Archive for the ‘Bedroom Window’ tag
A list of wrongs
My AH decided to get mouthy with me the other night and asked me what he did to deserve to be treated like he is (I'm assuming he's referring to my detachment). I started to get into it with him, but came to my senses and retreated to the other room. My boundary is not to engage in conversation when he is drinking (any amount....even one beer), which is pretty much all of the time.
So, I was thinking about it and decided to put pen to paper and came up with pages of things that I have allowed to go on in my home that I am angry about. Everything from being flipped off through the bedroom window as I was backing out of the driveway to him telling the kids that if the dog barked one more time he would barbeque her for dinner. That just touches the surface....and I take full responsibility for my part in allowing it to continue, each time thinking it might be the last.
I'm not considering sharing it with him because I know he would have an excuse or denial for each item, but wondered what I should do. I've thought about saving it to remember how things really were when I start to romanticize. I also though it might be good to burn it, and scatter the ashes......sort of a burial of the past. I knew you all were a creative bunch, and thought you might have some ideas or input that would help me heal and move on.
So, I was thinking about it and decided to put pen to paper and came up with pages of things that I have allowed to go on in my home that I am angry about. Everything from being flipped off through the bedroom window as I was backing out of the driveway to him telling the kids that if the dog barked one more time he would barbeque her for dinner. That just touches the surface....and I take full responsibility for my part in allowing it to continue, each time thinking it might be the last.
I'm not considering sharing it with him because I know he would have an excuse or denial for each item, but wondered what I should do. I've thought about saving it to remember how things really were when I start to romanticize. I also though it might be good to burn it, and scatter the ashes......sort of a burial of the past. I knew you all were a creative bunch, and thought you might have some ideas or input that would help me heal and move on.
Well he is out now, the hard part will be making him stay gone.
Last night I drove to my first Al-Anon meeting, only nobody showed up. I was discouraged/disappointed, because I needed SOMETHING last night. But there was a gentleman there for an AA meeting, and he gave me a phone number to call to find out where there are some "good" meetings.
I come home to an empty house. I waited until about 10:00 to call out to ABF's mothers's house, because he had left earlier to go help her move some stuff. I knew he would be drinking anyway, just because he would be around his uncle who is also an alcoholic, and always supplies beer. Chris had no money. She informs me that Chris went up town for a drink. I don't know where he got the money, but I asked her to do me a favor and make sure he doesn't come back here, that the doors were gonna be locked, I was done putting up with this.
He called at 8:30 this morning, I didn't answer the first several times, but then gave in and answered. He's going off about how I kicked him out, etc. and he wanted his things. I told him he can get them later as I am going to be gone. That wasn't good enough, he shows up at my bedroom window, had his mom with him. I agreed to let her come in the house and get things as long as he stayed outside. This worked for a while, then he just had to come in and make sure we got everything (his stuff was never really unpacked from last time). So then it starts...how I got what I wanted now, and I can be single and go find someone else, this is what I have wanted for weeks now, etc. Then, he tells me he met someone! He tells me he's gonna charm her and do anything she asks him to. At this point, I told him he needed to leave.
After he left, I went to get the phone, it was gone. I heard him pick up the phone and check my caller id, but didn't think too much about it. The ******* took my phone. So I went to the dollar store and got a new one, and called him to let him know he can have it, I got a new one and that I will even give him the rest of the phone so he can use it.
He starts trying to be nice, like asking what I'm doing today, if we can be friends, etc. It's all bullshit manipulations. I told him we can't be friends if he's replaced me and he said "I didn't say that". WTF?
It makes me sick to think that he did meet someone, although he has used that before to bother me. He had the same clothes on from yesterday. Now I"m obsessing over this other woman. That's why I didn't want him to come in, because I knew he would say something like that to get to me.
But I guess this is what I needed for my recovery, now I just have to stay strong. The hard part will be to hang up the phone....since I can't know when he's calling now because he has my good phone!!!!
I come home to an empty house. I waited until about 10:00 to call out to ABF's mothers's house, because he had left earlier to go help her move some stuff. I knew he would be drinking anyway, just because he would be around his uncle who is also an alcoholic, and always supplies beer. Chris had no money. She informs me that Chris went up town for a drink. I don't know where he got the money, but I asked her to do me a favor and make sure he doesn't come back here, that the doors were gonna be locked, I was done putting up with this.
He called at 8:30 this morning, I didn't answer the first several times, but then gave in and answered. He's going off about how I kicked him out, etc. and he wanted his things. I told him he can get them later as I am going to be gone. That wasn't good enough, he shows up at my bedroom window, had his mom with him. I agreed to let her come in the house and get things as long as he stayed outside. This worked for a while, then he just had to come in and make sure we got everything (his stuff was never really unpacked from last time). So then it starts...how I got what I wanted now, and I can be single and go find someone else, this is what I have wanted for weeks now, etc. Then, he tells me he met someone! He tells me he's gonna charm her and do anything she asks him to. At this point, I told him he needed to leave.
After he left, I went to get the phone, it was gone. I heard him pick up the phone and check my caller id, but didn't think too much about it. The ******* took my phone. So I went to the dollar store and got a new one, and called him to let him know he can have it, I got a new one and that I will even give him the rest of the phone so he can use it.
He starts trying to be nice, like asking what I'm doing today, if we can be friends, etc. It's all bullshit manipulations. I told him we can't be friends if he's replaced me and he said "I didn't say that". WTF?
It makes me sick to think that he did meet someone, although he has used that before to bother me. He had the same clothes on from yesterday. Now I"m obsessing over this other woman. That's why I didn't want him to come in, because I knew he would say something like that to get to me.
But I guess this is what I needed for my recovery, now I just have to stay strong. The hard part will be to hang up the phone....since I can't know when he's calling now because he has my good phone!!!!
Time for Life
Have you ever considered how short our time on this earth really is? Yes, I know that there are situations and events that seem to stretch forever, particular those that are unpleasant and painful and those that are full of joy and promise. Nothing can change the span of time each person is allotted and the sooner one understands the value of time the more prosperous that person is.
Now that I have given up my old life; a life foolishly wasted in the pursuit of another drink, another woman and another moment of escape, I have come full circle to see the beauty of a life well lived without the crutches of the past and look forward to the challenges of life's new discoveries.
Life is that exceptional gift of learning and exploration. For years, I placed myself on the outside of the mainstream of life, believing in my self-manufactured pain that life had rejected me, when in fact I had rejected life. While I sought to relieve the pain of my circumstances, I willing chose again and again to move away from the life giving embrace of hope and closer and closer to the depths of despair.
And time moves on. Yesterday, I was but a boy, gazing out of my bedroom window gazing at a road that weaved its way to a future most unknown. Today, I am older and no less astonished at the possibilities that life offers freely as I travel new roads in this happy journey. Was it all a waste, all the missteps, all the pain, all of the experiences? No, it was my life and regrets serve nothing as I look for the beginning of another new day.
What did I learn; move away from despair and grasp the hope of tomorrow. There is time to live, if one truly wants its gifts.
Now that I have given up my old life; a life foolishly wasted in the pursuit of another drink, another woman and another moment of escape, I have come full circle to see the beauty of a life well lived without the crutches of the past and look forward to the challenges of life's new discoveries.
Life is that exceptional gift of learning and exploration. For years, I placed myself on the outside of the mainstream of life, believing in my self-manufactured pain that life had rejected me, when in fact I had rejected life. While I sought to relieve the pain of my circumstances, I willing chose again and again to move away from the life giving embrace of hope and closer and closer to the depths of despair.
And time moves on. Yesterday, I was but a boy, gazing out of my bedroom window gazing at a road that weaved its way to a future most unknown. Today, I am older and no less astonished at the possibilities that life offers freely as I travel new roads in this happy journey. Was it all a waste, all the missteps, all the pain, all of the experiences? No, it was my life and regrets serve nothing as I look for the beginning of another new day.
What did I learn; move away from despair and grasp the hope of tomorrow. There is time to live, if one truly wants its gifts.
What is “butt dust?”
What, you ask, is 'butt dust?' Read on and you'll discover .....
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said. 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:''What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget: this particular Sunday sermon...
'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said. 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:''What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget: this particular Sunday sermon...
'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
A sweet way to end the day
Despite all that is going on right now, tonight my own heart did a flip-flop for my daughter.
About an hour ago the boy from next door texted Kaylee and asked her if she could come outside and hang out. She said no because she was busy with her homework. A half hour later I was quizing her for her test and the boy across the street rang the doorbell asking if she could come out side and she said maybe when I finish my homework. A few minutes later we heard some kind of a thump against her upstairs bay window in her room. We didn't think much of it. Well finally Mark the boy next door texted her and said "Kaylee, please look out your bedroom window"!
She and I peeked out through the blinds and there stood Mark in the middle of the road "we live on a quiet street". There in front of him in huge letters made from chalk the message on the road said " Kaylee will you please go to Homecoming with me.
I've never seen her smile quite like that before. Then she said "mom what should I do?" I told her whatever she wanted to, and then she went out front to accept. This will be her first date, she and Mark are Freshman and they will be going with a group of other kids.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. She is my baby.
About an hour ago the boy from next door texted Kaylee and asked her if she could come outside and hang out. She said no because she was busy with her homework. A half hour later I was quizing her for her test and the boy across the street rang the doorbell asking if she could come out side and she said maybe when I finish my homework. A few minutes later we heard some kind of a thump against her upstairs bay window in her room. We didn't think much of it. Well finally Mark the boy next door texted her and said "Kaylee, please look out your bedroom window"!
She and I peeked out through the blinds and there stood Mark in the middle of the road "we live on a quiet street". There in front of him in huge letters made from chalk the message on the road said " Kaylee will you please go to Homecoming with me.
I've never seen her smile quite like that before. Then she said "mom what should I do?" I told her whatever she wanted to, and then she went out front to accept. This will be her first date, she and Mark are Freshman and they will be going with a group of other kids.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. She is my baby.
New to this forum
I just found out that my high school sweet heart, husband of almost 3 years, been togther for almost 10 years is addicted to opiates. The rude awakening came on the Sunday of 4th of July weekend when I was startled out of my sleep at 9 am by a police officer banging on my bedroom window. When I answered the door he said I needed to come pick up my son and my car that my husband had been arrested for possesion. My son is 10 months old; we tried for 2 years to conceive before being successful. I am so angry and hurt. I don't know what to do. This was his first time being arrested. When I called the jail they said if he wasn't bailed out and saw the judge the next day they would most likely tell him he couldn't have any contact with our child. Even though he screwed up, he is an amazing father and I needed to know what the hell was going through his head, so I found a way to bail him out. I have noticed changes in him in the past year, he has been distant, irritable, lythargic, he lost 20 pounds, he was very secretive. His phone was always on silent. He usually took his calls outside, he ran to the store numerous times and was always on the go. He didn't spend much time away from the house but he did have to run out quite often. When I would offer to go somewhere with him he would ask if he could just go. I've had to watch the bank account because he wouldn't bring me receipts obviously because he was getting cash back at every store he went to so he could feed his addiction. On some level I knew, I guess I was in denial. I thought something was medically wrong with him. i sent him to his doctor and they put him on lexapro, and said he has a chemical depression. We lost his Mom last year about 2 weeks before I delivered the baby, his grandmother passed away last may and we lost his Dad 3 years ago. I know this hurt him ALOT!! He has been clean for 33 days. He has been going to NA since he detoxed in July, he likes it and now has sponsor who is amazing.
We went to court last week and he is in a drug court program and if he completes it, he won't have a record.
I am so hurt. I have to let him focus on himself before we can work on us, but I am hurting, confused, sad, every bad emotion a person could possibly feel runs through my body at somepoint. The part that hurts the most is that the man I love has been living a 2nd life, all alone. No one knew of this. He didn't do this with friends and family. It was a private thing for him. The pieces finally fit and I should have gone with my gut. He was in denial for so long so when I questioned him he got defensive and we argued. I am learning about all these things he has done to feed his addiction and keep it a secret and each time I find something else out, I cringe and cannot believe this is the man I fell in love with. This ISN"T the man I fell in love with, he is someone else. He admitted that the past year he has lived a lie each day to feed his habit. How do I cope? I am trying to be the glue that holds this family together. I don't want to lose him to this disease and I am trying to understand but how do you come back from hurt like this? How can I support him when I am falling apart? I need to be strong for my son first and foremost. I am grateful that he admitted that he has a problem and I almost think he wanted to get caught. I am thankful his is still alive. I had no idea. How can I put my anger and hurt aside for the moment to help him and deal with my hurt when he is well into recovery?
We went to court last week and he is in a drug court program and if he completes it, he won't have a record.
I am so hurt. I have to let him focus on himself before we can work on us, but I am hurting, confused, sad, every bad emotion a person could possibly feel runs through my body at somepoint. The part that hurts the most is that the man I love has been living a 2nd life, all alone. No one knew of this. He didn't do this with friends and family. It was a private thing for him. The pieces finally fit and I should have gone with my gut. He was in denial for so long so when I questioned him he got defensive and we argued. I am learning about all these things he has done to feed his addiction and keep it a secret and each time I find something else out, I cringe and cannot believe this is the man I fell in love with. This ISN"T the man I fell in love with, he is someone else. He admitted that the past year he has lived a lie each day to feed his habit. How do I cope? I am trying to be the glue that holds this family together. I don't want to lose him to this disease and I am trying to understand but how do you come back from hurt like this? How can I support him when I am falling apart? I need to be strong for my son first and foremost. I am grateful that he admitted that he has a problem and I almost think he wanted to get caught. I am thankful his is still alive. I had no idea. How can I put my anger and hurt aside for the moment to help him and deal with my hurt when he is well into recovery?
Weeeeeeeee!!!!! It’s SATURDAY HONEYS!!!!!!
And I am moving today!!! I went to the apartment last night, got the keys, met the cable guy who installed the box and internet stuff and I am off my friends couch!!!!!!!!!
I just realized this morning as well that when I do get my computer hooked up with my cam that my bedroom window faces part of the TC. The other window faces the intracoastal, so I'll take pix of that and some how post them here.
I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you tell, huh, huh, huh??????
Ok, probably going to be chatting for a bit as I am doing laundry and getting my stuff together but the next time I post a thread I'll be on MY computer at MY house!!!!!!!
:e088::e130::fireworks2
I just realized this morning as well that when I do get my computer hooked up with my cam that my bedroom window faces part of the TC. The other window faces the intracoastal, so I'll take pix of that and some how post them here.
I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you tell, huh, huh, huh??????
Ok, probably going to be chatting for a bit as I am doing laundry and getting my stuff together but the next time I post a thread I'll be on MY computer at MY house!!!!!!!
:e088::e130::fireworks2
