Drug Rehab Options Blog

(I now have 45 hours under my belt!!!!!)

I haven't had the shakes, very little dry heaving... I am keeping in Gatorade and yogurt and juice and am looking forward to cooking at my moms tonight... yes, my heart has raced a bit... but no where NEAR pass out levels... I am able to drive, take care of my kids, talk on the phone, take a shower.... no tinglies or bad dreams... hallucinations....

In my HEAD I know I only drank for 5 days and I wasn't chugging vodka or tequila 24 hours a day... I had maybe 30 mini-wines (which trust me, I know isn't so hot) but I have detoxed from WAY worse.... I know I am going to be alright in the sense I am not going to hallucinate or seize up... given the time under my belt already.... I know the Ativan will stop seizures and so on....

SO WHY WHY WHY do I sit here reading up on DT's and freaking that I am going to die tonight?

I HATE feeling like this.... and the sedative in the ativan makes it worse... the dry mouth, larthargy, headaches, and so on....

:nykI had 29 days.... then drank moderately for 5 days.... quit for 3 days at Christmas so my kids would have a good Holiday... started back a the day after Christmas... took my last drink 23 hours ago!!!!

I don't know why I feel so yucky this time... I was only drinking at the most 9 mini wines in a 24 hour period during this last 4 day binge... no hard stuff.... whats 9 mini bottles? I mean 5-6 cups... thats nothing for a pro like me.... I used to have 1/2 to a whole a bottle (fifth) of vodka in a day and wine, too... and beer.... or at the very least two big bottles of wine...

I am really letting my anxiety get the best of this time. I am taking Ativan to curb it, but it doesn't seem t be helping as much tonight.... I let my fear of dying of a seizure (not that I have EVER had one) overtake me....

My husband is a good man, but he is ready to leave me.... he doesn't understand my fears or my addiction.... he says he is staying for the kids sake...

sorry its long, at least read the bold print.

So this is my 2nd detox.
Ive only been drinking a lot for the last 2 years... mostly in the last year. leading up to a binge weekend in August.. then a detox that lasted 6 days.

then it happened again, I was drinking socially/regularly for a month or so, then drinking every night again, then heavier leading up to ANOTHER binge 3 day weekend with some friends, leaving me where I am now on Detox2. Both times had the usual dry heaves, night sweats, not eating, ANXIETY, no DTs or anything worse just the standard stuff I guess.

dont worry I went to the doctor both times, got some Rx's to help, etc.
I've been on here, around long enough to know all the stories and Ive even been the advice-giver on here. but:


heres where i need reassurance.
last time i was fine by day 7. this time im on day 11 and im not doin so well.
Physically symptoms are over, appetite is fine, eating is fine, stomach is fine.
BUT I CANT GET RID of this ANXIETY, INSOMNIA, and DEPRESSION.

I feel like I'm never going to feel normal. Drink craving is not a problem, never really is. I dont want to drink at all I dont even think about drinking... I just wanna feel normal. I cant sleep til like 4am (and thats with the ativan the Dr gave me) sleeping isnt very quality, im just not myself, im okay-ish during the day but come 8pm my nerves skyrocket and i cant sit still.. i feel hopeless and sometimes I cry. I dont want to be alone but I am not social. Nothing keeps my attention and I feel like im GONNA LOSE MY MIND. it makes it hard for me to work so I have to take half of an ativan to get through it.

please somebody tell me that im not the only one who has had it like this, and tell me its gonna go away. its been 11 days! Even my dad cant understand why its so bad for me when I didnt drink as much as some people, and they dont even have withdrawals when they stop! I want this to be done with and not have to take the ativan cause Ive read how addictive that can be too, so I usually tough out the anxiety all evening until RIGHT before I know I'll be able to fall asleep with its help (like 2am). Someone reassure me that this isnt completely abnormal.

thanks, oh and happy holidays everyone.
bj

Last night was the end of day 3. It was sheer agony. I couldn't sleep--again. I was wracked by fear, anxiety and pure panic. Something horrible was about to open it's terrible mouth and swallow me. I had the insane urge to go running into the street, screaming. Had to wake my poor husband and mother(lives next door, thank heaven) and had her give me some ativan to calm down.

Being a binge drinker, I've gone through withdrawal before, but nothing like this. I made up my mind to finally take action. Saw my Dr this am and confessed my 15 year bout with alcoholism. I had never told my Drs before--always going in for "depression", "nerves", etc. Took the pills and still drank. He gave me an Rx for the withdrawal, told me it would last about a week and then simply asked: "What are you going to do about it?" I told him I was going to AA--today. He squeezed my shoulder and said "90 meetings in 90 days."

I was scared to death to walk into that building, sure it was filled with hopeless, beaten down derelicts. Was I ever wrong! They all looked like me--almost. They looked HAPPY! They were filled with a calm, inner peace, something I've never experienced. Everyone was friendly and warm. Nothing was asked of me, I need only to listen as they told the stories of what brought them to AA and what they had taken away from it.

After the meeting there were lots of hugs--I do not like to be touched by strangers or even people I know--but I welcomed their embraces, it just seemed natural, we all had a common bond. I was given lots of information and phone numbers to call if I needed help and the offers were sincere.

I decided to go to a second meeting this pm and had the same experience. Many of these people had been dragged lower than I've ever been and yet they had joy that I've never had. Most of all they had freedom from this disease of alcoholism and that's what I want and that's why I'll go back.

Peggy

Today is day 7 without a drink and it feels SO GOOD! I went out and got my hair done on Friday and have been working on ME and I love it. I am past the anxiety (and off of the ativan) and the sluggishness and nausea are totally gone. No cravings at all....

Friday was a tad hard because my mom met us to get the kids Santa Pics and she had booze on her breath... it wasn't that I was envious... I was MAD because she was/is always the first to critisize my drinking and she was pretty tipsy at noon on a workday for her... I wanted to say something but I didn't want the fight so I kept my mouth shut and ranted to my husband instead.

Speaking of my husband, I don't know how I got so lucky. He supports me so much WHEN I AM HONEST WITH HIM... when I hide my drinking, he gets mad, though.... but without him, I don't know what I would do!

The kids and I are going to make Christmas Cookies for grandpa this afternoon and take them over there... both are napping now, so I am checking in here and catching up on email.

Thanks for listening... just getting it out there is therapy for me!!!!

Well... it's been 47 hours since my last shot of Vodka.... and I started the Ativan a couple of hours after that. I am not sure why I feel so tired this time... maybe because I have taken a little more ativan that I usually would and it's hitting me. Usually, after 24 hours the throwing up stops... but it has gotten worst today. I got clausterphobic in the grocery store and a little faint and had to leave hubby to pay for the groceries... and then I got so sleepy I came home and tried to sleep... but three phone calls and a bad charley horse later, I am back up and about... I am due for an ativan now, but I am thinking of taking 1/4 pill....

WHY WHY WHY WHY do I go through this? It's feels like crap when I drink.... hangovers feel like crap so I drink more to kill the hangover and then I feel worse when I am drunk... and then I get to this place where I am detoxing and I want to die I feel so bad (although i am not suicidal, lol... I just feel like death warmed over)...

I don't WANT to drink again. Thought of a shot of anything makes me want to toss my cookies... I am HAPPY when I am sober. I am MISERABLE when I am drunk.

Why do I to this to myself? Hubby says he wishes I could have a drink and be fine with one. I am not. I have proven that time again. THANK GOD he does not drink at all... I quit when I am pregnant. Cold turkey no questions asked... drinking a drop would never happen. I wish I could have another baby, lol... get 40 more weeks of sob!

But Why do we do this to ourselves?

My name is Stephanie and I quit drinking again yesterday. It has been 23 hours, in fact and I am proud of myself approaching the 24 hour Mark. I don't know what, if anything, made me start up again but I started drinking again 10 days ago... a beer here the first day and the slide quickly began... I knew my anxiety would get the best of me, so I went got my Dr. to prescribe a few lose dose Ativan pills and then she recommended Celexa over the long term and I am going to start that tomorrow since it is non-adicting.... to help balance me out.

My biggest fear about quiting drinking (again) is that I will have a seizure or stroke and will die. It's absolute panic... I feel the left side of my body "sag" even though it really doesn't... I get tingly and a little shaky.... my heart races.... The ativan is helping that now but I am still scared of dying.....

I've discovered recently that I find it impossible to complete large-scale projects outside of a work or classroom setting.

The reason is simple: when I was in school, I had the goal of graduating high school, then going to college, then graduating college, then finding a job. But accomplishing these goals would not have been possible without intermediate goals. Gain the praise of the teacher for participating in class. Get an A on a quiz. Get an A on a test. Get an A on a paper.

Now that I'm in the workforce, I have no trouble doing a job, because I still have intermediate goals. Finish this Java class. Write a class diagram. And I get rewards by others praising my work.

But when it comes to doing any project besides school and work, I don't see the point. I want to write a novel, but that's a long, arduous process with no reward until it's finished, and no one whose praise I value to praise me.

I want to kick drugs, so I try setting goals for myself. Don't do speed tomorrow. Can't focus on ****, feel like ****, so I get drunk. Don't use any subtances tomorrow. Total brainlessness, complete inability to get **** done, paralyzing anxiety. Feeling that I'm worthless. Feeling that I'm going to have a heart attack when I lie down to sleep. Have to reach for an ativan or a beer.

The fact is there is absolutely no reward for this intermediate goal. In fact, if I try going a day sober I get punished for it. What's the point?

Detox? How do I explain that to my job? And if I do go to detox, and then kick drugs, who says my life will be any better? I'll be branded a druggy. Job-deserter. Untrustworthy addict.

I am an addict; I know this. So I guess I followed Step 1 of the 12-step Program. But that's where I part with Bill W. Higher powers? If this power is so great how come I have to ask him to lift me out of addiction? If he can lift me out of addiction once I acknowledge him then why do I have to follow 10 more steps? Why did Bill W think he knew what steps the higher power wanted me to follow? Why does this higher power want me to break my grandmother's heart by telling her I used to steal her pills and then asking her for her forgiveness? Why am I an addict in the first place if a higher power exists that can lift me out of it? If it's because of free will, then don't I have the free will to stop too, without a higher power?

I've been in group therapy before. I say I feel worthless for being an addict, and they tell me no, I'm not worthless. But they're addicts too. Aren't they really just trying to feel better about themselves?

I think it's all nonsense. But I've been up for 24 hours now on speed, so you probably think I'm all nonsense. At any rate the truth is I don't really care if I live or die. All I care about is that immediate reward. And if death is coming soon then so be it. I've lived and suffered too long anyway, and that's been going on since long before the drugs.

I've been sober almost 10 months after 7 years of very heavy drinking. I went through a horrible 10 day medical detox, DT's, seizure (while on ativan), and then 30 day residental treatment. The entire time I never slept more than 2 or 3 hours a night, and after detox we weren't able to even take naps during the day because we were always in classes.

Anyway, It's been hard since January, and I still haven't got my sleep or appetite back yet. It hasn't even really improved at all. I am usually awake for 24-48 hours straight, then sleep for 6-8 hours, then I'm awake for another 24-48. It's been taking a major physical toll. I went to see my dr. while I was still employed and he gave me trazadone. It didn't phase me. Then I lost my insurance and can't even afford to see a dr., let alone fill a prescription.

Something I remember from recovery is HALT. Hurt, angry, lonely, and tired. I still struggle to not drink every day but each day my resolve becomes stronger. I know taking a drink will not help me only make things much worse.

I'm just, well, exhausted, all the time. All my other withdrawl symptoms are gone but this one. How long until my brain goes back to normal? Has anybody gone through this and have any advice to offer?

I've tried routines, herbal teas, melatonin, relaxation exercises... I don't know what to do.:praying

Hi guys!

I thought it might be helpful for new people to read what someone (me, obviously) newly sober has to say about withdrawing and detoxing. I'm brand new and don't know much, but here's what I do know and it is VERY important.

1. Please do not be afraid to seek medical attention for quitting alcohol. I know it feels shameful, and you'd probably prefer to try to power through your detox on your own, but please seek medical attention if the following applies to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1588576

I should have gone to the doctor right away because I had been drinking enough long enough to warrant it, but I was stubborn. Don't be me. Go to the doctor. It will only make you more comfortable. And the emergency room is a perfectly acceptable option if you don't have a regular doctor.

2. Even if these things don't apply to you, see your doctor anyway. I didn't get medical attention until I was having such a strong panic attack that my heart was racing at 120 beats per minute and I was on the verge of passing out and ended up the emergency room.

Even if you don't need to be medically detoxed, your doctor can
a. Make you more comfortable. Mine prescribed me 4 Ativan, enough to make it through my withdrawal process.
b. Ease your fears about whether you are fit to make it through a non-medically supervised detox. My withdrawal related panic attacks were made infinitely worse by the notion that I really could die. My doctor checked me and told me that I would be fine.

May God be with you and comfort you through your struggles.
:ghug3