Archive for the ‘Arms And Legs’ tag
Hi I’m New. Here’s my story.
Hi.
I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.
I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.
I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).
I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.
I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.
I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.
I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).
But I think I have found a happy ending.
I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.
I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.
Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...
Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).
Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.
I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.
Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.
I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.
I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.
I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).
I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.
I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.
I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.
I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).
But I think I have found a happy ending.
I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.
I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.
Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...
Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).
Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.
I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.
Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.
Total disbelief.
I haven't spoken to my parents for about ten years, maybe more after they tried to hide my youngest brother's suicide attempt from me after I'd moved out. These people were awful to me and my brothers. Beatings were the norm, and my mother even stabbed my bedroom door with a knife to scare me when I was a child. They put me down everyday and let me know I was unwanted. I made the mistake of trying to reconnect with my father about 7 years ago and he was totally psycho, calling an ingrate, etc. Then he'd cry, then yell at me some more. Then I heard he was teaching kids in church to play guitar. He NEVER did that with me. He beat me black and blue and once I even had to cover my arms and legs in gym class for two weeks so nobody would see the bloody marks and bruises, and see how much even my own parents hated me, as did everyone in school. Everyday was a nightmare. And now I see he has a music page in the internet. I always hoped that he would somehow see what he did was wrong- my mother is hopeless, she is a true sadist and sociopath. She beat us, she beat our pets... Locked me in my room for hours. Lied to me to screw with my head. Now my father's just living his life and playing his stupid songs and had the NERVE to list himself as a proud parent on his profile, with three kids who haven't spoken to them in years, and the NERVE to list himself as a christian!!!! I CAN"T TAKE IT!:c004::headbange I have so many unanswered questions, I have NO idea who I am because these people eradicated my being before I had a chance to exist! I have no sense of my history, what I was like as a kid, NO other close family members who can tell me anything- it's as if I don't exist. I have no frame of reference. And he's just "La dee da, I think I'll post a song today"... I can't try anymore. I am too nuerotic. I am too damaged. I can't wrap my head around the cruelty. I just wish I would have an accident or something and it would all go away. How can people be so insensitive, so cruel? I can't relate to anybody because of this:bigcry
Finding Jesus
A guy is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher, baptizing people in the river.
The drunk proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher, who turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He pulls him out of the water, and again asks, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wit's end, and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and, when he begins kicking his arms and legs, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
The drunk proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher, who turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He pulls him out of the water, and again asks, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wit's end, and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and, when he begins kicking his arms and legs, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
