Archive for the ‘Bad Behavior’ tag
Strangers in the Same House?
At the beginning of sobriety is it normal to feel like a complete stranger in your own house? I know my wife didn't like me when I was drunk but I'm beginning to think she may not like me sober either. Is it just mending years of bad behavior? It's just extremely frustrating when I finally gave in to her request and have made a wholehearted effort to change. I have repeatedly asked that she give me time and space to sort through feelings of anger, shame, embarrassment and all sorts of other feelings I never addressed with no avail. She thinks 18 days of sobriety and everything is ok. Is there a good way to explain that I don't want to hang out with our friends or family until I feel I can bear it? I know it's not fair to her or our daughter but I feel this is something I have to do to have chance at staying sober..Thanks
Bad Rehab
Hi,
Not an addict.....then an addict....then not an addict again. Confused?.... Me too.
Something very strange happened to me as a teenager and I would like to share it with you here.
When I was 14, I got put into a long term drug rehabilitation program called "Kids Helping Kids". I didn't have a drug problem or alcohol problem but my parents were manipulated by this program and told that I was a drug addict and alcoholic due to my bad behavior. This program was horrible and I had to admit to being an addict to progress. I was psychologically broken over the course of several months before I progressed to 2nd phase. I won't go into detail about what they did to me in there but it was illegal and it was child abuse. It was systematic psychological torture.
Well, I don't exactly know what happened but I eventually admitted to being a drug addict and believed it (although I actually never had any drug problems). I am guessing I was brainwashed and other people I was in there with have suggested the same thing. I graduated this program and worked there thinking I was an addict and attended AA meetings religiously out of fear of relapse. I was then 16.
I eventually left the "program" and had no support. I eventually started smoking, and then drinking and at one point I didn't even care what drugs I was doing, who I was fighting or who I was having sex with. It was chaotic. I believed I was a loser addict and would die without the program that ostracized me.
One day I just realized that I needed to stop going to jail and clean my life up. I stopped all of the bad behavior and much to my amazement realized that I didn't have a drug or alcohol problem at all. I remembered life before the program and being a normal teenager. It was amazing to not be afraid of relapse, that was such a big concern for me and after I drank that first time after the program, I felt like a failure and felt even worse so I drank more thinking I was a screwup. I cleaned my life up, quit smoking and by then I was 19.
Today I am much older and I don't drink, smoke cigarrettes or use any drugs. I just don't need to. I keep away from these things because they are unhealthy. I am now 36.
I wanted to get a response as to what people think about teenagers being brainwashed into thinking they are addicts inside these rehabilitation programs. I personally saw non-addict kids brainwashed and subsequently broken by the program I was in, and I have heard these rehabs are all over the country now. I am very concerned that this is still happening and what those of you in recovery think about these practices. Are you aware that these types of programs exist?
It took me several years to realize that I had been brainwashed and that I wasn't an addict. I only realized the full spectrum of what was done to me about a year ago.
For some, they seemed to adhere to what they were indoctrinated with in the "program" and became super-addicts, almost like they were addicted to the lifestyle of the addict. In this program, following program doctrine meant a position of power over other kids. This was a position where you had COMPLETE control over other kids lives. When I was on my upper phases as an "oldcomer" I wielded an authority not allowed in our society. The things I could do to others would have been considered human rights violations on the "outside", mainstream world.
I have read that most of the type of drug rehabilitation programs like the one I was in are all of the STRAIGHT INC. type which has been classified as a cult. one program I am aware of that still uses these methods is called "Pathway Family Center". What does anyone think about this?
Coming from the perspective of understanding addiction and recovery, is this known about? Has this been talked about before? I believe the abuse we endured in the "program" led many kids to become addicts. Isn't that an ironic thing, a drug rehab hurting kids in their mind so they hate themselves and become addicts?
Not an addict.....then an addict....then not an addict again. Confused?.... Me too.
Something very strange happened to me as a teenager and I would like to share it with you here.
When I was 14, I got put into a long term drug rehabilitation program called "Kids Helping Kids". I didn't have a drug problem or alcohol problem but my parents were manipulated by this program and told that I was a drug addict and alcoholic due to my bad behavior. This program was horrible and I had to admit to being an addict to progress. I was psychologically broken over the course of several months before I progressed to 2nd phase. I won't go into detail about what they did to me in there but it was illegal and it was child abuse. It was systematic psychological torture.
Well, I don't exactly know what happened but I eventually admitted to being a drug addict and believed it (although I actually never had any drug problems). I am guessing I was brainwashed and other people I was in there with have suggested the same thing. I graduated this program and worked there thinking I was an addict and attended AA meetings religiously out of fear of relapse. I was then 16.
I eventually left the "program" and had no support. I eventually started smoking, and then drinking and at one point I didn't even care what drugs I was doing, who I was fighting or who I was having sex with. It was chaotic. I believed I was a loser addict and would die without the program that ostracized me.
One day I just realized that I needed to stop going to jail and clean my life up. I stopped all of the bad behavior and much to my amazement realized that I didn't have a drug or alcohol problem at all. I remembered life before the program and being a normal teenager. It was amazing to not be afraid of relapse, that was such a big concern for me and after I drank that first time after the program, I felt like a failure and felt even worse so I drank more thinking I was a screwup. I cleaned my life up, quit smoking and by then I was 19.
Today I am much older and I don't drink, smoke cigarrettes or use any drugs. I just don't need to. I keep away from these things because they are unhealthy. I am now 36.
I wanted to get a response as to what people think about teenagers being brainwashed into thinking they are addicts inside these rehabilitation programs. I personally saw non-addict kids brainwashed and subsequently broken by the program I was in, and I have heard these rehabs are all over the country now. I am very concerned that this is still happening and what those of you in recovery think about these practices. Are you aware that these types of programs exist?
It took me several years to realize that I had been brainwashed and that I wasn't an addict. I only realized the full spectrum of what was done to me about a year ago.
For some, they seemed to adhere to what they were indoctrinated with in the "program" and became super-addicts, almost like they were addicted to the lifestyle of the addict. In this program, following program doctrine meant a position of power over other kids. This was a position where you had COMPLETE control over other kids lives. When I was on my upper phases as an "oldcomer" I wielded an authority not allowed in our society. The things I could do to others would have been considered human rights violations on the "outside", mainstream world.
I have read that most of the type of drug rehabilitation programs like the one I was in are all of the STRAIGHT INC. type which has been classified as a cult. one program I am aware of that still uses these methods is called "Pathway Family Center". What does anyone think about this?
Coming from the perspective of understanding addiction and recovery, is this known about? Has this been talked about before? I believe the abuse we endured in the "program" led many kids to become addicts. Isn't that an ironic thing, a drug rehab hurting kids in their mind so they hate themselves and become addicts?
His Out, It kinda feels good
Well, I have been struggling with my husband. After 4+ years he got loaded and for the past 6 months (probably more) I have been going crazy with his disease. I have posted about it a couple of times - I was torn between "for better or for worse", I was torn about pushing him further into the streets, I was torn about losing him completely, I was torn about him risking my own recovery from drugs - just torn. Finally today I exploded (bad behavior), hit him, slashed his tires, threw a saw at him, yelled a bunch of lovely names at him and the neighbors called the cops and we have agreed to seperate. Finally, the neighbors helped me do for me what I could not do for myself.
And to be honest, I am still torn but feel a big relief - just let him go do what ever it is he needs to do to hit his bottom, end up in prison, get clean or whatever.
I hate acting out, it makes me feel terrible about me and in retrospect it is so stupid, it fixes nothing.
I pray I stay strong and that his higher power will lead him to recovery. But mostly I pray I stay strong because i know that the only thing that is going to help him is a higher power and all I am going to do is kill him with my "kindness".
Thanks for listening... and any advice on how to be and stay strong is welcomed.
And to be honest, I am still torn but feel a big relief - just let him go do what ever it is he needs to do to hit his bottom, end up in prison, get clean or whatever.
I hate acting out, it makes me feel terrible about me and in retrospect it is so stupid, it fixes nothing.
I pray I stay strong and that his higher power will lead him to recovery. But mostly I pray I stay strong because i know that the only thing that is going to help him is a higher power and all I am going to do is kill him with my "kindness".
Thanks for listening... and any advice on how to be and stay strong is welcomed.
Please don’t sign off on mine and I won’t sign off on yours :)
I am still new and one thing I've learned in the MONTHS of being in treatment is "keeping it green". No matter how many days, weeks, months or years I have I should never forget where I came from.
One great thing that I learned about what I do as an addict is my behavior and I learned that a lot of things I was doing was just as bad as picking up a drink or was at least the first step in taking one.
Also, when people make suggestions I should "take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth" and take a look at what I'm doing because sometimes other people, our peers, friends, family, sober supports see things that we don't because we're in the middle of it or "in our own way" so to speak.
Sobriety isn't a bed of roses, a bowl of cherries, some days it's a living hell and I'm prepared to deal with that with out picking up. Acceptance is key for me.
Anyway, there is a reason why I had to post this and mainly because I was at a group tonight and a gal there had some issues that I addressed and she felt hurt by what I said and when she attacked me I said nothing because that's her stuff, not mine.
I will, however, never sign off on anyone's BS. Why? Because if I make it ok for you to do what ever it is that you're doing, you know what? That means that I just laid down the path to make it ok for me to do in the future. I'm setting myself up for a relapse and that's not ok!!!!
Here goes the final vent of it all......................
If you're going to tell me about your bad behavior I'm going to call you on it and I would expect you to do the same for me.........if you care. ;)
Thanks!! :rant:
One great thing that I learned about what I do as an addict is my behavior and I learned that a lot of things I was doing was just as bad as picking up a drink or was at least the first step in taking one.
Also, when people make suggestions I should "take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth" and take a look at what I'm doing because sometimes other people, our peers, friends, family, sober supports see things that we don't because we're in the middle of it or "in our own way" so to speak.
Sobriety isn't a bed of roses, a bowl of cherries, some days it's a living hell and I'm prepared to deal with that with out picking up. Acceptance is key for me.
Anyway, there is a reason why I had to post this and mainly because I was at a group tonight and a gal there had some issues that I addressed and she felt hurt by what I said and when she attacked me I said nothing because that's her stuff, not mine.
I will, however, never sign off on anyone's BS. Why? Because if I make it ok for you to do what ever it is that you're doing, you know what? That means that I just laid down the path to make it ok for me to do in the future. I'm setting myself up for a relapse and that's not ok!!!!
Here goes the final vent of it all......................
If you're going to tell me about your bad behavior I'm going to call you on it and I would expect you to do the same for me.........if you care. ;)
Thanks!! :rant:
