events. but i know that i'm effected by what happened. i judge myself so harshly that i almost cannot stand myself. i attempted suicide when i was 16 and realized that it wasn't the answer. i usually keep myself in isolation, my friends call me and sometimes i don't even answer the phone or call them back for weeks, which to them appears that i am ignoring them, which i guess i am. in social events like parties, i am usually really quiet and sit back and observe. its hard for me to find anything in life that i want, there is nothing that seems interesting to me or fun, i have no motivation to do anything with myself. i feel as if there is no hope for humanity, and at times, i hate people as a whole. i'm not an angry person nor do i have any ill feelings towards anyone. i try to find any escape from life i.e. video games, books, TV, anything that takes me out of this world that i don't find interesting. i am depressed and feel comfortable in it. i want to feel differently about life and myself, but its hard to break the mold and leave my security blanket. i think my father views me as lazy, and i suppose i am, but its more than that. how can i change this when, in a way, i don't want to?

I was reading some posts and got bounced back to the really early days of my sobriety. I have 9 months tomorrow. And I'm so grateful I no longer have that grinding constant anger that I had early on. That anger at having to quick drinking.
I don't feel angry so much any more about not getting to drink. Now I feel sort of sad, like someone I loved died.

But I still have a lot more anger in my life at external factors. I guess I was numbing it while I was drinking. I never thought of myself as an angry person!

But now I get angry so much more easily - at people not doing what I want them to do, at politics, at some stupid thing in the grocery store - for heaven's sake it's ridiculous! I'm a regular crank-o-meter!

Do others see anger rise or fall in their lives with sobriety?

Okay...I have a confession. Jules just ruined her rep by being a softie and we love it. But I've been a pretty happy little camper here so far. Honestly though, since Tuesday my mood has been in the toilet. I don't want to drink, haven't had any major cravings, nothing I couldn't handle at least but my attitude is rotten and I don't like it. :c001:

I'm getting all twisted up about stupid stuff. I'm becoming one of "those" people. You know the ones: negative things coming out of my mouth, groaning when the phone rings, flipping the bird to bad drivers, feeling "icky" on the inside. I keep trying to laugh it off but inside I'm like WTF? Kathleen. What is wrong with you? I am not like this. Well, we all get in our little moods but this has lasted about 4 days and it's just not like me to be such a crabby b*tch 24/7.

So I was wondering....can we have a seance here or something? To drive out my negative emotions. They surely must be coming from the devil. An exorcism? ;) Seriously I would like some advise. I know it will pass. I know don't drink but what to do in the mean time if anything? Just be patient and ride it out? Or is some way I can head this off at the pass. I don't like being such a grumpy angry person all the time. :wtf2