Drug Rehab Options Blog

1.) For me this will be the first holiday season (Thanksgiving to New Years Day) that I made it through completely sober since I can remember. Anybody else joining the club this year?

2.) Over Christmas + New Years i usually get a lot of visitors and was debating whether or not I should get beer + liquor for company. I was going to do this today when I go shopping but am having second thoughts about it. Do you guys stock up for company or do you think it's a bad idea?

All it takes is a little bit of alcohol, and we fight. My fiance and I have thus agreed to have a dry house when it's just the two of us. But! With Thanksgiving fast approaching, said fiance has friends in town that want to come to our house this Wednesday. There will be beer, etc. That makes me nervous! I have always in the past made an excuse to have "just one" drink. Next think you know I'm wasted, happy!, but wasted... and oh so hung over the next day. Today is day two of my sobriety. I'd like to continue to press on ...

I think I may head out of town early to my family's place for Thanksgiving on Wednesday after work. I spoke with my guy about my feelings and he understood why I felt the need to be away from the house if he and his friends were to be drinking.

Simply put, alcohol is like POISON between my guy and I. Even one sip is a bad idea. One sip leads to another.:e136:

I'm sad that we cannot be together this holiday. That because I'm sober, and my guy is not going to be, that I have to create space.

What a lonely feeling.

After consoling my 8 yr old adopted daughter (husband's biological grandaughter) for the umteenth time about her addict mother, I find myself reduced to tears. She is now blaming "forgetting her homework" every day for a week on "mommy". She is in advanced classes, but this is from her regular teacher. This has happened off and on for a few months now. The "mommy" card. She loves us but she misses mommy. She receives counseling but does not bring this up to her counselor. We were in touch with mommy when she was in jail in Sept. and October. Mommy chose not to ask for rehab and was released on community control. We made the mistake of letting Savannah write and receive letters from mommy. In hindsight it was a bad idea. We have never tried to exclude mommy, just that she needs to do the next right thing and she didn't do it. No idea where mommy is now since Oct. 14th release.

I am just feeling very sad and I know I am the adult here but it gets to me once and awhile. We feel like she is playing us at times. We get even more angry at mommy and we know that does no good. I hate this d**n disease and I hate what it has done to the lives of these children. Drugs are the downfall of society, I believe that. Our social system cannot support all the children of drug users, there are too many of them. We have never been able to and we never will, no matter who is president. I hate drugs and what these drugs have caused, I am so mad I could spit and much than that. I hate this disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please I need prayers for my whole family....

I talked to my daughter last night, age 23. She is still living in the same home w/ her EXAfiance, and his parents. The parents live downstairs and her GS, and her abf live upstairs. She and his father went in on a mortgage loan together (I knew it was a bad idea, and a hasty decision on her part from the beginning, now she's stuck). She called last night and told me he's back on pills again (this guy I swear is an exact replica of my AH). How did this happen? I asked her if he was on that stuff when they met, she said no. He said he was a recovering addict. So, she's clear across the states from me and without knowing it ended up w/ a guy just like AH. She hated AH because of what he did to me.
Her exabf lost his last state job because of drug testing positive for opiods/opiates unprescribed. He stopped using, got another job. And now he's using again. He stole her script of hydrocodone, she got from her dentist, he stole $140.00 from her. She has a girl spending a few days w/ her from Oregon, she I guess has a pot prescription (ridiculous) for back pain. He stole some of her pot and cigarettes, opened a pack took some and then blamed it on the baby 2yrs old.
She has to sleep hiding her money, debit card, everything.
She told me last night he was out to dinner w/ a stripper, and took my grandson with him. My daughter had a beautiful brand new $40,000 jeep that was almost paid off, just repo'd, because he's not paying his part of the bills. She's been working over time weekly for years, she's a supervisor at her job.
She told me she almost knocked him out last week. It's getting bad, but she can't afford to leave. I tell her to just leave, and figure out things later. I don't want to see her in trouble or jailed. My daughter says she'll never get married because of what she has seen happen w/ me.
I told her to find naranon/alanon meetings in her area, she said she doesn't have the time.

AS, age 19, whom I have an order of protection against, because of his addiction (pot) and addict behaviors is living w/ his girlfriend. She is pregnant and they don't know if the baby is his or another guys because they were having s_x at the same time she was w/ the other guy.
So they won't find out til the baby is born, and a paternity test is done. My daughter talks w/ him frequently, and says his girlfriend beats on him. AS at times calls my daughter wanting help to get him away from her, but my daughter doesn't have the money to send him to get to her. He's trying to find a job, and attending GED classes, she says he's been clean.

Then here I am supervising visits going through Family Court because AH won't stay clean and sober.

God Please Help My Family!:sad2:

NH7

Every time I think I've found the lowest I could possibly go, life surprises me with yet another slide straight into hell, with no one to thank but myself.

This time, I was about 2 weeks into sobriety. Peer pressure overcame my decent judgment though and I decided it might be ok to have a beer. This kicked off a 4-day drinking and drug binge. My companion through this 4-day binge insists he will pay me back, and I believe him. He has always kept his word about paying me back. However, he's never owed me $2000 before and he's even more broke than I am so I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay for this one on my own, until he can pay me back. I'm sure my credit card already loves the interest payments.

Now, what have drinking and drugs done for me?

The thing is, if it were anyone else I could have easily said no. Every time I do something that I know is a bad idea, this guy is involved. I fell for him ages ago-- perhaps a year-and-a-half ago-- but we've always kept it "just friends" because he has a girlfriend (though she lives about 120 miles away). And we didn't start out this way, we were good friends, we did fun stuff together-- movies, concerts, etc- studied together for our classes, and generally stayed out of trouble and worked hard in school. Then we started drinking a bit and everything has spiraled down hill. Neither of us can stop drinking, he's engaged to his gf and they have a baby but whenever he gets drunk he tries to kiss me and hugs me and tells me he's in love with me but he wants to be in his daughter's life and can't call off the engagement at this point-- I don't know if he means it or he's being manipulative or he's just drunk. I'm heartbroken because I really did fall for him-- first guy I've ever been in love with-- and it kills me that we can only be friends so I drink all the time to forget about it.

And I KNOW that he's not good for me, because he's got so much power over me that I drink and do drugs with him even though I know I shouldn't, and don't even want to. I know I'd be better off without him in my life at all. When neither of us are drunk we're awesome friends, we have so much fun just watching movies or hanging out and we're supportive of each other and we are good influences on each other. And then we get around alcohol and we both become idiots; he wants to do this crap, and either puts a lot of pressure on me or sweet-talks me into it, and I give in every time.

Now all I seem to do is drink and cry. I hate my life, I can barely pay my bills, and I'm miserable from the time I get up until the time I either start drinking or crawl into bed. I want to be over him; I want to be the person I used to be before I started drinking, back when I liked myself.

friends,
my son called last night and he got a job. there is a condition. this is a job in sales and he needs a car. it is my understanding that this is a commission job. therefore you will have an outlay of cash in the form of gas, insurance, new car tag etc. he has a car here that is titled to his wife (soon to be ex-wife). I am presuming he has her okay.

Of course he wants us to assist him in the gas, ins., tag etc. until he can begin making sales. I told him I felt that was a lot of outlay for a job that might not pan out (example..no sales) for now I told him my dh and I would get the counselors(at his rehab) opinion and see what kind of company this is and if he thinks it is a good idea.

So once again I am in the doghouse for not being "gung-ho" on a job he found. However, if he expects us to help him make this possible don't we have a right to express our doubts? I personally feel like he should get a paying job that includes a regular week to week paycheck. But is that controlling on my part? Or just the expression of an opinion?

I think he should save his money while working at another job and if the sales job is available AFTER he saves his $$$ then go for it. Of course you all know how well that idea is going to go over. Seems to me I can never win. Now my son thinks I am the stumbling block in a great job for him.

I feel pretty low right now but we have only last week set him up in rehab and now this. Am I wrong thinking this sales job is a bad idea? Also my dh and I would have to miss a days work to get the car to him plus make the arrangements for a tag and insurance since he is in a different state. Really it isn't a cut and dried issue but I'd appreciate any thoughts. dixied

hello, i am new here and would like to share.
i have found this site when looking for others in my situation, and have read some of the sticky threads which i found extremely helpful.

i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and have always been wondering whether he is an alcoholic. this is because he doesnÂ’t drink every day, or huge amounts (like bottles of whiskey), but once he starts drinking (a couple of times a week) he cannot stop.
he drinks until he passes out.

these are some of the things that make me believe he might be an alcoholic:
- i find hidden empty beer bottles when cleaning up (under bed, behind sofa etc.) – he’ll say oh they must have been there for months
- he will go out saying he will get a certain number of beer bottles but try and sneak more in (caught him several times)
- generally lies about the quantity he drinks
- denies he had beer while being out even if i can see heÂ’s lying (there are a lot of things he does body language-wise he only does after having beer)
- i tried to control his money (i know now – bad idea) but he always took some and spent it on “lemonade” or “something to eat”, also he never gets receipts from supermarkets so i cannot track his spendings
- switches between admitting to having a problem and stating he’s “alright actually”
- cannot keep his promises regarding drink
- we must have made about 100 “deals” since being together, he will only have 8 bottles max per day, he will only drink 1 day per week..nothing ever worked

writing down all these things i am about 95% sure he is an alcoholic. a couple of years back i found some hypnotherapist advertising to help with binge-drinking, and my boyfriend even went there for a consultation, but he never went back to do the actual hypnotherapy. the guyÂ’s a charlatan he said etc. etc.

one of the worst effects of his drinking on me is that during his solitary night time drinking he will keep me up as well. not physically but simply by being noisy, singing along to music, rattling around in the kitchen etc. (our flat is quite small).
no matter how convinced he was beforehand saying he would definitely not wake me up, he would fail. most of the time he doesn’t remember anything the next day and i will tell him. then he’ll say sorry and that’s that – until the next time.

once he feels the urge to drink he will be totally fixated and unable to think of anything else. he has no other “hobbies”. he drinks before, during and after social situations, or if he’s bored, or because it’s the weekend, or because the chain broke on his bike, or because we had an argument, or for whatever reason will seem good enough at the time.

but enough about him. ;-) i am stupid enough to be an “enabler” (a term which i had just learned about on here) – i have just truly realized all the things i had been doing wrong, like buying him beer (obviously) or waking him up for work when he would be physically unable to wake up himself, or making excuses for him if he didn’t turn up at someone’s party when he said he would.

at the moment i feel it’s too late for us, i feel so much resentment..last weekend was probably one of the worst – he went to the garage for beer twice during the night, the 2nd time 5.30 in the morning. the next day we had a really big argument, he wanted go out to buy more beer and i took all the money (to save him from himself so to speak because he was still intoxicated from the night before - like taking away the car keys if someone is unfit to drive i thought) and locked myself into the bedroom.

he broke the lock and doorframe by kicking the door. he has never done anything that drastic before..i fixed it since but the cracks in the door frame are still visible.
so the arguments are definitely escalating more. after this we hardly spoke during last week and i asked him for a “talk” 2 days ago. he said not now but tomorrow (saturday) is ok.
then yesterday he did not mention it, and i didnÂ’t either. i thought he should be the one trying to talk to me if he wants to continue this relationship.
today i said again what about a talk next week and he said ok.

he will go to visit some family in a few weeks time and i intend to ask him not to come back.
i feel i have the strength to do that now. i have to get some distance. all his lying, deceiving, breaking promises and depriving me of sleep is not healthy for both me and our relationship.

he just went out again to get some beer because he’s “bored of drinking tea”, he asked me if he could but that was meaningless because even when i have said no in the past he still bought some. i just said it’s your decision.
and he decided to have the beer.

ok, this post was a lot longer (and more jumbled) than i had intended. it feels good to talk about all this since there is no “real life person” i can openly talk to about my boyfriend and his drinking.

thank you for listening.

We got confirmation that a rehab has agreed to accept my diabetic AS - it has been such a battle finding somewhere that would take him. I pick him up Monday morning 7 a.m. from YDC. He really wants to go - both to get out of jail and because he knows he needs help. We havent told him yet that he got accepted. One because we're concerned they will change their mind and two because we dont see any harm in him worrying for a few more days. Its been hard not to tell him because i know it will make him very releived but a little worrying on his part about his future doesnt seem to be a bad idea. Court orders are being signed today. I just pray that he finally realizes where his life has been heading and how close he got to spending the next year in jail - how soon they forget once they get out and the desire to party hits them.

He's already asking that if he gets in will i bend the rules and lie to get one of his pot head friends in to visit him. ummmmm NO. Its obviously going to be a long road - doesnt even know he's in yet and already trying to figure out how to get me to help him break the rules. We fought too long and hard to get him in there to mess it up and i'm certainly not the one to ask to help him break rules. I guess those old habits die hard. I have to say its getting easier and easier to say No to him and he's finally getting to the point that he asks, i say no, and he just drops it. My way of getting No to work is that I stopped explaining why i say no. I just say no and start talking about something else.

I am new here but ask everyone to please pray for us monday and over the coming months. We are going to need all the help we can get from above for this to be successful. I'm going to check out the parents meetings at the rehab and if i dont feel comfortable there i'm going to find my own meetings as our counseling with his current programs are ending once he goes there.

Has anyone heard of any groups for young kids? His sister who is 11 has seen full blown addiction first hand and i really think that she is going to need continued counseling to get through it. There have been times that her brother didnt even know who she was and she herself worries about his death. She was also getting counseling through our program but her's will end as well. Our counselor is stopping by the house to say goodbye to her and i know that's going to be sad for my daughter.

I am sure some of you can tell by my responces to some threads. You can tell that my take on relationships and men is pretty twisted.

Before I started using crack I was a good girl. And I always had long lasting relationships with guys. I could count on one hand the guys I went out with as a teen until I was probably 22. I got hurt alot by every one of them. So hurt it literally made me sick. Physically and emotionally. I was a good girlfriend who always got treated like a piece of crap. And I never took it well.
After I started using. Alot of things changed. I got to where men were just a tool for me. For money especially and anything I could get out of them. And I am not going to lie. Alot of them gave more the worse I treated them. I was pretty much..give me what I want..stick and move..get out of my face until I want something again.

I have lost all touch with what a real relationship is suppose to be about. And to be very honest. The thought of sex makes me sick. And it feels like I am punching a time clock anytime I have done it over the years. Even with someone I really did like.

Anyway...I also have gotten to where I will never let a man make me feel like my worth is through him. It completely makes me disgusted to think women do this.

Point of this. My cousin. I love her to death. She seperated from her husband last year and started seeing her boss. I knew form the beginning this was a bad idea. And when I met him. That just proved me right. I could tell he was an arrogant a$$ just looking for a young piece. And I knew from past experience that this older man was going to do what he did. But I never said anything. She is a good girl Very naive. Never been with too many guys. She is 28 now. Well it happened in February. She found out he was cheating on her with another one of his employees. She crumbled. I felt so bad for her.
it got to where it became an obsession to her. She was so broken by this. And its been since February since she has even seen him and she is still stuck on it. Not as bad. But still.
I want to shake her and tell her to get over it already.
The way she use to go on and on and on. Like a teenager. And she let it rule her whole life there for a long time. She even lost her job of 12 years becasue of this. Was so stressed her Lupus started to flare where she was passing out all the time. SHe collapsed at work 2 or 3 times and was taken out in an ambulance.

Anyway..WHY???!!! Do some women feel like they need a man to feel good about themselves?
Why cant they just after a awhile just say screw him. Look what he dod to me. ANd just be done with it?
My best friend of 20 yrs gets like this too.
Not to be mean or insensitive. But it makes me mad and just makes me want to smack em all.
Wake UP!! These are smart beautiful independant women. Why do they let a man do this to them??
I just dont get it. I cant even listen to my cousin anymore. It is getting old. And it just makes me want to scream anymore.

Sorry so long. But I really need to understand this.

The day I need a man to make me feel like someone is the day I hope someone puts me out of my misery.

Sorry so long.

I'm not completely sure, but I've been thinking about it, mostly because of recent events.

I think I finally understand that my ex is lost to me forever. I think I was in denial about this for a long time. I spoke to him recently. He told me he was dealing with some health issues and that one of those issues had to do with his liver. He was diagnosed with colitis at the beginning of the summer. At the same time, they did liver tests. They told him that he may have a terrible disease, he could die from it, but he just couldn't remember the name of it. Of course, I didn't put my 2 cents in to say what I thought it was. So, he called to tell me he didn't have the terrible disease. He still couldn't remember what it was called, only that a famous baseball player or other sport figure died from it. Um.....Mickey Mantle (sp?) died of cirrhosis. Maybe it was that disease. Who knows. Anyway, my point being, he STILL wants to drink.

During the conversation he wanted to know if we could be together again. I told him he knew what my boundaries were and that I realized what I was worth now. He then said he didn't think he was ready to be in any relationship. Interesting...he wants to reconcile, but doesn't want me anyway.

I am trying to decide if I feel rejected over this and want to date because of that, or if I'm just ready to be in a different place with a different person. I know now what a healthy relationship should look like, so I would like to try to find that, but there is the tiniest piece still holding me back. Maybe it's just fear of ending up in another relationship like the last one, filled with lies and manipulation. Also, I miss having sex on a regular basis. There was a strong physical connection between us and he was never drunk around me, so it didn't factor in at those points, at least not to me.

I guess I'm still somewhat confused. I talked to my therapist about this and she doesn't think it's a bad idea if that is what I want to do, however, she cautioned me to take things slow, go have fun on several dates, and avoid the insta-relationship type of men.

I'm leaving for Europe on Monday night. I'm going to take some time while I am there to think about this and try to decide what to do. Who thought deciding to date again would be so confusing?

Any advice from those who have crept out into the dating world would be appreciated : )