Archive for the ‘Ankles’ tag
some of my story
?You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.?
Psalm 18:35-36 NIV
David wrote the song that we call the eighteenth Psalm when the Lord delivered him from all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. God had brought David safely through many years of being on the run from King Saul and the army of Israel. God had told Samuel to anoint David as King even though Saul was still on the throne. It must have been a confusing time for the young man David. David knew all along that the battle belonged to the Lord, and after Saul had died in battle and David had become King, he gave credit where credit was due. The outward battle in David?s life had been victorious; it was the inward battle that he now faced that would turn out to be his greatest life-long challenge. There was a time in my life when I had overcome a great outward challenge only later to be defeated by my inward battles. I came home from Vietnam in 1968 after having spent a tour of duty as an airborne Sgt. in a long-range recon unit. I completed one year of college in 1969 and decided to work for a while before I went back to school. I found a good job that required some walking, so I decided to exercise more to stay in shape. I bought a ten-speed bicycle and stared riding every day. I was soon riding 30 to 50 miles a day. In the summer of 1971 I decided to take a cross-country bicycle trip from Boulder to Kansas City. I planned a trip going north from Boulder, over into Nebraska, down into Kansas and across to Missouri. I made the ride in six days and on the last day I rode 170 miles. At that point in my life I felt like I could do anything. I had survived Vietnam, and was in great physical shape, I thought there was no obstacle to great for me. I remember one Saturday afternoon, the week I finished the bike trip, sitting in a bar and bragging on my trip. I felt like nothing could harm me so I bummed a Camel Cigarette, which led to picking up cigarettes again. I remember getting real drunk that day. I record in my memory that day as being the start of my inner battle that led me to complete defeat at the hands of alcohol and drugs. For the next twenty-five years the person that was so confident, and thought he could overcome anything, became a fearful drunken addict that could not keep his head above water for very long. There were times when I thought I was swimming pretty good, but then I would struggle and find myself once again gasping for air to stay alive. In the middle of my twenty-five year downward slide in life, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I thought my life will surly improve now, and it did. My spiritual life took direction and started to grow, but there were some thing in my personal life that I did not want to let go of. Smoking pot was one of them. That alone over the years kept me from having many blessings from God, and in time it always brought me back to alcohol and shooting dope. I was able to overcome great outward struggles, but the inward battle of self was being lost daily. Only after coming to complete defeat was I able to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. I knew of course that as I picked up the pieces that there were some pieces that I needed to leave lay. With the grace of a loving God, family that cares, an understanding church, AA and NA, and a sponsor that I can confide in, I have been able to continue in the grace and abundant life of God. 9-11 this year it will be eleven years since I took a drink, smoked a joint, or shot any dope, I am truly grateful. God has done for me what I could not do for myself????????????toad
?Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think is the root of our troubles.? Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62
Psalm 18:35-36 NIV
David wrote the song that we call the eighteenth Psalm when the Lord delivered him from all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. God had brought David safely through many years of being on the run from King Saul and the army of Israel. God had told Samuel to anoint David as King even though Saul was still on the throne. It must have been a confusing time for the young man David. David knew all along that the battle belonged to the Lord, and after Saul had died in battle and David had become King, he gave credit where credit was due. The outward battle in David?s life had been victorious; it was the inward battle that he now faced that would turn out to be his greatest life-long challenge. There was a time in my life when I had overcome a great outward challenge only later to be defeated by my inward battles. I came home from Vietnam in 1968 after having spent a tour of duty as an airborne Sgt. in a long-range recon unit. I completed one year of college in 1969 and decided to work for a while before I went back to school. I found a good job that required some walking, so I decided to exercise more to stay in shape. I bought a ten-speed bicycle and stared riding every day. I was soon riding 30 to 50 miles a day. In the summer of 1971 I decided to take a cross-country bicycle trip from Boulder to Kansas City. I planned a trip going north from Boulder, over into Nebraska, down into Kansas and across to Missouri. I made the ride in six days and on the last day I rode 170 miles. At that point in my life I felt like I could do anything. I had survived Vietnam, and was in great physical shape, I thought there was no obstacle to great for me. I remember one Saturday afternoon, the week I finished the bike trip, sitting in a bar and bragging on my trip. I felt like nothing could harm me so I bummed a Camel Cigarette, which led to picking up cigarettes again. I remember getting real drunk that day. I record in my memory that day as being the start of my inner battle that led me to complete defeat at the hands of alcohol and drugs. For the next twenty-five years the person that was so confident, and thought he could overcome anything, became a fearful drunken addict that could not keep his head above water for very long. There were times when I thought I was swimming pretty good, but then I would struggle and find myself once again gasping for air to stay alive. In the middle of my twenty-five year downward slide in life, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I thought my life will surly improve now, and it did. My spiritual life took direction and started to grow, but there were some thing in my personal life that I did not want to let go of. Smoking pot was one of them. That alone over the years kept me from having many blessings from God, and in time it always brought me back to alcohol and shooting dope. I was able to overcome great outward struggles, but the inward battle of self was being lost daily. Only after coming to complete defeat was I able to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. I knew of course that as I picked up the pieces that there were some pieces that I needed to leave lay. With the grace of a loving God, family that cares, an understanding church, AA and NA, and a sponsor that I can confide in, I have been able to continue in the grace and abundant life of God. 9-11 this year it will be eleven years since I took a drink, smoked a joint, or shot any dope, I am truly grateful. God has done for me what I could not do for myself????????????toad
?Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think is the root of our troubles.? Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62
Cast All Your Cares
I meditate each day..it is a habit. Last week.. I lay down, and asked the Lord to take me to a beautiful place..to guide me.
I was instantly on a beach at sunset with a large, white wicker basket in my hand. The basket was filled with smooth stones.
The verse came to me "Casting all your care upon Him, for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7
The stones were my cares..I knew.
I walked barefoot along the beach on the wet sand, the tide swimming around my ankles.
And one by one I tossed the stones into the surf. My heart became lighter as my basket did. I fell asleep, and when I woke up,
I knew I had heard from God. He wants us to cast our burdens, fears, cares, worries..everything!!..upon Him.
How great is our God.
:flower5:
I was instantly on a beach at sunset with a large, white wicker basket in my hand. The basket was filled with smooth stones.
The verse came to me "Casting all your care upon Him, for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7
The stones were my cares..I knew.
I walked barefoot along the beach on the wet sand, the tide swimming around my ankles.
And one by one I tossed the stones into the surf. My heart became lighter as my basket did. I fell asleep, and when I woke up,
I knew I had heard from God. He wants us to cast our burdens, fears, cares, worries..everything!!..upon Him.
How great is our God.
:flower5:
Oxycodone addiction for pain
I just want to let everone out there who is taking oxycodone for pain and have been taking it for a year, or more, to please find it in your every being to detox off the stuff. I had 3 ankle surgeries in 18 months and was given more and more of the devil drug. It always seemd to me that I needed more and more and the doctors didn't hesitate to give me more. I was up to 18 oxycodone and 2 morphene a day after my last surgery on Aug 26th of this year. Well last week my doctor decided to cut me off and so I went to detox. I was so scared because I didn't think I could deal with the pain in my ankles. I had my first surgery in june of 2007 so I have been on crutches for 17 months.
I went to detox on monday the 17th of November. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I had help from the people at the detox and several of the councelors had been there before. I struggled through the first night and the second night it got a little better. I was finally able to go home wednesday which was earlier than expected but I talked to all the councelors to make sure I was making the right choice. It was so nice to be home and believe it or not I am not in pain. This whole time that freakin oxycodone was causing the pain. I am now able to take advil or tylnol for my pain and it goes away. Now that is something I thought would never be possible. I am actually walking without crutches and feel like my life has a whole new beginning. Thank GOD for DETOX........ Please think about it cause I am living proof that oxycodone was causing the pain.
Thanks for listening Danielle
I went to detox on monday the 17th of November. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I had help from the people at the detox and several of the councelors had been there before. I struggled through the first night and the second night it got a little better. I was finally able to go home wednesday which was earlier than expected but I talked to all the councelors to make sure I was making the right choice. It was so nice to be home and believe it or not I am not in pain. This whole time that freakin oxycodone was causing the pain. I am now able to take advil or tylnol for my pain and it goes away. Now that is something I thought would never be possible. I am actually walking without crutches and feel like my life has a whole new beginning. Thank GOD for DETOX........ Please think about it cause I am living proof that oxycodone was causing the pain.
Thanks for listening Danielle
I wonder if I’m addicted…
Like so many things in life the hardest part, for me, can be the habit. I'm a creature of habit; I love my habits.
I wake every morning at 5am. I shower while seated in under the full hot spray, wasting hot water while slowly regaining my mental function. I stumble down the, now dark this time of year, stairs knees and ankles cracking each step of the way. Without so much as a glance, or even a brush against my toe, I deftly avoid the dog gate that's always left there on the bottom step, an after thought from the night before. I practice the piano a full 30min starting at 5:35 taking breaks every 10min to don a single garment. The shirt goes on at 5:45, pants at 5:55 and socks and shoes at 6:05. I'm out the door at 6:25. I cycle 15 miles to work, stopping for a bagel at the same shop, sitting in the same corner both, each morning as I read a book for 20min. I'm at work by 7:50. I read all the previous day's email from then until 8:45, I compose all my replies by 9:30. I have a Diet Coke and Nutrigrain bar at 10am, lunch at 12:15pm. Four days a week I go to the gym to lift at 1pm. Another Diet Coke and snack at 3:15. More email and replies between 4 and 5:30pm. I arrive home very close to 6pm.
I snort 30mg of Oxy at 6:30pm.
I have one very carefully measured Jack and Coke at 8pm. A second at 9pm.
I'm in bed by 10pm, asleep no later than 10:30.
I love structure, and it really, really upsets me to experience variance. I'm open to change, though. As long as it's structured and planned of course.
About a decade ago I'd decided I had "a problem" with alcohol. I was regularly drinking six fairly strong drinks a night. I'm a 5'11" and about 220lbs, not remotely fat, just a big solid guy. I work very, very hard at maintaining my less and less cooperative body. So, six drinks wouldn't leave me drunk...but it was certainly enough to affect me. Strongly.
I needed to stop, but I couldn't. Couldn't make myself quit the ritual. It wasn't the socializing. Sure, I went to the same seat in the same bar each night, but in three years I'd probably spoken a total of 10min to a total of four people. I don't really care for people; that is I'm just not interested in "small talk" or "shooting the sh--". Still I was stuck and I couldn't get out. My body was being affected, I could see it in the once every 3mo blood tests I was ordering on myself (online). My liver function, while not clinically significant, was clearly headed in the wrong direction. My lipid profile was poor. I needed to stop and couldn't. I needed to compromise with myself.
Oddly I learned that I didn't really care about the alcohol content, or the buzz, or lack thereof, I just needed the nightly habit. I started going to the bar and having my Jack and Coke with, basically, half a shot of alcohol. Since then I've created "rules" that I live by. Basically I have two carefully measured drinks each night. A total of 2.5oz of alcohol. Sometimes less, of course, but absolutely never more...and absolutely never in less than 1.5hr.
Along came Oxy. I'll spare the details, this is a long enough post already.
I've had 30mg of Oxy every night since August 6th. I have no idea if I'm addicted. I have no idea whether or not I'll suffer withdrawal if I miss a night's dose. I feel perfectly fine each morning. I feel fine each day, I don't count down the hours until I get home to my Oxy, a few times I've actually forgotten to take it "on time". I don't have any sort of sexual issues, not while high...not a few hours later...not the next day. I don't ever itch.
My concentration has always been abysmal.
I'm clearly a bit obsessive.
I've always struggled with dysthymia with overtones of mania. The sort of manic that never seeks treatment, or arouses suspicion of need, because he's "up" 65% of the time, while the 35% down time is more the sort of "really, really blah" rather than destructively down.
I have no idea if I'm physically addicted. I can deal with the physical issues. I have IBS, I enjoy days and days of GI agony for just eating curry. I have no idea if I'm neuro-chemically dependent on Oxy. I have no idea how my carefully tuned 65-35 harmony will be disturbed after a few days with out my nightly fix.
Mostly, though, I have no friggin idea what I'll do at 6:30pm each day. Most this last week I'd quietly sigh to myself and say, "Well, I guess it's time to do this again...". Almost dreading it each night, don't get me wrong I still "really enjoy it", but the real thrill is long gone. I just have no idea what to do at the end of the day. Perhaps, worse, I have no idea how I'll "relax" after a long day.
I wake every morning at 5am. I shower while seated in under the full hot spray, wasting hot water while slowly regaining my mental function. I stumble down the, now dark this time of year, stairs knees and ankles cracking each step of the way. Without so much as a glance, or even a brush against my toe, I deftly avoid the dog gate that's always left there on the bottom step, an after thought from the night before. I practice the piano a full 30min starting at 5:35 taking breaks every 10min to don a single garment. The shirt goes on at 5:45, pants at 5:55 and socks and shoes at 6:05. I'm out the door at 6:25. I cycle 15 miles to work, stopping for a bagel at the same shop, sitting in the same corner both, each morning as I read a book for 20min. I'm at work by 7:50. I read all the previous day's email from then until 8:45, I compose all my replies by 9:30. I have a Diet Coke and Nutrigrain bar at 10am, lunch at 12:15pm. Four days a week I go to the gym to lift at 1pm. Another Diet Coke and snack at 3:15. More email and replies between 4 and 5:30pm. I arrive home very close to 6pm.
I snort 30mg of Oxy at 6:30pm.
I have one very carefully measured Jack and Coke at 8pm. A second at 9pm.
I'm in bed by 10pm, asleep no later than 10:30.
I love structure, and it really, really upsets me to experience variance. I'm open to change, though. As long as it's structured and planned of course.
About a decade ago I'd decided I had "a problem" with alcohol. I was regularly drinking six fairly strong drinks a night. I'm a 5'11" and about 220lbs, not remotely fat, just a big solid guy. I work very, very hard at maintaining my less and less cooperative body. So, six drinks wouldn't leave me drunk...but it was certainly enough to affect me. Strongly.
I needed to stop, but I couldn't. Couldn't make myself quit the ritual. It wasn't the socializing. Sure, I went to the same seat in the same bar each night, but in three years I'd probably spoken a total of 10min to a total of four people. I don't really care for people; that is I'm just not interested in "small talk" or "shooting the sh--". Still I was stuck and I couldn't get out. My body was being affected, I could see it in the once every 3mo blood tests I was ordering on myself (online). My liver function, while not clinically significant, was clearly headed in the wrong direction. My lipid profile was poor. I needed to stop and couldn't. I needed to compromise with myself.
Oddly I learned that I didn't really care about the alcohol content, or the buzz, or lack thereof, I just needed the nightly habit. I started going to the bar and having my Jack and Coke with, basically, half a shot of alcohol. Since then I've created "rules" that I live by. Basically I have two carefully measured drinks each night. A total of 2.5oz of alcohol. Sometimes less, of course, but absolutely never more...and absolutely never in less than 1.5hr.
Along came Oxy. I'll spare the details, this is a long enough post already.
I've had 30mg of Oxy every night since August 6th. I have no idea if I'm addicted. I have no idea whether or not I'll suffer withdrawal if I miss a night's dose. I feel perfectly fine each morning. I feel fine each day, I don't count down the hours until I get home to my Oxy, a few times I've actually forgotten to take it "on time". I don't have any sort of sexual issues, not while high...not a few hours later...not the next day. I don't ever itch.
My concentration has always been abysmal.
I'm clearly a bit obsessive.
I've always struggled with dysthymia with overtones of mania. The sort of manic that never seeks treatment, or arouses suspicion of need, because he's "up" 65% of the time, while the 35% down time is more the sort of "really, really blah" rather than destructively down.
I have no idea if I'm physically addicted. I can deal with the physical issues. I have IBS, I enjoy days and days of GI agony for just eating curry. I have no idea if I'm neuro-chemically dependent on Oxy. I have no idea how my carefully tuned 65-35 harmony will be disturbed after a few days with out my nightly fix.
Mostly, though, I have no friggin idea what I'll do at 6:30pm each day. Most this last week I'd quietly sigh to myself and say, "Well, I guess it's time to do this again...". Almost dreading it each night, don't get me wrong I still "really enjoy it", but the real thrill is long gone. I just have no idea what to do at the end of the day. Perhaps, worse, I have no idea how I'll "relax" after a long day.
