Archive for the ‘Bad Mother’ tag
I need information please
I don't know if I am doing this the right way or not I have never tried before, anyway, I am in need of some information from people who know the factual answers to my questions preferably from experience. I have been addicted to norco and vicodin for 3-5 years. I took 30-40 pills a day depending on their strength. Anyway, I am sick of all the lies (my husband does not know) and I am surprised that I am not in jail for so much doctor shopping. I am tired of the moodiness, laziness, agitation, and basically it has turned me into a bad mother who yells at my little innocent kids and who has become a non approachable or loving wife. I have so much shame and hatred towards myself and I am tired of it, I want my life back. I was wathching that show "Celebrity Rehab" with Dr. Drew and one of the ladies on there mentioned the drug SUBOXONE, so I did a lot of research on the internet and decided to try it. Yesterday, after not taking any pills for 12 hours I went to meet the doctor and she started me on 8mg of Suboxone yesterday, and I am to take 12mg today, and 16mg from thereafter. I was happily surprised to feel much better when I took the Suboxone, it definately helped with the withdrawals from the pills except it gives me headaches and makes me feel hypers which I don't like but whatever. What I read about how you get addicted to suboxone I don't want to trade one addiction for another. I was wondering if I were to take Suboxone for 1 week to get rid of the withdrawals to pills will I have a bad withdrawal from suboxone in just taking it for such a short period of time? Would it help or matter if I were to take a less dose of it like 8mg a day as opposed to 16mg a day? I think I will be o.k. if I can get passed the withdrawals from the vicodin because that sucks. Also, why do people take Suboxone for a couple of weeks and then take pain pills again? I thought it would make them sick? and not work, that makes no damn sense. Please, if someone can answer my questions that would be great. Much appreciated.:ghug2
In Freeze Mode
Do you think if someone cant admit they are an alcoholic, is it worth them going in and out of detox and rehab centres?
I ask only because after all these years my AS said she hadnt even got to the 1st step (she couldnt say it) but wanted me to look after her dog once again so she could go into rehab for the (something like 14th time-lost count).
This blew me away because she says she has an addiction but cant say the A word. When she calls me, I hear the same old crap over and over and my tolerance is O now. I have to hang up. She says she still drinks because she has no family support. I wonder what next weeks excuse will be...
I was numb, frozen (why after all this time, I admit, it still gets to me) Then after years of me looking after her 2 kids, she tells me what a bad mother I am because my son was into drugs. Go figure, the woman has lost it.
With christmas coming up also, my nephew (her son) wants to spend the holiday break with us. Guess what, I am taking her son away and trying to control him and we havent even made any arrangements yet.
BUT can you still look after my dog?
I ask only because after all these years my AS said she hadnt even got to the 1st step (she couldnt say it) but wanted me to look after her dog once again so she could go into rehab for the (something like 14th time-lost count).
This blew me away because she says she has an addiction but cant say the A word. When she calls me, I hear the same old crap over and over and my tolerance is O now. I have to hang up. She says she still drinks because she has no family support. I wonder what next weeks excuse will be...
I was numb, frozen (why after all this time, I admit, it still gets to me) Then after years of me looking after her 2 kids, she tells me what a bad mother I am because my son was into drugs. Go figure, the woman has lost it.
With christmas coming up also, my nephew (her son) wants to spend the holiday break with us. Guess what, I am taking her son away and trying to control him and we havent even made any arrangements yet.
BUT can you still look after my dog?
can it be real
As there is no al-anon in the northern community where I live (there was but they don't meet anymore and the other closest one is half an hour away on Wednesday's at 7:00 which doesnt leave me time to get there after work) I have been reading posts as my own personal al-anon.
I have gained strength and insight into myself and my relationship since I started(wow am I co-dependant..working on that..) and don't feel so alone. Thanks for the help.
I was married for 19 years to an alcoholic husband who drank heavy everyday and every three to five months would go on a bender that was out of this world. And during that bender, his self hatred would come out as hatred for me. He would say horrible things to me like I was a waste of space, ugly, a bad mother, and so on. Then, the next day when he woke up and couldn't remember, I would bring up what he said and his reply..."OMG, I am sooooooooooo sorry, I was drunk, didn't mean it and you should forget about it." Then he played nice guy for a while, then he'd drink more and more, then three to five months later, play the whole scene out again and leave me to pick up the pieces which I became really good at doing so the kids didn't really have to see it and the neighbours didn't really know.
On August the 18th this year, I somehow grew a backbone and told him not for one single second of one more day will I deal with it. Enough. Finished. I was done. We were done. Well, that seemed to be his bottom. He got help. He has been going to AA for two months now and celebrated 2 months sober on October the 24th. I know he is sober because even though we separated, he still lives in the house, he just has his own room and space. He is trying really hard to change, he helps around the house and even makes dinner if I come home from work and I am just wiped out. Does his own laundry and is cleaning up his messy areas like his work shop.
He says he wants to put us back together, but I don't know. I have been through this honeymoon before. I know it is too soon to even think about it and I am trying really hard to keep my boundaries in place, look after myself and my two kids who are still at home(we have 4) and try and help them through this at the same time.
He went to his meeting tonight and asked someone to be his sponsor which shows me he is serious about staying sober and working his program to get healthy, something he hasn't been since he was about 16 years old. I take this as a good sign.
What I am wondering is if there is anyone who stayed with their AH through the recovery and had it work out?? I would love to believe that it is possible, but I am wondering if I am using my rose-coloured glasses again and I need a reality check.
I have gained strength and insight into myself and my relationship since I started(wow am I co-dependant..working on that..) and don't feel so alone. Thanks for the help.
I was married for 19 years to an alcoholic husband who drank heavy everyday and every three to five months would go on a bender that was out of this world. And during that bender, his self hatred would come out as hatred for me. He would say horrible things to me like I was a waste of space, ugly, a bad mother, and so on. Then, the next day when he woke up and couldn't remember, I would bring up what he said and his reply..."OMG, I am sooooooooooo sorry, I was drunk, didn't mean it and you should forget about it." Then he played nice guy for a while, then he'd drink more and more, then three to five months later, play the whole scene out again and leave me to pick up the pieces which I became really good at doing so the kids didn't really have to see it and the neighbours didn't really know.
On August the 18th this year, I somehow grew a backbone and told him not for one single second of one more day will I deal with it. Enough. Finished. I was done. We were done. Well, that seemed to be his bottom. He got help. He has been going to AA for two months now and celebrated 2 months sober on October the 24th. I know he is sober because even though we separated, he still lives in the house, he just has his own room and space. He is trying really hard to change, he helps around the house and even makes dinner if I come home from work and I am just wiped out. Does his own laundry and is cleaning up his messy areas like his work shop.
He says he wants to put us back together, but I don't know. I have been through this honeymoon before. I know it is too soon to even think about it and I am trying really hard to keep my boundaries in place, look after myself and my two kids who are still at home(we have 4) and try and help them through this at the same time.
He went to his meeting tonight and asked someone to be his sponsor which shows me he is serious about staying sober and working his program to get healthy, something he hasn't been since he was about 16 years old. I take this as a good sign.
What I am wondering is if there is anyone who stayed with their AH through the recovery and had it work out?? I would love to believe that it is possible, but I am wondering if I am using my rose-coloured glasses again and I need a reality check.
another story, I just need to write it
I'm 21 and my mother's been an alcoholic as long as I can remember. I've been living with this for a long time and talked about it here and there, with my dad, with friends, boyfriend, briefly a counsellor. I've been away from home most of this year, studying abroad and travelling. But I'm here now for a few weeks before I go back to university, and it feels like being home with her is so much harder than before.
She was never a bad mother, I didn't have a bad upbringing at all. It was her sadness that I noticed most of all, and then later on in my teens she would get nasty in occasional arguments. But I never lacked for anything, she never manipulated me, hit me, or neglected me. We always got on well enough, and we've even been very close for the last few years, although I've been away often. She's funny and intelligent and I always looked up to her. She split from my dad about 12 years ago, and has been on her own ever since.
She always drank too much, and I don't even remember when I understood that it was a problem, but it was a long time ago. I said something about it once or twice, we rowed, then I was too scared to say anything about it again for many years. I just got on with my own life, tried not to think about it too much. I always know when she's had anything to drink though, I can tell by the look on her face even if she doesn't say anything or the tone of her voice over the phone.
A few years ago she decided to sort things out. She went to her doctor, got put on a waiting list for NHS counselling, was prescribed antidepressants. The waiting list was nearly two years long, and in the meantime the pills didn't seem to do much to help. I came back from my first long trip abroad and she told she'd stopped drinking, but it didn't last very long. Finally this past year she received supportive counselling, and stopped drinking for a while, but as soon as it stopped she started drinking again. Now she's waiting for another psychiatric evaluation in a couple of months to see if she'll receive any more help. But to me these few weeks I've been home she seems worse than she ever was.
Maybe it's because she's not trying to protect me from it anymore, and instead she's telling me everything. But it's worse than that. Three weeks ago she slipped and fell, broke her leg just above the ankle. She couldn't get up, a combination of her weight and an old back injury. I had to ask our neighbour to come round to help her up. I don't think it would have happened if she'd been sober, though she'd never admit it. A couple of weeks later it happened again, she tripped over the dog while I was out. She's got her leg in a cast and I'm terrified she's going to fall and hurt herself even more.
We've started having lunch and dinner together in a way that we never used to and several times when she's been drunk our conversations have descended into awful tearful confessionals, which partly helps because we've been so honest with eachother but also hurts an awful lot. Drinking never led to coherence but these days she seems less and less lucid. It often feels like groundhog day, we'll have the same conversations over and over on consecutive days. Sometimes it's about inaneties like what day am I going back to university and she'll make the same list each time of our friends who could drive me up there. Over the last couple of weeks she's also repeatedly told me about the first time she tried to commit suicide and how many times she was sectioned to mental health institutions. Each time it's as if it was a new revelation, as if she'd never told me before.
One time she told me so many awful things that had happened to her in her life that I couldn't stop crying for two hours. She didn't even seem to understand why it would make me so sad. She's only 58, but I'm terrified that either I'll come home one evening to find her dead or that in a few years she'll have incapacitated herself and she'll need constant care, which I could never give. I love her so much and I want to help, but it's so awful to watch her like this.
I feel so helpless and I want to leave, to walk away and wash my hands of it. Just be somewhere happier and wish that she would sort it out while I'm away. I have to go back to university in three weeks anyway, but my long distance boyfriend wants me to come and stay with him for a bit beforehand. I would love so much to do that but I promised my mum that I would be here for this time. I'm dreaming so much of going to stay with my boyfriend and instead I'm stuck here, not sure if it's any use but afraid of hurting her by leaving early. On monday I told her how scared I was that she was going to hurt herself if she was drunk while her leg was in the cast, and she said she would try to stop for me. It lasted two days, then Thursday it was one drink, Friday it was two, and today it's been two full drinking sessions, morning and afternoon.
I'm just so tired of all this and it's making me so anxious. I'm not sure I can see a way out. She just doesn't seem to have anything to live for, except for me and the dog. She's so generous and not demanding at all, she wants me to live my life as fully as possible, but I worry that one day if I'm too distant that nothing will seem to matter anymore to her.
Thanks for listening.
L xx
She was never a bad mother, I didn't have a bad upbringing at all. It was her sadness that I noticed most of all, and then later on in my teens she would get nasty in occasional arguments. But I never lacked for anything, she never manipulated me, hit me, or neglected me. We always got on well enough, and we've even been very close for the last few years, although I've been away often. She's funny and intelligent and I always looked up to her. She split from my dad about 12 years ago, and has been on her own ever since.
She always drank too much, and I don't even remember when I understood that it was a problem, but it was a long time ago. I said something about it once or twice, we rowed, then I was too scared to say anything about it again for many years. I just got on with my own life, tried not to think about it too much. I always know when she's had anything to drink though, I can tell by the look on her face even if she doesn't say anything or the tone of her voice over the phone.
A few years ago she decided to sort things out. She went to her doctor, got put on a waiting list for NHS counselling, was prescribed antidepressants. The waiting list was nearly two years long, and in the meantime the pills didn't seem to do much to help. I came back from my first long trip abroad and she told she'd stopped drinking, but it didn't last very long. Finally this past year she received supportive counselling, and stopped drinking for a while, but as soon as it stopped she started drinking again. Now she's waiting for another psychiatric evaluation in a couple of months to see if she'll receive any more help. But to me these few weeks I've been home she seems worse than she ever was.
Maybe it's because she's not trying to protect me from it anymore, and instead she's telling me everything. But it's worse than that. Three weeks ago she slipped and fell, broke her leg just above the ankle. She couldn't get up, a combination of her weight and an old back injury. I had to ask our neighbour to come round to help her up. I don't think it would have happened if she'd been sober, though she'd never admit it. A couple of weeks later it happened again, she tripped over the dog while I was out. She's got her leg in a cast and I'm terrified she's going to fall and hurt herself even more.
We've started having lunch and dinner together in a way that we never used to and several times when she's been drunk our conversations have descended into awful tearful confessionals, which partly helps because we've been so honest with eachother but also hurts an awful lot. Drinking never led to coherence but these days she seems less and less lucid. It often feels like groundhog day, we'll have the same conversations over and over on consecutive days. Sometimes it's about inaneties like what day am I going back to university and she'll make the same list each time of our friends who could drive me up there. Over the last couple of weeks she's also repeatedly told me about the first time she tried to commit suicide and how many times she was sectioned to mental health institutions. Each time it's as if it was a new revelation, as if she'd never told me before.
One time she told me so many awful things that had happened to her in her life that I couldn't stop crying for two hours. She didn't even seem to understand why it would make me so sad. She's only 58, but I'm terrified that either I'll come home one evening to find her dead or that in a few years she'll have incapacitated herself and she'll need constant care, which I could never give. I love her so much and I want to help, but it's so awful to watch her like this.
I feel so helpless and I want to leave, to walk away and wash my hands of it. Just be somewhere happier and wish that she would sort it out while I'm away. I have to go back to university in three weeks anyway, but my long distance boyfriend wants me to come and stay with him for a bit beforehand. I would love so much to do that but I promised my mum that I would be here for this time. I'm dreaming so much of going to stay with my boyfriend and instead I'm stuck here, not sure if it's any use but afraid of hurting her by leaving early. On monday I told her how scared I was that she was going to hurt herself if she was drunk while her leg was in the cast, and she said she would try to stop for me. It lasted two days, then Thursday it was one drink, Friday it was two, and today it's been two full drinking sessions, morning and afternoon.
I'm just so tired of all this and it's making me so anxious. I'm not sure I can see a way out. She just doesn't seem to have anything to live for, except for me and the dog. She's so generous and not demanding at all, she wants me to live my life as fully as possible, but I worry that one day if I'm too distant that nothing will seem to matter anymore to her.
Thanks for listening.
L xx
