Drug Rehab Options Blog

What I'm dealing with:

My ex is still at my house, sleeping in his son's bedroom. He got out of jail nearly 2 weeks ago. He came over to see his son and he never left. He's not working or making any attempts to find a job. I was trying to be kind and let him stay through his next court date (Dec. 29th) but he?s making it really difficult. I thought he might be able to pitch in and help with a few around the house projects I have ? like caulking the bathrooms ? but he?s really not into it. Twice now, he?s gone out at night, and not come back til the next day.

He?s not using drugs (or so he says, and he doesn?t seem hungover when he gets back) but it?s very disturbing to my son who gets very upset every time his daddy leaves because he is worried that he will never come back. It also really annoys me because I am a fulltime parent and I have yet to catch a break or get an evening out even though his father has come to stay.

At first my son was very concerned everytime his father left the house. He would cry because he didn't think daddy was coming back. So I started telling him that Daddy comes and goes and Daddy is looking for his own house. And his daddy would love him no matter where he lived. And that we would go visit him when he did find his own house. That seems to have quieted his fears a little. And I also think that my son may be catching on to his fathers ways - realizing that his father is totally unreliable. Because , ysterday my son surprised me on the way home from work. He asked if his father would be at home. And then he said "I know momma, he comes and goes."

His father is pretty much a playmate to his son and that's all. I've been very sick so it was helpful to have someone there to entertain my child, but now having him in my house is really starting to annoy me. He lays on the couch and does nothing. He has no initiative. He has this attitude of entitlement and when I ask him what his plans are or I express my frustration to him, he just acts like I?m being a bitch and tells me he?ll find somewhere else to stay. But that?s about it. He hasn't actually made a permanent move to find somewhere else to stay. He just comes and goes when he wants and acts like I?m being a nasty beyatch when I ask him to help out or if he?s going to be around when I get home from work.

He has been hanging with his old "druggie" friends. He says they aren't using anymore. He told his mother that he had to re-acquaint himself with his old friends because I wouldn't let him stay us and he had to find somewhere to live. His mother called and asked me not to argue with him. She's afraid he will go out and use drugs and not come home for a visit after Christmas.

Anyway, sorry to post so long. I need to get this out so I can get a grip and make a move. It's easier to set boundaries and make an action plan when I see how ridiculous the situation looks on paper.

ERGH!

I am pretty new here, and have not posted a lot of background, but basically I met this guy back in June - he was not drinking (2 years sober), but we were not dating exclusively, and by the end of the summer not really dating at all, he was getting serious with someone else.

Well, by August he was drinking, she was living there and drinking as well, and it spiraled out of control - he had her move out shortly after....but he was still drinking - after a total of THREE detox attempts (I was involved with the last & final - longgggg story) he finally quit again, and is 45 days sober (yay)

So, I should be happy, no?

Here is the itch....

During the couple of weeks before his final detox, and DURING it (which he did at home - I know, I know), he was never an angry or mean drunk, he just talked a lot of nonsense, made up a lot of BS grandiose stories, and did nothing really but drink and BS (lost his job, etc, totally not functioning)

I was there every day, as his friend, checking in on him and his pets, making sure there was food, etc. We talked a lot, and I supported his steps toward quitting - which he gives me a lot of the credit for.

BUT, during the drinking and early detoxing times - he was very emotionally open and verbally affectionate - he loved me so much, he wants to get married, blah blah blah. Now, I am not a stupid person, I did not for a moment think this was anything other than him wanting me to stick around, help him, etc. I did not BELIEVE any of it, any more than I believed any of the other stories I knew were total fabrications.

So, fast forward - 45 days sober, doing GREAT. I am quite proud of him. We see each other pretty much every day, and the few times I have not, it is because he is working and going straight to AA meetings, but we do chat on the phone. We spent the Thanksgiving holidays with his family, and are planning on doing the same for Christmas Eve.

But, ever since he was 100% sober....he has never said I love you, or referred to all the things he said. And yeah, he probably does not remember ALL he said, but I know he remembers some of it.

Now, at some level, it is a good thing - we are actually more in line with where we *should* be having dated for the amount of time we have. The things he said when drinking don't count, and I knew that then, and know that now.

But, still, sometimes, it sucks not ever hearing it anymore....and I sure as heck will not be the first to say anything like that to him.....I told him his sobriety needs to be his main priority, and as far as "us" he needs to be the one to set the pace.

I know I am not making sense, but after having heard him say all the things he did, it is hard taking the big step back - because HE was drinking when they were said, but I was not drinking when they were heard.

:sigh:

Hi everyone,
I have been having a really hard time and this feels like the only place I can ever find peace. If you've read my posts you know my story and that I'm In kind of a crappy situation. Recently I had some problems at the pain clinic I go to which resulted in me having to call administration because I am so tired of being kicked around by these so called doctors.

The one nurse I have seen twice treated me like I was a piece of garbage and didn't even care what happened to me. She really should not even be a nurse.

The woman in administration I spoke with was very nice but she did tell me flat out that because i am on medicaid, and they pay for nothing, I won't be able to get any beneficial treatments for my pain. I told her, and she agreed, that even if this is so I should not have to be treated like that.

This has been going on for most of my life and I always knew it was because of medicaid. I just never had a person in a position such as hers (head of nursing practices) Tell me that in such a matter-of-fact way. I thanked her for being honest but I really feel like I don't see any point in trying anymore.

I have exhausted all my possibilities as far as I can see and all of my energy. I'm very low right now and feeling like nothing really matters.

My attempts at starting my own business never get off the ground regardless of how much work I put in. I can hardly function at my job anymore. I can't sleep. The pain is so bad that I want to destroy things...anything...and my shrink is a moron.

I have no idea what to do next. I have already gone to school, got a degree,but It's getting to the point where I can't do that work anymore. I have been playing phone tag with a case worker for two weeks now. I have conflicting letters from disability. One says I am ok, the other says they are cutting me off...there are five of these letters and no reply from the person I was told to call. I had to write a letter to the office asking for them to explain. Sent it last week.. still no reply.

I live in limbo. I would really like to be able to see the positive side of any of this never ending bullcrap!!!!!

I am pretty much the only one in my whole family that didn't turn to drugs and alcohol to cope but I wonder what difference it really makes anymore.

I just needed to vent

Thanks guys

I am on day 11 after many attempts but this one feels like it could be the real thing. I have been a solitary drinker of wine for years and the quantity had crept up and just was taking over my life in a way that was not good. After trying many different groups (AA, RR, Smart Recovery, Moderation Management) and just not connecting with any of them I finally asked my very loving partner to try to brainstorm a solution with me.. and we did this together 12 days ago so now I have 11 days with no alcohol and just hope this is the beginning of a sober forever.

I love the support of women in my life and look forward to this forum. I would love advice from any of you about what worked and did not work in your early weeks and months. I am also curious about what to expect the changes to be in my life - physical, mental etc. Already I feel physically so much better and my awareness of how ever-present the world of wine has been in my life is really startling. I love passing up the wine articles in the newspaper, the wine list at restaurants, etc. What clutter that has been.

Thank you also for having been here for me already. I have been reading this forum without joining for several months. I have already been supported by this group.

kindbird

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure where to start so I'll start at the begining

I met my fiance 4 years ago through a mutual friend. When we first met we both smoked pot and drank heavily. Eventually I grew tired of the partying and started living a much more moderate lifestyle. The transition has not been as easy for my fiance.

He has unsecessfully tried to quit smoking pot twice. Both times he had severe mood swings which lasted for weeks at a time and would drink excessively. After 3 or 4 months of not smoking up he would start smoking again. I have been supportive through these attempts and recognize that he doesn't want to live like this forever, he promised that he would give it up before the wedding. He has, however, made it clear that he really does like smoking pot as it helps him relax and he likes getting high.

We are now 5 months away from our wedding and I am getting more and more anxious as the weeks pass. I am no longer happy living like this and recognize that I can't control his use. The only thing I can control is whether I remain in this relationship and get married to an addict. Last weekend I told him that if he doesn't seek outside help for this that I will not marry him in April. I gave him one week to make up his mind and provided him with some contact information for different counsellors near our home.

He has made it clear that he doesn't intend on ever seeking professional help for his problems. He has set a quit date, which is December 11, but to be honest I just don't feel like this is good enough for me. I keep hoping that he will change his mind but at the same time I know he doesn't take me seriously when I say that I'll cancel the wedding. I don't blame him, there has been times where I have put my foot down only to change my mind later.

I feel like I am being cruel by threatening him. I don't know what else to do, I love him so much but refuse to cater to his disease for any longer. This morning while talking on the phone he said he is willing to come a compromise but I don't know what an acceptable compromise would look like. I don't want to feel like I'm cheating myself out of a good marraige by letting him get his way once again.

I just feel lost, lonely and scared... I don't know what to do or where to start.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

I just completed a work stint that lasted 47 days. During this time, I had no days off and averaged 12-14 hour days. I wasn’t alone … there were over 4000 other people doing the same thing.

In my line of work, it’s something we experience every 6 years. It serves as a good reminder to me, what it was like for my father-in-law all the years that he was a dairy farmer and not having time off.

Life gets a little different during these work periods. An hour drive to work then an hour back home, round the day out to the point that when I do get home, it’s usually a quick dinner followed by an effort to let those closest to me in my home, know I love them and appreciate all they do while I’m away.

In the middle of this outage at work, I got a call from my first sponsor. Roughly 10 years ago, he moved about 60 miles south of where I still am. We still talk frequently, but mostly to play catch up with each other and what’s going on in each of our lives. Occasionally, we’ll travel to meet the other and enjoy time together over a meal and then an AA meeting.

The call I received, was to inform me that after going to the ER for what he thought was a heart attack, it was determined through some additional testing, that he had a spot of cancer on his right lung. Being some what emotionally, spiritually and physically out of kilter, it hit me pretty hard. Within a couple of days of hearing the news, I drove home after work then made a drive to his place to spend a little face to face time.

When I arrived and after spending some good time together, I drove back home thinking about my life in recovery up to the moments we had just spent together. I reflected back to the talk this man had with me, two months prior to me quitting drinking. I’ll never forget that talk, nor the attempts I made at trying to drown it away. When I did get sober and found AA, he was there with open arms. No judging, criticizing just simply accepting and happy I had made it.

This past Friday, was my last day of the extended work period. I had my first weekend off. I made plans with my friend to meet Saturday morning for breakfast and to enjoy each others company. Between the first call he made to me and this past Saturday, I learned that the cancer he has is in both lungs, his intestines and his spine. It’s inoperable, radiation pretty well out of the question and the conscious decision he has made, to not treat with chemo. Rather, he’s included his three children in meeting with the doctors to come up with a plan for pain management and working with hospice.

My intentions of seeing him Saturday, I’ve come to learn were selfish. I had an overwhelming desire to see him and thank him for saving my life. I wanted him to hear the words I love you and that if it were not for him, God only knows where I would be or if I would even be.

The teacher of course, remained the teacher. He told me that it wasn’t him that did those things, it was God … it was AA … it was what he was taught in taking the 12 spiritual steps.

On my ride back home after promising to spend more time together, I began to think about his words. I realized I drove down to see my friend to say good bye rather than to enjoy the moment and to live in the present. For a brief moment, I felt a little self pity for myself, thinking after all these years I should know better. I then believe in my heart, that God made Himself known by changing my thoughts. Rather than stay down about my intentions for going to see my friend, I thanked Him for letting me have the time I did have with him. Ironically, I found myself smiling with a sense of calmness.

I haven’t taken a drink in years. The desire to do so was removed a long time ago. But the desire to control or to lead things to outcomes that I assume are best, is still within me. It’s no where like it used to be, but it is still there and sometimes it's elusive. What I have to remind myself, is to be thankful that those periods are less frequent and that they don’t last as long.

So why do I write all this? Simply to say thank you. To any AA who has ever taken a step … to do their best to live by God’s will rather than their own … to reach a hand out to the next person who suffers, thank you. Thank you for being there for me when I first came in. Thank you for teaching me that the world and all in it, are the way they are supposed to be at this very moment. And to my dear friend Gene, thank you. Thank you for yet again teaching me that it’s never been about the goal but it's always been about the journey.

I really need advice.

I have three beautiful children, ages 1, 3, and 5 who are the joy of my life and the reason for my five years of sobriety. I'll soon need to start talking to them about drugs and alcohol. What do you recommend?

I've read the "Drug Free America" pamphlets, but don't think a panel of bureaucrats is the right source.

If anyone with grown children who have remained sober could tell me how you spoke to them and answered their questions. Or if you can think of an approach you *wish* your parents had taken that might have helped, please let me know.

The "be honest" approach would be:

I was a heavy drinker from age 17 - 23. At 21, I started smoking weed daily and used LSD and mushrooms pretty regularly throughout the 90s.

For a while, I thought I'd use some "if it came from the earth, it can't hurt" rule, but soon realized it was a) kind of a stupid, and b) no sober person I knew had ever gotten such advice from their parents.

There's no credible way to keep your kids off drugs if you're using, so after a couple failed attempts I finally quit.

I didn't go to any meetings because complaining about addiction to marijuana seemed too petty, even though I was only successful in stopping once I read and really applied the 12-step approach.

My drug use forced me to lie to people I love and caused tremendous suffering. I built a huge part of my life around acquiring, using, and hiding drugs--lying to my wife for years about it while engineering or ending friendships to maintain the lie. Whenever I think of using, I think of my family and I'm able to walk away.

While that's a compelling story for an adult, but there's no way to know what images and conclusions this story would create in the mind of a 5, 10, or 16 year-old. My own father used to laugh about stealing alcohol from his dad, so I always thought it was at least a "little" acceptable.

I'm worried that even if my intentions are good, unburdening myself transfers baggage to them.

If I am a good and smart man in their eyes, as I hope, this would lead to a conclusion that "drugs are bad, but you can have fun now and later still be okay whenever you decide to quit."

Hello ! I have never abused street drugs or alcohol but ... I am posting here because I am now unfortunately dependent on prescribed narcotics for chronic neck pain management.

I am prescribed 360 mg of Dihydrocodeine Tartrate MR per day (for more than two years now).

Sadly the attempts at physio / ultrasound / acupuncture have not helped at all.

Wonder if there any one else with a similar situation ?

Kind Regards & wish you all well.

Hi all,
I feel bad starting a thread about this when others are going through much worse things, but SR and a raging headache are honestly the only things keeping me from a bottle of wine right now.

I had a crappy day at work. I used to have this awesome boss who thinks just like me and had the same priorities as me. Then she hired this middle manager who is a personal friend of hers... he's a really nice guy and very smart, but doesn't fit into our company culture and has not made any attempts to understand it or operate within it. He has totally different ideas than the other boss about how things should be done, which he has imposed on me. Even though she's his boss, she always sides with him because he's a personal friend and (my opinion) she's afraid to manage him. Recently he did some things that made us (namely ME) look really bad to our clients. Even though she looked really bad because of that, she still won't tell him he's done anything wrong.

I just recently finished up a project that involved a lot of writing. I have always been praised about my writing, and told it is clear and concise and delivered well to clients. So, the new boss has started COMPLETELY REWRITING everything I write, not to make any substantive changes, but just to put it in his own style. I mean, entirely redlined documents here. He puts them into this style that's confrontational and scares people away, a way that I would NEVER write, and then I'm the one that has to sign my name to them. Even though I KNOW the other boss wouldn't agree, today I went to her with my frustrations and she totally blew them off like I wasn't respecting the wishes of my boss. I just need to "get used to it". Again I think she does this because she is afraid to confront him. The clients I'm writing these documents for have already complained to her about feeling "shut down" by us (because of something my boss did), and she has already had to spend considerable time doing "damage control" for that. Even though "damage control" is the exact phrase she used, she won't take any action to correct it with my boss.

I am so frustrated... this is causing my reputation to be damaged and I feel like I don't have anybody's support at work. I used to think my original boss actually cared about me and my career, but I feel like that's not the case anymore and it sucks. I had to leave my desk twice today to have a crying fit because I was so upset.

Phew, sorry this is so long! I guess I just needed to vent.