Archive for the ‘April’ tag
I just wanted to say…
thank you to everyone at SR for the support that you have offered me as well as countless others. Since last April, when I "discovered" this forum, I have turned to you in times of crisis and you have always been there. Sometimes I post a lot, sometimes I just read for support and inspiration. But I always know that if I need you, you will be there for me without fail. As I feel I am there for you. What a wonderful family. I try to log on at least every few days, but if it goes longer, I sometimes feel like I am jumping into the middle of a game with unknown players. But in any event, I continue to be awed by the bonds that are forged here. Aren't we lucky, in this crazy world, to be comforted, supported and encouraged by "strangers". I don't know about you, but sometimes when I just shake my head over the state of the world we live in, it gives ME great hope to know that you are all out there. It makes me think that perhaps the person behind the desk might be Anna or Carol or anyone here. That thought makes me regard this "stranger" in a new light; one who has their own life and its attendant issues, a frail human being just like ME and yet is willing to selflessly reach out to someone else in need. So, thank you. :ghug2
lost friend to drugs
i lost my friend to drugs in april this year she was 25. i have been dealing with it quite well however i went to her inquest today and i am feeling empty and lost. i dont feel pain and cannot cry i just feel alone and numb. i was aware of her drug use and i work within addictions myself as a project worker but as it is personalised it has effected me greatly. i know it will take time for me to heal but i just needed to put my feelings out there and not hold them in. :praying
Who are the people in your neighborhood?
I live in like a townhouse type thing. It is government housing.
Two places joined together and side by side.
Next door is an older lady in her late 60's.
She has lived there for 25 years and I've been here since April.
Over the last few weeks she has taken to having domestics with people on her front porch. From what I understand (have heard) it appears she 'does things for people and they are ungrateful b*****ds who don't appreciate her.' If I had to use one word to describe the situation, I'd say martyr!
This is all fine and good except that she came over here (to my house) at 7.30am this morning and told me she had been cleaning up all the rubbish outside our places and had found a few things she thought where mine. I.e. a scarf etc.. She also told me to come over 'anytime' for a coffee etc..
So none of the stuff is mine, I have no plans to go over for coffee at anytime, but now I am worried she's going to be calling me on to her front porch to tell me what an ungrateful so and so I am for not being thankful she picked up the rubbish. I also wonder if she is a tad crazy, as in manic. You'd think people had better things to do at 7am instead of being out there picking up rubbish! Plus we have a street cleaner who comes most weeks!
Does anyone else have crazy neighbors?
:c029:
The only thing I will tell you about being a neighbor, when I was drinking, was that the police visited me a lot.
Two places joined together and side by side.
Next door is an older lady in her late 60's.
She has lived there for 25 years and I've been here since April.
Over the last few weeks she has taken to having domestics with people on her front porch. From what I understand (have heard) it appears she 'does things for people and they are ungrateful b*****ds who don't appreciate her.' If I had to use one word to describe the situation, I'd say martyr!
This is all fine and good except that she came over here (to my house) at 7.30am this morning and told me she had been cleaning up all the rubbish outside our places and had found a few things she thought where mine. I.e. a scarf etc.. She also told me to come over 'anytime' for a coffee etc..
So none of the stuff is mine, I have no plans to go over for coffee at anytime, but now I am worried she's going to be calling me on to her front porch to tell me what an ungrateful so and so I am for not being thankful she picked up the rubbish. I also wonder if she is a tad crazy, as in manic. You'd think people had better things to do at 7am instead of being out there picking up rubbish! Plus we have a street cleaner who comes most weeks!
Does anyone else have crazy neighbors?
:c029:
The only thing I will tell you about being a neighbor, when I was drinking, was that the police visited me a lot.
Well it’s 2:40am and I can’t sleep…
I've had to let her go, for good this time. It's been little over a week and a half since I saw her, and then only briefly to drop off her gear. I've been coping fairly well I think. Well, until tonight anyway. I miss her terribly.
She had been sober since April with only one lapse (ok, so that means she hasn't technically been sober since April...) and was making great progress (albeit on her own.) I stopped going to Al-Anon meetings since the move in April.
In the space of the last 2 weeks she has lost everything on a binge with her mother (yes, her mother.) She's lost her job, her friends and a place to live...and she's lost me. But that's her thing.
Me, I've lost the girl that I love and it's killing me. This time is different though, because I know I'm not going back and that I'm moving on. I just hope she finds her recovery. I know she doesn't want that life anymore, but that addiction just keeps picking at her.
But to sum it all up, I'm trying my best to look after me first. Cause that's all I can do.
I'm new by the way - and I live in New Zealand.
She had been sober since April with only one lapse (ok, so that means she hasn't technically been sober since April...) and was making great progress (albeit on her own.) I stopped going to Al-Anon meetings since the move in April.
In the space of the last 2 weeks she has lost everything on a binge with her mother (yes, her mother.) She's lost her job, her friends and a place to live...and she's lost me. But that's her thing.
Me, I've lost the girl that I love and it's killing me. This time is different though, because I know I'm not going back and that I'm moving on. I just hope she finds her recovery. I know she doesn't want that life anymore, but that addiction just keeps picking at her.
But to sum it all up, I'm trying my best to look after me first. Cause that's all I can do.
I'm new by the way - and I live in New Zealand.
AH is divorcing me but says he wants to stay together.
I need help. My ah is divorcing me – in fact the mediation is Monday. But I don’t want the divorce. He says he can’t be married to me but wants to be with me and work things out.
He left Dec 31, 206. He drank our entire marriage, but I never realized the depth of his problem. I denied it. My family and friends told me. He drove the children drunk, and I defended him. He lost our money, had me support him for 6 years while he “ran” a business with his alcoholic brother – which never realized a profit. After 9 years, I cheated on him. He suspected; and I really didn’t hide it. His mother (very wealthy) hired a lawyer for him, got him an apartment and a psychiatrist, and he left me.
But he never filed. He got a DUI and called me to bail him out – a 5 hour drive away. I did. He did 3 days in detox and claimed to be clean. We never stopped our relationship. I took our 2 kids to his new place every weekend. We said we loved each other, but he never came back. He relapsed (he admitted later; I only suspected). This year, he actually started a rel campaign to pay attention to me, and I punished him by letting out all my resentment and anger. This lasted 3 months. Then, he was forced by his mother to leave the apartment and move into her house. He does not make enough to live on his own.
Then he filed in April. Drunk.
In May, he started AA, got a sponsor and has been sober since. He just finished his 4th step.
He says he loves me but that the hurt of my cheating – that I can never “be entirely his” is too much for him to remain married. He wants to start over.
I think that this divorce is the result of a decision he made while drinking. That itÂ’s a toxic decision. I have apologized. IÂ’m in al-anon. I have done my steps.
I have told him that I have sacrificed for him, but that I need him, now that heÂ’s sober, to trust me and try with me. We spend wonderful weekends together. Have dinner with the kids. Declare love. But at the end of the day, he wants his divorce.
And I can’t understand why? How can you say that you want to be with me, live with me, work it out – but want a divorce at the same time?
He left Dec 31, 206. He drank our entire marriage, but I never realized the depth of his problem. I denied it. My family and friends told me. He drove the children drunk, and I defended him. He lost our money, had me support him for 6 years while he “ran” a business with his alcoholic brother – which never realized a profit. After 9 years, I cheated on him. He suspected; and I really didn’t hide it. His mother (very wealthy) hired a lawyer for him, got him an apartment and a psychiatrist, and he left me.
But he never filed. He got a DUI and called me to bail him out – a 5 hour drive away. I did. He did 3 days in detox and claimed to be clean. We never stopped our relationship. I took our 2 kids to his new place every weekend. We said we loved each other, but he never came back. He relapsed (he admitted later; I only suspected). This year, he actually started a rel campaign to pay attention to me, and I punished him by letting out all my resentment and anger. This lasted 3 months. Then, he was forced by his mother to leave the apartment and move into her house. He does not make enough to live on his own.
Then he filed in April. Drunk.
In May, he started AA, got a sponsor and has been sober since. He just finished his 4th step.
He says he loves me but that the hurt of my cheating – that I can never “be entirely his” is too much for him to remain married. He wants to start over.
I think that this divorce is the result of a decision he made while drinking. That itÂ’s a toxic decision. I have apologized. IÂ’m in al-anon. I have done my steps.
I have told him that I have sacrificed for him, but that I need him, now that heÂ’s sober, to trust me and try with me. We spend wonderful weekends together. Have dinner with the kids. Declare love. But at the end of the day, he wants his divorce.
And I can’t understand why? How can you say that you want to be with me, live with me, work it out – but want a divorce at the same time?
Lordy…Lordy
Yes, congratulations are in order...
Oldest 35 year old, AS just called...(court has been postponed until Dec. or January)
and he called to give Mr. Moose (I wasn't home) the wonderful news, his GF (who is 18) is 5 months pregnant. Point me to the nearest bridge, would ya?
We went through this pregnancy news last Spring while we were in Florida.
Obviously, she didn't carry through with that pregnancy, I thought perhaps she had an abortion, no one said, and I didn't ask.
If she is 5 months now, she obviously became pregnant in April?
Lordy, lordy....
Oldest 35 year old, AS just called...(court has been postponed until Dec. or January)
and he called to give Mr. Moose (I wasn't home) the wonderful news, his GF (who is 18) is 5 months pregnant. Point me to the nearest bridge, would ya?
We went through this pregnancy news last Spring while we were in Florida.
Obviously, she didn't carry through with that pregnancy, I thought perhaps she had an abortion, no one said, and I didn't ask.
If she is 5 months now, she obviously became pregnant in April?
Lordy, lordy....
Anyone familiar with Child Support Law in PA???
He has had practically no income all year but got a check for $1100 in April, My mortgage isn't paid for the year, yet we are both in the same house, while I pay all utilities, etc. I just can't afford the mortgage. I have my child support hearing Monday, but my AH keeps telling me that I will have to pay him child support since he doesn't work. Will I look like a fool going to the hearing? If I have to wait for the house to foreclose, where will me and my kids go? Anyone with insight into the child support laws in PA would be appreciated. Thanks! I just want to get a place for my kids and I, and I will continue to work my 2 jobs. I don't know if I should wait until we end up in a shelter and then file.
Confused and Scared
Hi, My name is Mary and it has been about 2 years since I posted on these boards. Needing support and a place to vent. Sorry but this first post will probably end up being a long one.
To begin, I am 51 and a recovering alcoholic and will have 3 years clean and sober on April 18th. When I first got sober, I did not have family or friends in the area and went to a live in recovery house. It was not a pleasant experience and in and of itself would probably qualify as abusive. A couple of houses up the street was an ice cream parlor owned by a man in AA. Often I would go there to escape the recovery house and the owner, Danny, would come out and sit with me at a picnic table and talk.
He is a VERY charismatic person. He has lived and been a well known person in this town his entire life. Everybody knows Danny, or should I say the face he puts forward in public. He is always outspoken at meetings but people seem to like his bluntness about addiction. After a while he would give me rides to AA meetings. The AA groups in this town are very "inbred". Everyone knows everyone else and no matter where we go, everyone knows him. And it doesn't hurt that he is very well off and throws his money around. So everyone sucks up to him for what they can get from him. He would often say he has an antisocial personality disorder but always in such a way that you just think he is being modest or something like that.
About 6 months into my sobriety Danny started talking about buying houses and setting them up as "recovery" houses....actually he was looking for a way to make more money. He asked me to manage them and I saw an opportunity to do good despite his intentions....I figured people would still benefit. So I agreed and moved into the house (he does not live here).
He was always selfish, everything had to be for or about him or at his convenience. But after a while things started to get worse, the constant nasty remarks about my weight or how I did something....if I did not understand something he was saying, it was always that I was stupid. Sometimes he will just get in my face and yell making fists while yelling, threatening to just throw me out on the street. Or worse would be the days on end when he would not speak to me at all or would be extremely distant and cold. And all the while I was totally isolated even while attending meetings as he is also in the Program and as I have said, everyone knows him.
And always I would just take it thinking that maybe he was right. Whenever I try to stand up for myself, he manages to turn it around to where it is all my fault.
He is also a very manipulative person....when someone gets on his ++++ list, he will work behind the scene to destroy them....and he does have the pull and is quite talented at turning any situation to his advantage.
We are now at the cold stage and I have noticed that for the last couple weeks he has once again kept me isolated from the AA groups under one pretext or another. Today I finally got to a meeting at my regular group, where I am the group treasurer and that he regularly attends also. Everyone there was extremely cold and distant so I know I am now on that ++++ list and he has spent the last couple weeks manipulating behind the scenes.
I am scared and feel boxed into a corner. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have no one to turn to as he has kept me isolated for the last 2 and a half years. I cannot talk to anyone in AA....I have tried in the past and everyone just turns around and tells Danny, Mary said this or that or whatever.
Even when he is not around, like now, I sit with my head pounding and my heart racing, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't know what to do or where to turn.
Thanks for listening
Mary :a108:
To begin, I am 51 and a recovering alcoholic and will have 3 years clean and sober on April 18th. When I first got sober, I did not have family or friends in the area and went to a live in recovery house. It was not a pleasant experience and in and of itself would probably qualify as abusive. A couple of houses up the street was an ice cream parlor owned by a man in AA. Often I would go there to escape the recovery house and the owner, Danny, would come out and sit with me at a picnic table and talk.
He is a VERY charismatic person. He has lived and been a well known person in this town his entire life. Everybody knows Danny, or should I say the face he puts forward in public. He is always outspoken at meetings but people seem to like his bluntness about addiction. After a while he would give me rides to AA meetings. The AA groups in this town are very "inbred". Everyone knows everyone else and no matter where we go, everyone knows him. And it doesn't hurt that he is very well off and throws his money around. So everyone sucks up to him for what they can get from him. He would often say he has an antisocial personality disorder but always in such a way that you just think he is being modest or something like that.
About 6 months into my sobriety Danny started talking about buying houses and setting them up as "recovery" houses....actually he was looking for a way to make more money. He asked me to manage them and I saw an opportunity to do good despite his intentions....I figured people would still benefit. So I agreed and moved into the house (he does not live here).
He was always selfish, everything had to be for or about him or at his convenience. But after a while things started to get worse, the constant nasty remarks about my weight or how I did something....if I did not understand something he was saying, it was always that I was stupid. Sometimes he will just get in my face and yell making fists while yelling, threatening to just throw me out on the street. Or worse would be the days on end when he would not speak to me at all or would be extremely distant and cold. And all the while I was totally isolated even while attending meetings as he is also in the Program and as I have said, everyone knows him.
And always I would just take it thinking that maybe he was right. Whenever I try to stand up for myself, he manages to turn it around to where it is all my fault.
He is also a very manipulative person....when someone gets on his ++++ list, he will work behind the scene to destroy them....and he does have the pull and is quite talented at turning any situation to his advantage.
We are now at the cold stage and I have noticed that for the last couple weeks he has once again kept me isolated from the AA groups under one pretext or another. Today I finally got to a meeting at my regular group, where I am the group treasurer and that he regularly attends also. Everyone there was extremely cold and distant so I know I am now on that ++++ list and he has spent the last couple weeks manipulating behind the scenes.
I am scared and feel boxed into a corner. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have no one to turn to as he has kept me isolated for the last 2 and a half years. I cannot talk to anyone in AA....I have tried in the past and everyone just turns around and tells Danny, Mary said this or that or whatever.
Even when he is not around, like now, I sit with my head pounding and my heart racing, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't know what to do or where to turn.
Thanks for listening
Mary :a108:
I just wish I could start my life over!
I have been so depressed today! As I said earlier, my sponsor fired me for NO REASON last night! She said it was "about her". WTF? Well- I have been very down all day today! I haven't felt this bad since my last drink in April. I have been really hard on myself today too. I keep wishing I could just move to a new city with new people where no one knows me. I feel like I ruined my life when I was drinking and made a fool of myself and now I can't face it! It is embarrassing! I can't move b/c I have 3 kids and a husband.
HELP! Will I ever be able to get through early sobriety? The thought of a drink has crossed my mind a lot today. I am not going to drink but I feel really HOPELESS today!:c020:
HELP! Will I ever be able to get through early sobriety? The thought of a drink has crossed my mind a lot today. I am not going to drink but I feel really HOPELESS today!:c020:
Lost & confused
I am kind of new here. I've been reading for a while and it's helped me so much. Right now I am really struggling. Not sure how to get myself out of it. Here is my story.
I have been married to my AH for 19 years. Most of that time has been spent dealing with his drinking. I don't think I ever realized how much it was affecting me until I started to detach and face that he had a problem. I lost me in the process. His drinking over the last year or so really started to escalate. It went from a few days a week to 6 days a week. Never drank to pass out but drank heavily. I'm talking 20-30 beers a day. That is when I started to pull away and not "help" him anymore. The kids (18 & 15) and I started doing our own thing. We stopped fighting with him, stopped trying to get him to stop drinking and distanced ourselves more & more. April of this year, he spent a day heavily drinking and then came home and took 2 sleeping pills on top of it. We had to call 911 and rushed him to the hospital. I went and then ended up leaving him there. I was so over this whole thing. He came home and was sober for 2 months. Gradually started drinking again (I can control it syndrome) and it escalated again. This time he started drinking vodka so I couldn't smell it. It amazes me that they don't realize we can tell other than the smell! Within a few days of the drinking escalating, he was arrested for DUI, hit & run, driving with a suspended license(work vehicle!!!_ and who knows what else. Since then he has attended AA nightly, sometimes 2x a day. He has changed in a way I never thought I would see. This time seems so different from the times before but time will tell.
I have been attending Al-anon and it is helping me.
Here is my struggle and why I am feeling so lost and confused. His preliminary hearing is next week. Up until now his boss has had regular work for him but the last few weeks hardly anything. I know this is his problem. He drank, he created it, he has to face it. I know that and want that because I think it's what is keeping him sober (60 days approaching). On the other hand, I am scared about what will happen to me & the kids. He could go to jail, his fines & penalties are going to be steep. I don't know how to seperate us from that. It will affect us and not just him. If he's not working, how does he pay his fines? If he's in jail, who pays the bills. Yes, I work full time and have a decent job but it doesn't in any way pay enough for all of this. Especially the fines and court costs. I'm confused over how to detach myself from that. How do I not worry about that? I guess I just need help understanding.
I have been married to my AH for 19 years. Most of that time has been spent dealing with his drinking. I don't think I ever realized how much it was affecting me until I started to detach and face that he had a problem. I lost me in the process. His drinking over the last year or so really started to escalate. It went from a few days a week to 6 days a week. Never drank to pass out but drank heavily. I'm talking 20-30 beers a day. That is when I started to pull away and not "help" him anymore. The kids (18 & 15) and I started doing our own thing. We stopped fighting with him, stopped trying to get him to stop drinking and distanced ourselves more & more. April of this year, he spent a day heavily drinking and then came home and took 2 sleeping pills on top of it. We had to call 911 and rushed him to the hospital. I went and then ended up leaving him there. I was so over this whole thing. He came home and was sober for 2 months. Gradually started drinking again (I can control it syndrome) and it escalated again. This time he started drinking vodka so I couldn't smell it. It amazes me that they don't realize we can tell other than the smell! Within a few days of the drinking escalating, he was arrested for DUI, hit & run, driving with a suspended license(work vehicle!!!_ and who knows what else. Since then he has attended AA nightly, sometimes 2x a day. He has changed in a way I never thought I would see. This time seems so different from the times before but time will tell.
I have been attending Al-anon and it is helping me.
Here is my struggle and why I am feeling so lost and confused. His preliminary hearing is next week. Up until now his boss has had regular work for him but the last few weeks hardly anything. I know this is his problem. He drank, he created it, he has to face it. I know that and want that because I think it's what is keeping him sober (60 days approaching). On the other hand, I am scared about what will happen to me & the kids. He could go to jail, his fines & penalties are going to be steep. I don't know how to seperate us from that. It will affect us and not just him. If he's not working, how does he pay his fines? If he's in jail, who pays the bills. Yes, I work full time and have a decent job but it doesn't in any way pay enough for all of this. Especially the fines and court costs. I'm confused over how to detach myself from that. How do I not worry about that? I guess I just need help understanding.
