Archive for the ‘Apartments’ tag
My story - bipolar and alcholism
I have been drinking heavily since I was 16 and I am 26 now. At first it was just a weekend thing but now it is every night that I am looking to drink. I have tried to quit before but it is always around and I get very excited to drink. All of my friends drink a lot and I get a euphoric feeling when I am able to pre game and then go out to the bars. This is the way that it has been for years. But now it is even worse. I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.
About seven months ago I had a psychotic manic episode and was locked up in a psych ward for two weeks. I have lost my job and my home and have moved back in with my apartments. The psychotic episode that I went through had me believing that I was the second coming of Jesus. My parents sent the police to my house and after being brought to the hospital, I had escaped. I ran away and went to downtown Manhattan. Where I was climbing to the tops of bars and hopping from roof to roof because I believed I was in a movie or a TV show. I could do anything I wanted and nothing could stop me. I made it past the security guards of the Trump building because I said I was with the cleaning crew and started knocking on all the doors because I believed that there was a party waiting for me in one of those rooms. After I broke down that night I ended up back at my home, the police came the next morning and made sure that I was cuffed the whole time until I was submitted into the psychiatric ward.
I was in there for two weeks and when I came I had only the broken pieces that was my life to deal with. Ever since then, I have been drinking as much as possible and as often as possible. It has been a way for me to escape and while I am drinking I feel great about myself, but once I stop the earth shattering depression hits. I know that b/c of the meds that I am on and all the drinking that I am damaging my body and I dont want to die young. I am very reliant on alcohol and it is starting to scare me. Every where I go to socialize it is right in my face and it is very hard for me to turn it down, but I have to start. I appreciate any help and support that I can get. Thank you for listening.
About seven months ago I had a psychotic manic episode and was locked up in a psych ward for two weeks. I have lost my job and my home and have moved back in with my apartments. The psychotic episode that I went through had me believing that I was the second coming of Jesus. My parents sent the police to my house and after being brought to the hospital, I had escaped. I ran away and went to downtown Manhattan. Where I was climbing to the tops of bars and hopping from roof to roof because I believed I was in a movie or a TV show. I could do anything I wanted and nothing could stop me. I made it past the security guards of the Trump building because I said I was with the cleaning crew and started knocking on all the doors because I believed that there was a party waiting for me in one of those rooms. After I broke down that night I ended up back at my home, the police came the next morning and made sure that I was cuffed the whole time until I was submitted into the psychiatric ward.
I was in there for two weeks and when I came I had only the broken pieces that was my life to deal with. Ever since then, I have been drinking as much as possible and as often as possible. It has been a way for me to escape and while I am drinking I feel great about myself, but once I stop the earth shattering depression hits. I know that b/c of the meds that I am on and all the drinking that I am damaging my body and I dont want to die young. I am very reliant on alcohol and it is starting to scare me. Every where I go to socialize it is right in my face and it is very hard for me to turn it down, but I have to start. I appreciate any help and support that I can get. Thank you for listening.
Just found out…
Hi all, I'm new here. I just found out last week that my boyfriend of 18 years and father of my children, has been taking cocaine for over a year. I asked him to leave over a month ago as his behaviour was becoming intolerable, not knowing that he had this addiction. Things have been strained between us for some time as I had to return to work 3 years ago when he couldn't (or wouldn't) find work. I have been becoming increasingly fed up at doing a days work and then coming home to pick the kids up from school, cook dinner, wash clothes, clean etc... He couldn't seem to understand why I was so fed up and why I didn't want to be intimate with him as much as he wanted. He has done some private work which I needed to pay the mortgage as the tenant in our other flat was not paying the rent. He kept telling me that he hadn't been paid for these jobs and made a big show of making phone calls (which I now know were all an act) to ask for the money. Over the last few months he has also been draining money out of our bank account, including using money set aside for my boys' birthday presents. We are now in the position that I am so far behind on the mortgage that we may lose both of our apartments. I'm trying to sell the one we don't live in but it's very difficult at the moment.
I'm finding it very hard to deal with all the lies that he has told me and that he could be so irresponsible to let it get to a point that our children could be made homeless. He is now trying to make me feel that this is all my fault. He has told me today that it's my fault that he started taking cocaine (he has always smoked marijuana-something that I also did in my youth but stopped 14 years ago). I feel so cheated and betrayed right now and feel like I am slipping into a deep pit of depression, I feel that the last 18 years have been nothing but lies and don't know how to separate lies from truth. I want to try to be supportive but, I can't bear to even look at him at the moment. He's not the person that I thought he was and I feel cheated of a partner and friend as well as a father for my children. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I have some good friends around me but I have no family here and I don't think they would be very understanding anyway. Everything I've worked for seems to be crumbling away through no fault of my own and yet, he's trying to burden me with the guilt. Is this usual for an addict to blame someone else for their own weakness or do I need to shoulder some of the blame? My friends tell me that I have nothing to feel bad about but, are they just saying that because they are my friends?
Thanks for listening.
I'm finding it very hard to deal with all the lies that he has told me and that he could be so irresponsible to let it get to a point that our children could be made homeless. He is now trying to make me feel that this is all my fault. He has told me today that it's my fault that he started taking cocaine (he has always smoked marijuana-something that I also did in my youth but stopped 14 years ago). I feel so cheated and betrayed right now and feel like I am slipping into a deep pit of depression, I feel that the last 18 years have been nothing but lies and don't know how to separate lies from truth. I want to try to be supportive but, I can't bear to even look at him at the moment. He's not the person that I thought he was and I feel cheated of a partner and friend as well as a father for my children. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I have some good friends around me but I have no family here and I don't think they would be very understanding anyway. Everything I've worked for seems to be crumbling away through no fault of my own and yet, he's trying to burden me with the guilt. Is this usual for an addict to blame someone else for their own weakness or do I need to shoulder some of the blame? My friends tell me that I have nothing to feel bad about but, are they just saying that because they are my friends?
Thanks for listening.
Trying to support sister, not enable her
Hi all,
I've been reading the threads for a couple weeks now without posting, and like most people that find this site, I'm really struck by how similar other people's stories are to mine. I wish I'd found this even sooner!
No need to go into too much detail of my sister's story I guess, since its so much like all the others: troubled teenaged years, then 20s filled with the same sad stories of drugs, stealing, lying, lost friends, losing apartments, the late night calls for money, etc. She was never exactly a model citizen, but it was oxy and percs that really threw her life into a tailspin.
Knowing what a hellraiser she was growing up with her, I just always assumed her chaotic lifestyle was just her..and that eventually she'd just grow out of it. I'm the closest sibling to her, so over the years I've known more and also had her confide more than even my parents.
It wasn't until this past Xmas when she was arrested for forging oxy prescriptions that I clued in to what was really going on. I've been having a crash course in all of this ever since. A month after that she was arrested a second time for exactly the same thing.
Ever since then I thought she was on the right track. She has an incredibly patient and understanding bf who had his own issues in the past and wasn't immediately scared off (though he told me some hair raising stories of theft and lies), she got into a program with a doctor who deals both in the physical and mental issues of addiction, and when in her right mind is actually very good at her job and could go places. My parents, who have had the worst of all of this over the years, are tentatively hopeful and I try to keep her stumbles from them (I'm in the same city as her, they aren't).
Things have got a bit bad again the last month, and here is where my questions about supporting her come in. I got a sense things were going off the rails a bit over small things: not at work when I'd drop by, "lost purse" requiring urgent money, things like that. Then her bf called me and said the lying and missing work and thefts had started again. He was seriously thinking of starting to distance himself from this, which has been my biggest fear all along because he's the biggest source of stability in her life. Addiction aside, our family knows she is a handful so have always tried to help and support them.
I took her aside over thanksgiving weekend and said (without trying to hurl accusastions, which just gets her defensive) that her bf and I had real concerns with her behaviour lately and were afraid she was losing the progress she'd made. Though she did get tearful and defensive, she admitted she'd stopped seeing the doctor (couldn't keep up with the fees) and had taken "a few" of the percs or oxys again though "not like before". I told her I would take care of the outstanding doctor's fees, plus if she was willing to have me go with her I'd attend every weekly counselling session with her and split the ongoing costs.
She agreed to that (and the doctor is agreeable), but the doctor is away for next two weeks. Until then I'm trying to keep her on the rails. I'm calling often, have offered to help get her into my gym, went over for our own thanksgiving dinner, dropping by work to say hi (and relieved to find her there). I'm more optimistic than I was even a week ago, though its not all perfect (she took off somewhere tonight without calling her bf to let him know where she is).
From what I've read here, I know I can't "make" her get her act together, but I hope that I can add some supports (going to her meetings, getting her doing things like the gym, hiking, etc, and making her feel more involved in the family) that will help her help herself, and take some pressure off her bf.
I guess that was a long post, but there are no quick easy stories about addicts, are there?
I've been reading the threads for a couple weeks now without posting, and like most people that find this site, I'm really struck by how similar other people's stories are to mine. I wish I'd found this even sooner!
No need to go into too much detail of my sister's story I guess, since its so much like all the others: troubled teenaged years, then 20s filled with the same sad stories of drugs, stealing, lying, lost friends, losing apartments, the late night calls for money, etc. She was never exactly a model citizen, but it was oxy and percs that really threw her life into a tailspin.
Knowing what a hellraiser she was growing up with her, I just always assumed her chaotic lifestyle was just her..and that eventually she'd just grow out of it. I'm the closest sibling to her, so over the years I've known more and also had her confide more than even my parents.
It wasn't until this past Xmas when she was arrested for forging oxy prescriptions that I clued in to what was really going on. I've been having a crash course in all of this ever since. A month after that she was arrested a second time for exactly the same thing.
Ever since then I thought she was on the right track. She has an incredibly patient and understanding bf who had his own issues in the past and wasn't immediately scared off (though he told me some hair raising stories of theft and lies), she got into a program with a doctor who deals both in the physical and mental issues of addiction, and when in her right mind is actually very good at her job and could go places. My parents, who have had the worst of all of this over the years, are tentatively hopeful and I try to keep her stumbles from them (I'm in the same city as her, they aren't).
Things have got a bit bad again the last month, and here is where my questions about supporting her come in. I got a sense things were going off the rails a bit over small things: not at work when I'd drop by, "lost purse" requiring urgent money, things like that. Then her bf called me and said the lying and missing work and thefts had started again. He was seriously thinking of starting to distance himself from this, which has been my biggest fear all along because he's the biggest source of stability in her life. Addiction aside, our family knows she is a handful so have always tried to help and support them.
I took her aside over thanksgiving weekend and said (without trying to hurl accusastions, which just gets her defensive) that her bf and I had real concerns with her behaviour lately and were afraid she was losing the progress she'd made. Though she did get tearful and defensive, she admitted she'd stopped seeing the doctor (couldn't keep up with the fees) and had taken "a few" of the percs or oxys again though "not like before". I told her I would take care of the outstanding doctor's fees, plus if she was willing to have me go with her I'd attend every weekly counselling session with her and split the ongoing costs.
She agreed to that (and the doctor is agreeable), but the doctor is away for next two weeks. Until then I'm trying to keep her on the rails. I'm calling often, have offered to help get her into my gym, went over for our own thanksgiving dinner, dropping by work to say hi (and relieved to find her there). I'm more optimistic than I was even a week ago, though its not all perfect (she took off somewhere tonight without calling her bf to let him know where she is).
From what I've read here, I know I can't "make" her get her act together, but I hope that I can add some supports (going to her meetings, getting her doing things like the gym, hiking, etc, and making her feel more involved in the family) that will help her help herself, and take some pressure off her bf.
I guess that was a long post, but there are no quick easy stories about addicts, are there?
New here -my bf is addicted to alcohol, pot, and WoW
With alcohol being the most serious of the three because he is a binge drinker and after I literally saved his life by moving him when he threw up while he was passed out, I cannot do this anymore. I am sick and tired of not being able to sleep because I never know what condition he is going to be in. I don't want to clean up when he urinates while he is passed out and I DO NOT want to stay up anymore to make sure he is still breathing...
I told him all this and for a while he was doing much much better. He went to outpatient treatment, went on anti-depressants, found a job that he loves and overall everything looked promising.
Then I left town for two months for a research trip to Africa where I did not have regular access to internet and phone, so I was in total shock when I came back and he was worse than ever. He smokes pot every day, even before work and he gets drunk every other day (not always to the point of passing out, but I am still constantly stressed...).
He is moving out at the end of the week to live closer to his workplace (and far away from his bar...). Things are tough for me right now because I want to save this relationship and I think living in separate apartments will help, but I want him to go back to treatment. He was stoned all weekend, played WoW all weekend, and now he is at the bar. The man I was with before him turned out to have schizophrenia and it was similar in that I was constantly on alert because I never knew what to expect...I am so tired of it.
I am sick of being angry and saying hurtful and mean things, but I cannot help it. I love him because he is great. He is hugely talented and charismatic, but he is also very troubled with a difficult past (he is a recovering crack addict).
How can I support him while at the same time finding some peace and quiet? I don't like myself when I am around him and I am growing more and more resentful and then I feel guilty the next morning because I was mean...bleh. And I don't want to take the responsibility anymore when he has drunk himself into a coma...
And hello everyone! I cannot really talk about this with anyone, so this is a really great place (with the best smileys!). Thanks for reading! :bounce
Kimmi
I told him all this and for a while he was doing much much better. He went to outpatient treatment, went on anti-depressants, found a job that he loves and overall everything looked promising.
Then I left town for two months for a research trip to Africa where I did not have regular access to internet and phone, so I was in total shock when I came back and he was worse than ever. He smokes pot every day, even before work and he gets drunk every other day (not always to the point of passing out, but I am still constantly stressed...).
He is moving out at the end of the week to live closer to his workplace (and far away from his bar...). Things are tough for me right now because I want to save this relationship and I think living in separate apartments will help, but I want him to go back to treatment. He was stoned all weekend, played WoW all weekend, and now he is at the bar. The man I was with before him turned out to have schizophrenia and it was similar in that I was constantly on alert because I never knew what to expect...I am so tired of it.
I am sick of being angry and saying hurtful and mean things, but I cannot help it. I love him because he is great. He is hugely talented and charismatic, but he is also very troubled with a difficult past (he is a recovering crack addict).
How can I support him while at the same time finding some peace and quiet? I don't like myself when I am around him and I am growing more and more resentful and then I feel guilty the next morning because I was mean...bleh. And I don't want to take the responsibility anymore when he has drunk himself into a coma...
And hello everyone! I cannot really talk about this with anyone, so this is a really great place (with the best smileys!). Thanks for reading! :bounce
Kimmi
