Drug Rehab Options Blog

My non-AW has a nightly drink just before bed. I've posted about this, mostly in Friends and Family. Apologies to anyone whose getting sick of hearing about it. Yesterday was our office christmas party. My wife and I work together. It went as well as it could. Was looking forward to time alone afterward. But it was tense...I have a call out to my sponsor.

I'm still trying to get my head around it, I'm making some progress, but each new wall I break through, another gets built up again. Damn...
We have tried to talk about it several times.

OK... I know that she is non A. She is an adult and should be able to have a drink in her own home. I am the one with the disease, I should, in her words, "Suck it up" and I was the one who "F$#ked up". She has settled down a little and her posture has softened... But she resents being made to feel defensive about it.

I have been able to sit with her in the same room some nights. I'll sip on herbal tea for sleep while she enjoys her white wine spritzer. Some nights, well, most nights, I'll just read (or come here to SR) in another room until bed and then we turn in together...

I was able on Sunday to tell her I feel.... Shame that my disease makes it so I can't join her, Guilt. I feel like the bad boy who has to stand in the corner and can't do what the grown ups can... Lonely, damn lonely. And of course, the, "I'll have to do this forever???" It helped to talk it over. But it doesn't change the fact that she has a drink before bed, and I need to get over it...

I know I need to give her space, and probably should just go to bed. But that increases the loneliness and, part of my pill addiction was insomnia and sleeping pills, and I can't sleep because I am thinking too much about it. It's made worse sometimes because she almost comes out and tells me to go to bed. I know she feels this way because I make her feel self conscious if I'm still up and if I go to bed, she doesn't have to think about me and how I'll feel if she drinks in front of me. But it sucks, because I am sleeping so much better now without all the alcohol and even the sleeping pills. And I love to go to sleep with her next to me, something we have missed the last 2-3 years, because before rehab and my recovery, I'd just have a few drinks, take a pill and leave her alone downstairs with her Newsweek, or People, whatever, and I'd pass out in bed.

But now I have FEAR... I don't want to go through life with me in bed and her downstairs at what is probably the only time of the day we get to have quiet time together. FEAR about what happens on christmas eve, when we have always had time together and a couple of drinks by the fire with the christmas music. AND more FEAR, because, hmmm, maybe I should start taking some type of sleeping pill and just knock myself out, like I used to do.... Let her have her space...Really, I started to think like that a little bit today. That's why I am posting. I got to share it...

How can I let go ????

This is so hard. We love each other so much. I don't want to make her feel smothered and not free to do the things she enjoys. But, damn, as speaker in rehab said, and now I really know it's true, "last I heard, early recovery still sucks..."

I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'll be stronger tomorrow.

Thanx for letting me share.

Mark

Advance apologies to the AA purists. I have my first service position.

I am officially in charge of tea and coffee on Sundays! Not iced tea, this involves boiling water, tea bags and milk - quite an intricate process, the truth be told, lol!

And us Brits are fussy about our tea! No acceptance of sub-standard beverages here!

to all S.R. :sorry for Posting all over the place about My Auntie
I have to say this cause I'm not the only one with Problems
and it wasn't my Intentions to try to get all the Attention
the reason I say this, because I know we gots to be consider
to others that are going trough it, so my deep apologies
I was a mess last night, I wasn't thinking clearly and I was

facing allot of uncomfortable feelings it hit me by surprise the lost of my Aunt
so once again I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna apologize to everyone for my political rantings.

Sorry, y'all. I have a tendency to get carried away, and forget that I'm not debating politics with people on the Yahoo message boards.

This has been an obviously very divisive campaign season, and frankly, I always hate to see things go down this way in my country.

I know I've probably come off in such a way as to add to this divisiveness, but in reality, my reactions come from a place where I really just want to correct what *I perceive* as misconceptions or falsehoods that are being spread about our President-elect.

And I do NOT do so because I'm some mindlessly fanatical 'supporter', but rather because I want to see us a Nation, and indeed as a world, come together in some semblance of unity to confront our common, and very significant, problems.

In other words, when I see what *I consider* to be inaccurate and divisive ideas being publically bantered about, I instinctively want to correct them, precisely because I feel they are contrary to the sense of unity I feel we desperately need at this time.

In retrospect, I'm sure it hasn't come off that way, though, and I do apologize for being conscending instead of conciliatory, which is I'm certain a much more certain path towards the goal I'm hoping to achieve.

If I may be quite honest, I also have a rather compulsive tendency to want to 'win' once I get into a debate with anyone, it's kinda 'in my blood', in fact, people have been telling me I should 'be a lawyer' since I can remember. I tend to get like 'Don't mess with ME, cause I will BEAT YOU DOWN?!?' without thinking it through. A personal failing on my part, and I'm sorry to have displayed it here lately.

Anyways, I apologize to everyone, Lily in particular, and I want you know that even if has seemed like I'm 'angry' at some people here, I'm really not, and have never been. I respect everyone's views, and their right to have them ... even when I disagree.

You guys are my peeps, and I wanna point out that before any of us actually knew a damn thing about any of each others politics (Me, Windy, and Woops perhaps being excluded from that group!) we've all gotten along great, right?

In light of this, I hope we can all sorta continue to try to be 'good ambassadors' for our belief systems, and in so doing, come to an understanding that everyone, regardless of their political stripes, can potentially be an asset to our lives, and to our collective recovery.

Peace ...

Just found this site earlier today and i am very happy that i did. I just recently came to the acceptance of being an alcoholic and as of yesterday am entering the journey that is without alcohol.....or going to attempt to.

for me, my problems stem from overindulging. i dont' have a problem with daily drinking but once i start i don't stop. my body has lost that off switch. even if i say before i start that i will only have a few, that few turns into a few too many.

i find myself crossing that line way too often. that line that brings on the apologies the next day. that line that brings out the worst in me. way too often i have hurt the ones i love with drinking too much. blacking out and saying the most hurtful things you can say to a person....to the love of my life. the love of my life i am trying to get back into my life.

i read a post earlier tonite regarding Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and this explains me perfectly. when i am not drinking, things are great. but when i start, i am a completely different person. i think its time that Mr. Hyde leaves town.

anyways, its after 3am for me and i am pretty tired so i will probably read this post in the morning and it will look like incoherent babble lol.

Again, i am very happy that i found SR because i know i will find the information and support that i need here.

I finally got to a place where I let him go and came to terms with he is going to die right? Ok so now he up and puts himself in the hospital and is getting better.
One minute we are together and he's sober.......a year goes by with him sober and then he drinks again and fugs everything up.......fight fight, make up, argue, money issues, job issues......apologies....happy....happy......mad mad........(does this ever end?)
So I gave it all to God and said fug it, I'm done.....let him die and he goes and gets help after several years. Sooooooo do I get back on the ride again and see what happens?
I have a wonderful couple that just entered our lives who believes in our marriage and would love to see us mend this broken marriage and family unit. We all know he loves me and the kids, we know I am not in love with him but love him as a really bad friend. He gave me my children so I am there for him.

He drank away seven years while I've been sober for all of them. I grew up and he didn't.

So today while visiting him in the hospital he just kinda sat nonchalantly like everything was fine and dandy. I don't have a voice today (larangitis) so I couldn't talk to him much. Well, he acted like he was bored and walked out into the hallway.......wanted to walk downstairs (not to hang out with us but to smoke so I felt used) so I got ticked and said "ok kids it's time to go" We visited for an hour. He says (on a voice mail) that he didn't want us to leave and wished I didn't leave so quickly.

He's upset now because I said I was going to leave and left right then and there. I no longer play cat and mouse. When I'm done, I'm done so I left.

I'm totally lost in this "relationship" at this point. I don't know if I am coming or going. I can't pretend to be in love because I'm not, I can't pretend I'm happy he's sober because he's backed out before, I'm afraid to be too supportive and cushion him so it's easy, I don't want to make it too tough so he wants to drink again......I'm in limbo.

It's like relationship purgatory with someone I don't know anymore. I don't know how to talk to him because I believe everything is an alcoholic lie coming out of his mouth. I've heard it all before "daddy's coming home", "we are going to have a family" quack quack quack.......or is it?

My mother had a saying that I feel and that's "I don't know if I am supposed to shat, run or go blind"
What do I do?:wtf2
I want to believe him but can't. I'd love to have a full family life but can't get my hopes up. Where is Nostrodomus?

Hello Everyone!

I just found out I have been making a big fo pah! I have always signed my responses with LOL. I found out today that it does not mean what I meant it to mean.
My meaning is Lots Of Love! I was told today it means Laughing out loud! :c029:

I hope I did not offend anyone. Please accept my apologies if I have.

Deez

:a194:

Just wondered if anyone has some advice about substituting coke a cola for alcohol.
I have had a rough couple of weeks but have perservered in my quest to give up alcohol totally. I go through exhillerating times and then lows where I feel I am going off my nut. Weekends are my worst. I always used to stroll around my garden with a brandy and coke in my hand staring into space in total peace with the world. But there was always a price to pay for this and apologies to make. I never want to be there again!
Sorry I am going off the topic.

I now still stroll around the garden but with a coke in my hand which I am topping up constantly to fight away my urge.
Am I just fooing myself? I even sip it like a drink!
I dreampt last night I started drinking again. My resolve I had over the past few weeks is weak now that the honeymoon extacy is over.

I suppose this is a question mostly for those who have dealt with their own addictions. We all know about the nonsensical speak that comes from AÂ’s when theyÂ’ve had their share. Some things just plain donÂ’t make sense and are fairly easy to blow off. The hard part comes when you feel like itÂ’s really their true feelings coming out.

I know when I was drinking I’d go off the wall, calling names and saying mean, hurtful and insensitive things. But you know what.. really, I meant them. I wasn’t particularly proud of my behavior in the morning, and I never meant to hurt anybody, but it seemed that the “real” truth could come out after a few. Alcohol gives you that wonderful trait of having No Tact! Truth was I had no reason to shield anyone from my feelings or thoughts about them or anything else for that matter when I was on the bottle.

What IÂ’m wondering is, is it like this for all AÂ’s? We all know the apologies to follow but what is the apology really for? That you feel bad you actually said it, or that you really didnÂ’t mean it? ABF said a lot of really hurtful things last night. And the hardest part in listening to the apology this morning was that IÂ’m not sure what heÂ’s really sorry for. In my heart I believe he meant every word that came out of his mouth. HeÂ’s just sorry he let it out.

And how to do take and apology like that? ItÂ’s not ok, I donÂ’t feel better. Just because you tell me itÂ’s your fault and itÂ’s not me, and youÂ’re the screwed up one.. how is that supposed to help? It doesnÂ’t make it hurt any less, and there werenÂ’t even any empty promises of getting better. The only truthful thing I could say was.. I donÂ’t know how much more I can take. ItÂ’s heart breaking.

I've been dating my recovering alcoholic boyfriend for a year and a half now. Since we've been together, he's been mostly sober. When we first met he was trying to self-control his drinking, joined AA shortly there after, had one slip two months in, but has been sober since. He's very committed to AA, working the steps, daily meetings, very close with his sponsor (who's also a professional psycologist), and i've seen amazing growth in him.

Anyway, he's been working his 10th step the last couple months, apologizing to everyone under the sun. Family, old friends, co-workers, bosses, professors, ex girlfriends...everyone, that is except me!

I know that we met at the tail end of his drinking, and some of the people in his life in earlier years had it a lot worse than me. Nonetheless, there were some really difficult times for me dealing with his mood wings and drinking the first few months and even in the ups and downs of his early recovery. I hate to sound so selfish and co-dependent, but it hurts that he's apologized to everyone and not me!

I know that I can't control his recovery and that I should just be happy that he's so into working his steps, but I still feel angry and hurt. He's said a few times lately "I'm just about done with my amends," and things with step 10 seem to really be slowing down (he started his amends mid-June and there was a flurry of apologies for a while, but he hasn't made one for a few weeks now). I can't help but ask myself questions that I know I can't answer like "Is he overlooking me? Could he be waiting for the right time? Yeah he was a huge jerk to his ex and she put up with a lot more than I have, but don't I still deserve an apology for the bullshit I did put up with?"

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience or has advice for me. I know an apology could still be coming, but I need some support to deal with my neuroses whether or not he apologizes!