Archive for the ‘Babies’ tag
tick tock
Hi Ladies,
This Christmas I'm home with my family. I'm single and 30 and my parents made a couple comments about it, although I asked them not to. It wouldn't bother me if this is what I wanted, but, truthfully, I'd give anything to have a family of my own.
Believe me, I've taken advantage of being single and childless, graduate coursework, living abroad and in New York, running marathongs, etc. But the past six years I've wished I could meet someone to settle down and have kids with. Basically I'm tired of waiting and not doing great in the "trusting that my HP knows what's best for me" department.
Part of me just wants to give up. I know 30 is relatively young, but I feel like I've been waiting for so long and working so hard for something that happens as if by accident to women around me. I make it a point to be grateful for the blessings my HP has bestowed on me and most days I am. Just today, after my parents pointing out I don't have kids and being around my adorable nieces, I'm not happy for what I have. Usually I am, but not today.
I just want to have a family of my own. I've tried other ways to give my maternal nature an outlet by volunteering, being of service in AA, and babysitting, but just today I feel like I'm tired of waiting, I'm jealous of women I see with babies and husbands, and am tired of staying positive and trusting that God has a reason for this.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I am usually more grateful and typically love the holidays, but today my ovaries are crying.
Virginia
This Christmas I'm home with my family. I'm single and 30 and my parents made a couple comments about it, although I asked them not to. It wouldn't bother me if this is what I wanted, but, truthfully, I'd give anything to have a family of my own.
Believe me, I've taken advantage of being single and childless, graduate coursework, living abroad and in New York, running marathongs, etc. But the past six years I've wished I could meet someone to settle down and have kids with. Basically I'm tired of waiting and not doing great in the "trusting that my HP knows what's best for me" department.
Part of me just wants to give up. I know 30 is relatively young, but I feel like I've been waiting for so long and working so hard for something that happens as if by accident to women around me. I make it a point to be grateful for the blessings my HP has bestowed on me and most days I am. Just today, after my parents pointing out I don't have kids and being around my adorable nieces, I'm not happy for what I have. Usually I am, but not today.
I just want to have a family of my own. I've tried other ways to give my maternal nature an outlet by volunteering, being of service in AA, and babysitting, but just today I feel like I'm tired of waiting, I'm jealous of women I see with babies and husbands, and am tired of staying positive and trusting that God has a reason for this.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I am usually more grateful and typically love the holidays, but today my ovaries are crying.
Virginia
I feel like i am being left behind in his recovery…
soo, my boyfriend has about 7 weeks sobriety and I am very proud of him. however, in his recovery he is learning about himself and to live each day sober. I KNOW this is his journey and all I can do is support him, but I wanna cry for a minute.. WHAT ABOUT ME!!! he tells me that recovery is the most important thing in his life.. he goes to 2 (sometimes more) AA meetings a day, is already wanting to sponsor others?? He needs space he says, he has nothing to offer me at this point... Shouldnt I be the one to decide what I am willing to tolerate. He promises a wonderful life, marriage, babies but only once he figures himself out. I realize all this has to happen for him, but what do I do.. wait? For how long? I love him, I want to support him in his recovery, but I am afraid he is trying to protect me by making decisions regarding our relationship by himself, I am a big girl and have been through much, much worse than this, I just dont know what to do. Sometimes I cry, other times I say "Whatever" .... I want this to work! There is a wonderful man burried under that addiction and I want to be with him!
When and How????
So, I am moving forward but I don't really quite know how I am surviving, frankly. Thank god for my therapist, but I am still not doing well. I finally escaped the insanity of addiction and all of the chaos and lack of trust, love, confidence that goes along with it and I am alone. Totally, alone. When do I start to find peace? How do I face being here by myself? Maybe I am just having a pity party, but I don't think I am going to make it through this. What's the point?
I went to a meeting last week. Good to know there are others out there like me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I went out today to do some errands, etc. and couldn't stand it. I was alone. Everywhere I looked were couples and families. Mom's and daughters. Dad's and babies. The holidays are coming and I can't barely get through "regular" days.... How do I do this.
I know intellectually that it would have been wrong to stay in a dead marriage and to be in the midst of all the chaos and "drug induced nonsense".... but at least I wouldn't be alone. I would have my kids with me. I am taking some action with a lawyer to try to "force" some time with my kids.... amazing to me that the kids are with him and all that pain that is happening in my world is because of that fool.
God, someone talk to me. I need to stop crying and get it together.
I went to a meeting last week. Good to know there are others out there like me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I went out today to do some errands, etc. and couldn't stand it. I was alone. Everywhere I looked were couples and families. Mom's and daughters. Dad's and babies. The holidays are coming and I can't barely get through "regular" days.... How do I do this.
I know intellectually that it would have been wrong to stay in a dead marriage and to be in the midst of all the chaos and "drug induced nonsense".... but at least I wouldn't be alone. I would have my kids with me. I am taking some action with a lawyer to try to "force" some time with my kids.... amazing to me that the kids are with him and all that pain that is happening in my world is because of that fool.
God, someone talk to me. I need to stop crying and get it together.
Day 520………almost
things happen for a reason some ppl take time and some ppl just need time.....I did a little of both.....I needed the time to heal after we miscarried, once again, kept on taking care of our puppies of which we only have 3 dogs now our Spanky gave up the fight a few weeks ago, Edward and I have taken the time to get to know each other better, to come together stronger and at the same time still have a boat load of troubles, but other than that...today I am so much stronger than the woman that I was the last time many ppl saw me on here.
I am taking new meds, on is called ablify as well as my xanax and welbutrin, my good news I have another physician who has taken me off of all of my meds......what does that mean.....after many tests I am NOT diabetic so I dont need to take the insulin that has done a LOT of damage to my body...nor do I have to take any of the 20 other meds my previous doctor had me on......
I have something now that I haven't had in absolutley years.....it is called clarity of mind....the other night watching this historical presidential vote come in I just burst out crying.....Edward asked me what was wrong not sure if it was me or the babies or if I was just tired or all of the million other reason this man is learning I can start crying about....I was crying because I realized even this time last year I wouldn't of stopped long enough to watch the debates let along vote.....this has been such a eye opening few months lately.....I love being sober and not high!!!!!!!!
Now here is the best part of it......Edward and I are now pregnant with twins, something that we didn't think would ever happen with him just having the vasectomy and me and the miscarriages, we are now at 10 almost 11 weeks, and EVERYONE IS HEALTHY AND HAPPY!!!! The awsome news is they believe this time I will carry full term especially now that my body has healed enough from all of the drugs both perscription that I got from a script happy dr and from the streets......I LOVE MY LIFE AND I AM SO DAMN BLESSED......
Love and hugs,
Pamm, Edward and the crew!!!!
P.S.
AMY I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!
P.S.S. thank you sober recovery for being the support when I needed it and the kick in my ass to keep me going !!!!
:ghug3
I am taking new meds, on is called ablify as well as my xanax and welbutrin, my good news I have another physician who has taken me off of all of my meds......what does that mean.....after many tests I am NOT diabetic so I dont need to take the insulin that has done a LOT of damage to my body...nor do I have to take any of the 20 other meds my previous doctor had me on......
I have something now that I haven't had in absolutley years.....it is called clarity of mind....the other night watching this historical presidential vote come in I just burst out crying.....Edward asked me what was wrong not sure if it was me or the babies or if I was just tired or all of the million other reason this man is learning I can start crying about....I was crying because I realized even this time last year I wouldn't of stopped long enough to watch the debates let along vote.....this has been such a eye opening few months lately.....I love being sober and not high!!!!!!!!
Now here is the best part of it......Edward and I are now pregnant with twins, something that we didn't think would ever happen with him just having the vasectomy and me and the miscarriages, we are now at 10 almost 11 weeks, and EVERYONE IS HEALTHY AND HAPPY!!!! The awsome news is they believe this time I will carry full term especially now that my body has healed enough from all of the drugs both perscription that I got from a script happy dr and from the streets......I LOVE MY LIFE AND I AM SO DAMN BLESSED......
Love and hugs,
Pamm, Edward and the crew!!!!
P.S.
AMY I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!
P.S.S. thank you sober recovery for being the support when I needed it and the kick in my ass to keep me going !!!!
:ghug3
Three calls
First call was yesterday from ADBF. Said that he had twin beds for me to use for the kids. The whole conversation was crazy. He made no sense. He has to go to court on the 17 and will probably get 6 months or more. He was telling me that he was going to try to rent a house for Ad and the kids. Well, that is wonderful but who is going to pay the rent? She can't work, two babies? By the time I got off the phone with him my head was spining. No wonder my daughter is so screwed up he can spin a wild ride.
Second call today from the grandmother. My AD called her today from jail and said that she was getting out, would she come and pick her up. Ain't that grand calling them again. Her family. She took AD to ADBF. She still thinks he is prince charming. I can tell that she has not reached her bottom yet. She won't as long as she is still involved with him.
Third call, from AD. She wanted to come and see the kids. Well, that went over like a lead balloon. I wanted to know what she thought the kids were going to do when she showed up and then left without them. I would be left trying to fix another situtation she created. She said she would call tomorrow morning and talk she says she wants to see kids before she has the twins. And that will be any day. Wonder what that means, she can't see them after. Is she going somewhere? There I go again with the what ifs. I am just so tired of all the drama. So we will see tomorrow, she may not call. :codiepolice
Second call today from the grandmother. My AD called her today from jail and said that she was getting out, would she come and pick her up. Ain't that grand calling them again. Her family. She took AD to ADBF. She still thinks he is prince charming. I can tell that she has not reached her bottom yet. She won't as long as she is still involved with him.
Third call, from AD. She wanted to come and see the kids. Well, that went over like a lead balloon. I wanted to know what she thought the kids were going to do when she showed up and then left without them. I would be left trying to fix another situtation she created. She said she would call tomorrow morning and talk she says she wants to see kids before she has the twins. And that will be any day. Wonder what that means, she can't see them after. Is she going somewhere? There I go again with the what ifs. I am just so tired of all the drama. So we will see tomorrow, she may not call. :codiepolice
Horrible Week, even worse tonight.
My youngest daughter, age 26 going on 10, just stormed out of the house and left her 6 month old here saying she didn't want her anymore. Of course, first she had to tell me how heartless I was and it was no wonder my middle daughter is an addict the way I treat them. (I know she didn't mean the daughter part.)
Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.
Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.
So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.
I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.
Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.
Youngest is close to being an alcoholic, like her dad, and I know I can't help that. She has anger issues that are beyond belief, thinks the world should revolve around her, and is incapable of holding jobs for long because she treats people like dirt. She hooked up with a diehard alcoholic and it's been love, hate, live together, move out, for the last 4 years or so. Last time she lived with us it was to get a new start, blah, blah, blah and all she did was make a mess and chase bf around. When she left to move back in with him my husband said she was never allowed to move back in or he would leave. He means it. She has also moved in with her oldest sister a couple times and has done the same thing, sister also says no more. BF isn't physically abusive but his words cut likes knives, sends her into a fury and she is the one who most often reacts physically.
Of course into all this she has to bring a baby. Beautiful little girl and is one of the happiest babies I've ever had. She is precious. When daughter was pregnant she was still on SSI and had to take some counseling classes and they really helped. She was talking about some college courses and was getting some self-esteem. She had to give up SSI when she moved in with boyfriend and signed off services for a year. Now bf is on a tangent that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Wants her out of the apartment (this is partly her fault in so that she had to go and get drunk a couple weeks ago and do nothing but fight and so on) and yet he tells her she can stay for the baby's sake and then treats her like dirt and makes ugly remark all night. She says she can't take it anymore and needs to get out and she's losing her mind.
So now tonight, I'm heartless because I won't let her move in here and give up my husband for my own daughter, the one I gave birth to. That I don't care about the h##l she is living in. I won't even give her hugs, (used to but then she say I don't want hugs I need help) can't win in that department. She has no girlfriends because they can't stand her for long. She's some one you just can reason with. Said she's not going to work tomorrow (she works 2 days a week at Dollar General), she's quitting and leaving town. I just kinda sat there through the tirade and that ticked her off so she slammed out the door.
I don't know what to do. I do feel kinda heartless and I feel trapped. I'm mad that she doesn't ever attack her dad, who moved back in with his mother and could perfectly well share an apartment with her, and he just gets to drift along with none of this. I've told her to go to the women's shelter uptown and that really made her blow. Almost wish I had that one on film.
Right now my anxiety is so high I think I'm having a heart attack. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. My hubby just doesn't want to hear it anymore.
I need some advise on my daughters addiction
Lets see where do I start.My daughter has a 3 year old son that she has lost custody of due to here drug addiction in Rhode Island. She was given a chance with him by dcs because he came up possitive when he was born. She was supposed to be straight and take drug tests regular and she would come up possitive. She and the babies father were not working and living in a hotel my ex husband was paying for. He paid over 15 thousand dollars for her to stay in a place so she would not loss him. She then did loss him do to the drug tests and my stepmother stepped in and fostered him for a year and she never straightened out.
my ex has now adopted him and she does not even call him.
O.k. now here is the real problem. She got pregnant again and she did straighten out for the time of the pregnancy and she had a wonderful baby girl in June. In jully she started calling me to take her daughter cause she could not handle her. Now I have had her daughter for the last few months because she started using drugs again and admitted it to me. Her babies father and her were smoking crack in the same room as her daughter. This was a shock to me because I thought she had straightened out for her daughter. She also admitted that she was selling the formula to suport her habit. This the father also said. On top of this she is bi polar, and manic depressic.
I have custody now of her daughter and she has been told yesterday she must sumit to a 90 day hair drug test. She must prove that she is on her meds and if thay happens then she can get her daughter back. This scares me what if she does not stay straight. We live in 2 differant states her R.I. and me ct. If she gets her back i m not sure whats gonna happen. She also would leave her daughter alone in a 5 apartment building while she parted on the porch. My daughter has siezures on crack and hurts herself. Are there anyway to make this right. She now denies everything. Someone lean me in the righty direction I feel like this is ripping my insides apart. thanks
my ex has now adopted him and she does not even call him.
O.k. now here is the real problem. She got pregnant again and she did straighten out for the time of the pregnancy and she had a wonderful baby girl in June. In jully she started calling me to take her daughter cause she could not handle her. Now I have had her daughter for the last few months because she started using drugs again and admitted it to me. Her babies father and her were smoking crack in the same room as her daughter. This was a shock to me because I thought she had straightened out for her daughter. She also admitted that she was selling the formula to suport her habit. This the father also said. On top of this she is bi polar, and manic depressic.
I have custody now of her daughter and she has been told yesterday she must sumit to a 90 day hair drug test. She must prove that she is on her meds and if thay happens then she can get her daughter back. This scares me what if she does not stay straight. We live in 2 differant states her R.I. and me ct. If she gets her back i m not sure whats gonna happen. She also would leave her daughter alone in a 5 apartment building while she parted on the porch. My daughter has siezures on crack and hurts herself. Are there anyway to make this right. She now denies everything. Someone lean me in the righty direction I feel like this is ripping my insides apart. thanks
New here
Hi...
I am a SAHM of 4 kids and have a wonderful husband who has been the target of my drunken rage..He has stuck by me and supported me for the last 4 yrs of "thinking" I was sober only to have relapses every 6 months..but now the relapses are getting closer together...
I always thought I could do it on my own...I wanted to believe that I wasn't like my dad was(he has 25 yrs sober going to AA), I wanted to believe that I could just stop..and I have come to the conclusion that without help and doing it right the only thing I have done over the last four years is hide from the truth.
I spent roughly 3 yrs in a bottle of whiskey and almost killed my kids driving and woke up the next morning an stopped drinking. I stayed sober for about 2 yrs straight, then had the wonderful idea that "I can stop when I want to so it's okay to have a glass of wine, after all it isn't whiskey"..and have been going downhill since..My relapses would come and go and with each one I would say and do everything I could to excuse myself, blame it on someone else. Instead of standing up and saying "I need help".
I was doing really well, then I had to have a full hysterectomy about a year ago due to really bad endometriosis. and well I have felt so lost since then. I have felt out of control and at times really desperate to have my old self back. The doctors have had me on different hormnes and anti-depressants. the last "try" was zoloft, which made me feel like ending it all. SO I flushed them down the toilet. But apparently I am not suppposed to up and stop those pills the way I did..
I have feared asking for help because I really have it stuck in my head that getting help somehow means I would loose my babies, and so I hid and tried to do it alone...only to make it worse by doing it that way..Wow, I am rambling now, I apologize...
So I am making my first call this morning to my doctors and will be getting myself into counseling, and will find the AA meetings here where I live. and actually go. As scared as I am about it, I know what I have to do to get healthy again...I grew up in AA and Al-Anon, which really makes me wonder why it is so scary for me to go to the meetings..
my apologies for rambling...I am not even sure my post makes sense...lol
I am a SAHM of 4 kids and have a wonderful husband who has been the target of my drunken rage..He has stuck by me and supported me for the last 4 yrs of "thinking" I was sober only to have relapses every 6 months..but now the relapses are getting closer together...
I always thought I could do it on my own...I wanted to believe that I wasn't like my dad was(he has 25 yrs sober going to AA), I wanted to believe that I could just stop..and I have come to the conclusion that without help and doing it right the only thing I have done over the last four years is hide from the truth.
I spent roughly 3 yrs in a bottle of whiskey and almost killed my kids driving and woke up the next morning an stopped drinking. I stayed sober for about 2 yrs straight, then had the wonderful idea that "I can stop when I want to so it's okay to have a glass of wine, after all it isn't whiskey"..and have been going downhill since..My relapses would come and go and with each one I would say and do everything I could to excuse myself, blame it on someone else. Instead of standing up and saying "I need help".
I was doing really well, then I had to have a full hysterectomy about a year ago due to really bad endometriosis. and well I have felt so lost since then. I have felt out of control and at times really desperate to have my old self back. The doctors have had me on different hormnes and anti-depressants. the last "try" was zoloft, which made me feel like ending it all. SO I flushed them down the toilet. But apparently I am not suppposed to up and stop those pills the way I did..
I have feared asking for help because I really have it stuck in my head that getting help somehow means I would loose my babies, and so I hid and tried to do it alone...only to make it worse by doing it that way..Wow, I am rambling now, I apologize...
So I am making my first call this morning to my doctors and will be getting myself into counseling, and will find the AA meetings here where I live. and actually go. As scared as I am about it, I know what I have to do to get healthy again...I grew up in AA and Al-Anon, which really makes me wonder why it is so scary for me to go to the meetings..
my apologies for rambling...I am not even sure my post makes sense...lol
How to blame others and make them speechless…
I'd love to hear someone top these addicts throwing blame around.
(My AS and GF lost their babies six months ago because the baby was born addicted......Our other children are praying to get permanent custody and we have six months of horror left!)
Ahemmmm.....
The only reason we got caught and the baby was born addicted was because they did not induce me on his due date.
It's the lawyer's fault we got contempt of court because he is stupid.
Our psychological evaluation is a bunch of lies. He just said what they told him to say because they want our kids.
It's your fault we aren't getting our kids back because you told them when we stole that money.
The next time I have a baby I am going to stay home and have an all natural birth so you can all go to h**l.
(Lord, grant me strength):praying
(My AS and GF lost their babies six months ago because the baby was born addicted......Our other children are praying to get permanent custody and we have six months of horror left!)
Ahemmmm.....
The only reason we got caught and the baby was born addicted was because they did not induce me on his due date.
It's the lawyer's fault we got contempt of court because he is stupid.
Our psychological evaluation is a bunch of lies. He just said what they told him to say because they want our kids.
It's your fault we aren't getting our kids back because you told them when we stole that money.
The next time I have a baby I am going to stay home and have an all natural birth so you can all go to h**l.
(Lord, grant me strength):praying
mama of 2 lost n scared.
i'm a mother of two beautiful babies, i have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and a 1week n 5 day old son. the father of my children happens to be a man i have given my everything to over the last 11 yrs. 2 days after my son was born he took his secound journey into rehab with the hope that he can get better so his kids will beable to enjoy him as well as him enjoy himself. over the last week 1/2 me and him talk almost once a day. and i started looking into some form of al-non, to learn to understand myself and why i'm so addicted to him being apart of my life, and to learn to understand the whys of what has happened between us,. he has lied, cheated, hidden, manipulated, and used me for every little thing. now he wants to come home to me and the kids, and i so badly want him here. but i'm a lil worried that i'll be used as a safe haven, and that he will end up back into stuff and our babies will get hurt, yet again. i want this to work.. i want to share our lives together. but not control or be jealous of our own lives.. i'm not sure on how to go about things and having a hard time finding ways to talk to people and let alone more information on programs that can help me with me so i can learn to accept him for him, instead of sit there and judge him... so pls if you have ne advice. write me back.. i'm a little lost in wonder of the what ifs and whys again.
