Archive for the ‘Bad Day’ tag
“alcoholics don’t have relationships, they take hostages”
I have heard this said: "alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages".
As a recovering A also recovering from Codependency, I think I understand what this saying means, but am curious if others could splain it to me real simply.
I think back to my active days when:
I couldn't tell an anecdote, it had to be an epic.
I did not have dialogues, I had monolgues.
I awfulized everything that happened to me, making me feel special.
My bad day was your bad day, too.
Is it kinda like that?
Would love to wrap my head around this better. ThankS!
As a recovering A also recovering from Codependency, I think I understand what this saying means, but am curious if others could splain it to me real simply.
I think back to my active days when:
I couldn't tell an anecdote, it had to be an epic.
I did not have dialogues, I had monolgues.
I awfulized everything that happened to me, making me feel special.
My bad day was your bad day, too.
Is it kinda like that?
Would love to wrap my head around this better. ThankS!
new and just feeling down today
hey, i'm new to here, but man, i'm just having a bad old day today. as strong as i feel, there's days like today when i feel the old me dying to come out to play.
Another World
AS has really gotten himself in deeper then he thought. He had a so called friend an experienced drug dealer who is old enough to be his mother. Turns out her home was raided 3 months ago and she is in jail. Her boyfriend was in prison for manslaughter at the time, so she asks my son to put him up when he gets out. Of course the nice idiot he is does. He now has this man living in his bachelor apartment. AS really doesnt like it but not much he can do, he is supposed to be gone next month. Ive never seen anything like it, half the city is in fear of this guy. I guess his occupation is a collector of somewhat. What boggles my mind is this guy is on parole however he is allowed to drink and do as he pleases. The whole drug thing is corruption, I wouldnt have believed it had AS not become an addict. Cant he see he is just being used, these people are far more experienced in life ( the drug life) this thug wouldnt think twice about injuring or robbing anyone. Whats really strange is he has a cop friend who takes him out for lunch.
last week AS had canine dogs in his house. I really fear for him and his future, he tells me not to worry these people are cool. I know I just have to hand it over to HP but it is so hard. As for our canadian laws they really stink when it comes to the drug dealers. Somedays I wonder will it ever end. Work is still on the verge of bankruptcy, same with the house. I would just like to curl up and sleep for a month. Sorry just a bad day.
last week AS had canine dogs in his house. I really fear for him and his future, he tells me not to worry these people are cool. I know I just have to hand it over to HP but it is so hard. As for our canadian laws they really stink when it comes to the drug dealers. Somedays I wonder will it ever end. Work is still on the verge of bankruptcy, same with the house. I would just like to curl up and sleep for a month. Sorry just a bad day.
I feel trapped (This is a whiney post, so be warned…)
I don’t like doing this but I felt like I had to put my whininess out here. I would have put it in Whiners Anonymous, but it’s a little too long (besides, I like using WA for more humorous complaints).
It’s not exactly a bad day, but not good, either. I'm starting to get that pseudo-panicky feeling (I’m not quite sure how to describe it)...like I just need to get far away from everyone (myself included). I drank a fair amount last night and want more tonight, but I'm not leaving the house to get any.
I'm not where I need to be in life. I do not know how to get to where I want to go. Organizational skills would help but I seem to be lacking in that department. I'm getting too old for this crap. I'm supposed to be a self-sufficient person. I hate depending upon people. I'm not even living on my own right now. When I was on my own, I was living in a crappy apartment making it paycheck to paycheck and wasting my "disposable income" on tons of booze.
I've never had a good job my entire working career. I have a degree and I flip burgers for a living. I am stuck working a low wage job with no hopes for better employment. As much as I told myself that I was not going to let it bother me this time around, I don’t know how to do that. All I’m doing right now is dreading tomorrow in that negative workplace. I deserve so much better than what I do now. I just need someone in this crappy town to give me a freakin’ chance. I am a great worker plus I can think for myself. I do not need to be micromanaged and I am dependable.
I am lonely. I am starved for face to face adult conversation. I do not know how to take charge of my “happiness level”. I cannot “think it and be it”. I cannot “fake it until I make it”. With each day that passes I feel like I know less and that means confusion galore. Nothing makes any sense to me--add that onto the fact that I’ve always felt out of place. I’m so tired of not knowing what I should do, of not knowing what will work for me.
This makes me so mad. I was creating art work again. I was getting excited about it. I haven’t done anything with it today because the motivation is simply not there. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just produce? The desire is there, but I don’t know how to get back what it is that I lost. I feel like there’s a part of me that’s a little dead inside.
It’s not exactly a bad day, but not good, either. I'm starting to get that pseudo-panicky feeling (I’m not quite sure how to describe it)...like I just need to get far away from everyone (myself included). I drank a fair amount last night and want more tonight, but I'm not leaving the house to get any.
I'm not where I need to be in life. I do not know how to get to where I want to go. Organizational skills would help but I seem to be lacking in that department. I'm getting too old for this crap. I'm supposed to be a self-sufficient person. I hate depending upon people. I'm not even living on my own right now. When I was on my own, I was living in a crappy apartment making it paycheck to paycheck and wasting my "disposable income" on tons of booze.
I've never had a good job my entire working career. I have a degree and I flip burgers for a living. I am stuck working a low wage job with no hopes for better employment. As much as I told myself that I was not going to let it bother me this time around, I don’t know how to do that. All I’m doing right now is dreading tomorrow in that negative workplace. I deserve so much better than what I do now. I just need someone in this crappy town to give me a freakin’ chance. I am a great worker plus I can think for myself. I do not need to be micromanaged and I am dependable.
I am lonely. I am starved for face to face adult conversation. I do not know how to take charge of my “happiness level”. I cannot “think it and be it”. I cannot “fake it until I make it”. With each day that passes I feel like I know less and that means confusion galore. Nothing makes any sense to me--add that onto the fact that I’ve always felt out of place. I’m so tired of not knowing what I should do, of not knowing what will work for me.
This makes me so mad. I was creating art work again. I was getting excited about it. I haven’t done anything with it today because the motivation is simply not there. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just produce? The desire is there, but I don’t know how to get back what it is that I lost. I feel like there’s a part of me that’s a little dead inside.
Ready to stop
I've been drinking 6-12 drinks almost daily for the past 3 years. Before that was the typical college binge drinking. I use alcohol to combat loneliness and drown out all the day's stress. I cannot control it anymore.
There are several alcoholics in my extended family, most of them recovering. In my generation alone, two others have been hospitalized for alcohol abuse. I should've known better.
I've had a lot of "last straw" moments over the years. Sometimes I'd manage to quit drinking for a few weeks or months, but always came back.
I've got a long-term girlfriend that I love and live with and want to marry. She's tried to help me, but I've thrown that away. I got drunk last night, as usual, and came to work today probably still drunk. She e-mailed me to tell me there was vomit in my bed. I didn't believe her. I don't remember anything and didn't even notice this morning. I spent the rest of the day trying not to be sick in front of my boss.
I can rationalize a million reasons to buy alcohol every day. Sometimes it's simply because I'm pumping gas or buying groceries. Sometimes it's because I want to erase a genuinely bad day. Ironically, most bad days start with a hangover.
As I strip away the excuses, I realize I drink because I don't know how to cope will stress or spend my free time healthily. I've always been introverted. Drinking is another way for me to internalize and escape problems. I've forgotten how to enjoy myself without hurting myself. I've replaced my old friends and interests with getting drunk, and I don't know how to be me again.
I get upset thinking about the time (in my 20's) and health I've squandered. But at the same time, anger and regret cannot be my motivation. I would turn to AA, but I'm shy and not religious so it's hard for me to accept AA's terms. That's how I ended up seeking out this site.
Anyway, I guess this makes day 1. It already feels good to get all this off my chest.
There are several alcoholics in my extended family, most of them recovering. In my generation alone, two others have been hospitalized for alcohol abuse. I should've known better.
I've had a lot of "last straw" moments over the years. Sometimes I'd manage to quit drinking for a few weeks or months, but always came back.
I've got a long-term girlfriend that I love and live with and want to marry. She's tried to help me, but I've thrown that away. I got drunk last night, as usual, and came to work today probably still drunk. She e-mailed me to tell me there was vomit in my bed. I didn't believe her. I don't remember anything and didn't even notice this morning. I spent the rest of the day trying not to be sick in front of my boss.
I can rationalize a million reasons to buy alcohol every day. Sometimes it's simply because I'm pumping gas or buying groceries. Sometimes it's because I want to erase a genuinely bad day. Ironically, most bad days start with a hangover.
As I strip away the excuses, I realize I drink because I don't know how to cope will stress or spend my free time healthily. I've always been introverted. Drinking is another way for me to internalize and escape problems. I've forgotten how to enjoy myself without hurting myself. I've replaced my old friends and interests with getting drunk, and I don't know how to be me again.
I get upset thinking about the time (in my 20's) and health I've squandered. But at the same time, anger and regret cannot be my motivation. I would turn to AA, but I'm shy and not religious so it's hard for me to accept AA's terms. That's how I ended up seeking out this site.
Anyway, I guess this makes day 1. It already feels good to get all this off my chest.
major dysfunction, need help keeping my bearings
Anyone who has a share on this...please help!
I have been in recovery since 2000. Had as much as 3 years, which got blown up in the wake of a major family trial my wife started but will not admit to. I have been struggling ever since with our family dynamic and my continued sobriety; I am reaching the point of complete exasperation with her and her bizarre passive-aggressive co-dependent cycle.
She is a great mom to our son. I am ADHD and a smart, likeable guy, I do well at work and almost anything except dealing with a toddler 24-7. Since she is a *normie* and an untreated al-anon she has an attitude of superiority which grates on me and causes endless small issues. Forgiveness is low on her list as I have f-ed up so many times over the years; and I know I can't really expect anything major, but just trying to be around her and my son for any length of time leads invariably to struggles.
All I want is to live in peace, but I swear she can't do it. We are living apart, but whenever she needs help with OUR house, finances, time off, family trips, etc, she becomes EXTREMELY demanding in a polite sort of way, acting like I am a jerk if I don't jump a mile for the "damsel in distress". She does things like monopolize time with our son in very subtle and wily ways, like going shopping out of town and *forgetting* her phone - OOOH, that one burns me!!). Then, on the other hand, when she is fed up with me or has a bad day, her attitude becomes combative and argumentative so she can bait me into a totally illogical argument and label me as the bad guy because I react, which results in TOTAL frustration for me, to the point where I break out in a sweat just talking to her or thinking about her issues.
PRETTY HEALTHY, EH?
Please offer any advice except seek counseling (that's already in place and going nowhere).
I have been in recovery since 2000. Had as much as 3 years, which got blown up in the wake of a major family trial my wife started but will not admit to. I have been struggling ever since with our family dynamic and my continued sobriety; I am reaching the point of complete exasperation with her and her bizarre passive-aggressive co-dependent cycle.
She is a great mom to our son. I am ADHD and a smart, likeable guy, I do well at work and almost anything except dealing with a toddler 24-7. Since she is a *normie* and an untreated al-anon she has an attitude of superiority which grates on me and causes endless small issues. Forgiveness is low on her list as I have f-ed up so many times over the years; and I know I can't really expect anything major, but just trying to be around her and my son for any length of time leads invariably to struggles.
All I want is to live in peace, but I swear she can't do it. We are living apart, but whenever she needs help with OUR house, finances, time off, family trips, etc, she becomes EXTREMELY demanding in a polite sort of way, acting like I am a jerk if I don't jump a mile for the "damsel in distress". She does things like monopolize time with our son in very subtle and wily ways, like going shopping out of town and *forgetting* her phone - OOOH, that one burns me!!). Then, on the other hand, when she is fed up with me or has a bad day, her attitude becomes combative and argumentative so she can bait me into a totally illogical argument and label me as the bad guy because I react, which results in TOTAL frustration for me, to the point where I break out in a sweat just talking to her or thinking about her issues.
PRETTY HEALTHY, EH?
Please offer any advice except seek counseling (that's already in place and going nowhere).
Just want to thank Everyone
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me through a rough time last night. I didn't drink. I'm still sober, thanks to all my on-line friends and f2f friends at the meeting last night.
My sponser wanted me to pull out my paper i wrote when I was around 3 months sober. It saved my life. It actually made me want to cry reading it. It's scary reading all the things that could happen to me and will happen to me if i pick up again. I haven't read that paper in a few months so it really opened my eyes last night. Thank god my head is on a little tighter today.
Here's what i wrote 6 months ago:
Thinking the Drink Through
IÂ’m writing all this down so I can remember where I came from, and most especially to help me when IÂ’m having a really bad day and feeling squirrely. If I was to pick up tonight this is what the consequences would be, or could be.
It would start out all right and I would be happy, happy for a little bit; but by the time I went to bed I would be crying my eyes out that it started all over again. I would have all those feelings of remorse, embarrassment, shame, depression, and rage at myself all over again.
I would be back drinking everyday within a day or two. I wouldnÂ’t be able to stop. I would be back drinking before dinner every day and drinking at night before I went to bed. I would be back drinking my 5 or 6 everyday and more on the weekends. If I stayed out my tolerance would increase more. I could end up drinking a bottle a day and not worrying about measuring out each shot in my drinks.
My blackouts could also have gotten worse than they were. I could end up doing something really stupid like leaving the house and getting myself hurt, or in trouble; instead of little blackouts like not remembering when I went to bed. Sometimes I couldnÂ’t remember smoking my cigarettes when I drank and that could of gotten worse like setting my house on fire.
Even if none of those worse case scenarios didnÂ’t happen, it doesnÂ’t mean they could of; what most defiantly will happen if I drank again and the reason I came to AA in the first place was my own personal prison. When I drank, I didnÂ’t want to go anywhere, do anything, or even leave the house. I didnÂ’t take care of myself and and want to bath or brush my teeth. I didnÂ’t even eat enough at the end of my drinking before returning to AA. I always slept the day away and didnÂ’t get up until at least 1:00 every day. I stopped doing things I love to do like my crafts and my writing. I didnÂ’t want to go out fishing or to dinner with my husband or enjoy life. I was just existing.
I have to remember all these things if I want to live. I have to learn how to fight my fears, and all my anger in life with the help of AA if I want to survive.
Again thank you everyone.
Barb
I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me through a rough time last night. I didn't drink. I'm still sober, thanks to all my on-line friends and f2f friends at the meeting last night.
My sponser wanted me to pull out my paper i wrote when I was around 3 months sober. It saved my life. It actually made me want to cry reading it. It's scary reading all the things that could happen to me and will happen to me if i pick up again. I haven't read that paper in a few months so it really opened my eyes last night. Thank god my head is on a little tighter today.
Here's what i wrote 6 months ago:
Thinking the Drink Through
IÂ’m writing all this down so I can remember where I came from, and most especially to help me when IÂ’m having a really bad day and feeling squirrely. If I was to pick up tonight this is what the consequences would be, or could be.
It would start out all right and I would be happy, happy for a little bit; but by the time I went to bed I would be crying my eyes out that it started all over again. I would have all those feelings of remorse, embarrassment, shame, depression, and rage at myself all over again.
I would be back drinking everyday within a day or two. I wouldnÂ’t be able to stop. I would be back drinking before dinner every day and drinking at night before I went to bed. I would be back drinking my 5 or 6 everyday and more on the weekends. If I stayed out my tolerance would increase more. I could end up drinking a bottle a day and not worrying about measuring out each shot in my drinks.
My blackouts could also have gotten worse than they were. I could end up doing something really stupid like leaving the house and getting myself hurt, or in trouble; instead of little blackouts like not remembering when I went to bed. Sometimes I couldnÂ’t remember smoking my cigarettes when I drank and that could of gotten worse like setting my house on fire.
Even if none of those worse case scenarios didnÂ’t happen, it doesnÂ’t mean they could of; what most defiantly will happen if I drank again and the reason I came to AA in the first place was my own personal prison. When I drank, I didnÂ’t want to go anywhere, do anything, or even leave the house. I didnÂ’t take care of myself and and want to bath or brush my teeth. I didnÂ’t even eat enough at the end of my drinking before returning to AA. I always slept the day away and didnÂ’t get up until at least 1:00 every day. I stopped doing things I love to do like my crafts and my writing. I didnÂ’t want to go out fishing or to dinner with my husband or enjoy life. I was just existing.
I have to remember all these things if I want to live. I have to learn how to fight my fears, and all my anger in life with the help of AA if I want to survive.
Again thank you everyone.
Barb
I Love You…
I love Cheese!
I just made the best quesadilla! Yum ...Yum!
I love simple things.
How my cat HAS to follow me into the bathroom everytime I go in there.
How I have learned to live without spending a fortune.
How spending time with my family is such a complete "rush"!
How letting go of anger sometimes means the answer to a good day or a bad day.
What do you all love??????
I just made the best quesadilla! Yum ...Yum!
I love simple things.
How my cat HAS to follow me into the bathroom everytime I go in there.
How I have learned to live without spending a fortune.
How spending time with my family is such a complete "rush"!
How letting go of anger sometimes means the answer to a good day or a bad day.
What do you all love??????
Had really bad anxiety all day
I get pretty frequent "attacks" that generally last a minute to half an hour. Today I had a spell last for almost seven hours: tachycardia, shortened breath and feeling like everything was collapsing around me.
There was nothing special about today that would've triggered anything. I had the day off and spent most my day at home. I tried laying down, deep breathing, taking a walk and meditation and nothing was working.
I am going on medication for anxiety, but it could be another month before it starts to take effect. It might not happen soon enough. I've been under a lot of stress lately and I'm becoming paranoid and falling short on responsibilities. I even considered temporary solutions I would not (and glad I didn't) resort to: drinking (obviously), going to the hospital (no insurance) and getting stoned (I honestly hate pot.)
I'm mostly just venting. Not looking for any specific medical advice. But if anyone has a good suggestion I'd be grateful for that too.
There was nothing special about today that would've triggered anything. I had the day off and spent most my day at home. I tried laying down, deep breathing, taking a walk and meditation and nothing was working.
I am going on medication for anxiety, but it could be another month before it starts to take effect. It might not happen soon enough. I've been under a lot of stress lately and I'm becoming paranoid and falling short on responsibilities. I even considered temporary solutions I would not (and glad I didn't) resort to: drinking (obviously), going to the hospital (no insurance) and getting stoned (I honestly hate pot.)
I'm mostly just venting. Not looking for any specific medical advice. But if anyone has a good suggestion I'd be grateful for that too.
I’m having an incredibly bad day
I've been away for awhile, you know why? Because I'm too sure of myself and in control to need any more help.
HA!
And then it comes up and bites me in the rear again. I was so frikkin' enlightened all of what? A month ago?
But I'm sick of my mother right now. I'm sick of listening to her tell me how unfair life is treating her because she has a felony conviction now. I mean, she's in the medical profession and has done this numerous times! She takes the drugs that are supposed to be wasted and shoves it into her own veins.
She didn't even lose her job this one time she did it. Then she lost her jobs, but nobody ever reported her to the nursing board.
Then someone did and they did to the cops, too. She got treatment in lieu of conviction and had no record.
Now she does it AGAIN and she's convicted and waiting to be sentenced. They're probably going to give her probation.
I'm starting to think they should lock her up!
It's not that she did it again. I understand that part of it. I know it's a disease and everything, but she sits around complaining about how she's being treated so unfairly and I'm sick of it. She should be GRATEFUL she's been given a slap on the wrist over and over and over and over again.
Or maybe not.
Maybe her employers enabled her behavior and created a monster who thinks she's entitled to treatment above and beyond the confines of the law.
I'm supposed to write a letter for her to give to the judge before she's sentenced and I just can't do it.
I'm tired of crying and hating and being miserable. I bend over backward to do whatever I'm supposed to do so she doesn't have to deal with the stress of a family member who is losing it. But I don't get that back. She just whines and talks about how the world owes her something.
When is she going to stop seeing what's gone and realize that I'm still here. Her grandchildren are still here. She just doesn't care and I'm not strong enough for this.
I want out.
I want to take my family and leave and if she loses her house, so be it.
Now who's the monster?
Go ahead, I'm ready for it. Tell me I'm the worst daughter in the world and that I'm too needful of her affection and that I need to live my own life apart from hers and that it's my fault I'm entangled so deeply.
Maybe, but I've been looking for understanding from her since I was 5. So... what? Just because she's a screw up means I'm denied the love of a parent forever? Am I really never going to know what it feels like to have a parent love me so much she/he would do anything for me?
No? I didn't think so. :cries:
HA!
And then it comes up and bites me in the rear again. I was so frikkin' enlightened all of what? A month ago?
But I'm sick of my mother right now. I'm sick of listening to her tell me how unfair life is treating her because she has a felony conviction now. I mean, she's in the medical profession and has done this numerous times! She takes the drugs that are supposed to be wasted and shoves it into her own veins.
She didn't even lose her job this one time she did it. Then she lost her jobs, but nobody ever reported her to the nursing board.
Then someone did and they did to the cops, too. She got treatment in lieu of conviction and had no record.
Now she does it AGAIN and she's convicted and waiting to be sentenced. They're probably going to give her probation.
I'm starting to think they should lock her up!
It's not that she did it again. I understand that part of it. I know it's a disease and everything, but she sits around complaining about how she's being treated so unfairly and I'm sick of it. She should be GRATEFUL she's been given a slap on the wrist over and over and over and over again.
Or maybe not.
Maybe her employers enabled her behavior and created a monster who thinks she's entitled to treatment above and beyond the confines of the law.
I'm supposed to write a letter for her to give to the judge before she's sentenced and I just can't do it.
I'm tired of crying and hating and being miserable. I bend over backward to do whatever I'm supposed to do so she doesn't have to deal with the stress of a family member who is losing it. But I don't get that back. She just whines and talks about how the world owes her something.
When is she going to stop seeing what's gone and realize that I'm still here. Her grandchildren are still here. She just doesn't care and I'm not strong enough for this.
I want out.
I want to take my family and leave and if she loses her house, so be it.
Now who's the monster?
Go ahead, I'm ready for it. Tell me I'm the worst daughter in the world and that I'm too needful of her affection and that I need to live my own life apart from hers and that it's my fault I'm entangled so deeply.
Maybe, but I've been looking for understanding from her since I was 5. So... what? Just because she's a screw up means I'm denied the love of a parent forever? Am I really never going to know what it feels like to have a parent love me so much she/he would do anything for me?
No? I didn't think so. :cries:
