Archive for the ‘Beer Wine’ tag
Holiday Party at Home Last Night - Not so great
My wife and I have a holiday party every year and she invites her relatives that live close enough to attend. She was anxious in the days leading up to it. She even told me so (unusual for her to admit anxiety). She thought that I may not be ready for a party at home. I am about 3.5 months C&S. Having good/not so good days about 50/50 now.
None of the guests are alcoholic, but they certainly enjoy 2 or 3 beers, a glass of wine with dinner, some a martini...
It's the first time beer/wine/gin has been out at my house since rehab. She has a glass of wine every night and I have reconciled that and lost most, if not all, of my resentment over it... she keeps the wine out of sight, has just one...
But WOW !!! Walking by the case of my favorite brand of beer on the way in from the garage, just where I've kept one for 22 years... nice dry red wine on the table... But, even through that I was keeping a "chin up" good attitude.
But, soon after the party started I crashed and burned. Withdrew, not myself. Couldn't click in with the party. Felt like an outcast, like I wasn't really one of them... that sucks, especially in my own house. But THEY didn't make ME feel like that... I made myself feel that way... Shame?!?!
I just went to bed early. My wife was disappointed, not mad, but probably sad that her fears were realized (darn it!!). Maybe felt a little guilty that we had the party at all. We talked a little. She said (in a nice way... appropriately in the flow) "I had a great time, and I don't drink at all during the party". She doesn't understand, and if I start explaining it... blah, blah, blah, shame, guilt, blah, blah, still early in recovery... She knows she can't ever understand and to her I'm over analyzing...
Going to mass this AM and then a meeting. I'll feel better later.... Thanx for letting me share
Mark
None of the guests are alcoholic, but they certainly enjoy 2 or 3 beers, a glass of wine with dinner, some a martini...
It's the first time beer/wine/gin has been out at my house since rehab. She has a glass of wine every night and I have reconciled that and lost most, if not all, of my resentment over it... she keeps the wine out of sight, has just one...
But WOW !!! Walking by the case of my favorite brand of beer on the way in from the garage, just where I've kept one for 22 years... nice dry red wine on the table... But, even through that I was keeping a "chin up" good attitude.
But, soon after the party started I crashed and burned. Withdrew, not myself. Couldn't click in with the party. Felt like an outcast, like I wasn't really one of them... that sucks, especially in my own house. But THEY didn't make ME feel like that... I made myself feel that way... Shame?!?!
I just went to bed early. My wife was disappointed, not mad, but probably sad that her fears were realized (darn it!!). Maybe felt a little guilty that we had the party at all. We talked a little. She said (in a nice way... appropriately in the flow) "I had a great time, and I don't drink at all during the party". She doesn't understand, and if I start explaining it... blah, blah, blah, shame, guilt, blah, blah, still early in recovery... She knows she can't ever understand and to her I'm over analyzing...
Going to mass this AM and then a meeting. I'll feel better later.... Thanx for letting me share
Mark
It is a ‘new’ life..I can assure you
...and its so much better than the previous one.
My last drink was on 23rd April 2008...seven months ago a 27 year drinking career ended. The spiral of negativity stopped and a new life started.
Its Sunday morning here in the UK and i was up at 8am without a hangover. Every day I look back and ask myself 'what have I achieved'...I didnt drink, thats what I achieved and I am so proud of myself.
I still get the urge to drink and I doubt that it will ever go away, I dream of alcohol every now and then and when i wake up i get that 'thank god it was only a dream' feeling.
This is an unstoppable train, I have seven months under my belt..the momentum is there to make 8 months. I used to buy my beer/wine in a supermarket up the road...never been in there since, at one point I was embarrassed as they started to recognise me as only buying alcohol.
I was down the beach recently with friends at a party....towards the end it suddenly dawned on me that I was enjoying myself yet I was sober...first time in my adult life..43 years old.
Im not going into the improved physical side of things as they pale into total insignificance compared to the mental battle and daily victories I have achieved..needless to say its been worth it.
This forum has been excellent, to be honest its the first time ive been back in a few months as I had reached a point in my recovery where I felt reading the stories of those who were struggling was actually having an effect on me..almost giving me an excuse to fail as well...I cant really explain it but I appear to be over that obstacle now.
Ive developed a 'routine' , a routine that ensures that I dont drink. This routine is encapsulated in my head and it got me through the summer lets see how it handles Christmas.
Also on a positive side I have actually developed a craving for soft drinks. I need to have those soft drinks every night in place of my alcohol, thats part of my routine...how good is that eh!....I enjoy it,it gives me a different kind of buzz.....who cares if my teeth fall out..:lmao:
My last drink was on 23rd April 2008...seven months ago a 27 year drinking career ended. The spiral of negativity stopped and a new life started.
Its Sunday morning here in the UK and i was up at 8am without a hangover. Every day I look back and ask myself 'what have I achieved'...I didnt drink, thats what I achieved and I am so proud of myself.
I still get the urge to drink and I doubt that it will ever go away, I dream of alcohol every now and then and when i wake up i get that 'thank god it was only a dream' feeling.
This is an unstoppable train, I have seven months under my belt..the momentum is there to make 8 months. I used to buy my beer/wine in a supermarket up the road...never been in there since, at one point I was embarrassed as they started to recognise me as only buying alcohol.
I was down the beach recently with friends at a party....towards the end it suddenly dawned on me that I was enjoying myself yet I was sober...first time in my adult life..43 years old.
Im not going into the improved physical side of things as they pale into total insignificance compared to the mental battle and daily victories I have achieved..needless to say its been worth it.
This forum has been excellent, to be honest its the first time ive been back in a few months as I had reached a point in my recovery where I felt reading the stories of those who were struggling was actually having an effect on me..almost giving me an excuse to fail as well...I cant really explain it but I appear to be over that obstacle now.
Ive developed a 'routine' , a routine that ensures that I dont drink. This routine is encapsulated in my head and it got me through the summer lets see how it handles Christmas.
Also on a positive side I have actually developed a craving for soft drinks. I need to have those soft drinks every night in place of my alcohol, thats part of my routine...how good is that eh!....I enjoy it,it gives me a different kind of buzz.....who cares if my teeth fall out..:lmao:
Am I hopeless?
Hello my friends!
I did it again. Sober since my dad's birthday (October 5), last Thursday I started a new frightening bender. Lots of "reasons" to justify it, some of them thoroughly contradictory: success with an academic event, my daughter's epileptic seizure (the 3rd since 2006, when she was diagnosed with simple cryptogenic epilepsy and my alcoholism progressed to a new stage), the accidental erasure of a photo folder on my computer and the frustrating but failed attempts to recover it, the startling discovery of the fact that my dad is drinking secretly (although forbidden to by the doctor), stressful paperwork with my job et al. Beer, wine, and plum brandy have been my steady companions for nearly a week. What scares me most is that eversince I acknowledged my alcoholism even a glass of poire (pear cider, almost non-alcoholic) brings about the overpowering urge to go for the hard stuff. God, in three hours' time I have to teach two courses and I'm pretty plastered. I think I'll have to review my pattern of getting back into sobriety: something gets jammed somewhere and I still haven't figured it out. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Love,
Goob
I did it again. Sober since my dad's birthday (October 5), last Thursday I started a new frightening bender. Lots of "reasons" to justify it, some of them thoroughly contradictory: success with an academic event, my daughter's epileptic seizure (the 3rd since 2006, when she was diagnosed with simple cryptogenic epilepsy and my alcoholism progressed to a new stage), the accidental erasure of a photo folder on my computer and the frustrating but failed attempts to recover it, the startling discovery of the fact that my dad is drinking secretly (although forbidden to by the doctor), stressful paperwork with my job et al. Beer, wine, and plum brandy have been my steady companions for nearly a week. What scares me most is that eversince I acknowledged my alcoholism even a glass of poire (pear cider, almost non-alcoholic) brings about the overpowering urge to go for the hard stuff. God, in three hours' time I have to teach two courses and I'm pretty plastered. I think I'll have to review my pattern of getting back into sobriety: something gets jammed somewhere and I still haven't figured it out. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Love,
Goob
Falling flat on my face
I slipped this weekend. I was so proud of myself for staying sober for 5 days and making it through Friday Night, which was tough. I can't say I don't know what happened, I do. I chose to drink on Saturday afternoon.
So I feel like a loser, like a failure. I know I need to stop beating myself up and move forward and continue working on my sobriety, but I can't seem to quiet the noise in my head. One second I'm ok, the next a complete and emotional wreck. I don't understand. I know that the feelings will subside, I know tomorrow will be a better day but I am having a difficult time getting through this one. I don't want to drink anymore, I am so tired of feeling this way. I struggled with whether I was going to drink on Saturday for a few hours, but instead of coming here, finding a meeting or calling someone I went to the store and only bought a 6 pack. Thinking I would not feel bad if I JUST drank that and nothing else. Didn't work, I went over to a friends and continued to drink there. Continued to drink yesterday too.
It's getting to the point where the beer/wine doesn't even taste good to me anymore.
I can not stop the madness in my head right now, I feel like I am going crazy ...
So I feel like a loser, like a failure. I know I need to stop beating myself up and move forward and continue working on my sobriety, but I can't seem to quiet the noise in my head. One second I'm ok, the next a complete and emotional wreck. I don't understand. I know that the feelings will subside, I know tomorrow will be a better day but I am having a difficult time getting through this one. I don't want to drink anymore, I am so tired of feeling this way. I struggled with whether I was going to drink on Saturday for a few hours, but instead of coming here, finding a meeting or calling someone I went to the store and only bought a 6 pack. Thinking I would not feel bad if I JUST drank that and nothing else. Didn't work, I went over to a friends and continued to drink there. Continued to drink yesterday too.
It's getting to the point where the beer/wine doesn't even taste good to me anymore.
I can not stop the madness in my head right now, I feel like I am going crazy ...
